Wine and Whiskey (Surviving Absolution #1) (15 page)

“Then what?”

“Please don’t ask me questions I can’t
answer.”

Dropping his hands, she leans back on the
cushion. He’s so open with his heart, but closed with everything else. “I don’t
understand. You give me your love so willingly, but you don’t trust me.”

“It doesn’t have anything to do with
trust. I’m trying to protect you.”

“You can protect me by getting out of it.
Then the threats will be over.”

He gives her a side glance before shaking
his head. “You don’t understand. I can’t.”

Her pulse pounds in her ears. Giving up
on him will destroy her, but staying may be worse. “I can’t be with you unless
you’re honest with me.”

He walks to the edge of the deck, his
fingers gripping the railing, his head drooping forward. Crashing waves and
squawking seagulls carry across the breeze, yet he remains silent. The ache in
her chest grows stronger as she covers her mouth with trembling hands, forcing
herself not to rescind her ultimatum, not to take back the words driving his
pain. They have to do this to move forward. She has to know the truth.

“I know too much.” Turning back to face
her, his gaze locks with hers, bitterness darkening his face, his voice tinged
with defeat. “If I try to walk away, I’ll be killed.”

Her stomach plunges at his confession. So
naïve, she thought she had the solution, figured out the answer, yet the
reality is too simple and terrifying to overcome. He can never escape from this
world of crime and violence. A death sentence whether he stays or goes. This is
his life.

The door opens, and Marta shakes her
dishtowel at them. “Breakfast ready. Come eat while hot and very good.”

Nick nods at his housekeeper, but his eyes
never leave hers. Maybe as fearful as she is to turn away, to break the bond
between them, uncertain if it could be restored. Once Marta goes back inside,
he steps forward and pulls her to him. “You deserve better than me, more than
this. I couldn’t let you go, and now you’re suffering because of my
selfishness. You don’t belong in my world.”

Goosebumps race over her skin as she
trembles, fear coursing through her body at the realization this will never
end. “What does this mean for us?”

“Nothing’s changed. I love you and want
to be with you.” He buries his head in her neck, his fingers entangling in her
hair, holding her tightly against him. “I can’t lose you. Please tell me you’ll
stay.”

That’s all she wants. To be with him. But
not in this life. Not with this fear. She doesn’t know what to say or do or
think, paralyzed by the deluge of emotions drowning her. Her body is rigid and
gasping for breath, unable to return his embrace, incapable of grasping the
dwindling hope that everything he wants to give her she can accept.

His arms fall away, releasing the hold he
has over her body and her heart, his unshakable confidence finally shattering
under her hesitation. “I’m sorry I can’t give you what you need.”

A cruel reminder of his constant
tenderness even amidst his pain. Tears roll down her cheeks, stinging her skin,
dripping off her chin. “You do. You’re everything I’ve ever—”

“
Shhhh
. No more.” His fingertips follow the wet trails before
brushing across her lips, the saltiness harsh against her tongue. Sobs rock her
body at the hollowness of his voice, the deadness in his eyes. “We’ll find you
a secure place to stay, and I’ll make sure you’re always taken care of.”

“What about you?”

Spreading his arms, he looks around the
deck, as if confined by prison bars rather than the open sky and rolling waves.
“I’ll always be here.” Lowering his head, he lets out a deep breath. “I’ll just
never understand why you’d give me your money, but you won’t give me your
heart.”

The thickness in her throat strangles her
voice, and she can only whisper, “You already have my heart. It’s just that
it’s broken.”

Chapter Eight

Platters of
omelets, pancakes, and sausage cover the kitchen table where Max and Shae sit
and talk. Well, he talks. She quietly fidgets, alternating between tugging on
her dress and picking at her fingernail polish, only looking up at Marta
passing through the foyer. Probably hoping for Nick.

A heady blend of fried bacon and coffee
perking makes his stomach growl, but he can’t think about eating. Not with her
suffering across from him, devastated from her grief. “You’ll stay in the
penthouse at the
Aqua
Masion
.
It has a panic room as well as a private elevator, giving us escape options in
case anything happens.”

A busy, upscale hotel makes an attack even
more unlikely. Too many witnesses and tight security to get through, along with
his own men stationed inside and out. There’s no way in hell Juan can reach
her. At least in the suite. Being out in public poses a different challenge.

He studies her face as she nods,
cognizant she isn’t really listening to him. Not understanding what she agrees
to. Trying to release some of his tension, he rolls his neck before speaking
again. She’ll refuse the next request, but it must be done. No matter how much
it hurts her or Nick. “Once we get you settled, you’re going to need to be seen
out, first with your friends and then on a date. It confirms you have moved on
and are seeing someone else.”

The frown creasing her forehead deepens,
yet her mouth remains closed. He touches the back of her hand. “Shae? Are you
listening to me?”

She looks up, her eyes finding his for
the first time during their discussion. “I’m sorry. What did you say?”

“We have to make it clear you and Nick
have broken up. Both of you will need to been seen out with other people. That
way Juan won’t have a reason to come after you.”

“Date other people?” Disbelief quivers in
her soft voice, arguing against his instructions. “I can’t do that. I just want…”

Regardless of what they both want, he
must focus on what they need. She’s too scared to admit she loves his boss, and
Nick’s too protective to tell her she’s in just as much danger without him as
with him. He holds his tongue and keeps Nick’s confidence. His job is security,
not relationship counselor.

He rubs his hands together before laying
them flat on the table. “No matter what goes on between you two, you’re my
friend now, and I want to keep you safe. You have to let me and my guys protect
you, okay?”

“Thank you. I appreciate everything you
do for us—” Her voice catches, and she gives him a sad smile, pinkness tingeing
her pale face. “No more ‘us,’ is there? So, I guess just me.”

“I’m doing this for Nick too. It’s what
he wants for you.”

She nods slowly. Of all the women who
have paraded through Nick’s life, she’s the only one he’s ever liked. Different
from the others, she actually has a kind heart and cares about more than just
herself or Nick’s money. The only relationship he thought might have a chance.
Now, it’s over, and he has to take care of the man who destroyed it. Hell, he’d
be willing to eliminate Juan just for ruining Nick’s good mood they’ve enjoyed
these last few weeks.

“It will take some time to get everything
set up. You’ll have to spend tonight here at the house. Marta will make up one of
the guest rooms for you. We’ll move you tomorrow.” A blank expression is the
only response to his comments. It’s going to be a long day tiptoeing around the
two of them. “I’ll let you know when we’re ready. Then, we can get your stuff
from Nick’s room and your house.”

The grimace returns as she wraps her
dress around her legs. “Where is Nick?”

“He’s in the gym.”

Her head flies up, her eyes widening as
her lips part. “He left?”

“No, he’s downstairs, but he doesn’t want
to be disturbed.”

His words are spoken to her back as she
hops out of her chair and hurries down the hallway. He smiles to himself. No
one else could get away with defying Nick’s edict but her.

* * * *

She’s never explored his house by herself
before. Her chest throbs at the realization this is probably her last time
here. Darkness greets her in the lower level, all the doors closed. She passes
the cinema room where he took her after the incident with Juan at the café. The
day she decided she wanted to be in a relationship with him. Now, she doesn’t
know what she wants.

Pushing open another door, she steps into
a complete gym big enough to host several people. Free weights, tread mill,
elliptical, bicycle, and other equipment fill the room. A gray T-shirt drapes
across a row of barbells. She brings it to her face, letting Nick’s clean,
citrusy scent engulf her, giving her a feeling of home she already misses.
Sitting down on the mat next to the punching bag, she pulls out her phone.

“Hey!” Carrie’s chipper voice gives her a
small lift, letting her blink back the tears burning her eyes.

“I need you.”

“What’s wrong? Where are you?” Panic
replaces Carrie’s cheerfulness, her voice rising on the last words.

“I’m at Nick’s. I don’t know what I’m
going to do.”

“You’re freaking me out. What’s going
on?”

The memories of blood staining the street
steal her breath, barely allowing her to speak. “Juan shot Jacks and threatened
Nick and me.”

“What the hell! Is he okay? Are you
okay?”

“I haven’t seen him, but Nick said he’s
fine.”

“Oh, okay, good.” Her rapid breathing
whistles through the phone. “What about you?”

She holds back a sob, her composure
fading to say the words out loud. “I think we’re breaking up.”

“Wait a minute. Slow down. This is fucked
up. His driver got shot, and you’re breaking up?” Carrie’s voice lilts with
confusion matching her own uncertainty.

She takes a deep breath, trying to
explain to her friend as much as herself. “Nick thinks it’s too dangerous for
me to come home, and he wants me to move in with him. I can’t stay, but I can’t
leave either.”

“This is crazy. I’ll get Nathan, and
we’ll come and get you. We can call the police and—”

“No, please don’t…” Fear and guilt steal
her breath. For the first time, she keeps a secret from her best friend, trying
to protect her too.

“Why not?”

Because the man she loves is a mobster
who has to kill his enemy or risk his own death. Her heart plunges. She reveals
the only truth she can share with her. “I don’t want any more bad publicity. I
can’t be involved with the police after what happened at the coffee house.”

“Shit, I know it.” A deep sigh echoes
through the speaker. “Nick loves you, and he’ll protect you. You need to stay
where you’re safe until all this gets figured out.”

Her shoulders droop. He does love her,
and all she does is hurt him. “Okay.”

“Where is he now?”

“I don’t know. Max said he was in the
gym, but I’m in here, and he’s not anywhere around.”

“He has a gym?”

“Yeah. A huge one in his basement.”

“Then why is he going to Jason’s?”

Her fingers knead his shirt as she looks
around the well-equipped room. “I don’t know.”

“It’s not your reputation, is it? You
love him.”

All Shae can do is whisper, “I know, but
how can I stay with someone whose job puts us both in danger?”

“Fuck, I don’t know. This is so messed
up. Do you want me to come over there?”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll figure it out. I
feel better talking to you.”

“Call me back in a little bit and let me
know what’s going on. I’m really worried about you.”

“Okay. Bye.”

Carrie’s voice brings her the only sense
of normalcy she’s felt in the last twenty-four hours of chaos, giving her a bit
of clarity to think about their situation. Refusing to heed Jason’s warnings,
she waded into Nick’s world, believing she could handle everything it entailed.
She shakes her head at her own naiveté.

Now, she has two choices. Live alone in a
penthouse with armed guards and attempt to return to her old life, with the
shadow of Juan’s threats hanging over her. Or stay with Nick, a generous,
protective, loving man who makes her feel like no man ever has before. Either
way, fear will be a constant emotion, no escape from the threats permeating his
world.

Her heart aches for him, his destiny
determined before he was even born. A life sentence to a criminal world imposed
on him by his family. If she leaves, they’ll both suffer. He can’t escape his
fate, and she can’t be happy without him.

Looking around the cavernous room, her
throat burns from trying to hold back her tears. The certainty of his feelings are
always clear—irrespective of their jobs, their money, their lives, he has the
simple desire to be with her, no matter when or where it is. And now, he’s
letting her go, sacrificing his own feelings to make her happy. Except that it
doesn’t.

* * * *

She stands in the doorway of his bedroom,
her hand trembling as she closes the door. “Why didn’t you tell me you had a
gym downstairs?”

Even with her red, splotchy face, she’s
beautiful. And devastating in her sorrow. His stomach churns at her pain,
mimicking his own that neither sweat nor whiskey can alleviate. He rubs a towel
over his damp hair, uncertain how to answer this unexpected question. “I don’t
know.”

“All this time you’ve been going to
Jason’s and you could have worked out here.”

Confused as hell, he keeps the
conversation going, trying to figure out what she’s leading up to. All he wants
is to fix this, make her stay, lay her down in his bed,
not
discuss his exercise routine. “I guess so. But I’ve always worked with a trainer
once or twice a week to help me keep on track.”

“This wasn’t a few times. You came every
day.” She points at him, her voice shaky with accusations. “You got up early
and drove all the way out there every day when it would have been so much
easier to stay here.”

He nods. “You’re right. It would’ve
been.”

“Then, why did you do it? Why did you
come to Jason’s?”

Now, he understands. Weeks of daily
workouts provide the final proof of his love and commitment to her. He almost
smiles at the simplicity of it. “You know why.”

She shakes her head, as though seeking
confirmation, needing to hear the words.

No hesitation is required. He’ll gladly
tell her. “To see you. If I worked out at Jason’s then I could see you. I would
do anything to be with you.”

A groin-tightening smile lights up her
face, the tears evaporating as she reaches out to take his hand. Fighting every
desire pouring through his veins, he forces himself to step back.

“Don’t.”

Darkness mars her expression, the sparkle
gone from her eyes, slaying him with her pain at his rejection. Never once has
he thought about refusing her, never believing he could say no to everything
he’s ever wanted. But too much is at stake, including his sanity. If he
succumbs to her temptation, he can’t go back, unable to survive the loss of her
sweetness.

“Not if you don’t mean it. If I touch
you, I’ll never be able to let you go.”

Her eyes burn with longing as they bore
into his. “I don’t ever want you to.”

Every nerve in his body flames, raw and
desperate. He has to have her.

The towel drops to the floor as he yanks
her to him. Their bodies and mouths crash together, invading, demanding,
devouring. He fists her hair and presses his lips across her jawline and down
her neck, nuzzling the silky hollow of her throat, tracing her pounding pulse
with his tongue. Her hands scorch his skin like fire running down his back,
grasping the waistband of his shorts and pushing them down. He draws back long
enough to kick them off his feet before pulling her dress over her head and
throwing it on the floor.

Her hands coil around his neck and her
mouth finds his again, panting against his lips. Scooping her up, his groin
almost detonates at her legs wrapping around his waist. He walks her to the bed
and lays her back, covering her trembling body with his own, skimming over her
bra before resting on her satin panties. She lifts her hips and presses against
his hand, making his heart pound harder than he thought possible. “I need you.”

Bunching the thin fabric in his fist, he
rips the bikini before lowering himself on top of her. Her fingernails dig into
his back as he thrusts into her, burying his head in her shoulder. “I love you,
Shae.”

She clings to him as his ferocity takes
over. He can’t get enough. Driving deeper and harder into her soft core, he
relishes the silky smoothness of her skin against his, the intoxicating
sweetness of her flowery scent. She gives herself to him, and he’ll never let
her go. He cradles her head and pulls her tighter to him, almost lifting her
off the bed.