Authors: Jessie M.
Well fuck me sideways,
I'd never have thought of this on my own. It seems Nate's a real Romeo at heart.
He's suddenly on a roll with his Romeo tips and I soak it all up like a sponge. “A big bottle of perfume is a good one. Girls love that stuff. But make sure it's an expensive eau de parfum type, a classy one, like Chanel, Dior, Issy Miyake or something hot and 'in' - ask the sales girl, she'll know. Jewellery is always a hit, a charm bracelet, necklace or earrings... real gemstones, like sapphires or emeralds, diamonds are the best but obviously cost a packet... even minute ones... And take her for a day out somewhere, if you can get her to go. But it's got to be fun and non threatening like the seaside, a theme park, even Colchester fucking zoo... maybe a picnic in Castle park...”
“Okay I get it. Girly gifts, romantic words, nice days out.”
“
So I take it you're not coming fishing with us for a while?” He says with a laugh.
“
No. I've only got one fish in my mind. Eden is it.”
“
Well who'd have thought, eh? Josh and Eden. Fuck! Can I tell Cal?”
“
Sure, you can both have a fucking big laugh at my expense.”
“
No, I'm pleased for you mate. Really I am. It's about time you had a real relationship with someone. And you already know all about her. She couldn't be a better choice. Good on 'ya Josh.”
=== * ===
I spend the afternoon at work in a happier frame of mind. I like the rose idea. I'm going to go to Eden's house tonight and offer her my first gift. Hopefully she won't hit me over the head with it. I'm not expecting her to give in very easily. She's a stubborn little bitch. Way too proud at times. It'll take more than a while, I'm sure of that.
I tell Eden I'm taking a quick 'bathroom break' and nip out to the florist around the corner for my rose. I see a very pale pink one. The florist calls it a blush. That sounds cute enough to win it for me. I ask her to put a matching bow on it and she wraps it in cellophane and gives me a tiny gift card. I'm more than happy with my gift and very pleased with myself. I scoot back to the gym and sneak it inside my locker, in a cup of water and then go off to think what to write on the card.
I settle on a simple “I Love You” It's not sickly lovey dovey. It's nice and sweet. I'm just starting out. She can get the full depth of my steamy romantic imagination further down the line.
I leave the gym after our usual Saturday clean up with my rose inside my holdall. I wait in my car for a half an hour to make sure she's settled in at home. I'm feeling nervous and excited about my visit.
I knock on her door and stand waiting with it hidden behind my back. She opens it and looks at me in surprise.
“
Oh... What's up?”
“
I just dropped by to give you something.” I edge past her sideways into the hallway.
“
What's that?”
I lean forward and drop a very sexy smoochy kiss on the side of her surprised mouth and place my prized gift in her hand.
The shock on her face is adorable. She is blushing and smiling a little too.
What a result!
I've never seen Eden blush before. I'm going to leave now while she's all flustered. I quickly put my head in the door of the living room first.
“
Hi Lorraine.” I give her a wave. She looks up from her book and gives me a big smile.
“
Hello Josh.”
Oh good, she remembers my name now.
I'm out of the door with a smile on my face. She didn't hit me over the head with it anyway. It's a good start. I drive home thinking of my next step forward.
I arrive home and find a text from Eden. I read it three times.
“
Thank you, it's lovely and I love you too.”
I'm careful with my reply, I don't want to overdo it and spoil the moment.
“ x :) ”
She seems to like that as soon I get a kiss back...
“ x ”
I feel like I want to drive back over there and kiss her like crazy. But I won't of course. On with my plan. Step two. A day out tomorrow. I'm taking Eden and Lorraine to Hedingham Castle for a picnic, if she agrees. The weather is supposed to be good tomorrow, I checked already. I'll call her in an hour or two, leave her in rose mood for the moment.
I drop in on Father. He is reading a Bernard Cornwell novel in his favourite chair. Dani is not with him this weekend. I bravely ask him about her.
“
No lovely Danielle this weekend?”
“
No, I don't think she'll be coming to stay again.”
“
Oh, why's that?” I hold my breath as a heatwave flashes through me.
“
I've cooled it off if you must know.” I let my breath out in relief. Not that I expected her to tell my father about us. She would never do that, I'm positive of it.
“
But I thought you got on so well?” I know it's selfish of me but this makes my life so much easier. I would never be tempted by Danielle, not ever again, but facing her and living with our major indiscretion on a regular basis would have been so difficult for the both of us.
“
Oh we do, but I had to admit to us both that she's far too young for me. She needs someone with a younger outlook. She's closer to your age than mine, you know.”
Don't I fucking know it...
“
What did she say?”
“
I believe her exact words were
'It's probably best, the age gap was bothering me too'
.”
“
You're still friends though?”
“
Of course we are. She'll always be a good friend. I'll take her for lunch now and then. Our work lives intersect quite often.”
I'm still loaded down with guilt about what I did with Danielle and I suppose I will be for a long, long time. I deserve that. It's my load to bear and I've got to live with it. At least Father ended it between them. If it had been her I would have felt even more guilty.
“That's good then. Ummm, I've just had a thought, fancy coming over to the stable for dinner?”
“
That's very good of you. I'd like that. When shall I come?”
“
Now if you like, it won't take long to cook it. Bring your book, just in case we run out of small talk.”
“
Ha ha, you do have a rather pointed sense of humour at times, don't you son?”
“
I'd call it a touch of witty sarcasm, but pointed humour sounds much better. Coming then?”
He closes his book and follows me across the forecourt and into my stable for the first time ever.
We manage to maintain a reasonable level of conversation here and there. He doesn't need to resort to his book anyway, which is a good sign. I suppose we're starting from scratch all over again. It'll take a while to get used to each other.
After my pasta and salad dinner, which I make more of an effort with than I usually do, my father returns home and I get stuck into my next law assignment for an hour. It's Saturday night and I'm studying and I don't fucking mind at all. How about that for a mature attitude!
At nine thirty when I call her.
“
What are you and Mum up to tomorrow?”
“
Nothing much, maybe some food shopping if I can face it, why?”
“
Fancy coming out for a picnic with me?”
“
No.”
“
Why not?”
“
I know what you're doing Josh. It won't work, this little plan you're scheming up.”
“
I'm not
'doing'
or '
scheming
' anything. It's just a day out. Can I take your mum anyway?”
“
Don't be stupid.”
“
What's stupid about it? She likes going out and I like taking her.”
“
Okay. Be my guest. What time?”
“
About 11... And I'd love you to come along. I'm going to Hedingham Castle, it's pretty there, lovely grounds to wander around, ornamental gardens, woods and a lake with swans...”
Not my usual cup of tea at all, to be honest, but who knows I might even enjoy myself...
“
I don't know. I might. I'll think about it.” She'll come, I'm sure of it.
I'm still trying to keep the smile off my face as the three of us wander around the castle, which, we are informed by the guidebook, is a 900 year old Norman keep. It's not a traditional looking castle, more like a wide tower, but actually quite fascinating inside.
Lorraine is in seventh heaven when she spots a Hedingham Swans puzzle in the gift shop, which of course I buy for her. How could I not?
I take Eden's hand as we stroll back across the vast lawns towards the car to collect our food for the picnic. She doesn't try to wriggle out of my grasp, that's good.
“
I was wondering, would you and mum like dinner at mine again this week?”
“
Not a good idea, not after last time.”
“
I'll sleep on the sofa if you want to have a drink and stay.” She stops walking and turns to face me.
“
Josh no... What are you doing? Being all sweet and thoughtful all the time. Me and mum... all this togetherness. It's just not you, is it?”
“
I've had a life changing moment.”
“
Oh yeah? Want to tell me about it?”
“
I'm a new me. I've given it all up. The clubbing, the drinking, the partying. I've outgrown it, I don't want or need that anymore. You know what I want.”
“
I not sure I believe you really could give all that up, not for me or anyone.”
“
I wouldn't lie to you about that and I'm determined to stick to it.”
“
It doesn't matter anyway. You're not the faithful sort. You've told me that yourself.”
“
I've never had the chance to try. I'd like to think I am.”
“
Well I'm not being your guinea pig, sorry.”
“
Let's not spoil our day out. If you don't want to go any further with me then I'll have to accept that, won't I? I want to go back to how things were, but in future I'm going to be a real best friend to you. I haven't been around enough in the past, have I? And I really like your mum, you know, I think she likes me too. I miss mine a lot, she's half way around the world. Look, I want to be with you more, that's all. I love you and always will, no matter what. I'm happy if you're happy... What d'you say?”
“
You know I'm so relieved we've sorted this out, because to be honest I felt so awkward about us after the other night. I know it was my fault for letting it go too far. I was on the brink of giving in to the temptation... You were so right, I shouldn't have started all that stuff off. Let's put it down to the drink, hmmm?” She gives me a beautiful smile which almost has me on my knees begging her to kiss me again. “Thanks so much Josh, really. For being a lovely friend and helping me with mum. It's such a big responsibility, I worry about things and I get so lonely at times. I do need to talk to someone who understands like you do. And I'd love you to come round anytime, I mean it. Come for dinner tomorrow.”
She gives me a big hug and my eyes fill up. I can't stand this 'no man's land' I'm in with her. I'm beginning to understand the other side of being in love, the dark side. My heart feels like it's dying in her hands and it's positively painful. Fucking agony in fact. I pull myself together and clear my choked up throat. I move away and force myself to give her a little smile. I'll have to be so very subtle from now on. I can't keep buying her things and writing her little love notes, I can tell that's not going to cut it on it's own. I need to win her round through my actions and just be there for her. I know she needs me. I know she loves me. I even know she wants me. I just need to get her to trust me. But that's the hardest thing of all. Earning her trust. Especially when you're starting off from my 'lowest of the low' level.
“I'd love that and I promise I'll get over whenever I can. I'm making a big effort and studying properly now. I want to get my degree done fast. I should have worked harder at it from the beginning. My marks haven't been too great so now I've got to do goddamn extra assignments, to pass the next module with a higher average. Anyway, you and Mum are welcome to come over to mine as well. For a change of scene, whenever you want.”
“
You know I really can't believe the difference in you. What the fuck happened?”
“
I woke up to myself and I didn't like what I saw. In fact I hated myself.”
“
Really, but why?”
“
No respect. No conscience. No discipline. No purpose. Immaturity. Shall I go on?”
“
Oh dear, you really have been doing some soul searching, haven't you... Fuck...”
“
Yeah, well it had to happen some time, didn't it?”
=== * ===
I get back home late in the afternoon after dropping my girls off after our picnic. Father and Luke have left for London already. I am just about to start to make myself some dinner when I suddenly get a text from Keira.
“I'm ready to tell you everything now.”
I call her.
“Okay, so tell me...Why can't you leave?”
“
My dad owes him a ton of money and my brother works for him.”
“
So...?”
“
They'll end up with some part of their body broken, removed... or worse.”
“
Very nice I'm sure... So how did you meet this charmer?”
“
He asked me out one night, in a club in Ipswich. I was 20 then. I didn't know at the time but he already knew who I was. I fell for him straight away, he was so good looking, really sexy - lots of money – nice to me... I moved in with him after just a week together. But a few weeks later I found out who and what he was and didn't want to be involved in all that, but he wouldn't let me go... He said something might happen to my family if I tried to leave him... He pushed me around quite a lot at the beginning, nothing really rough, just enough to get his message across. I don't provoke him anymore. I just keep the peace and we get along okay, more than okay to be honest. He can be quite lovely at times but so controlling and domineering at others. I feel like I'm one of his possessions. A pretty little doll.”
“
So far I'm not warming to him at all... Does he let you have visitors?”
“
My dad and brother and three of my friends come to the house now and then. He doesn't mind me calling them and texting. He even lets me go to see them, if Carter waits outside.”
“
I need your friends names and addresses. They could help.”
“
Ok, later.”
What's Andrew's full name, and age, by the way?”
“Andrew Rhys Knight and he's 30 next Saturday.”
“
What about your mum, where's she?”
“
She died in a car accident, when I was 13. That's why Dad got in a mess financially. He's had problems holding down a job all his life, he has manic depression you see. Mum was the one who earned most of the money at home. She was the top stylist in the best hair salon in Ipswich. Dad owes such a lot of money to Andrew. That's another one of his unsavoury businesses. Loans... highly expensive and sometimes violent ones.”
“
And your brother, what about him?”
“
He's 20, he got in with a bad crowd, and ended up being one of Andrew's drug pushers and runners and now does the big runs and other stuff.”
“
You really think Andrew will harm your family?”
“
I don't know, he's only ever hinted at it. It could be an empty threat but I just can't take the chance, can I? He's a really ruthless hard bastard underneath it all. He always has to have his own way, be the winner with everything. He's the top dog, you know.”
“
Right, I can work with some of this. I'll discuss it with my brother. Carry on as normal okay...”
“
We're going on holiday to Jamaica for two weeks from Thursday. It makes life better for a while being away. I get lots more freedom when I'm away with him. But I'll be as normal as I can. Not much choice really.”
“
Have a lovely holiday then.”
“
I wish I was going with you.”
“
I already have a girlfriend.”
“
A serious one?”
“
Very serious.”
“
I get the message.”
“
Bye then Keira”
“
Bye.”
I call Luke as soon as I finish with Keira.
“Found out any more about my friend's case I mentioned?”
“
Haven't had time. But I hope you don't mind. I did ask Sarah to do some research for you. Go and speak to her.”
“
Luke...! This was supposed to be a secret between us.”
“
She won't tell anyone. I promise you.”
“
Okay. I'll go have a word with her right now.” I clicked off.
Yep, no time like the present. I set off for the gatehouse. Sarah's car is there. I knock on the door and she opens it peeping around the door curiously. As we live in the middle of nowhere I don't suppose she gets many callers.
“Hi, got a minute?” I ask pleasantly with a smile.
“
Oh hello Josh, come in.” She opens the door and I go inside. “Go through.” I walk into their living room. I haven't been in here for ages. Possibly a whole year. I stand awkwardly in the middle of the room. I look at her for a moment, she's wearing yoga gear, very nice indeed... I've always seen her dressed more formally than this. Perfectly manicured like a blond ice queen of law. At the moment she looks a hell of a lot different with her hair down and so very casual. She's a very cute solicitor, that's for sure. I take my mind out of cutie mode. This is the new me. “So? What's the reason for this unexpected visit?”
“
Luke told me you can help me with my friend's problem,”
“
Oh that. Yes, I did have a good rummage around for you actually. Here, I've written it all down.” She hands me a notebook from the side table. I flick through and see pages of beautifully neat handwriting. Well at least I'll be able to read it, even if I don't understand it all. “Fancy a drink? Tea, coffee, a glass of something else?”
“
Whatever you're having Sarah, thanks.” I sit on the sofa and start to read what she has written. Some of it is making sense in my partly educated legal brain. She returns with a glass of red wine and sits next to me. Somewhat
too
closely, to my mind.
“
Want some help?” She asks, leaning against my arm.
I sip my wine and shake my head, closing the notebook. “I'll read through it later and come back if I get stuck. It's really good of you, thanks.”
“No problem. Anything for Lukey's cute little brother.” She leans away from me, turning slightly.
“
Not so much of the little if you don't mind. I'm bigger than Luke in every way and twenty five years old. I think I'm well past the little brother stage.”
So, she thinks I'm cute, does she?
“
I'm twenty five, you know. Twenty six in two weeks actually.”
“
Two months to go for me... D'you mind me asking you something?”
“
Go on...”
“
Do you get bored being here all week on your own?”
“
It's only 4 evenings really, isn't it? I'm at work all day. I go to Yoga class one evening, meet my friends in town another. So no, I don't really get bored as such.”
“
Well you're welcome to come for dinner at the stable if you like, in any case. It's an open invitation. I just thought I'd offer you some company now and then, that's all.” I'm trying to forge a better relationship with my
almost
sister-in-law.
“
Maybe I will. Thanks for the offer.” She jumps back into the corner of the large sofa cross legged, yoga style and studies me intently.
“
What?” I don't like being scrutinised so openly.
“
It's strange you know, you and Luke look so similar, and yet you're such different personalities.”
“
You think so... that we look similar, I mean?”
“
He's more polished, you're the raw version.” I smile at her description. It sounds quite sexy in fact.
Fuck, I hope she's not hitting on me.
“
Ha ha, I'll take my rawness any day, who the fuck needs polish?”
“
You think you're so irresistible and hot, don't you?” There's a funny little smile on her face. I can't work it out.
Christ almighty, is she flirting or something worse? I don't know...
I'm not sure what she's up to and definitely not hanging around any longer to find out. I'll give her a taste of my usual cocky lip and go.
“
I don't just think I am, I know...” I give her a quick eye flash and a cheeky grin. She giggles at my reply “Look, I'd better go now, I need to read your notes and do some important stuff at home.” I quickly take the last gulp of my wine and get up to go. I'm pretty sure she's just winding me up, at least I hope so. Sarah is one place I'm never going.