White is for Virgins (66 page)

After a minute or two of scanning the boxes, I finally found the forgotten envelope. I eased it open from one side to the other, tearing it only slightly as I did so. My fingers shook as I opened it, pulling the contents out. My eyes began to water as I realized what I was holding; what Fox had given me the night he left.

I got up off the carpet, getting slight rug burn on my knees as I got up. My feet couldn’t get me fast enough out of my room and into the hallway. I stopped dead in my tracks, glaring at the man before me. Slowly, I allowed myself to stalk up to him. I held up the ticket, but his eyes never left mine.

“You
just
found it?” he breathed; his voice was barely audible over the sound of hail and thunder.

“You told me not to open it,” I said with a broken voice, looking down at a ticket dated for the Sunday after he’d left.

“I thought you’d open it at home.”

I got a little angry there – this wasn’t my entire fault. “You broke my heart, Fox, and then you left the
freakin’ country, so please
excuse me
,” I nearly spat, “if I didn’t want anything to do with you.”

A flicker of hurt flashed through his eyes. He recovered fast, though. “
I
broke
your
heart?”

“Well it’s not like
I
broke
yours
,” I cried, getting in his face, “I’m the one who got shut down in that hotel room the morning after you decided to tell me you were crossing the Atlantic, alright?
I’m
the one who was about to… to – ugh!” I didn’t finish that thought, exhaling and running a hand through my hair. I looked up at him, ready to cry every tear I’d cried in the past month all over again. “I really screwed things up, huh? Little virgin me had to fuck up the entire night…”

“
Em,” he said finally. I felt his warm hands on my arms. “Look at me.” I couldn’t. “That night–” he started in a soft voice. I watched his Adam’s apple bob as he collected his words. “That night was the night that I realized I was in love with you.”

My eyes shot up and met his, finding that they were back to their emerald hue. He looked, of all things, vulnerable. I wanted to doubt him; I knew my eyes were showing a contradictory mixture of disbelief and hope. Our breaths mingled as we both absorbed the impact of what he’d just said.

It can’t be true.

I shook my head, letting my gaze fall to the floor.

“No, Em,” he said, picking my chin right back up with his fingers. His eyes scanned my face as he stepped closer and let his thumb run across my cheekbone like he’d done so many times before. I leaned into his hand out of habit. “I finally allowed myself the
possibility
when I saw you in that dress…” he breathed, his fingers creeping into the warmth of my hair, “But I realized it when I pushed myself away from you that night. I haven’t had sex since I kissed you last Christmas,” he admitted, “and it wasn’t easy for me to pull away from you when we were getting so into it. But I realized I didn’t want you to regret it; I didn’t want to hurt you; I didn’t want to go all the way and then leave you less than a week later… You fell asleep in my arms, Em, and I swear I could’ve stayed like that forever. I didn’t need sex. Just being with you was enough.”

His words still hadn’t sunk in. There were so many of them… and there was so much he was saying that I’d been dying for him to say; that I’d thought he’d never say. I didn’t know what to do with myself.

I stepped away from him. The hand that had been on my cheek hung in the air before falling to his side in defeat.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” I asked, afraid my voice would crack again.

“I didn’t want to start something I didn’t think I’d be able to uphold, since I was leaving, so I just pushed it away,” he said honestly. “But then I realized I didn’t have to.”

He motioned to the ticket that I was still holding with a death grip.

I bit my lip, glancing at the ticket once more.

“We’ve missed so much time,” I whispered. A lone tear spilled down my cheek as I looked at the broken man in front of me.

He stepped forward, wiping the tear with his thumb and turning my face up. “We can make up for it.”

I sprang upward on my toes and hooked my arms around his neck as his, in turn, encircled my waist. Our hungry mouths reunited in a passionate embrace. I was instantly reduced to a state mirroring that of my ice cream – the heat engulfed me. His hands quickly moved to grip my hips, running up and down my back before hoisting me up. I wrapped my legs around him and he pushed me up against the wall for more support. I moaned as his hands explored my thighs. I pulled his damp hair and kneaded my fingers through it, scratching his neck. He tasted of rain and–

“Complimentary peanuts?” I asked in between kisses.

He smirked, moving his mouth down my neck licking and sucking. He nibbled on my collarbone as he responded. “Strawberry ice cream?”

Our foreheads met as our heavy breaths mingled.

“I love you,” I told him.

He grinned like the devil he was. “I know.”

I pulled his hair mercilessly; he delved into my mouth once more. His tongue gently prodded mine, mimicking the gentle approach of his hands as they slid beneath the fabric of my shirt and danced up the skin of my back.

I made a decision right then and there. I was ready.

My feet landed on the carpet with urgency. I laced my fingers with Fox’s and started walking backwards, never breaking the kiss as we meandered through my apartment and to my room.

The rain was hammering down; the thunder was booming every other minute; lightening was the only source of light in my apartment, sparking every now and then across the room. A tornado may, or may not have been headed our way. The world might or might not have been ending. Those were all trivial things.

Nothing mattered in that moment besides us.

That night, we did something that neither one of us had ever done. We made love.

.
Epilogue.

Everybody has a certain… issue. A phobia. An obsession. A tragic story. A life-altering mistake they’ve made. This issue usually marks the height of adolescence.

Notice how I said ‘usually’. Truth is, adults are almost as naïve as teenagers, especially when it comes to love. They’re scared. They make mistakes. They hold back.

My mistake? Hah! Where to start?

Falling for Fox Evans. Kissing Fox Evans. Letting other people convince me I was ready to have sex, therefore, almost having sex with Fox Evans. Asking Fox Evans for a label on our relationship. Not stopping Fox Evans from leaving the country, nor opening the envelope he gave me prior to said departure.

Where
I
fit in to stereotypical society?

I’m the girl that almost let ‘him’ get away. I’m the one that got scared; that chicken-out and sabotaged her own chance at happiness. I didn’t go for it because I’d never gone for it before.

But when I finally
did
go for it… it was indescribably worth it.

Fox and I are going to college together; we’re going to enjoy each other and enjoy whatever comes our way. There’s no timer to our relationship, so we’re not treating it as one. He still annoys me, and I still challenge him every step of the way. We work.

Nina’s decided on a fall wedding. I’m the Maid of Honor and Fox is the Best Man. We got those parts because of our terrific meddling skills.

Lily and Nick are still going strong. We try to hang out as much as possible. They’ve made it through one hell of a hurdle, which definitely gives me hope for the future.

My parents are happy. I know because they’ve asked me to call in before I come to visit now… and whenever I get to the house it takes them a couple minutes to get to the door. They’re all smiles. I never ask them what they’ve been up to. Quite frankly I’m not interested in knowing. They also give me hope for my own relationship.

All my friends give me hope, really. They all put in the effort for people that they loved; people they wanted in their lives. Fox is that person for me.

Forever? Yeah, that’d be nice. I’m much more focused on the ‘right now’ spectrum, though.

And right now, life’s looking pretty damn good.