Wine and Whiskey (Surviving Absolution #1) (35 page)

He puts his fists to his eyes. “Yeah.”

Max moves her car out of the way, and the
gates open. Nick follows behind Jessica as she marches to the house.
Emme
lifts her head and looks at him, her inquisitive blue
eyes studying him. None of this is her fault. He has to get his temper under
control for her.

Inside the house, Jessica rummages
through the refrigerator and pulls out slices of cheese.
Emme’s
eyes light up, and she reaches on tiptoes, trying to grab them from her
mother’s hand. “Just a minute,
Emme
. I’m trying to
find you something else.”

His jaw clenches at Jessica’s shortness.
“Here, I’ll get them for you.” He swipes the small stack from Jessica’s hand,
and
Emme
waddles over to him. He scoops her up and
sits her on the table edge in front of him. Tiny toes curl against his stomach
as he tears off bite size pieces and lays them flat in his hand. She grasps
them with her thumb and forefinger and quickly shoves them into her mouth,
making him laugh. “I guess we can confirm you like cheese.”

Her delicate pink fingers pat his,
reminding him his improvised plate is empty. He tears off more, and she gobbles
them up. “Are you a kid or a mouse?”

Jessica hands him a plate with banana
slices. “She loves these too.”

Smashing the pieces in her hand before
stuffing them in her mouth,
Emme
starts to slow down
on the fifth bite. She rubs her heavy eyes, getting tiny pieces of fruit on her
long lashes.

“How old is she?”

“She was one last week.”

A whole year of her life without him. If
she’s really his, he’s missed out on so much. “How could you have kept her from
me?”

“When Kevin and I broke up, he made her
take a paternity test, and it wasn’t him.”

Disgust rather than jealousy courses
through him. He knew she had numerous lovers before him, but never expected any
of them to be simultaneous. “You were cheating on me when we were together?”

“Not that you cared. You didn’t even
notice.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I left hints, trying to make you
jealous, but you were oblivious. Even if you knew, you probably wouldn’t have
cared.” She strokes
Emme’s
hair as she talks. “I did
everything I could so you would want me for more than just sex. But it never
worked. You always took off as soon as we were done. Or, when I was here, I
knew you were always trying to figure out how to get rid of me.”

Now, he pays the price. All those years
of living without concern for himself or anyone else comes back to haunt him.
“I’m sorry I was a dick. But I didn’t know until the end you wanted more. I
thought you were happy with just sex.”

“I was at first. But then I fell in love
with you. You would hold me so close in bed and make me feel like you wanted me
so much. Then afterward, it was like we were just fuck buddies going our
separate ways. When I told you how I felt, you broke up with me.”

The first time he’s ever seen Jessica let
down the hardness she’s built around herself. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I
just didn’t feel the same way, and I didn’t think we should be together knowing
we weren’t just…‘fuck buddies’ anymore.”
Emme
yawns
and reaches for Jessica. “You must be a good mom. I can tell how much she loves
you.”

“She’ll love you too, once she gets to
know you.”

They always used a condom. Always. Never
once did he forget. But it’s difficult to deny how much
Emme
looks like him. “I don’t want to argue, but we need to do the test. I have to
know the truth.”

“Okay. When you find out for sure, what
are you going to do?”

Be a better father than his ever was.
Protect her with the same level of security he has for Shae. Make sure her life
is perfect. “Take care of her. I want her to be a part of my life. We’ll set up
a schedule or something. Maybe she can stay here on weekends. And I’ll make
sure you’ll never have to worry about anything.”

“That’s it?”

“If she’s mine, she’ll know I’m her
father. I’ll never let her think or feel otherwise.”

“What about me?”

He meets her gaze, so she has no doubt of
his intentions. “Whatever you need, it’s yours.”

“But not your love.”

Only another argument can come out of
this discussion. He drives his hand through his hair. “Jessica—”

“We could move in and be a family.” Her
free hand reaches for his. “The three of us. Then you wouldn’t have to worry
about visiting her. She would always be here.”

“You know it won’t work. We can’t get
along well enough to live together.”

“You’re a real asshole, you know that?”

And the Jessica he knows is back. “Yeah,
I know. What do you want from me?”

“I want you to love me. I want you look
at me like you look at Shae.”

He ignores her pleas. Answering will only
anger the beast. He nods toward the little head resting on her shoulder.
“You’re welcome to let her sleep here, but I have to go out.”

“You’re going after her, aren’t you?”

He stands up and gestures toward the
living room. “I don’t know when I’ll be back. You can stay as long as you want.
Marta can help you with anything you need.”

Her red face pinches in anger. “Fuck that
shit. I’m leaving. I’m not going to fucking sit around and wait for you.”

“Fine. I’ll take the test, and we’ll go
from there.”

“Fuck you, Nick. All you need is right
here. You would never have to chase after me. I hope she’s worth it.”

She is. “I’ll talk to you on Monday.”

They walk outside in silence, except for
her huffs and sighs. After she buckles
Emme
in her
car seat and drives off, he climbs into his car. No Max or Carter this time.
Only he can fix this.

When he gets there, Shae’s SUV sits in
the garage, but the other two bays are empty. He manages a half-wave to one of
the security guys while he jogs up the sidewalk to her porch. All his thoughts
circle around finding the right words to convince her of his faithfulness.

The last time he chased her here, he
proved how much he loves her. This time won’t be so easy. After no response to
his knock on the front door, he pushes it open and steps inside. “Shae?”

The living room, kitchen, and deck are
all empty. Guilt rolls through him for being in her house without her
permission, but he has to see her. He walks down the hall to her bedroom, the
open door revealing the emptiness. He taps on the bathroom door. “Shae?”

“Nick?”

Although muffled, he can still hear the
sadness in her voice. “Yeah, it’s me. I’m sorry for barging in, but I need to
talk to you.” No answer. At least she doesn’t tell him to leave. “Please,
sweetness? I need to tell you something.”

After a long minute, she replies, “What?”

He starts to turn the knob, but forces
his hand back. She didn’t say “come in.” With the door closed, she keeps a
barrier between them. Hopefully, his words will be enough to break it down. “I
know I brought all of this on myself. I deserve everything you said. But you
have to know what the last three weeks have been like for me, without you.”

Her pink robe lies across the foot of her
bed. He fights the urge to pick it up and lose himself in her flowery scent.
“When I found out I hurt you, I think I went out of my mind. Every time I
closed my eyes all I could see were the…”

He can’t bring himself to say the word.
“So, all I did was drink. I wanted to be numb and not feel the pain of you
being gone. I probably would have drunk myself to death if Max and Carter
hadn’t stopped me. The only thing keeping me going was the need to keep you
safe. You were all I could think about during the day and all I would dream
about at night.”

Fury wells up in his chest at his own
stupidity. “When you left the party with Evan, I lost it. I hated myself for
telling you to be with him. The thought of the two of you together pushed me
over the edge. I got drunk and made Jacks take me to Jessica’s. I just wanted
to feel something that didn’t remind me of you. Something the exact opposite of
you.”

He leans his forehead against the door,
the coolness of the wood a welcome relief from the heat burning his face. “But
it didn’t work. You were all I could think about, and I realized I couldn’t be
with her or anyone else. So, no matter what happens, I can’t live with myself
if you think for even a second you weren’t everything I thought about and who I
wished I was with. It’s always been you. No one else but you.”

His sanity hangs by a thread. She has to
believe him. “Please, sweetness. Tell me you know how much I love you.”

Chapter Eighteen

Shae claws at the
fingers digging into her cheeks, fighting their merciless grip over her mouth.
Cool, smooth metal presses against her temple, clashing with the hot adrenaline
racing through her trembling body. Unaware she’s not alone listening to his
heartfelt words, Nick reminds her of what she already knows. Now, she may never
have the chance to tell him what he deserves to hear.

“I said get rid of him.”

She winces at the hardness of the voice
in her ear before nodding. At the removal of his hand, she lifts her head,
trying to fill her lungs, cheated from oxygen for too long. He thrusts the gun
deeper into her skin at the delay, urging her to speak. She forces herself to
protect Nick, to say the words that will break both of their hearts. “It
doesn’t matter. It’s over. Please just go.”

“You don’t mean that.” Nick’s muffled,
yet defeated voice comes through the closed bathroom door. “Shae?”

“I’ll kill him if you don’t get him to
leave.” Another harsh whisper burns against her skin.

Her mind goes blank, all her acting
skills useless with the man she loves in jeopardy. She can’t find the right
words. She can’t do anything but hope he knows her heart more than he believes
her words. “No…” Her voice cracks, ruining her attempt to sound calm. “No,
thank you. I can’t do this tonight.”

“What?” The door knob rattles. “Are you
okay?”

A small yelp escapes her mouth from her
captor yanking her head back by the hair. Beads of sweat dribble down his
forehead and dampen her cheek as he presses his head against hers. “Damn it!
What are you doing? Fix it!”

She turns her head away from his slick
skin and his reprimand. “I’m doing the best I can.”

“Who’s in there?” The pounding of Nick’s
fist echoes through the room. “Open the fucking door!”

“Shit!” He hisses next to her face before
jerking her backward toward the window, her heels scraping across the tile.
Ripped out of the lock from the force of Nick’s foot, the door cracks across
the middle before sagging on its hinges. The elbow around her neck tightens,
and her fingernails scrape at his forearm, trying to relieve the pressure
against her windpipe. Thoughts of Nick and their baby provide the only spark in
her mind to fight the darkness engulfing her.

“Don’t make me hurt her. Back the fuck
up.”

Rage contorts Nick’s face, his wide eyes
reflecting her own shock at his cousin’s betrayal. His words spew out through
clenched teeth. “What the fuck are you doing?”

Carter nods toward the door. “Implementing
plan B. She’s step one. Now get the fuck out of the way.”

“Like hell I will.” Nick lunges toward
him, but flails backward from the force of the bullet hitting him at close
range. Blood gushes down his body as he bounces off the gouged drywall and drops
to the floor.

Her scream ricochets across the tile, and
she reaches for him, but Carter drags her past him. “Don’t follow us, or she’ll
be next.”

Her mind races, trying to figure out how
to reach through the madness consuming Carter, how to make him understand what
he’s done to Nick. “Please, Carter. We can’t leave him like this.”

They stumble down the hallway, framed
memories of her career crashing to the floor as they graze against the wall.
Mementos, once seemingly so important, now worthless. She arches away from him,
but he yanks her closer. “Come on.”

She grasps his shirt and tries to meet
his gaze. With all they’ve been through, Nick’s never needed her more than this
moment. “I’m begging you. Please let me help him.”

The gun presses deeper into her ribs as
he opens the side door and jerks her into the garage. He pauses to release the
hood on her SUV and yanks out a small gray box from the tire well. After
tossing it on the ground, he crushes it with his foot. “That’ll give us a
little bit of a head start.” Cold and methodical, he lacks any emotion or
remorse. As if he handed Nick a file rather than riddled him with a bullet.

“You just shot him! Don’t you even care?”

“Shut up!” His whisper is more unnerving
than if he yelled. He opens the passenger side door and pushes her inside. “If
you try to alert the guards, my next shot will kill him.”

The empty expression on his face
contrasts with the loaded threat he issues. He hops in the driver’s seat and
throws the car in reverse. In the driveway, he nods at the security detail, all
unaware their boss lies bleeding inside. He rolls down the window a few inches
and motions to Oscar. His voice and demeanor convey confidence, yet his grip
tightens and loosens around the gear shift, revealing his anxiety. “Nick asked
me to take Shae to her manager’s office. We’ll be back in a few minutes. No
need for an escort.”

Oscar frowns and glances back toward the
house. “Are you sure? Mr. DeMarco gave strict orders she’s never to leave
without—”

“You think I’m going to let anything
fucking happen to her? Nick trusts me.”

The irony burns her face like a match.
Nick did trust him, and his reward is a gunshot wound and kidnapped girlfriend.
Tears fill her eyes at the thought of Nick lying helpless on the floor. She
bites her lip to keep from screaming at Oscar for help. All she can hope is
that Nick knows how much she loves and believes in him.

Oscar shrugs his shoulders, recognizing
the danger of arguing with the second in command. “Okay. Mr. James. See you in
a few.”

They drive down the street, passing four
black SUVs parked nose to end in front of her house. An obvious indication of
the security protecting her, for any enemy who may doubt it. Never dreaming a
traitor would emerge from within Nick’s inner circle, she can’t make sense of
Carter’s betrayal. After a lifetime of proving his loyalty to Nick and the
business, what would make him suddenly turn against everything he’s ever known?

Metal scrapes against metal as he
sideswipes his own white SUV parked around the corner, as if he abandoned it
before racing into her house. Without reacting to the collision, he punches the
accelerator, speeding down the main corridor and bursting through the gates
guarding the entrance to her subdivision. The car swerves as he glances from the
road to his phone. He slides off the case and removes a thin black wire.

Her heart sinks as he tosses the tracking
device out the window. The last way for Nick and Max to know where they are. With
shaky hands, she releases her grip on the door handle and arm rest and buckles
her seat belt. “Please slow down.” Her voice reveals the terror she tries to
hide. “You’re going to kill us.”

“I said I wouldn’t hurt you, and I meant
it.”

The rocky start to their relationship,
after his cruel comment about the reason for Nick’s interest in her, improved
over time, making her believe they were actually friends. Apparently, she was
wrong. “Then why did you take me?”

“I’ve got a plane to catch, and you’re my
boarding pass. Then, I’ll let you go. I promise.”

Usually the opposite of Nick, Carter’s
the one with the smart mouth but even temper. Now his irrational behavior hurts
Nick and puts her and their baby in danger. “I don’t understand. Why are you
leaving?”

“It’s either that, or me in a box six
feet under if Nick gets ahold of me.”

“If you give me a chance, we can fix
whatever’s wrong.” Her heart pounds in her ears as she presses her hands
against her legs, willing them to stop trembling, forcing her voice to convey a
calmness she doesn’t feel. “But first, you have to take me back to help him.
Please, Carter? He needs me.”

Staring straight ahead, he doesn’t react
to her plea. “He’s okay.”

His confidence creates hope she can’t
help but latch onto. “How do you know?”

“If I wanted him dead, he would be. I
just grazed him in the shoulder to slow him down.”

A matter-of-fact reminder of their brutal
world. They shoot to kill, or are gracious enough to only wound the ones they
claim to care about. “That just proves how you really feel. You don’t want to
hurt him or me. Take me back. Then, we can figure it out together. Nick, Max,
me. We’ll all help you.”

A smirk crosses his mouth, but the humor
doesn’t touch the flatness in his eyes. “Sorry, Shae, but I won’t fold as easy
as Evan did.”

“No matter what’s happened, Nick will forgive
you. He loves you. He’s closer to you than anyone else in the world. I know you
can work this out.”

He shakes his head and glances in the
rear view mirror. “Not anymore. What I’ve done can’t be fixed.”

Never allowing herself to think too much
about what Nick is capable of, Carter’s panic forces her to confront the
consequences of his disloyalty. “What is it? What’s so bad he’d want you dead?”

The vibrating phone provides the only
answer she receives. He glances at the screen before tossing it onto the
console. “I told you he’s okay.”

She grabs the cell, needing to prove to
herself he’s alive. Her body sags against the seat at Nick’s number flashing,
yet her relief’s short-lived at his furious message.

You’ll wish you’d killed me when I find you.

Carter slides the phone out of her hand
and shoves it in his pocket, stealing her last opportunity to connect with
Nick. She rubs her temples, a futile attempt to quell her anxiety. He’s just as
stubborn as Nick. There has to be a way to repair the damage Carter has caused.
She’ll convince Carter and then Nick. They’re the only family they have, and it
can't end like this.

The SUV comes to a stop on the tarmac.
Nick’s plane sits about a hundred feet away. “Let’s go.”

“Whatever’s wrong, you’re only making it
worse. Please let us help you.”

His bitter laugh fills the car. “The only
help Nick’s going to give me is a bullet to the head if I don’t get the fuck
out of here.”

Carter climbs out and comes around to
open her door. She shakes her head, disappointment added to the stream of
emotions flowing through her. “I thought you were letting me go.”

“Soon. I need to get one flight between
Nick and me. Then, you’ll be free, and I’ll be gone.” He grabs her hand and
leads her to the aircraft.

One pilot stands by the steps, his
forehead wrinkling as they approach. “Good afternoon, Miss Armstrong.” He nods
toward Carter. “Mr. James, the itinerary shows only you—”

“Last-minute change of plans.” Carter
jerks his head toward the descended staircase. “We’re ready.”

“I’m sorry, sir. We’re having problems
with one of our gauges and can’t take off until it’s repaired.”

Carter motions toward the cockpit, where
the other pilot sits with his head bent toward the instrument panel. His grip
tightens around her arm as his voice rises. “We’re going now.”

The pilot shakes his head. “But Mr.
James, it could be dangerous. It’s against regulations to fly with
malfunctioning equipment.”

Carter pulls the gun from his back
waistband and points it at her. Their friendship reduced to her serving as a
pawn for the success of his escape plan. “You just got cleared for takeoff.”

The man’s wide eyes lock with hers,
sharing her fear. He nods before turning and walking up the stairs. After they
enter the cabin, the pilot in the cockpit steps in their direction. Before he
can say anything, Carter points the gun at him. “Let’s go.”

The pilots glance at each other before
making their way to the front of the plane. After a few minutes, the engines
come to life while they go through their checklist and talk to each other
through the microphones attached to their headpieces.

She curls in her seat and faces him,
trying to meet his gaze, hoping to reach him before it’s too late. “You can
stop all of this.”

“No, I can’t.” His voice is low and flat
as he rubs his face. “There’s no turning back now.”

Their bodies strain forward as the plane
picks up speed, rolling down the runway before lifting up. The sky slowly fades
from blue to white as he stares out the window, seemingly oblivious to her
panic around the chaos of the last sixty minutes. Of what could be so bad to
drive him to do this.

Quiet when he dropped her off at her
house, he was probably uncertain how to handle her silent tears after the
confrontation with Jessica. Then, his abrupt return and pleas to convince Nick
not to take the paternity test were made even more perplexing by his refusal to
explain why.
He’ll listen to you. You can make him do anything you want. Don’t
let him take it. It’ll ruin everything.

A chill runs through her at the
realization of the reason for his desperation. “You’re
Emme’s
father.”

He looks at the ceiling, the only sign of
his guilt the flaring of his nostrils as he sighs.

“That’s why she looks like Nick—the same
blue eyes as you. Jessica cheated on him with you.”

His head drops forward, and he drives his
hands through his hair. “I thought he would never find out. Then, she showed up
with a baby, and I knew I was fucked. That’s why she’s so against the test. She
knows Nick isn’t the father.”