Whatever It Takes (Second Chances #2) (5 page)

CHAPTER SEVEN

tess

I
tucked Noah into his car seat, thinking of all the things I’d wanted to hurl back at Seth but hadn’t. Instead, I’d run like the loser I was.

I should have stood up for myself, for Noah too, but seeing Ryan there with a beautiful woman who clearly had it together threw me for a huge loop.

They looked like they belonged together. I saw the way he took her hand after Noah and I had gone back to the table where I’d left my books. They walked toward the exit hand in hand, heads bent together.

They didn’t belong together; they
were
together.

He’d fixed my car only because that’s who Ryan was. At least now I knew and could stop playing the what-if game that had been on loop inside my head since Friday when he walked me to my door and something seemed to spark to life between us. It was all in my head apparently.

Except my brain didn’t get the memo and my dreams were filled with Ryan. Every time, we would be living in our house with the blue door when that girl would come waltzing in and take his hand and they would walk out together. He’d never say a single word to me as he left.

I didn’t need a shrink to see the significance of that dream.

It wasn’t until the following Wednesday night, when I was mixing drinks for the guys who came to see the girls stripping onstage, that something clicked. I had nothing to be ashamed of. I had a plan, and circumstances changed. I would have done anything to protect Noah and would keep doing it. I didn’t give a shit what anyone thought.

“Hope that glare isn’t for me,” Eve said. “You are shooting some serious daggers, girl.” She was one of the waitresses who skillfully moved through a sea of roving hands to deliver longnecks and cocktails.

“Sorry.” I turned my attention back to the bottles in front of me. I wasn’t really friends with any of the other girls. I tried to keep this job and my life as separate as possible.

Eve leaned back against the bar, her elbows resting on the gleaming wood. “Let me guess. A man?”

I lifted the glass I was holding and tilted it toward her.

“If you ask me, anything that has a dick
is
a dick. That’s why I don’t do men.” She grinned at me and it took a minute to get what she was saying. When my eyes widened she laughed. “Yep, I like my men with a little more curves and a lot less stick.”

Wow. I’d been working there a little over a year and I had no idea.

It wasn’t any surprise I didn’t know, except I assumed anyone working in a strip club liked guys. Not really sure why I thought that, though, now that I knew. It’s not like the girls even used their real names here, me included. My name was Darla between the hours of five and one.

Everyone had a life outside these walls that we didn’t talk about.

I glanced at Eve from under my eyelashes. She really was stunning. Her caramel-colored skin practically glowed under the dim lights, and she had the longest black hair, which brushed over her back when she walked. She rocked the tiny shorts and bustier the waitresses had to wear, and more than one guy turned his attention from the stage when she was nearby.

“You thinkin’ about switching teams, sugar?” Eve purred. When I caught her eye she winked. Oh.
Oh.

I could feel the heat climbing up my face. “No,” I stammered.

I felt her gaze run down over me. I didn’t have to wear the tiny shorts, but the black leather pants sat low on my hips and I did have on the requisite bustier. My makeup was heavier and my eyes smokier than normal. And Glen, the club owner, insisted I wear my hair in two pigtails, and it felt ridiculous every time I did it, but he was the boss and I needed the job.

“A shame,” she said. “Let me know if you ever get curious.” Then she stacked her drinks on a tray and sauntered away.

Some kind of planet had to be in some kind of retrograde because this week was off the charts. First Ryan, then that ass Seth, and now Eve. Up, down, up. Which meant down was next. Perfect.

I’d had about enough down to last awhile.

Fully done with my pity party for one, I got to work on the next order. The hours flew by and suddenly it was time to clean up. I tidied as I went, so there was never much to do except carry the tray of dirty glasses back to the kitchen.

Then I could put down my towel, grab my purse, and go home.

I reached under the counter and grabbed my envelope. I got to keep my tips from the bar, and the girls all gave me 10 percent of their tips. Tonight had been slow but steady, which meant I should have about one-fifty. Enough to catch up the electric bill that I had to postpone because of my car.

Thinking about my car had me thinking about Ryan. I needed to stop doing that. I was a capable independent woman who could take care of herself. And yes, maybe I was a bit lonely for company, but I had lots of options if I really wanted to. Men were everywhere at work.

A few regulars slipped me their numbers every once in a while. The logistics would be tricky—I would never take a guy back to the apartment, not with Noah there, but what did that leave? His place or a hotel room? That just wasn’t me.

So for over a year, it had just been me and a lot of batteries.

Not that Ryan was even an option. I had burned that bridge years ago, unfortunately. Because damn, he had grown into one fine-looking man. Not that looks were the end all. I could tell he hadn’t changed much from the boy I knew. He was still easygoing; he didn’t tell me to go straight to hell when he saw me. He was generous: who else would have fixed my car for practically nothing? And he was nice to Noah. Not once did I see Ryan look at Noah like he was a nuisance. Even after a couple of hours of Noah “helping” under the hood.

The questions in his eyes when we were done were what stayed with me. He never asked, but I wanted to tell him so badly. No one really cared to know, because everyone thought the same thing. No one knew what I gave up to keep Noah with me.

The looks. The assumptions. Most negative. Some kind in a comrade sense.

I just wished that one person knew the truth.

And the fact that I wanted to tell it all to Ryan threw me. I walked away to be so much more and yet wanted him to know about my lowest point? Why would I want to open up to him of all people?

Physical attraction.

That was feasible.

He reminded me of what I was missing. That’s all. His touch did things I hadn’t felt in a while. And the fact that I knew what his mouth felt like, even if it had been seven years, only made me wonder if it had changed.

Natural curiosity.

Healthy curiosity.

Curiosity killed that damned cat.

God, I hoped I wasn’t the cat.

These were the thoughts that ran through my head as I walked to my car. I waved to Jesse, the big brute bouncer who made sure we all got out safely, and made the ten-minute drive home. Louisa slipped out after I gave her a check for seventy-five dollars for looking after Noah for this week. I liked to prepay her so that I knew it was taken care of.

I knew how lucky I was that I had found her. Not only did Noah like her, but I trusted her and she charged me half of what anyone else would cost, especially this late into the night or morning as it were.
I’m awake anyway, and I know how hard it is. I’d love to help.

Without her, I’d never be able to keep on top of everything.

After a quick check on Noah, I went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. Pulling the elastic bands out of my hair always made me sigh in relief. I loved washing off work and settling into my favorite worn pajama pants and a tank top.

It took me about an hour to wind down on the nights I worked, so I grabbed one of my textbooks and a snack and settled on the couch with my laptop. I had a paper due tomorrow in English, and I was almost done proofreading it.

It had taken me two years to finish my sophomore year of college. The first year after I moved back to take care of Noah was still a blur. I did nothing but panic a lot and cry. Sink or swim when it comes to a one-and-a-half-year-old. That’s when my father had threatened me with losing Noah.

So I enrolled in an online course through the local community college and got a job working nights. Two years later and I was only a class away from my AS degree in business. Once upon a time, I dreamed of being an astronomer. Reality set in after I got guardianship of Noah. Business was much more practical and would make it easier to find a job after I graduated. I did use my electives to take astronomy classes, though.

I hit Send on the assignment and powered down my laptop. Once the grade posted and the semester ended next week, I’d be done and somehow managed to keep a 3.99 average the whole time.

Noah would be ready for preschool this fall, which would make taking on-campus college courses easier. I knew there were already programs to help with the cost of child care, but I hadn’t used any yet. I wanted to make sure that Noah had adjusted to all the change in his young life before I thrust him into another new situation.

And selfishly, I loved spending my days with him before I went to work, even if it meant late nights of studying. Plus, if we had to move again, if I got accepted into a program at whatever university would take me, I didn’t want to have to pull him away from any new friends he might make.

Provided I got into one. All I had to do was figure out where I could go to finish my BA while still working somewhere that paid decently.

It was a lot, and it might even take me four more years, but I was going to succeed.

I had to start applying to in-state schools soon, and as a last resort, a few out of state just in case. Tuition would be a lot more than if I stayed in North Carolina, where I was a resident, so I was really hoping I got lucky and could stay.

It didn’t even matter which school, as long as they had a bachelor’s program for business management, which most did.

After tucking my books back into my bag, I pushed the light switch and headed down the hallway in the dark. This place wasn’t much and we didn’t have much, but this was all me. Somehow I’d managed to survive the past two years.

And I’d make it through the next five, the next ten—because failing wasn’t an option.

I wasn’t the same girl I was before all this. I was stronger. More determined. Nothing—and no one—was going to make me apologize for any of it.

Damn anyone who tried.

CHAPTER EIGHT

ryan

“
S
o why didn’t you tell me that you’d run into Tess?” Seth asked, trying way too hard to be casual. He’d apologized for Sunday when he got there, but I knew that the only reason he did was because Avery put him up to it.

It was Wednesday night and we were tinkering under the hood of his truck. He kept it at his old trailer—well, it was really his now, even though he stayed with Avery most nights. Seth’s stepfather never actually put the thing in his name, so it was deeded to Seth’s mom, who had died years earlier. As the eldest child, it went to him. He rarely even went inside. There were way too many bad memories there for him to deal with.

“Didn’t seem like a big deal,” I said, making my tone equally neutral as I reached for a wrench. “Saw her, gave her a ride, then fixed her starter, then said see ya.”

I really didn’t expect to see her again. The park was a fluke. That we were both there on Sunday.

“She tell you what the deal was with the kid?”

The way he said it, so condescending and judgmental, made anger flare in my gut. Seth was normally the last guy to pass judgment on anyone’s choices. “His name is Noah,” I ground out.

“Whoa. Hold the fucking fort. Why the hell are you getting all defensive? You met the kid, like, once. All I was asking was did she tell you anything?”

I stood up and tossed the wrench into my toolbox. We’d barely spoken since his dickheadedness at the park, and when he came over looking for help with his truck, I thought it was a peace offering. Clearly not so much. “Yeah, man. Right between the starter and spark plug she spilled her guts and told me her entire fucking life story.”

“Jesus, Ry, chill out. What the hell is up with you?”

I pushed back from the truck and walked over to the front steps of Seth’s trailer. He had a cooler of beer next to them, so I grabbed one. I couldn’t answer him because I didn’t have a clue. Seeing Tess had scrambled things in my head.

Color me twenty shades of surprised when the first thing I felt was attraction to her, not anger. Maybe I just hadn’t reconciled the woman she was now with the girl who broke my heart. My brain hadn’t quite caught up yet.

When it did, I could stop thinking about her.

“I saw the way you were looking at her,” he said, coming over to sit. He wiped the grease off his hands and tossed the towel on the ground. “Didn’t look like much has changed.”

“For fuck’s sake, Seth, what’s your problem?” I didn’t know why he was pushing it so far. Even if I did decide that I was going to see her again, it wasn’t up to him. He might be my best friend, but he’d done a lot of shit I told him not to do.

“I was there after she left. If you don’t remember how destructive you got, then I’ll be happy to remind you.” And he would list every single thing I did in those weeks after too.

“She’s not fucking Melissa, okay? She wasn’t using me for anything,” I ground out. I knew it was dirty to bring up the pretty little rich girl who’d broken Seth’s heart when we were younger, but dude was pushing all the wrong buttons. “When she left I was hurt, pissed off even, but we were kids. Her grandmother got sick and her father stepped up. She had opportunities that she never would have stuck where we were. I don’t blame her for wanting something better.”

Maybe that was the draw to her. I needed her to know that whatever happened back then was in the past. Seeing her again was my chance to really put it behind me. Closure or some bullshit like that.

It had nothing to do with the emotions that flickered through her eyes when I stared at her lips too long, or the way her breath caught when we got too close to each other.

It definitely had nothing to do with the urge to rediscover how she felt under my fingers, or how she tasted, or what sounds she made when she was on the verge of letting go.

None of those things mattered.

And I’ve got some beachfront property in Iowa to sell you too
, my mind snorted.

Seth reached over and grabbed a beer, then leaned back against the door. “I just don’t get how you’re not pissed at her. After what she did . . .”

I shrugged. I didn’t have an answer for that because I knew I should be at least a little peeved at her still. Your first heartbreak is a big deal. “I’m not fifteen anymore. We all made mistakes. It was a long time ago.” Did Seth want everyone judging him by the shit he did when he was younger, or even more recently? I’d bet no.

“She’s in your head already, isn’t she?” Seth asked. “Why?”

It was a legit question. Seth had been the one who made sure I stayed out of trouble during those months after Tess walked. I wanted to break things. Do stupid shit to make me forget about her. He let me get it out of my system, but he also stayed right there making sure I didn’t get too stupid. Dangerous stupid. Juvie stupid.

“I don’t know, man. When I saw her in the grocery, it was sort of the collide-with-a-train feeling. Then when I was helping her with the car and everything, there were times when . . .” I scrubbed my hand over my face.

“When?” Seth prodded.

“She looked so damned lost. Like she was a breath away from breaking into a million pieces.” I’d seen her crying before I knocked on the window of her car that day in the store parking lot. It tore me apart not to be able to reach in and pull her out, tell her everything was going to be okay, but as soon as she saw me there, she straightened her shoulders and gave me the
I dare you to pity me
look. She had a strength inside her that made me proud. Out of everything that had happened, she hadn’t lost that.

Seth pointed his beer bottle at me. “Folks, we have a winner. Ding. Ding. Ding. That right there is the answer.”

“Huh?”

“
You
are a saver. You have a fucking hero complex the size of Texas. You take care of people without anyone even asking. Your dad. Me. Sara. It’s what you do. It’s who you are, man.” Satisfied with his Freudian analysis of me, Seth sat back and took a long draw off his beer.

“And
you
are full of shit,” I said, even though I knew it was true. I had felt like a knight coming to the rescue of the princess when I walked across that parking lot on Friday. Fuck me.

“So what you need to do is stay away from her. If you can’t see her being all ‘Save me, Ryan’ ”—he wiggled his fingers and pitched his voice to sound like a girl—“then you won’t feel the need to swoop in and take care of her. Problem solved.”

“Didn’t realize there was a problem in the first place.” I finished my beer and tossed the empty bottle into the can by the door.

Seth sighed. “Just promise me you won’t do anything stupid, okay? You got a good thing going on with your job and Shari. You said it yourself: you aren’t looking for a relationship. You got everything you want. Enjoy it, man. Why rock the boat?”

I shook my head. “You’re so full of shit, man. Last week you were telling me to get serious about someone. Now you’re saying leave things the way they are. You need to decide which person you want me to be here.”

Seth turned and looked me straight in the eye. “No, bro,” he said. “You do.”

W
hy rock the boat?

That was exactly what I was asking myself the following Saturday morning when I pulled up outside Tess’s apartment with a chai latte, a chocolate milk, and a bag that had three doughnuts and a Danish inside.

I knew she was home because her white Honda was parked in the same spot as before.

I could still drive away. There was no rule that said just because you drove to a girl’s house you had to knock on the door. Seth’s voice pounded in my head. Seriously, what the hell was I doing?

Checking on her car. Any good mechanic always follows up. That’s the excuse I’d come up with earlier. Which was complete bullshit because most don’t even care if they fixed it right the first time. But before I could change my mind and restart my truck, the second-floor door opened and Noah bounded out and jumped down the steps, one at a time.

He glanced over his shoulder and I waited, but Tess wasn’t behind him.

He hit the sidewalk and ran over to Tess’s car, then pulled on the door handle in the back. I took the keys out of the ignition and pushed out of the truck. I couldn’t imagine Tess would just let him run around outside by himself, not after the look she had on her face at the park when she’d lost track of him for a minute.

With the coffee and paper bag in hand, I sauntered across the parking lot.

Noah was pulling on the handle harder now and trying to see into the car window. I looked around but there wasn’t anyone else in the parking lot. God, how long would it take some nut job to swipe a kid? Goose bumps sprang up on my arms.

“Hey, buddy, whatcha looking for?” I asked, leaning an elbow against the roof.

Noah looked up, his eyes wide with fear before he saw me. His face immediately lit up. “Hey, Ryan. I was just lookin’ for my red car. I lost it.” Now a frown turned his mouth down.

“Maybe you should ask Tess to help you? Does she know you’re outside by yourself?” If I hadn’t come by this morning, Noah would have been out here alone. “Where is Tess anyway?”

Noah ducked his head. “In the shower.”

Yeah. I needed to get him upstairs in a hurry.

“How about if I carry you and you carry breakfast?”

His eyes lit up when he saw the brown paper bag. “’Kay.”

He was squirmy and warm and smelled like soap and still had on his dinosaur pajamas and no shoes. It made me wonder again where his dad was.

“So you know how to unlock the door, huh, buddy?” I wondered if Tess knew this.

“In case of ’mergency,” he said importantly.

I chuckled as we made it up the stairs and I was trying to figure out how to knock on the door with my hands full of coffee and a kid when it flew open. Tess slammed into my chest, then took a step back. Her eyes were wide and her gaze slashed from me to Noah.

“Found him trying to get his toy out of the car,” I said.

It may have sounded more like a croak, though, because Tess was standing there with wet hair clinging to her face in nothing but a towel. A not very big towel that barely covered the parts that counted. What was I doing there again? My mind was blank.

Water droplets clung to her skin and glistened in the sunlight. I tried very hard not to swallow my tongue. Or lean over and lick them off. Jesus. I took a step back and exhaled.

“Noah Riley Maxwell.” Her voice was high-pitched and it shook as she tried to keep it steady.

Noah’s bottom lip shot out and started to tremble. “I couldn’t find my red car.”

“You know you are never supposed to go outside without an adult. What if . . .” She took in a ragged breath and then shook her head. Fear had been shining out of her eyes, but now relief mixed in with it. “You need to go to your room for a time-out, and then we are going to talk about this.”

I set him down, and he walked toward the back of the apartment with his head hanging down.

He almost made it to the bedroom door when I whispered, “He has the bag of doughnuts I brought. There’s a Danish in it for you too. You don’t even have to get dressed either.”

I grinned and let myself have one more thorough look. Temptation proved too much and I reached out and used my thumb to wipe off a stray drop of water from her collarbone. We both froze and surprise flickered across her face. I heard her breath catch in her throat and damned if it didn’t make my jeans too tight in the time it took me to exhale and step back.

Her eyes went wide and her gaze darted from the coffee to my face and back. Then she seemed to remember that she was wearing nothing but a towel, because she squeaked and stumbled away toward the bedroom, clutching her towel tight.

“I’ll be right back,” she mumbled, turning three shades of red.

I stood there like an idiot holding the coffee and staring after her. What the hell was that? I didn’t mean to wipe that drop away, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. And I fucking carried Noah up the stairs with his arms wrapped around my neck.

Warning bells should be ringing the fuck out of my head right now.

Where were they?

I set the coffee down on the table, clasped both hands behind my neck, and looked up at the ceiling. I should go. I should never have even come. It seemed like a good idea when I was getting dressed earlier, and once I thought about it, it was like there was a fire under my ass to get here.

Now, my feet were stuck in quicksand.

Shit.

I heard a door open and Tess came out in a flowy tank top and her cutoff shorts. Her hair was still wet, but she’d brushed it. She also had the bag.

“I confiscated it, but not before he ate two.” She shook her head. “Thank you. For bringing him back up. When I got out of the shower and couldn’t find him . . . God, he knows better. I showed him how to unlock the door only in case there was a fire or something. I never thought he’d just go outside.” Her hand started to shake, and I grabbed the chai latte from the holder and gave it to her.

“I think he was headed right back up once he figured out the car door was locked,” I offered.