Wine and Whiskey (Surviving Absolution #1) (14 page)

“It’s beautiful.” She lays her hand on
top of his, entwining their fingers. “I’m staying with you because I want to,
not because I have to.”

“When you were with Juan and I couldn’t
get to you, I almost went out of my mind. I didn’t know if he was—” He shakes
his head, pushing out the thoughts of what that idiot might have done to her. “What
was
happening.
I promise I won’t let him near you
again.”

“I know.” She leans forward and kisses
him lightly before resting her head on his shoulder.

As one hand slides to the nape of her
neck and the other around her waist, his phone buzzes on the nightstand.
“Damn.” He picks it up and presses it to his ear. “Give me two minutes.”

He taps ‘end’ and lays his head against
hers. “Max needs me. I’ll be right back.”

“I’m coming with you.”

“No, stay here. I don’t want you involved
in this.”

Twisting the belt of her robe around her
finger, she shakes her head, her hair rustling against his dress shirt. “But
I’m scared to be by myself.”

His stomach clenches at her fear. Telling
her isn’t enough. He has to figure out how to make her feel safe, especially in
his own home. Rising from the bed, he pulls her up with him, and they walk
together, meeting Max at the bottom of the stairs. Max’s eyebrows rise at Shae
standing next to him. “Nick? I…”

“Go ahead…carefully.”

Max nods and clears his throat. “We went
for Juan, but he’s gone. No one has been able to track him.”

Fucking
shit!
Nick drives his hand through his
hair. This is supposed to end tonight. “Where the fuck could he be?”

“He’s coming for you, isn’t he? He’s
coming here to kill you.” Shae’s face pales as her eyes grow wide, her voice a
sharp shriek. “That’s why I can’t marry you. I know I’m going to lose you.”

Nick cradles her against his chest,
scooping her up as her body weakens, no longer able to withstand the relentless
fear engulfing her. His heart aches at her heaving breaths blowing on his neck,
his shirt twisting around her small hand curled into a fist. He carries her up
the stairs and lays her down, climbing in behind her, covering them with the
blankets.

“W-will you take m-me to see Jacks
t-tomorrow? I-I have to m-make sure he’s okay,” she asks through chattering
teeth, her body’s response to the turmoil inflicted upon her tonight.

His arms tighten around her, trying to
calm the trembling, hoping to quell the panic growing in her as she tries to
make sense of the chaos surrounding her. “He’s fine, I promise. Now, go to
sleep. It’s late. We’ll talk more in the morning.”

She snuggles in even closer against him,
not allowing any barrier between them.

He presses against her back and drapes
his arm across her, entwining their fingers as her hand lies on the pillow. “I
love you, Shae.”

After a few minutes, her body relaxes and
her breathing slows. Exhausted from anxiety, sleep claims her surprisingly
fast. An unexpected blessing in a night from hell.

A tidal wave of emotions washes over him
as he holds her in the darkness. He’d been a fool to underestimate Juan. His
mistake put the only woman he’s ever loved at risk. He never meant for her to
be exposed to his corrupt world, destroying her innocence and possibly her
feelings for him.

The irony is not lost on him he has her
back but may still lose her. His obsessive love pushes her limits. He dives too
deep, craves too much. The dangerous reality of his world could be enough to
drive her over the edge and away from him. He closes his eyes, unable to
imagine life without her.

All he can see is the terror in her eyes
when she stepped out of the limo. The pain on her face when Juan wouldn’t
release her hand. Her frantic search to find him in the crowd of people. His
heart pounds against his rib cage. He promised he wouldn’t leave her.
Otherwise, he would be out of this bed, and Juan would be dead.

* * * *

When she’s on stage, the excitement of
the crowd drives the passion she and her backup dancers have for performing.
Any lingering nervousness vanishes from the deafening roar when the arena
plunges into sudden darkness, and they descend from the rafters amid the
pulsing lights. They draw their energy from the thousands of eyes watching
their every move. Yet, the dark blue pair trained on her now as she stretches
on the deck twists her heart. Nick’s pensive stare almost looks right through
her, unable to stop blaming himself for what happened with Juan.

All night he held her close and made her
feel safe, his arms curled around her, his soft but weary voice in her ear
reflecting his anguish when she woke in the early morning darkness. Yet, he can’t
release his own guilt. Never has she known a man to be so hard on himself, so
full of self-torment he doesn’t deserve.

Her head lifts from the last yoga pose at
the creaking of the French doors. He returns her smile, but the sentiment falls
short of genuine. Dark circles under his eyes and creases across his forehead
reveal his worry. His finger loops through the drawstring on her shorts and
tugs her closer, their bodies not quite touching. Tingles rush through her at
the intimacy of his grip on her clothes as well as her heart, her body
shivering at his need to keep her close.

“Marta said breakfast will be ready
soon.”

She leans forward and gives him a soft
kiss, confirming her desire for him, welcoming his touch. “Good, because I’m
finished, and I’m starving.”

“You seem better this morning.”

“I am.” She takes his hand and leads him
to her favorite spot on the deck, the soothing rhythm of the rolling waves
helping to calm her mind and her nerves. She must prove to him she’s okay. And
convince him of her plan. Even if it hurts him. “Stay with me for a few
minutes.”

After sitting down, she pats the cushion
in front of her. His eyes crinkle in amusement as he smirks, a hint of
lightheartedness breaking through the melancholy. “I’ll crush you.”

“It’s fine. I’m tougher than I look.”

Some of the tension humming in her body
releases as he lies back against her chest, nestled between her legs. Uncertain
about everything except her feelings for him, she wraps her arms around him and
rests her head on his shoulder, a contented sigh escaping her lips. The turmoil
whirling around them is unable to diminish the peace he brings her, and she’s hopeful
she provides the same comfort to him.

“I know. It’s one of the things I love
about you.”

A goofy smile must cross her lips. Of
course she wants to hear what makes her lovable. “What is?”

“Seeing you work out this morning
reminded me of when we met. I had just walked into the gym and saw you doing
yoga while you waited for Jason. You were so calm and peaceful, I couldn’t stop
watching you.”

Her heart swells at the wistfulness of
his voice. An unexpected insight into his attraction to her, unwittingly
confirming he knows the real her, loves her for who she really is. Even more
telling, he reveals what he craves as well, a quiet refuge from the chaos of
their world. Exactly what they give to each other. “I never knew that.”

His body stiffens under her arms, his
hands covering hers as if trying to shield her. “Then that asshole was
bothering you, and I couldn’t walk away, leaving you alone and scared. But
after a few minutes, you were fine. You challenged me with that plank move you
like and that’s all it took. I fell in love with you.”

After all this time, his anger remains
fierce over an incident long forgotten, his protectiveness never wavering. She
runs her fingers through his hair before kissing his temple. “Love at first
sight, huh?”

“Yes.”

“You’ve always been so sure, even from
the beginning.”

He shrugs before bringing her hand to his
mouth and kissing it. “I wish it was the same for you. I know you’re scared.
But I’ll wait forever for you if I have to.”

Afraid of so many things, she sags under
the immensity of her doubt, gripping his chest tighter, seeking to share in his
confidence. The intensity of his love engulfs her, making the loss of it what
she fears the most, knowing if she pushes too hard, asks too much, she may
smother the fire blazing between them.

“Now it’s my turn to make a confession.
After we met, I Googled you to find out more about you. I knew you were involved
with the Foundation before you told me. I never said anything because I didn’t
want you to think I was a creepy stalker or something.”

His deep belly laugh shakes them both.
“You don’t have to worry. I would never think that about you.”

“Well, I’m just glad you know. I felt
really guilty about it.”

“You don’t have anything to feel guilty
about.”

As he attempts to lift up and turn
around, she tightens her arms around him. Her strength is no match for his, but
he lets her hold him in place. Nuzzling his neck, she whispers in his ear,
“Neither do you. I don’t blame you for what Juan did.”

The stubble on his cheek tickles her skin
as he shakes his head. “You should never have been pulled into this. I don’t
know if I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for what happened.”

Taking a deep breath, she closes her
eyes. She must convince him they can be free of all this. “I know I make it
difficult for you to love me. After everything with my mom and Evan, I panic
sometimes. That’s not fair to you. You’re so good to me. You don’t deserve for
me to act so irrational.”

This time he breaks free of her embrace,
turning back to look at her, his face drawn with worry. “Shae, I—”

“I really do want to be with you, even if
I don’t make sense sometimes.”

His body relaxes as she strokes his
cheek, releasing the fear darkening his eyes. “Thank you for telling me that.”

“You told me last night you want to marry
me.”

His fingers snake around her waist, and
he slides her closer, desire burning in his eyes as they gaze into hers. “There’s
nothing I want more.”

“But, I don’t know if I can if you’re…”
Afraid if she doesn’t say it now, she won’t be able to, she forces herself to
keep going. “In the mob.”

“I…” All the color drains from his face
as he shakes his head. “You can’t…” He stands up and paces in front of her,
unable to respond.

Guilt burns in her chest at his pain,
everything he wants to keep hidden now on display, forced to expose his secrets
because of her interrogation. “It’s the truth, Nick.”

Curling his hands into fists, he presses
them against his closed eyes. “I’m an investor, you know that. I make money by—”

They hit the same wall as always. He
gives the same speech as before. Unwilling to admit what they both already
know, he attempts to divert her attention. But it won’t work this time. She
can’t let it.

“I do know. But, that’s not all.
Financiers don’t have death threats against them or their girlfriends.” She
lifts up on her knees and grasps his hands, pulling them away from his ashen
face, meeting his panicked gaze. “Please, get out of it. If you won’t do it for
yourself, do it for me. We can’t build a life together if we always have
threats hanging over us.”

“I’ll keep you safe. I promise I won’t
make the same mistake again.”

Her body pulses from hurting him, throbbing
at the guilt of dangling in front of him what she hopes they both want, yet
can’t have with a life like this. “What if we have children?”

“Children?” Shock lowers his voice almost
to a whisper, as if he’s considering a foreign concept.

Even in her fear, she smiles at the
thought. “Yes, that’s what marriage means—husband, wife, kids running around,
the dog chewing up your shoes. A totally crazy, but absolutely wonderful life.”

“I want that.” He nods before caressing
her cheek. “With you.”

“It scares me more than you can imagine,
but I’m starting to want it too. But how can we have a family if we’re in
danger all the time? We both know more than anyone what it’s like to be without
our parents. I don’t want my children not to have their father. Or, what if Juan
threatened our kids?”

He drives his hand through his hair but
doesn’t speak, his wide-eyed expression hiding a storm of torment she can’t
rescue him from.

“You have to get out of it.”

Dropping back down on the lounge chair,
he holds his head in his hands. “It doesn’t work that way.”

“Why not? If you quit, Juan won’t come
after you anymore.”

“It’s not like I can give two weeks’
notice and leave. This family business goes back to my grandfather.”

She scoots next to him, wrapping her arms
around his, entwining their fingers. The connection between them shaky but
still unbroken. He has to know she’ll give anything to be together, find any
way to make it work. “Is it the money? I can take care of us. I don’t have as
much as you, but it’s more than enough.”

His humorless laugh is a sharp contrast
to his head tilting against hers, his racing pulse hot against her skin. “It’s
not the money.”