The Stillness Of You (20 page)

The barn
was quiet, the far corner lit up with these big ass lights Georgia
had brought in. Canvases were piled up along the wall to my left,
some empty, most of them filled with dark images. She was good, but
I wasn’t exactly into the stuff she was painting. It was too dark.
Too raw and it fucking confused me.

How could
someone so light and beautiful produce these images of abstract
faces with slashed eyes, some covered as if they were prisoners,
some not, and mouths open in silent screams?

Hell, I didn’t
know anything about art though even my untrained eye knew they were
good. But they were creepy.

The thing
of it was, I’d hang one up in my front hall if she asked me too.
I’d hang one of those fuckers up in every single room in my house
if she asked me to. I’d put one above my bed, or over the mirror in
my bathroom. Hell, I’d hang one on the front door if she would just
explain them to me.

They meant
something, I just didn’t know what, but considering they scared the
shit out of me, I had a feeling it wasn’t anything good.

Tense, I
shook out my hands and watched her.

The canvas was
on an angle and I couldn’t see what she was working on, but her
nose was wrinkled up something fierce, her hair a mad pile on top
of her head. Smudges of dark color slashed across her cheeks, and
the white tank top she wore had ridden up so that her belly button
peeked out.

Her cut off
shorts were damn sexy and I think I might have growled like an
animal—a fucking dog—because suddenly she glanced up and my body
went still at the look in her eyes.

“
Don’t
come closer.” She shook her head slowly and put down her brush. “I
don’t want you to see this. It’s a surprise.” The smile that fell
across her face was one I would keep in my head forever. It was
unguarded. Pure.

And at the
moment it was all for me.

“Hey,” I
managed to say.

“Hey yourself,”
she replied with a soft giggle and then she ran toward me and
didn’t stop until she was in my arms with her legs wrapped around
my waist.

The girl was
covered in paint and still smelled like summer. How the hell was
that possible?

She kissed me,
her mouth hot, her tongue insistent and all coherent thought flew
out of my head. It was gone. Everything was gone except Georgia. I
was so hot for this girl that she could reduce me to a pile of
aching need in seconds.

My hands
splayed across her ass and I held for as long as I could, our
mouths taking from each other as if we hadn’t kissed in days. Or
weeks.

I managed
to break contact and tried to speak. I think I might have said
something like,
babe, we gotta go—
or not—because she slid down my body, her hands
gripping my shorts and pulling them with her as she
went.

That was
all it took. It was game on and I was more than ready.

Her
cheeks were flushed, her hair had fallen out of the clip thing on
top of her head and she was reaching for the edge of her tank top
as I stepped out of my shorts and moved toward her. I didn’t give
her time to completely undress. The sight of her perfect, round
tits was enough to make me come apart and I yanked open her shorts
and pushed them down enough for me to get a glimpse of
her.

She was
fucking commando. Again. Jesus Christ, this girl was killing
me.

“
Condoms,” I said roughly, my hand between her legs, my
fingers already inside her.

She stared up
at me, breasts heaving, and groaned as my fingers found her
spot—the one that made her tremble—and it was the hottest sound
ever. I gotta tell you, there’s nothing better for a guy than
knowing you could make your girl sound as if she was losing her
mind when your hands were on her.

“Front
pocket…shorts,” she managed to say on a gasp.

For the
past two weeks we’d been going at it like sex was new. Like we were
never going to see each other again and we had condoms stashed all
over the place. My bedroom. The kitchen. The bathroom. The deck.
The barn.

Her shorts were
halfway down her thighs, and I reached inside the pocket, found a
condom and then yanked her shorts all the way off.

Georgia
didn’t say anything. She just looked up at me with this unreadable
expression and I exhaled roughly as I struggled to get the condom
on my dick. I was so hard and ready and—I glanced at her
again—anxious.

Her fingers
reached for me and she finished the job in silence and when she
looked up it felt as if my world had just tipped a little off its
axis.

She made this
sound in the back of her throat, the one that could bring me to my
knees, and I gave my head a shake, needing a bit of clarity as I
reached for her, wanting her so badly it was all I could think
about.

Being
inside her. And sure, I was going all Tarzan on her, but I wanted
to claim her. Brand her.

I didn’t want
anyone else touching her.

I backed her up
to the wall and just as her mouth opened beneath mine, I brought
her knee as high as it would go and then I was inside her.

I groaned into
her mouth. “God, babe you feel so fucking good.”

Then I
deepened the kiss, though I kept my eyes open—I couldn’t take them
off her—because something was happening. Some shift in the
universe…some crack in my heart.

I watched
as her pupils dilated, as her tongue licked the edges of her mouth.
I watched as her breasts rose and fell every time I drew out slowly
and then thrust back inside her body.

There
were no words. Just the feel of her frantic heart, the look in her
eyes, and the vague notion that something was different. That
something had changed.

I brushed
a long piece of hair off her forehead and kissed her face as I
continued to lose myself in her. I felt her nails in my shoulders,
then down my back and then digging into my ass, urging me to go
faster. Harder.

Something
about what we were doing felt desperate. Hungry.

I leaned
my right palm on the wall behind her, her leg wrapped around my
hips and I gazed down into her face as I brought it home. I felt
her tighten around me and she started murmuring all kinds of
things, but I didn’t know what the words were.

I could only
hear what was inside my head.

I fucking love you
.

And then
we came together and I held her, panting and confused. Holy
shit.
Was this it? Was
this the real deal here in my arms?

Tenderly,
I let her fall away from me and still there were no words between
us. Only touch. Her hand on my face. Only looks. My gaze glued to
hers.

I got rid
of my condom, enjoying Georgia as she leaned back against the wall,
her body covered in sweat. Her body covered in
me.

I reached for
her, wanting to keep this feeling for as long as we could when a
very distinct voice echoed from outside.

“Benjamin!
Where are you?”

Georgia froze
in my arms and glanced up at me, her mouth pursed, her eyes
wild.

Shit.

“
Who’s
that?” she whispered as she pushed past me and grabbed her clothes
off the floor. She tossed my shorts at me and I caught them,
sliding into them as fast as I could go. From the sound of it we
didn’t have much time.

“Benjamin?”

Not much time
at all.

“Ben?” Georgia
whispered, pulling her shirt over her head and struggling to do up
the fly on her shorts.

“It’s my
mother.”

“
Are you
kidding me?” Her head snapped up so fast I swear I heard her neck
crack. “Your…” She ran her fingers through her hair, wincing at the
tangles. “Oh my god, she’s going to smell it.”

She was
freaking out and looked so damn cute I wanted to kiss her all over
again.

Wait.
What?

“Huh?” I asked
as I reached for her hand.

“
Sex, you
idiot! This whole place smells like sex! It’s probably seeped into
the floors and the walls and…oh God, we’ve had sex in here so many
times that I…”

A small cough
sounded behind us and she froze, her eyes huge as she peeked behind
me, whispering, “shit, fuck, and shit,” as she did so.

“So those are
your parents.”

“Yeah.”

“They probably
heard everything I just said.”

I tried to keep
the grin off my face but judging from the way she stomped on my
toes I don’t think I did a very good job.

“It’s
possible.”

She pinched me
and I grinned wider.

“
Uh huh.
Okay you better turn around and fix this right now or I’m leaving,”
she whispered fiercely.

I bent
forward and kissed her mouth and then grabbed her hand as I turned
around. My parents stood just inside the doorway, Dad in a plaid
shirt and khaki shorts, Mom in a red sundress. My dad had a grin on
his face and I could tell by the quick perusal of my girl, that he
liked what he saw.

My mom looked a
little uncomfortable, probably because Georgia was right.

It
did
smell like sex in
here. What the hell. I decided to put it all out there. I just
hoped Georgia was down with taking the next step in our
relationship or I was going to look like a clueless asshole if she
called me on it.

“Benjamin?” Mom
said slowly.

Here went
nothing.

“Mom, Dad, I’d
like you to meet my girlfriend, Georgia.”

Georgia

I watched
Ben grilling steaks with his father, outside on the deck.
I watched the easy camaraderie
they had—the way his dad, Jason, couldn’t keep that goofy, proud,
smile off of his face whenever he looked at his son. Or the way Ben
ate it up. The way they touched each other and joked
around.

His
mother, Eve, was in there too and it was obvious she was happy to
have both of her guys in her circle. If she didn’t have her hand on
Ben, she was hugging her husband. Resting her chin on his shoulder,
or stroking his back.

She loved
her boys and they loved her back. They were a complete unit. Their
own little triangle of love.

So what was I?
The bad corner of a square?

I leaned back
in my chair swallowing the lump that stuck to the back of my throat
like glue, and shifted in my chair so that I gazed out at the fresh
gardens around the pool instead of Ben and his parents.

They were
sweet—especially his dad. His mom was friendly, but not
overly
friendly. I knew
she was checking me out. Evaluating. Contemplating.
Wondering.

She’d
pretended not to notice the stash of condoms left on table beside
the pool, even though my face had turned so red I was sure I looked
like a damn tomato. But so far she’d been pleasant
enough.

Girlfriend
.

God, I hadn’t
seen that one coming.

And
though it made me happy to know he thought of me that way—that he
introduced me to his parents as something more than just a girl
he’d hooked up with—I should have been happier.

I should
have been over the moon or at the very least,
I should
have been scared out of my tree.

For the
last two weeks I’d been telling Ben that we needed to slow down.
After I shared Seamus with him and he’d been so incredible, I kind
of froze up. I was so scared that when he found out why I saw
Seamus he would bolt. Who the hell wanted a girlfriend that was
crazy?

And even
if he did—if he was willing to overlook that fact—was it fair to
him?

I didn’t
know where this was leading.
Us. Us and my illness. And for the moment I was content to
just be with him and not think about the rest.

And yet here I
was. Not scared. Or happy.

I was
pissy.

And not
because I felt left out of their little club—I knew I didn’t belong
in it. It was because I was jealous of what Ben had with his
parents. Of their love and their need to be together. Of knowing
that neither one of them would ever hurt each other.

What did it
feel like to have such complete trust in your parents? To know that
their love was strong and true? To know that when your mother slid
into bed and stroked your hair, singing an odd lullaby, she wasn’t
hiding a steak knife behind her back?

What did it
feel like not to have to watch your father finally give in and fall
through the bottom of every vodka bottle that crossed his path?

For a
moment I drifted off and disappeared inside my head. Inside the
memories from a past littered with ghosts and bottles of vodka and
hidden steak knives.

“
Georgia, I don’t want to get up. Leave me
the fuck alone
.”

I looked at her small body beneath the mess of covers and
the even larger mess of clothes on her bed.
Her hair was ratty and greasy and her
eyes scared the crap out of me. They looked dead. I was shaking but
I didn’t want her to see because it would make her sadder than she
already was.

“
No, wait,”
she said. “Don’t go.”

Where was Matt?
Where was Daddy?

“
Mommy.” I
tried again. “Blair’s mother is here but she won’t let me go with
them to the water park until she talks to you. Daddy didn’t call
her last night like he said he would. Can’t you please come
downstairs and see her?”