White is for Virgins (62 page)

***

I awoke to Fox’s chest. His arm was still the pillow beneath my head – and probably blue from lack of circulation. His other arm was draped over my hip. I slowly moved it and got up off the bed. I made it to the bathroom as quiet as a mouse.

I brushed my teeth as best I could with my finger and some toothpaste before rinsing my face with cold water. My eyes were a little puffy, but it wasn’t too noticeable.

When I returned to the bed, Fox was awake and pulling his pants on.

“Morning,” he said.

“Good morning.”

I started unbuttoning the dress shirt and walked over to where my dress was.

I’d slept on a certain thought and I had one last burning question to ask.

“Fox?” I paused, fumbling with the last button. “…What are we?” I blurted.

If he said we were friends… I’d try my best to stay content with that. I wanted him in my life. If he said we were a couple, an item, boyfriend/girlfriend,
anything
along the lines of explicit… I’d pounce on him and finish what we’d started last night. I held my breath, staring at my white dress lying on the other bed as I awaited his answer.

“I don’t know,” he replied, running a hand through his hair and looking up at me with an utterly lost expression.

I nodded.
Well, I do. We’re
nothing
.

Letting his shirt slide off my shoulders and hit the floor, I shamelessly bent over in my bra and panties to stick my feet through the hole of the dress. I pulled it up and bent over again to snatch the shirt from the floor. I also moved to pick up my shoes and my clutch. Quickly slipping into the bathroom, I found my clips.

I tossed the shirt to him before making it to the door.

“See you at graduation,” I said, surprisingly composed as I slipped out the door.

It wasn’t until I heard the door click closed and I found myself in an empty hotel hallway that I started to cry. I sucked it up as best I could so that Nick wouldn’t see me on my way into my suite. I didn’t want Fox to know.

He broke me.

Unintentionally or not, he did.

Chapter 36

FOX P.O.V.

I swung my head from side to side, playing with the golden tassel that hung from my graduation cap. It was the only thing I could do to keep me from punching the dude sitting in front of me out of sheer annoyance. Bernard St. Clare’s monotone voice droned out of the speakers as he delivered his valedictorian speech – the bastard had written a freaking novel.

I was having a considerable amount of trouble sitting in my seat as he continued. My hands locked together in my lap as I exhaled obnoxiously, watching my knuckles turn white.

“It’d
kill them
to make graduating easy,” Nick muttered under his breath.

“It’d kill Bernie to not over-do shit, like always,” I replied in the same fashion. “How is he even valedictorian if he fucking grasp the concept of a ‘speech’?”

A few guys around us snickered as we all started mumbling about how we just wanted to get the fuck out of the building already. Never come back.

It distracted me for a bit.

“And now, I’d like to call up the class salutatorian, Ms. Emery Price,” Principal Harris stated into the microphone, “so that she may give her speech.”

Just a bit.

Everyone applauded, some even cheered, as Em walked up to the podium and into the spotlight. Her navy blue robe swayed with her every move; her head was slightly bowed. I was unconsciously clapping too, watching her; judging how she was taking in the view before her. At least half a thousand pairs of eyes were trained on her, silent as she spoke into the microphone.

I was close enough to the stage to see her eyes scan the audience; see her pink lips finally start to move.

“Thank you, Principal Harris, family, friends, faculty, and fellow peers,” she started, as was customary, eyes darting down to a paper. I detected the shaking in her voice, and she paused uncertainly. She looked up again at the overwhelming crowd and cleared her throat. My fingers were losing circulation with every second that that lost look stayed on her face. “I have this entire speech written out,” she said finally, waving the paper up for everyone to see, “and it’s filled with all these motivational quotes and peppy, encouraging words that are meant to hype up all of our bright futures… but to be perfectly honest, I don’t think I can read it.” The look on Harris’ face was priceless as she dropped that bomb. Comments began to arise at her confession.

The mumbling ceased as she continued. “For one thing, I wrote it yesterday,” the crowd chuckled, “I know most of my classmates are more shocked than amused, considering I
never
procrastinate. Ever. If anything, I do more than I’m supposed to. That’s what it takes to get to this podium at the end of our high school careers, I guess; Bernard is proof of that, no doubt.” More laughing. “In all seriousness,” she said, placing her hands on either side of the podium and leaning forward a bit, “I’ve worked my, for lack of a better term,
butt
off to be ‘the best’. Studying, even when I didn’t need to; doing extra curriculars and volunteer work; tutoring; debating. You name it, I tried to be perfect at it. What’d that do for me?”

There was a pause.

“Well, it got me second place,” she smirked, cuing everyone to chuckle again, “and there’s no aggression there; Bernard totally deserved valedictorian. Still,
second best
. I get to be able to tell people I was second in my class, which is a pretty fair title I’ll admit. For coming in second, I had to come up here, in front of everyone today, and present some marvelous, promising speech. As long as I’m being honest, I wanna say that the
thought
of having hundreds of people listening to what I have to say makes my knees shake.
The thought.
By some miracle I’m still going.” Everyone smiled encouragingly, grinning at her truthful rant.

“I want to thank my family: Mom, Dad, Nina,” she continued, the shakiness returning, “for showing me just how tough life can be, and for making me appreciate my life and how easy it’s been so far, compared to theirs; before I go on to conquer a mortgage and electric bills and pressure at work.” I registered that she was tearing up as she continued. “I also want to thank the amazing friends I’ve made this past year at HSA… If it wasn’t for you guys, I think
all
I’d have to take with me after graduation is the title of salutatorian. You have challenged and taught me in areas Calculus couldn’t cover – trust, hope, love… I wouldn’t have any memories worth revisiting were it not for you.”

“I love you,
Em!” a faint yell from the crowd was heard, making everyone laugh. Lily.

“I love you, too, Lily,”
Em laughed, wiping a few tears as she continued. “Ugh,” she sighed, chuckling sheepishly and shaking her head before continuing. “The point I’m trying to make is… we’re
graduating
.” Our entire class cheered at that one. “There’s no more homework due Friday; no more braving the mystery meat at the cafeteria with friends… there’s a whole new pressure to deal with. It’s not getting into college anymore, we’ve done that. It’s being successful that we have to strive for now;
staying
in college, definitely.” Students snickered. “We’re going to be saying goodbye to our life here; to teachers, maybe even friends. I’m supposed to stand here and tell you, indirectly and gracefully, that we’re ready for all the hell that’s about to be thrown our way.”

She paused, scanning the crowd one last time. “I’d rather be honest and tell you that we’re not.”


The confusion was evident on everyone’s faces.

“When a baby bird’s mother pushes her chick out of the nest, he falls. And I mean
plummets
,” she explained. I could see the beginning signs of a smile forming on her face. “After the initial shock, change of scenery and loss of comfort zone, the little guy’s instincts kick in. His wings expand and he flaps them as fast as physically possible – his life depends on it. Sure enough, fifteen feet from the ground, almost out of the blue, that little trooper shoots right back up. He’s ready to take on life, all the while Momma Bird’s chirping, completely ecstatic because he’s not depending on her anymore to bring all the worms home.”

Smiles are visible once again.

“Family, friends, faculty, and fellow peers,” she concluded, as advised, “we, the class of 2011, are baby birds ourselves. And right now, we’re free-falling. Rest assured, we’re not
only
gonna fly… We’re gonna soar.”

Everyone shot up out of their seats, a chorus of applause, cheers, and whistles erupting from the crowd.

“Thank you,” she grinned, before exiting the stage and finding her way back to her seat.

My eyes never left her.

***

“Smile,” Millicent encouraged with a scarily large grin, holding the camera up as my father stood next to me and I held up my diploma. I actually did smile as a felt pressure on my shoulder, realizing it was attributed to my Dad’s hand.

“Beautiful,” she smiled, “Now with Holly.”

“I’ll take that one; you should be in one, honey,” my father said, stepping forward with an outstretched hand.

“Let me,” a third-party voice offered.

“Emmy!” Holly exclaimed, applauding.

“Oh, thank you, Emery,” Millicent smiled, hoisting Holly up and pulling the family together. Needless to say I felt incredibly fake, forcing a smile for the sake of a picture.

“Perfect,” she said with a voice as soft and meek as the smile she displayed.

“Speaking of perfect,” Millicent giggled, checking the picture on the screen and nodding with approval. “That speech, honey… tremendous job. I got it all on film.”

I noticed a cute, familiar tinge of color on
Em’s cheeks as she chuckled and shrugged. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“Amazing job,” my father commended as well. That I hadn’t expected.

“Thank you, sir,” she replied, smiling before turning her attention to the person who was seeking it most. She twirled Holly around in circles with her finger before being called away by Lily.