UNFORGETTABLE (Able Series Book 3) (18 page)

“I’m scared.” My voice breaks as the heavy fog of fear tries to veil me, yet again.

Tami’s fingers wipe away the few tears that finally fall on my face while she silently and patiently waits for me. “I’ll help you. You can’t receive anything if your arms are closed off, babe.”

Doubts still linger and a few sharp arrows still make their way to inflict fear, but knowing she’s going to walk me through it gives me courage. So, I nod, but she arches her brow, wanting to hear me say the words. Knowing that once those words leave my mouth, I’ll die trying to honor them.

“I’ll try. For you, I’ll try through the pain and fear.”

As soon as those words leave my mouth, she slams her lips against mine as if she wants to relieve every pain I’ve ever felt for losing each of my babies. Every swipe of her soft lips against mine brings comfort to my heavy heart. I don’t know if she’ll ever know how deeply she affects me. Her presence gives me peace, but her touch—her touch alone covers any guilt, shame, weakness, and fear. While her lips continue to graze mine, I allow myself to immerse in their pleasure and the sufficiency they give my mind and heart.

Breaking the kiss she whispers against my lips, “How about we sleep? Tomorrow, I know I’ll be assaulted with wedding plans.”

“I want to get married as soon as possible. I also want to try. . . .”

She silences me with her finger on my mouth. “Okay. May I add that we’ve already started the process.”

As we both smile at each other, I carry her back to our bed to sleep this time. I’ve given her body a good pounding which probably helped with the glow she’s wearing right now. As I lay here, I calm my over active imagination thinking she’s already pregnant. Surprisingly, all these thoughts lull me to sleep.

Even before the sun breaks through the clouds, the need to take Tami once again is relentless. I kiss her neck, then with my tongue, I make lazy circles as I palm her ass.

“Hmmm, morning, honey,” she purrs as she stretches like a Cheshire cat with her ass saying hello to my hard dick.

“Do you want me?”

“Always.”

“Need to go to work.”

“Hmmm, work on me, first. I’m already wet, this won’t take long.”

She surprises me and abruptly turns, wasting no time pushing down my pajama bottoms. She straddles me as she guides my hard dick inside her while her mouth takes mine hungrily. So, our love dance starts, and while our tongues waltz seductively against each other, her thrusts are the exact opposite. She’s taking me hard and quick to the edge of oblivion, and she’s the only person I’d go there with.

TAMI

It’s been a month since the proposal. With everything going on with the planning of our quickie wedding, I’m so stressed out. To top it off, I’ve been feeling sick. I dare not mention this to Brian, because all he’ll do is worry about me.

Neil claps, distracting me from my inner thoughts. “Chop, chop, Mama Cougar; there’s so many things to be done! Dress, flowers, entourage selection, venue, food, cake, band, song. Oh, the list goes on and on and on,” Neil’s rant just keeps going and going.

“We need to share the load or split it because we can’t waste any time. We have to hit this hard and fast. We need a frontal and rear attack; you know, double penetration to get a lot of things done. Moving at the speed of light, no time for foreplay. Definitely, no time for indecisions. We go in full force, and boom we have an intense climactic experience.”

“Oh, Roxy, I like the way you’re thinking. All the push and pull in your brain makes me all kinds of bothered. Though, all this physical exertion may cause me to gasp for breath; let me assure you, I will pump it up with everything I’ve got!”

I start laughing at the double entendre bantering Roxy and Neil have going on. There’s definitely not a dull moment when these two are together.

“We’ve decided. We’d like our wedding to be in my parents’ backyard, reception and everything. I know it’s where my dad would want it.”

On cue, Roxy cries, “OMG, he’ll love that. I can see it, now. I’ll be a blubbering mess that day.”

“I can picture it in my mind. Mason jars hanging on the trees and along the cabana, tea lights spread across the pool, chairs with beige Bengaline cover and gold ribbon on the back. Neil, can you call Beth and ask her where we can purchase wedding wagons for the quads? I want the girls to be my flower girls and the boys the ring bearers.”

Neil starts scribbling and tapping on his phone. Roxy is on the computer checking out chair rentals, while my mind is working nonstop. Hopefully, we can achieve everything I’ve pictured in my brain. I force myself to concentrate on running payroll and answering emails as my assistants are getting things in order.

Between Roxy and Neil showing me pictures of chairs, chair covers, cake designs, flowers, wedding invites, wedding favors and menus, I’m surprised my eyes aren’t crossed at this point. About the same time Roxy’s stomach starts making strange noises, my world starts spinning and my hands feel clammy. Instinctively, I close my eyes, slowly lean against the back of my chair, and start taking deep breaths, hoping I’ll feel better.

“Time to eeeat,” Neil’s voice gradually fades once he sees the current state I’m in.

“Neil, I don’t feel right,” A weak mumble escapes me.

Roxy’s worried voice alarms me even more, “You want me to call Brian?”

“I think we should take her to the hospital! She needs Dr. Doug Rosenthal!” Neil’s frantic voice sends my emotions in overdrive.

“Neil! Seriously, we have a situation here. Stop thinking of George Clooney!” Roxy yells making me wince.

“Okay, fine! But, we need to Will Smith her ass out of here!”

“That’s one of my favorite movies—Hancock. Yeah!” Roxy bellows again.

“Oh, honey, that movie got my attention from the word ‘cock’!”

I shake my head, praying their overreaction and crazy antics will stop soon because they’re just adding to my stress. It seems my deep breaths are working since the spinning stopped. Cautiously, I open my eyes, and anxious eyes greet me.

“Are you pregnant?” Of course, Roxy doesn’t waste any time.

Not wanting her to be overly excited I answer, “No.” I groan. “I think I’m just hungry. It’s way past lunch, just get me something to eat, Neil. Please.”

“When was your last period?”

“Okay, chica, I’m buying food. I’ll be right back.”

“Tami, answer me! When was your last period?”

I loudly groan while closing my eyes again, hoping she’d stop asking questions, but no such luck. After a couple of seconds without hearing a squeak from her, I open one eye to check if she’s left me alone—again, no such luck.

“Roxy, I’m expecting Aunt Flow next week. So, no, I’m not pregnant.”

“But. . . . but. . . .”

I snap my finger at her to wake her up from her open-eyed daydreaming. “Please, no buts. You’re forgetting I was pregnant before, and I’m telling you right now, I didn’t feel like this, then.”

“Just promise me, when you don’t get Aunt Flow next week, you’ll take a test.”

To appease and stop her nonsense, I nod my head in agreement since arguing with her is too tiring. A couple of minutes later, Neil walks in with food, and like hungry pigs, we annihilate it. What a difference food makes, that’s all I’m saying. Once the food settles in, I feel like a million bucks; and four hours later, we’re ready to go home. Finally!

Seeing Jake’s Suburban and my mom’s new Mercedes in the driveway puts a smile on my face, knowing the quads are in the house. Until God blesses me with one of my own, I’m going to love on and spoil my nieces and nephews rotten.

“Hello? Anybody home?”

Squeals coming from Jillian greet me, but when my eyes land on Brian with Jaelin in his arms as she coos and he listens, my heart hurts. The hurt is brought on by sadness for something we so very much crave. At the same time, my heart bursts in happiness knowing my soon to be husband, if blessed with a child, will be one of the best fathers I’ll ever know. Just then, his eyes lock with mine and the same emotions swirling inside of mine dance in his.

The same feeling—different intensity.

While my happiness overpowers the hurt, his is the reverse. He’s drowning in longing, the depth of which no one knows. How I wish I could yell at the top of my voice, ‘I am pregnant’ to wipe away his sadness, but I can’t. I often wonder how long our wait will be. As he releases my eyes and gives his sole attention back to Jaelin, my feet stay glued to the floor.

“He’ll be an amazing father, Tami. You just wait,” Trish says, nudging me.

My mom hugs me from behind then says, “Tami, it’ll happen when you least expect it. Patience, honey. Brian needs you to be that for the both of you, because his heart won’t allow him to be as patient as you would like him to be. Be his steady heart in this.”

With my heart in my throat, I squeak out, “How much longer, mom?”

“We’re all praying, sweetheart. It’ll happen, just have faith. Believe it.”

I’m just glad my mom can read me like my dad. God knows I need them more now than I’ve ever needed them. If there were ever a time I wouldn’t mind being the indecisive one, it would be at this very moment. I don’t hate him for it, I just wish I didn’t have to be the strong one in this part of our life.

BRIAN

A MONTH AFTER I PROPOSED
we thought we won the lottery, but after taking three pregnancy tests, the results disappointed both of us. I don’t even know why I thought it would be any different. It’s either we lose a child, or not get pregnant at all. But persistence is Tami’s middle name, so we keep trying; but the emotional toll of ‘trying’ is getting to a point where I don’t even want to try anymore.

I constantly fight the dreaded what-ifs and the whys or the-its-not-worth-its of life. I feel like an addict . . . I’m addicted to fear. It serves no purpose, but I bow to its power. It’s insignificant, yet I value it. I’m tired of its existence, but I nurture it. At least I still
try
. . . this I tell myself over and over again like a damn cheer to make myself feel better.

Why?

I don’t know.

I’ll keep on believing—believing until it’s a reality.

Until reality hits, and I succumb to its truth.

Truth I refuse to accept.

Truth I deny.

Truth I hate.

What is the truth?

There’s no baby. No life forming in Tami’s womb. Nothing but a hollow space, its emptiness fills me with pain. A longing I can’t explain. A need I can’t satisfy.

Cody’s hand hitting my shoulder jolts me to the present. “Hey, snap out of it. You’re starting to freak me out, man. What gives?”

I don’t know whether to tell him or not, knowing there’s a chance he may not understand my feelings, after all his wife’s belly keeps on growing and growing. A life—a baby is inside of Roxy while. . . .

“Nothing. I’m fine. Wedding jitters, that’s all.”

Skeptically looking at me he counters, “I don’t think so. You and Tami are unbendable; once you’re sure, that’s it. No ifs, ands, or buts. So, the jitters excuse doesn’t work. Try a new one, maybe I’ll stop harassing you. Make it believable, though.”

Pushing my chair back, leaning my forearm on my knee as I look at the floor and confess, “We’ve been trying and trying, but nothing is happening. I’m getting frustrated while Tami is still confident everything will work out. I’m at the point where I don’t want to fucking try anymore.”

“Look at me. What I have to tell you needs to be said face to face.”

I want to refuse, but I don’t because he won’t stop. He’s persistent, just like his wife. How I wish I had half of their persistence plus Tami’s in my system; it might just do me good.

“What?” I stare him straight in the eyes.

“First, since when do you give up? Second, if you can’t get it the first time, try again. You don’t nail it the second time, do it all over. You don’t ace it the next, do it a different way. But, never, ever give up.”

“Easy for you to say, your wife’s pregnant! What do you know? You don’t know how and what I feel, or what Tami feels.” Frustration evident in my tone, it’s practically seeping out of me.

“So, talk to me. I get it; you want to have a baby. We’re all praying for it to happen. Problem is, it’s not on your time or mine. Not on Tami’s, either. You know who the timing belongs to. Now, if you want to argue with Him, go ahead. Let me know if you win that debate, alright?”

“I’m not questioning His timing!”

He’s quick to answer while I’m grasping for excuses. “Sure, you’re not. You wouldn’t be pissed off if you weren’t questioning Him, okay? Instead of asking when, why don’t you just leave it all up to Him.”

“You want me to wait while emptiness occupies my brain, but you know what’s worse than emptiness? It’s the feeling of brokenness—being useless when I witness her crying alone, by herself, because she doesn’t want to worry me even more. She can’t even share her own disappointment because of me. Funny thing is, I know it’s me, I just don’t know how to shake this damn feeling.”

“Brian, fear is a constant. Tessa is still out there doing God knows what, and I’m terrified of it every single day. Jake, on more than one occasion, has told me every time he feels bad, or he needs to go for his routine checkups, it still scares the shit out of him. What I’m trying to say is, don’t focus on it too much. Sure, think about it, but damn, don’t obsess over it. Don’t do it.”