Winter’s Awakening (2 page)

“That will be forty-seven dollars and eighty-four cents,” Joshua said to the pair of tourists who’d just brought two baskets and an assortment of Amish-made jams to the cash register. After they handed him three twenties, he carefully counted out their change, then handed them their purchases.

“Thank you so much,” one of the ladies said. “We just love your store.”

“I’m glad you do,” he replied. “Please visit us again.”

After they picked up their purchases, Joshua watched them go with a bit of bemusement. The women had spent a good hour in his family’s store, examining quilts and reading cookbooks. They were some of the customers he liked best—ones who looked like they truly enjoyed all the merchandise his family worked so hard to acquire and display.

The ladies’ departure brought a momentary quiet to the front of the store—and allowed Joshua’s mind to drift to things of a more personal nature.

To Gretta.

Lately, Gretta had become much quieter around him. He knew she was still fretting about their argument. And still wondering why he’d gotten so upset with her for talking to her friend about wedding plans.

He wasn’t quite sure himself. Usually, he appreciated the way she’d never hidden her feelings for him. He often chuckled when he heard that she was daydreaming about their life together. After all, Judith had spoken plenty of times about how she planned to set up housekeeping. It was what girls did.

But lately he’d been feeling trapped in his life. Trapped about his lack of choices. He’d started thinking about how everyone was practically counting the days until he and Gretta were to be married. His lack of excitement about that worried him. Led him to think that maybe they weren’t suited to each other, after all.

Of course, even considering such a selfish thing was shameful. He was a lucky man to have such a girl as his sweetheart. Many a man, both young and old, had told him he was blessed to have found such a modest, devout girl.

She was pretty, too. Gretta had long brown hair the color of black walnut and the most expressive blue eyes. Light and cloudy and mesmerizing—as if a world of thoughts were hidden just underneath her serene exterior.

He knew he was lucky. Just lately, though, he wished his heart felt as pleased to see her as his head knew he should be.

He’d known Gretta Hershberger all his life. From the moment their teacher had asked him to help her learn to skate, she’d been near. She was shy, yes. But she was also smart and good-natured.

Usually, he’d accepted that working at the store and one day marrying Gretta would be his future. But now he was wondering if there might be another woman in the world who would suit him just as much. Or a bit better.

Though his brother Caleb had remarked that Joshua had been moony-eyed over their English neighbor, Joshua knew he wasn’t even remotely thinking about jumping the fence. He was content to be Amish.

But he wasn’t content with everything.

“Joshua, you gonna work today, son, or be waited on?” his father called out from his perch on top of a ladder.

“I’m working. Hey, Daed, step down off of there. I’ll put the rest of the stock away on those top shelves.”

Instead of looking pleased that his son was so thoughtful, his
daed
frowned. “Think I’m too old to be climbing ladders, do you?”

“Not so much. It’s just that I’m younger, yes? And, well, Dr. Kiran has already patched one of us up. He probably doesn’t want to see us again this week.”

With a wry chuckle, his dad shook his head. “That Anson. I hope he gains some sense soon. That would
be mighty nice,” his daed quipped as he made his way down the rungs.

The way his father scampered up and down the ladders and such in the store, Joshua thought more than once that it was a fair miracle he’d never gotten hurt.

Knock wood, it was a blessing no one had ever gotten seriously injured. The Graber Country Store was a mammoth building, by most folks’ estimation. Yet, it was a welcoming place, too. Inside, it smelled of apples and cinnamon and freshly oiled wood. Worn, thick planks of wood covered the floor, and the years had marked their way. Nicks and divots pockmarked the once smooth planks, showing one and all that this was a place of business and gathering.

Just as he prepared to carry some baskets to the top, he spotted Gretta.

“Take a moment for Gretta now, son,” his daed murmured, before making his way back to the front counter where Judith was ringing up customers. “You know she came here to see ya.”

The gentle reminder flustered Joshua. His father was right—Gretta was too good a girl to be dodging. But what he didn’t know was if she’d actually come to the store looking for him.

These days, nothing felt certain anymore.

As she walked a little closer, studying the shelves like she knew nothing about spices and the like, Josh dutifully set his armful down and strode over to her.
“Gut tawg, Gretta.”

She turned to him and almost smiled. “Good day to you, too, Joshua. I see you’re here, working hard today.”

“Where else would I be?” The moment his words were out, he wished he could take them back.

“I don’t know.” Biting her lip, she picked up a bottle of cinnamon and studied it instead of him. And, instead of teasing him like she used to, bright pink spots stained her cheeks. “I guess once again, I spoke without thinking.”

Immediately embarrassed, he swallowed hard. “Did…did you need some help?”

“No, not really.” Tucking her chin down slightly, she gave him a winsome look—one that until recently had set his heart to racing. “I only came in to get a few things for my mother.” Looking into the sturdy woven basket hanging on her arm, she said, “So far, I’ve got popcorn and butter and cheese. Oh, but I do need some yarn, if you have any.”

“We do. Yards and yards of yarn,” he said, making a little joke. But when she didn’t so much as smile, he cleared his throat. “Here, I’ll help you.”

“Oh. Yes, thank you. I’d like that.” She treated him to a strained smile. She paused momentarily, obviously waiting for him to carry her basket. Joshua did just that. However, a small part of him was again irritated with her. Gretta always expected things from him. Always. And until lately, he’d always done what she wanted.

“Would you like to come over for dinner tonight? We’re having roast chicken.”

“I don’t think I can. I’m due to work till close today.”

“But what about afterward? I’m bringing a pie home from work. I made coconut pies today at the inn. I know that’s your favorite.”

Coconut pie was his absolute favorite, and Gretta Hershberger made a pie like no other. “I do like your coconut pie.”

“So do you want to come over, then?”

“I…all right.
Danke
.”

When a fresh look of relief crossed her features, Josh felt a flutter of foreboding.

Was this how their life together would always be? With him watching his words so he didn’t hurt her feelings by mistake? Always doing her bidding because it would be easier than making her sad? No surprises? Nothing new and different?

The idea was enough to give a man a moment’s pause.

When the front door jingled, he left Gretta’s side with some relief. Concentrating on work was far more preferable than reflecting on the state of things with Gretta.

“Can I help ya?” he asked, then was brought up short when he saw who the customer was.

“You can,” his neighbor said. “Hi, again. I’m Lilly.”

“Hi. I’m Joshua.”

“I just ran in for milk. I’m running errands for my mother.”

He pointed to the wall behind him, where a long row of refrigerator cases were. “There’s milk there.”

“Thanks,” she said, turning quickly enough to flutter the curls around her face.

With some dismay, he caught himself staring. Abruptly,
he faced the cash register. It wouldn’t do for anyone to see him staring after Lilly like an infatuated schoolboy.

Because at the moment, that was exactly what he was feeling like.

Sometime later, after Lilly had left with her milk and Gretta had left with her things, Joshua slipped on his thick leather gloves and began unboxing and arranging the latest inventory. The hard work felt good, and it served to keep his hands and mind busy enough so that he wouldn’t be focused on Gretta.

When Caleb sauntered in to help after his day at the Amish school, Joshua only grunted. He didn’t feel like talking to his chatty brother and hoped Caleb would get the message.

“I passed our new neighbors today when I was walking here from the schoolhouse,” Caleb said as he pulled open a large container of oatmeal. Their customers liked buying bulk items in smaller quantities, so it was a constant job to divide the grains and beans into family-sized portions. “You wantin’ one pound bags today, Joshua?”

“One pound is
gut
.”

Caleb pulled over the scale, a roll of plastic bags, and the container of rubber bands. Like he’d done so many times before, he flicked open a plastic bag, poured a good amount of oatmeal inside, then carefully added spoonfuls at a time until it weighed precisely one pound. “Anyway, I guess I should say that they passed me.”

“Who? The Allens?”

In the way only a fifteen-year-old could, Caleb rolled
his eyes. “Well,
jah
. I told you I was talkin’ about the neighbors. Anyway, I think it was the older boy and his sister who I saw. Charlie and Lilly are their names. Charlie and Lilly Allen.”

Before Joshua could mention that he’d seen Lilly in the store, his brother whistled low. “You should have seen how that truck could go.”

Unlike Caleb and Anson, the luxury of an automobile had never interested him too much. “I’ve seen trucks before.”

“I know.” He shrugged as he fastened the bag with the rubber band, then flicked open another plastic sack. “But this boy’s was loud and fast. Since the sun was out and it was forty degrees out, their windows were down. They were playing music, too. The sister—
Lilly
—she had her head back against the seat and was laughing and singing.” Caleb’s lips twitched. “It was a fair sight to see and hear.”

Recalling how mesmerized he’d been by her curls just an hour earlier, Joshua imagined it had been a fair sight, indeed.

Still thinking about the truck, Caleb grinned. “One day I’m aiming to take a truck out for a spin.”

Joshua figured Caleb would. He’d just begun his running-around time and seemed eager to experience as many English things as possible. Though their parents did their best to pretend Caleb wasn’t out with his friends till late at night, Joshua remembered his
rumspringa
clearly enough to keep careful tabs on him.

Joshua had never done too much during his running-
around time. Mostly, he’d just enjoyed the extra time with his friends and the opportunity to be a bit more lazy.

But, for a brief moment, Joshua felt tempted, just like Caleb. It would be something to be sitting next to Lilly Allen and watch her curly hair fly every which way in the wind.

“I wonder if her hair gets in knots, flying like that,” he mused.

“What?” Caleb stared at him in surprise.

“Oh, nothing.” Joshua tried to look bored again. “I mean, I hope they’ll have a care. They could hurt someone, going so fast down the roads. Especially in the evening. Think of the Yoders’ grandfather. He still takes out his buggy from time to time.”

“If Mr. Yoder gets injured, I doubt it will be the Allen’s fault. That
alter
is near blind, and his horse is, too. And, he’s as cranky as an old saw.”

“That is true.” The old Mr. Yoder was a mite difficult to be around.

Scooping oatmeal again, Caleb continued. “Anyway, maybe one day, when we all get to know one another better, the boy will take me out for a ride.”

“I doubt that. He didn’t look interested in knowing us.”

“They will want to know us, one day,” Caleb said confidently. “We’re new and different, and that’s always
gut
.”

“Says who?”

“Says everyone. Your problem, Joshua, is that your life is all planned out.”

He knew that. But he didn’t need Caleb to know that, too. Making his voice brusque, he said, “What are you talking about?”

“You know exactly what you’re gonna be doing the rest of your life, that’s what I’m saying. You’re going to work here, marry Gretta, have a
boppli
or two, and raise them to work here at the store.” Caleb grimaced. “Your future is so set it could be in cement.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I didn’t say there was. I just…well, I just think it’s a shame you never look around and wonder about things. I’m finding out that there’s lots to see, you know.”

“All I know is that I have to do so much around here because you’re out looking too much. You arrive here late and try and sneak out early.”

“Not all the time.”

“Enough of it. And once here, you spend your time dreaming about trucks instead of getting work done.”

“At least I dream,
bruder
. I think you’ve forgotten how.”

Sometimes Joshua felt he’d forgotten, too. “Well, you best work harder otherwise we’ll be here until dawn.”

“And that would be a real shame, too.” He winked. “Then you’d miss having pie with Gretta.”

Turning to him in surprise, Joshua glared. “How’d you know about that?”

Caleb chuckled. “Because it’s like I said, brother. You’re as predictable as the sun…and twice as cool.”

Joshua tried to pretend that he didn’t care about being predictable. Tried to pretend that wasn’t a problem for him at all.

But as he strode away from Caleb and got to work opening the next group of packages, he slumped. He was almost twenty years old and his life was set.

Maybe he should’ve done more during his
rumspringa
, like Caleb was doing now. Maybe he should’ve ridden in more fast trucks and smiled at more pretty girls.

Maybe if he had, he wouldn’t be so fretful now. Maybe if he had, he wouldn’t be so curious about his neighbors. Maybe if he had, he’d be more taken with Gretta Hershberger.