The Stillness Of You (17 page)

“
I
can’t,” he said roughly. “I won’t last.”

When he
rolled away and grabbed a condom, I felt lost. I wanted him on me.
Against me.

In me.

Sweat beaded
along his forehead and I pushed away his rain dampened hair as he
moved over me, his large body hot and hard. He cradled my face
between his hands and as his mouth reached for me, as his tongue
danced with mine, he eased inside me.

Our eyes
were open. I couldn’t look away. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t utter
one single sound.

It was as
if this perfect moment was suspended in time and I would always
remember what it felt like this first time. We weren’t fucking. We
were making love.

His eyes
were hooded as he began to move and he groaned into me. “I knew you
would feel like this. So hot, and tight, and fucking
perfect.”

I still
couldn’t speak, but ran my hands along his shoulders as my hips met
him thrust for thrust. We were perfect together. We fit in a way I
had never experienced. Call it corny or stupid or whatever, but
this guy was made for me.

He hiked
my leg higher and our rhythm increased as we strained against each
other, into each other, long slow strokes that gradually increased.
He murmured all kinds of things in my ear but I couldn’t tell you
what they were.

His mouth
was everywhere, licking and sucking, driving me crazy. On my
breasts, against my mouth. There beneath my ear.

And when I felt
that pressure build and expand I grabbed him and dragged his mouth
back to mine. I kissed him, throwing everything I was feeling into
that moment.

I came just
before he did and our worlds shattered together.

Holy. Fucking.
Shit.

How in hell did
you top something like this?

For the
longest time, Ben held himself over me, this weight on his elbows
as he pulsed inside me. As our connection solidified. I felt his
heart against my palms, his warmth along my skin and I never wanted
him to leave.

“That was…”
God, I couldn’t vocalize what was in my head.

Ben leaned
forward and kissed my cheek so tenderly it brought tears to my
eyes.

“
Yeah,”
he said softly. “It was.”

I woke up
to a dark room, a hard body pressed into my back and one arm slung
over my waist. I could tell by the way he was breathing that Ben
was asleep, and for a few moments I laid there, not wanting to be
anywhere else, tucked into his body as if I belonged.

I rested my
head against him and listened to the rain that still fell outside
as I gazed up through the glass ceiling above his bed. It was
awesome lying here with Ben, underneath a dark rain-soaked sky.

I didn’t want
it to end. Ever.

My throat
tightened at the thought and I had to mentally smack myself down.
How in hell could I be thinking of forever when A) we’d just met a
few weeks ago and B) I was messed up.

Why would
Ben want to get involved with someone as fucked up as me? A girl
who had no idea if she would be healthy next week, let alone next
month? As soon as he found out about the ‘before’ me, he’d either
run or worse, he’d try to fix me. And there was no way he could do
that.

Mental
illness wasn’t something you could fix. It was something to be
managed. Something my mother had failed at, so why the hell did I
think I was going to be any better at it?

‘
You need to learn to manage your illness
before you can give yourself to someone. And you need to be honest
with that someone
.’
Seamus’
words, not mine, and he should know.

We’d
chatted about Ben at our last session and he’d told me point blank
that it was a bad idea to get involved with someone right now. He’d
said that I was still feeling my way through the darkness and that
I needed to stand on my own before I could even consider being with
someone, especially someone who had no idea that I was fucked. (His
words had been more gentle but I knew what he meant.)

When he’d asked
me if I had shared the details of my illness with Ben, I’d stared
at him in horror and shook my head. I couldn’t answer him because
the fear inside me was that strong.

Ben would
run. Any sane person would run.

Wouldn’t
he?

Restless
I slipped from Ben’s embrace and fell out of the bed. I was cold
but my clothes were still in a damp pile on the floor beside the
bed. I grabbed my cell phone out of the pocket in my skirt and then
rummaged through his closet where I found a bright orange Flyers
T-shirt. I slipped it over my head and then paused at the
door.

Ben was
sprawled face down across the bed now, the blankets rumpled around
his waist though they were low enough that I could see the top half
of his nicely rounded ass. His face was turned slightly and I could
only see his profile, but damn he looked sweet with his messed up
hair.

My phone
vibrated startling me and I glanced down at it quickly, noting that
it was nearly eleven. I knew it was late but I was surprised at
just how late it was. Having sex with Ben had eaten up most of the
evening and after three rounds of hot, orgasm filled lovin’ we’d
fallen into an exhausted sleep.

Shit.

I slipped
out of Ben’s bedroom and fingered my phone. It was Matt. He was
probably freaking out because I hadn’t talked to him all day and he
had no idea where I was.

Padding through
the darkened house I headed for the kitchen and answered.

“Where the hell
are you?” His voice was harsh.

“Hello to you
too.”

Okay, he was
pissed.

“Do you know
it’s nearly midnight? I’ve been going out of my fucking mind. Don’t
you check your phone?”

Okay, he was
more than pissed.

“Georgia?”

“
Yes, I’m
here, Matt. Sorry.”

“
That’s
it? That’s all you’ve got?”

Irritated
at his tone I snapped back. “I said I was sorry. Time just kind of
got away from me. You don’t have to worry. I’m good.”

“
Well
that’s good to know now. Dammit, Georgia I was ready to call
Seamus. Or the police or even fucking Kendall.”

“
Are you
kidding me?” I sputtered, my throat tight. “What do you want me to
say? I’m sorry I didn’t pick up my fucking phone. But Jesus, Matt,
it’s not even midnight and I’m twenty years old. It’s not like I
have to check in with you.”

“
As long
as you live with me you do. As long as I’m responsible for you, you
fucking do.”

Silence
followed his angry words and my throat closed even more. “Nice.
Thanks for that.”

He swore and I
could picture him running his hands through his blond hair and
pacing through his loft. “G, I just…fuck, I was worried.” He paused
the space between us filled up with empty static. He cleared his
throat. “ Ben came around looking for you too.”

“I know.”

“Where are
you?” he asked abruptly.

I winced,
picking at the hem of my T-shirt. “I’m with Ben.”

“You’re with
Ben.”

“Yeah.”

I
tightened up, waiting for the blast that was going to come. Waiting
for the condemnation, the anger or worse, the silent treatment.
Instead I got a long sigh and I could picture him rumpling his
messy blond hair.

“Are you coming
home, Georgia?”

Surprised
that he didn’t chew me out for sleeping with Ben, I didn’t answer
right away. I gnawed on my bottom lip, hating how he’d intruded
into my perfect little bubble.

Of course
bubbles would burst and reality would set in, so why not now?

“
G?”

“I don’t think
so, Matt. It’s late.”

Awkward
silence fell between us and I wrapped my arms around my waist,
suddenly cold as hell. “Look, Matt. I’m sorry. I know you probably
think this is a bad idea but I…I can’t stay away from him and it’s
not just me. I’m pretty sure he feels the same way.”

I heard my
brother exhale and hoped his disappointment wasn’t too much.

“
Okay, I
get it.” he said. “You’re both adults so it’s not like I can get in
your shit and tell you what to do but G, just…I want you to be
careful. I need for you to be careful. I almost lost you last year.
I can’t…” His voice broke and I swallowed painfully, a lump the
size of a basketball stuck in my throat.

“Matt, I’ll be
good.” Did I really believe that?

“
You
still have a long way to go and I…Christ, Georgia I know you think
I’m worried about Ben but I gotta tell you that it’s not Ben that
I’m concerned about.. Ben’s a big boy and unlike some of the other
guys you’ve screwed around with, he’s got brains. He’s the real
deal. Ben Lancaster is headed for the top and I just don’t want to
see you hurt.”

I didn’t need
Matt to say anymore because it was pretty obvious that he, too,
thought there was no room for a girl like me in Ben Lancaster’s
world.

My bubble
instantly deflated because sadly, it was already too late. I was
already in way too deep with a guy who was riding that shooting
star, the one that had no room for me.

“
I’ll see
you tomorrow, Matt. I’m sorry I worried you.”

“I love you,
G.”

“
I know,”
I whispered. “I love you too.”

I’m not sure
how long I stood in the dark, staring out at nothing but I was
surprised when two strong arms slipped around me from behind,
pulling me back against a warm, rock hard body.

“Hey,” Ben
murmured against my neck.

Shivers rolled
over me and I closed my eyes, shaky, confused and—as his mouth
kissed a path along my neck up to behind my ear—horny as hell and
already damp for him.

“What are you
doing out here?”

I smiled when
he nipped at my ear, his hands dropping to my hips holding me still
while his erection ground against me.

“I was
hungry.”

“Did you
eat?”

His
tongue licked the edge of my earlobe and then traced the inside
contours as I trembled in his arms. How could he do this to me? How
was I already weak with need?

How was I not
hungry anymore?

“
Because
I’m hungry.” He continued his assault, his hands now underneath my
T-shirt, rolling over my skin until his fingers were between my
legs. Until he was inside me.

“But not for
food.”

“
Ben,” I
said hoarsely, my mind already blind to everything except him. I
groaned as he began to stroke me, while his tongue continued to do
wild and crazy things to my earlobe.

“
Let’s go
back to bed and I promise I’ll make you the biggest, baddest
breakfast in the morning…or later, I don’t care. I just need you
again.” His whispers were feverish, his touch on fire. “‘I need you
right now, Georgia.”

God, the way he
said my name.

He lifted
me without another word and I forgot about food. I forgot about
Matt. I forgot everything except Ben’s mouth, his hands and his
body.

He took
me to places I’d only read about in those romance novels my mom
used to read. Places I had never thought were real, because in my
reality that kind of perfection was fake. It was unattainable. It
had never been real until now.

I let him take
me there more than once, and this time when we fell asleep
together, we stayed that way until the sun came up.

Ben

I watched
Georgia eat and though it sounds stupid and lame, man, I could
watch that girl do nothing and be perfectly happy doing it.

Her long
hair was really tangled and wild looking, but I liked it. I liked
that my hands had snaked through those waves and had sculpted them
while I’d been inside her.

Just thinking
of everything we’d done the night before was enough to get me hard
and I shifted in my seat, adjusting an already thickening erection
as I watched her eat.

She had no
makeup on and looked almost vulnerable as she sipped her coffee,
her eyes on the yard, her body curled up in my T-shirt. We were on
the deck out back having a big ass breakfast—I don’t mean to boast
but I’m pretty much the king of eggs and bacon—and it was almost
nine.

Time for
me to ask the big question. Time for me to take this girl on a
date.

“So,
Peaches.”

She
glanced my way, her eyes automatically moving down my bare chest,
going lower to the large bulge in my boxers. Which, at least were
black this morning—not that the color hid much.

When her
eyes met mine again, my gut tightened and my heart sped up. A smile
widened that sexy-as-hell mouth and I found myself answering with
the same. How could I not? The girl was everything I had ever
fantasized about and more….more because she was real. And she’d
spent the night with me.

Peaches was
mine, she just didn’t know it yet.

“Why do you
call me that?” she asked softly.

“Peaches?”

She
nodded.

“
I don’t
know,” I answered truthfully. “It somehow fits. Georgia
peach?”

She giggled.
“I’m about as far away from a southern belle as you can get.”

“No shit,” I
answered, my grin widening when she moved closer and whacked me on
the arm.

“
What’s
that supposed to mean?”

I had no
idea what she said because when her legs untangled I’d caught a
peek at the treasure between them and every sane thought in my head
automatically went south. Way fucking south.