Thursday (Timeless Series #4) (11 page)

He had a good point but I still felt deceitful if I kept seeing him.

“Maybe sometime down the road. But for right now, no.”

Cade finally gave up because he knew I wouldn’t budge. “If that’s how you feel I respect it.”

“Thank you…”

“Well, are you ready to go?”

I nodded and hoped the drive home wouldn’t feel awkward.

***

He walked me to my door then faced me. “I had a great time tonight—even though I got dumped.” He chuckled and put his hands in his pockets.

“You didn’t get dumped.”

“Pretty much.”

“I’ll probably regret this sometime down the road.”

He shrugged. “I’m a pretty good guy but I’m nothing special. You’re a ten and I’m like a five.”

I busted up laughing because it was ridiculous. “You have those numbers flipped.”

“Do not.” He gave me a playful tap with his foot.

“Yes, you do. Or you’re blind.”

“Maybe you’re delirious from the painkillers.”

I looked into my purse and pulled out my keys. “I really don’t think so.”

He watched my movements until I met his gaze. Then he took a step toward me, his hand still in his pockets. “Kiss goodbye?”

“I guess.” What was the harm in that?

He pressed his mouth against mine and gave me a closed mouth kiss. It was strictly PG but there was a hint of a spark there. But it was nothing like the fire I felt with Axel when we slept together, not that I should be comparing. “Good night.”

“Good night, Cade.” I watched him walk down the path to his truck. Most women would tell me I was stupid for kicking Cade to the side, but I had to stop the relationship before it became serious. If I didn’t see it working out now, why would it work out later? It was better to save us both the heartache.

When I heard the sound of footsteps on the lawn I turned around to see Axel standing there. He had a bag of groceries in one arm and a pale look on his face. He stared at me without reacting, every thought and emotion blocked off from me.

I assumed he went home by this time of night and hadn’t expected him to show up at this hour. He usually had to work late on Wednesdays. And I definitely didn’t expect him to appear out of nowhere. His car wasn’t around so he must have borrowed Francesca’s.

I stared at him and didn’t know what to say. The guilt flooded through me, like I’d been caught doing something I shouldn’t. I wanted to apologize but what do I apologize for?

He stopped on the grass and stared me down, the bag still in his arms. He didn’t give his thoughts away in his eyes. Everything in his mind was a mystery to me. Then he started walking again, heading right to the front door. He walked past me without looking at me.

I felt like shit.

I followed him inside and watched him set the bag of groceries on the table. Even then, I had no idea what was going on between Axel and I. We never talked about anything romantic but I always felt it in the air. The chemistry was there, and the more time we spent together a connection formed. Somehow, I felt like I betrayed him. “Axel—”

“I just wanted to drop these off on my way home.” His voice came out normal, like nothing just happened. “I’ve got to run.”

“Axel, let me explain.” He needed to know that I just broke it off with Cade. “I’m not seeing—”

“I have a date tonight so I really need to get going.” He walked around me and headed to the door.

Wait, what?
“You have a date tonight?”

He stopped on the doorstep and looked at me. “Not so much a date as friendly fucking.” He walked down the steps and headed to Francesca’s car. “I’m sure you and Cade just did the same.”

Stupidity

Axel

I was sitting at a bar at eleven o’ clock on a Wednesday night. My beer sat in front of me and I searched for a woman to bring back to my place. So far, I hadn’t seen anyone I liked.

When I saw her with Cade I snapped.

I assumed she stopped seeing him because he didn’t come around anymore. I was by her side at the hospital the entire time and not once did he make an appearance. If he didn’t show up for that, I just assumed he was out of the picture.

Despite the anger I knew I was overreacting—and being unfair. Marie never said a word to me about a relationship between us, and I claimed I didn’t want one at all. We hadn’t even had a conversation about it.

She didn’t owe me anything.

But when I saw them kissing on her doorstep I was pissed. I’d been waiting on her hand-and-foot, taking her to school every day, cooking for her, and picking up her meds. I didn’t mind doing those things and I certainly didn’t expect anything in return but…I didn’t like her being with someone else.

Was I the biggest asshole in the world?

A pretty brunette walked inside so I made my move. I left my beer on the table and engaged her in conversation. I did my usual moves, making a few jokes and giving her some sexy smolders. Within twenty minutes, she was down to get funky.

We stood together near the bathrooms and that’s when I kissed her. I dug my hand into her hair and felt the strands. They were nothing like Marie’s. They weren’t soft and delicate. In fact, they were a little tangled. Our kiss didn’t send shivers down my spine. I felt like I was having a dream, one where I couldn’t feel anything in reality.

I realized I was just forcing it, trying to screw someone so I could forget about the way Marie screwed Cade. I was seriously screwed up in the head and I didn’t know how to fix it.

But this wasn’t the solution.

“I’m sorry.” I broke apart and stepped back. “I just realized I have to be somewhere…”

“Uh…okay.” She gave me an incredulous look, like I must be crazy to walk away from a guaranteed lay.

“Good night.” I left the bar and felt the guilt on my shoulders. Marie was seeing someone else, and I wasn’t even seeing her. So I didn’t do anything wrong. There was no one to betray. But I felt like I did something terrible, something unforgivable.

I needed some serious help.

***

I didn’t want to take Marie to school but I refused to flake on her. She was depending on me, and I was a man of my word. I picked up her morning coffee like usual then pulled up to the curb.

She spotted me through the window and she couldn’t hide her look of surprise. She hadn’t been anticipating me to show up.

That hurt.

She came to the car and got into the passenger seat. She was dead quiet, and she didn’t look at me.

Once her safety belt was on I drove off. Thankfully, the radio was on so there was something to listen to. She and I didn’t speak to each other. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t have a clue what to say. How did I explain my behavior last night without having a conversation I didn’t want to have? She must think I’m pathetic, getting upset over something that I had no right to be upset about. I felt like a high school girl starting drama for no reason.

I arrived at her building and put the car in park.

She stayed in the seat like she might say something. But the silence lingered on eternally. She turned her face toward me slightly then turned away. The door opened and she stepped out, leaving her untouched coffee behind.

Then she walked away.

***

When I picked her up I expected another round of silence. The car ride would be painfully awkward, probably worse than the first one. I pulled up to the curve and watched her get inside from my peripheral. Her arm was still in a sling but she handled it well.

She shut the door and hastened her safety belt. And just like before, she ignored me.

I drove back to her house and tried to focus on the music from the radio. If I paid attention to the purposeful way she turned her head the way, I felt my insides boil. Getting her home as quickly as possible was the priority.

I parked at the curb in front of her house and we both walked inside. Francesca was a pain in the ass but I had to check on her. With Marie’s disability and medication she couldn’t handle everything on her own.

Unfortunately.

We walked inside and I walked down the hall to check on Francesca. Like always, she was lying in bed doing absolutely nothing. “Let’s go for a walk or something.” She’d get a blood clot if she just sat there all day.

“Muh.”

I wanted to rip her head off. “Do you have any idea how pathetic you are?”

She stayed silent.

“I’ve never been more disappointed in you in my life.” I shut the door and walked back into the kitchen.

Marie had just unpacked her laptop and notebook. She stared at me coldly, judging me for the harsh things I just said. “I know she needs to get off her ass but stop talking to her like that.”

“I can say whatever the hell I want.” We were talking about Francesca but it felt like we were talking about something else.

She tossed her bag on the table then stared at me with one arm on her hip. “You’re an insensitive jerk.”

“You’re a whore.”

Her eyes widened to the size of tennis balls. The fire burned across her face and she was about to explode. She gave me the fiercest look I’d ever seen in my life.

But I didn’t need to see it to know what I said was unforgiveable. “I’m sorry. I take that back.”

She still seethed quietly, her anger palpable.

“I didn’t mean it.” I lost my temper and did something idiotic. I insulted someone I respected more than anyone else. Whatever feelings I was experiencing…I wasn’t handling them very well.

“How was your date?” she sneered. “I mean, friendly fucking?”

“It was great. Thanks for asking.” I didn’t sleep with anyone but I did kiss someone. But I let the lie continue, not wanting her to understand how I felt about her.

She shook her head and looked down. “I feel so stupid…” Her voice was hardly coherent because she was speaking to herself, not me.

“Sorry?”

“Nothing.” She sat down and opened her laptop, dismissing the conversation.

“No. Tell me.” I stepped closer to her, needing to know what she said. Somehow, I knew it was important.

She started her computer then looked up at me, giving me a look of sheer disappointment. “For some inexplicable reason I thought there might be something between us. I can’t explain why. We’ve never talked about it but it didn’t seem like we needed to. I felt guilty for seeing Cade knowing it wasn’t going to go anywhere so I broke it off that night.”

She dumped him?

“But if I’d known you were screwing around and had no problem calling me a whore, then I might have done otherwise.” She pressed her lips tightly together and shook her head. Then she turned her gaze to the computer screen and ignored me. “It was a stupid decision…”

I was frozen in place, unable to believe what I just heard. “If you broke it off with him why did you kiss him?”

“A kiss goodbye. It was innocent.”

Now I hated myself for flipping out. I stormed off that night without turning back. And then I made out with that chick in the bar… “I overreacted that night. I’m not even sure what happened. I just…snapped.”

Her eyes were glued to her computer.

“I lied about having a date. I just said that because I was pissed off.”

She slowly turned her gaze back to me.

I omitted the part about the girl. If she kissed Cade that same night then we were even. There wasn’t any point in bringing it up. It wasn’t like I slept with her. “I don’t know what’s going on between us either. But I know what you’re talking about…I’ve noticed it.”

Now her eyes were glued to mine.

I watched her and hoped she would say something.

She didn’t.

I pulled out the chair then sat beside her, wanting to be close to her. She wore make up so the tiny freckles I once noticed were gone. Her eyes were still the same, lively and green. I was standing on a precipice of fear. I didn’t know which way I wanted to sway, if I wanted to sway at all. I’d always assumed I’d settle down with a girl if I found the right one, but now that was a possibility I wasn’t sure what I wanted. Could I really handle a relationship? Would I just screw it up?

“I liked Cade but when you started coming around…I thought about him less.” She shut her laptop, and when it closed it made a quiet clicking noise. “Anytime I was with him I thought about you. It got to the point where I felt deceitful. Cade and I were never serious but I felt terrible for leading him on.”

Never serious? “You sleep with guys and still don’t think it’s serious?” My jealousy got to me again and I wished I could control it. I didn’t even have a right to be jealous. “I’m sorry…I take that back too.”

“So, you can sleep around but I can’t? That makes me a whore and it has no barring on your reputation?” She shook her head slightly. “I’m not into bigots and I didn’t realize you were one of them.”

This conversation was taking another nosedive. “That’s not what I said, and it’s certainly not what I meant. When you brought Cade here a few months ago…it bothered me. That’s all.”

Marie narrowed her eyes on my face as she processed what I said. Her eyebrows relaxed when she realized something. “I never slept with Cade. He spent the night one time because he was too drunk to drive home. That’s all.”

Choir music began to play in my head.

“At the time I didn’t think you cared either way.”

“I didn’t think I did either.”

She eyed the table between us, her hands resting on her laptop. She cleared her throat then released a quiet sigh.

I stared at her and tried to think of the next thing to say.

She looked up at me, her green eyes intoxicating. They pulled me in time and time again.

I wasn’t sure where we went from here.

“So…now what?”

“I don’t know.” I’d been battling my feelings for a long time. Every time I tried to convince myself my feelings for Marie were platonic I failed. Even when I tried to stop myself, I still noticed the curve of her lips and the softness of her hair. Details that I always considered irrelevant were somehow vital to my survival.

She stared at her fingers before she returned her gaze to me. “Well…maybe we should go out.”

I wanted to take her out on a date. I’d wine and dine her and walk her to her doorstep. That seemed easy to go. When I thought about everything else a date would entail it made me antsy. I’d already slept with her but now it was different. That was a lifetime ago and she was a different woman. Now I couldn’t wait to kiss those lips slowly, to treasure the way they felt against my mouth. I wanted to cherish her naked body and take my time. I wanted to really feel her, not rush through it to the finish line. I didn’t want to fuck. I wanted to make love. And I wanted it so much it hurt sometimes.

But then I thought about everything else that entailed. She was my sister’s best friend. If it didn’t work out between us, and knowing me it wouldn’t, it would affect their friendship. It would affect my relationship with Francesca. It had the capability of destroying everything around us. Marie was the definition of a real woman, and I was afraid I wasn’t man enough to handle her. What if I became a coward and deserted her when she needed me most? Francesca already strayed down that path and she was the stronger one of the two of us. Would I succumb when things got difficult? Was I just as pathetic as my own father?

Marie kept staring at me, waiting for a response.

My mind flooded with thoughts and doubts. I liked Marie—a lot. But I wasn’t sure if I could give her everything she wanted. Fidelity wasn’t an issue. I hadn’t been with anyone since we started spending time together. But there was so much more to a relationship and I knew I was lacking in every department. “I don’t think that’s a good idea…”

Marie tried to hide the hurt on her face but it was impossible. Her eyes crinkled in sadness, like I just said the worst thing imaginable. Her reaction was slow, as if she thought she misheard me. When she looked down and avoided my look altogether I knew she’d been struck harshly.

“I really like you, Marie. That’s not the problem.”

“You enjoy your freedom too much?” She turned back to her laptop and opened it, dismissing the conversation.

“No, not at all.” When Hawke pointed out I’d been faithful to a woman I wasn’t even seeing it freaked me out.  “You’re Francesca’s best friend and I’m her brother. If things get messy…it could affect all three of us.”

She nodded in understanding. “I guess you’re right.”

“If it doesn’t work out…we could have more problems. And honestly, I don’t know anything about relationships. More than likely, I’d just screw ours up. Then it would be awkward forever.”

“I guess it’s just as well.” Her voice changed, coming out stronger. “Our situation isn’t exactly what I’m looking for anyway.”