Where Words Fail (7 page)

I spun back on my heel and took off again. I don’t know where I went or how I even got there but shit I was lost in Boston. With no bodyguard... By the time I realized I was lost, it was too late to turn around and try to find my way back on foot and leave enough time to get ready for the show. So I hailed the first cab I saw and booked back to the TD Garden. The cabbie eyed me the whole way there after asking me about twelve times if I was ok. After he dropped me off, I rushed around back and flew down the hallways till I found my dressing room... And one pissed off Paul, who lit into me the second I was behind closed doors.

Paul was a big guy, bigger than that fucker Jameson... And built like you would expect a bodyguard to be. I had gone through five other guys after we hit it big before I finally threw a fit, and our old label let me choose one on my own. After a few interviews, I settled on Paul. Not only did he make me feel safe just sitting with me drinking coffee, but he instantly reminded me of my dad... Or what I could remember about him anyway.

“Where in the hell have you been young lady!”

“Out...” I cringed as I slid back into the chair and let Tuesday, my best friend and one of the best hair and makeup people I’ve ever met, make me look like a rock star. She sure had her work cut out for her tonight.

“Don’t you dare! I’ve been worried sick about you. You can’t just take off by yourself in the middle of the city! Are you crazy?”

“Some would think,” I mumbled to myself

“And just where the hell was your cell phone during this whole...” He waved his hands around. “Disaster. Hell, I don’t even know what to call tonight. Christ, first Jameson needed stitches in his face because evidently you tried to kick his ass. Second, I find out you ran off and didn’t even tell me. AJ and Jason were screaming because they couldn’t get ahold of you. And then,
then
Alex calls me because you hung up on him and now your phone is off.” Ha! Jameson needed stitches. I snickered at that, I couldn’t help it. Serves that asshole right. “Now... I suggest you start talking.”

I stared at him through the mirror. The stress from tonight was written all over his face. Anger was evident in his eyes, but behind that was something else. Fear. He was scared something had happened to me.

“I was upset. Ok. Worse than I’ve ever been while on tour. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I was taking off but I didn’t really think about it until I was ready to come back. I had my phone with me, but... I kind of took the battery out so I didn’t have to deal with anything. Again... I’m so sorry Paul and I hate to ask you this... But can you book me a hotel for tonight. I can’t get back on that bus yet.” I twisted my fingers together in my lap as Tuesday applied the final touches to my face before shooing me away to get dressed. She knew I loved her, but she also knew when Paul was reprimanding me to stay the hell out of it.

I stood in the wing of the stage as our opener, Ever After, finished up their last few songs. They were a good band. Great music, intense lyrics and hot band members. Everything was pointing in their favor. The fact that they were on tour with us helped them a lot too. They didn’t know I requested them when Alex played their demo for me. They also didn’t know that I was the other owner of the label.

Jameson

Talk about watching your whole life fall apart. I couldn’t get Abby to talk to me when I chased after her. Not that I knew what to say, but still. She rattled off everything I figured she had thought after I left, and it killed me. I never wanted to leave Abby, hell I was so in love with her. It hurt. It still hurts. If it hadn’t been for my father, I would have probably asked her to marry me when she was old enough.

I expected the anger. I understood the tears. They killed me to see, but I totally understood them. What I didn’t expect was for her to run away and then show up right on time for the show looking like nothing had happened. If it hadn’t been for the fact that she ignored all of us before going on stage no one would have known anything had happened. She had herself locked down and ready for the show.

After the guys had screamed and yelled at me for a while I finally got a word in and asked about Abby. They had calmed down enough to tell me she would be fine. She would be on time and bring her A game. They were right. Never underestimate the power of a pissed off woman who just happens to be a major rocker.

She brought everything she had and then some. The crowd
loved it
! She was everywhere on that stage tonight, and included everyone. She rocked out to the upbeat songs, engaging the crowd with every word. The slower, more intense songs, well, it was like she was pouring all her emotions out.

Abby glanced at me no more than twice throughout the show until the last two songs. They were songs I didn’t know we were doing until after she started it. I saw her whisper in Jason and AJ’s ears. She must have told them what they were. They just nodded and flashed me a look that screamed pity. I knew by the beginning notes that every word in these songs, were aimed straight at me...

“Alright everyone, we’re going to go out tonight doing a cover of two songs we’ve never done on stage before and they’re a little different than what we usually do. These go out to a certain someone.”

She started out with Puddle of Mudd’s
She Hates Me
. She sang to the crowd until the chorus came around. Then she glared at me while she sang. Fuck... If looks could kill... I played along, doing my job, all the while dying on the inside. And she tried to kill me with her eyes.

Abby finished up the show with Three Days Grace’s
I Hate Everything About You
and disappeared. Neither of the guys knew where she went. She had avoided all the press after the show, which according to just about
everyone,
had never happened before. She was gone and so was Paul. I figured she just went straight back to the bus but when we finally managed to get back there she was still MIA.

Abby

“I... C-can’t ... Believe him Paul...” I sobbed. My head had been cradled on his lap for the entire hour since we’ve arrived at the hotel. His hand running through my hair while he handed me tissue upon tissue. I hate men. “Why couldn’t he just leave me alone?”

Paul rented a hotel room, like I asked him to. I just couldn’t go back to the bus and face Jameson. I even skipped all my obligations after the show and that right there didn’t help my head any either. When I asked Paul for help, I figured he would rent the room and the one next to it, so he could keep an eye on me. He knows how I get when I’m like this.

Never in a million years had I expected him to act like the father I saw him as, but he shocked me when he sat down and told me to spill. And oh lord did I spill. Everything from how I felt when I first met Jameson to the morning I found out he had left to earlier when I found out that Jameson was Jamie and everything in between.

“Because boys are stupid.” An hour of me bawling and one line like that out of this big burly man’s mouth had me giggling. “Think that’s funny, huh? It’s true. We do stupid things like break amazing girl’s hearts and then expect them to forgive and forget. Sometimes with a good reason... Sometimes it’s just mainly because we’re stupid.”

I let that settle in for a few minutes. “So Mr. Smartypants... How did you get so smart about broken hearts?”

“Well beautiful... I was that stupid boy once... And I still haven’t gotten over it.” His fingers continued to stroke through my hair. He talked until he noticed my eyes drifting closed. Telling me about the girl he walked away from and how stupid it had been and how he would do anything to hold her in his arms again. But that wasn’t possible, because she had died two months after he left her. Now I wanted to cry for Paul too.

“I love you, Paul.”

“I love you too, Abby.”

“You’re the best pseudo dad a girl could ask for.” I heard the laughter rumble through his chest as I fell asleep.

I woke up in bed a few hours later to the hushed angry wrath of Paul. Except for the first time in a long time, it wasn’t towards me, but towards whoever he was on the phone with. I rolled over and stared at the clock. Six thirty seven freakin am. I’d have to get up soon so I can make it to Bangor in time for sound check since I didn’t stay on the bus.

Whose dumb idea was the hotel room again? Oh, that’s right... Mine... Stupid boys…

“Now you listen here Mr. Masters. That girl in the other room sleeping right now means the world to me. She’s had a rough night. Her brother is dying, and she’s lost everyone in the world that cares about her for something other than a paycheck. I will
not
let you put the blame on her. She’s missed this one signing in the whole time I’ve been with her. She didn’t miss the show. It wasn’t an interview. She didn’t go out partying and she wasn’t starting fights. She was here, with me, crying her eyes out till she fell asleep... Yes sir I have seen the TMZ reports.” Shit, I knew that fight with Jameson outside was going to bite me in the ass “... Yes that’s part of it... No, it’s not my place to tell you... Nope, I doubt she’ll tell you either... With all due respect, sir, this is Abby. She’d never let anything jeopardize her position on stage or as the boss. I promise on my job that she will be at that show tonight in Bangor. I’ll drive her there myself. Yes... Thank you, you too.”

I walked out of the doorway that I was standing in while watching Paul protect me. He was now staring out the window of the hotel room. I grew up with only two people in my life that would stand up and protect me. Alex and AJ. Jason and Derek joined those ranks after all of us had been together for a while. Wow, standing here having listened to Paul, it flew around my mind that if I hadn’t considered him family, as my dad, he officially had that role now.

Sliding myself between his body and the window, I wrapped my arms around him and settled my face against his chest. He sighed, slipped his cell back into his pocket and kissed me on the head.

“I suppose we should get going huh?” I whispered into his shirt.

Abby

Jake Owen’s
Tell Me
streamed through the speakers of the rented Chevy Tahoe as my toes tapped away on the dash. How fitting. The song ended, just like everything else in my life had ended, not knowing why I can’t let go...

Just as we were hitting Portland, I slide my finger across the screen to answer my phone and hit the speaker button. “Good morning Maggie.” Paul had always gotten a kick out of the things that come out of Maggie’s mouth, so I let him listen.

“Abby, have you seen everything that’s going on? Christ I don’t even know where to begin with the damage control.” Damage control. I wished I could pay my lovely publicist Maggie to do damage control on my heart... “Damn, if you went by what the Internet is saying the whole band is breaking up because you’re carrying Jameson’s child and that’s the real reason Derek went to rehab... That he was doing drugs to get over you. What the hell is going on, Abby?”

Paul snorted and I almost doubled over trying to keep myself from laughing. The stupid things that people come up with sometimes... I mean, really... Come on!

“Abby! This is not funny. This is harder to fix than the bar brawl!” That made me laugh even harder.

“Maggie, calm down. It’s not that bad!”