The Stillness Of You (23 page)

He was
mine. This guy who was everything any girl could ever want was mine
and suddenly I didn’t care about anything else except him. I didn’t
want to give him up.

For a
moment that thought stunned me. “I love you,” I said again in
wonder.

His wicked grin
was enough to blow the pants off a goddamn Nun. “Then show me.”

Game on.

I took a
moment, drawing it out until he was so tense the veins in the sides
of his neck stood out. I rubbed my nipples, smiling when he
groaned.

“Peaches,
you’re fucking killing me.”

And then
slowly made my way down to the waistband of my shorts. I nudged him
with my toe, running it along his upper thigh before pressing my
foot onto his erection. “You first.”

I moved
my foot, biting my bottom lip when he shifted, his eyes never
leaving mine, as he slipped out of his shorts. He moved a bit so
that his back rested against the headboard and all six foot four
inches of his delicious, hard and naked body was there for
me.

Carefully I
slid off my shorts until I stood, naked, my legs open so he could
see how aroused I was.

He didn’t
take his eyes off my crotch, though he beckoned me closer and when
I spread my legs so that I stood over him, he grabbed my hips and
brought me to his mouth. I think I might have screamed when he
kissed me, right there where I ached for him.

I know I
did when he suckled and stroked and licked his way over every inch
of me and then did it again. And again.

I was a
mess when he was done and if not for his hands on my hips, I would
have fallen. “This is mine,” he said against my thigh, and god help
but I ate that macho shit up.
Yes. You can have it. All
of it. Whenever the hell you want it.

Slowly I
slid down his body, our eyes meeting. Locking.

And when
I positioned myself and sank onto him we both groaned because it
felt that good.

For a
moment neither one of us moved. We stared into each other’s eyes,
our bodies connected, our
hearts
connected on a level that I’d never felt before
with anyone. This was the real deal. This was love.

This
is
love, I thought.

“
Shit,”
he whispered hoarsely. “You feel good…so good.”

I moved up on
him and slowly slid back down. “Uh huh.”

He froze
for a second. “Georgia, we didn’t…ahhh.”

I gyrated
my hips and began to pump slowly but his hands stopped me. “Georgia
we didn’t use anything. I’m clean but…”

I kissed
Ben, silencing his words as I continued to slowly fuck my boyfriend
with every ounce of finesse that I’d ever acquired. When I dragged
myself up for air I leaned against him. “It’s okay. I’m on the pill
and I, well I’ve never had an STD or anything.”

“
Sweet
fucking Jesus, you’ve just made me the happiest guy on the planet
because, Peaches, you feel incredible. This is a whole new level of
hotness.”

I held
his face between my hands and stared into his eyes. “I’ve never had
sex without a condom. Ever. I’ve never let a guy…”

He ate
the rest of my words with the most amazing, toe curling kiss and I
began to move again, slowly at first and then as our needs
increased—as his breathing hitched and his heart pounded against
the palm of my hands—my tempo matched. There were no more words.
There were only emotions. Raw and true. There were eyes drinking
each other in. Hands caressing and touching. There was desperation,
ecstasy and release.

And for
that one perfect moment in time I believed that maybe all of those
things would be enough. This connection. This new love that we’d
found together.

I had to
believe it was enough because the alternative sucked.

Afterward
Ben pulled me into his arms and we laid together so close that I
swear he could breathe for me. And eventually, when my heart slowed
down enough, when my mind emptied,
when I was brave
enough
…

I began to tell
him about my parents.

I told him what
it was like living with a mother who was unstable and a father who
slowly left us for a new love, a Russian bitch named vodka.

I told him
about my mother’s weird love of knives and how she would threaten
me and Matt when she was having a bad day. I told him about the
water park I never got to visit, and how on my thirteenth birthday
she left me and my friends to go get my cake from the bakery but
didn’t come back.

I told him how
Matt lived and breathed hockey—it was his escape—but I was the one
left behind. The one who looked after mom when she’d been in bed
for days without showering or eating.

I told
him that she’d driven off a bridge and killed herself and my dad. I
told him every single dark secret about my family, but I didn’t
tell him mine. I couldn’t.

Ben held
me. He showered me with his love, his heat and his goodness. I felt
safe. I felt loved.

I let his
warmth wash away the sins of my parents and swore that I would tell
him the rest soon. I would tell him about my illness. I would tell
him about the little pills I needed to take in order to function
properly.

I would
tell him that I wasn’t perfect. That I was damaged. I would tell
him that for the first time since my diagnosis I felt
hope.

I just
needed to gather a little more courage and then I could say the
word, the one I hated to say. The one that labeled me.

Bi-polar.

Ben

My sister
Eden thinks that I have horseshoes coming out of my ass.
Mostly because I’ve pretty much
excelled at everything I’ve ever tried. Hockey. Baseball. Guitar.
Math. I was that guy. The one who aced all his classes, was captain
of whatever team he played on and got whatever girl he
wanted.

I never
thought about it much because it was just the way things were. I
was used to winning and I was used to getting what I
wanted.

And what I
wanted right now was Georgia King. But I didn’t want her for today
or tomorrow or even next month. I wanted her for forever.

I was no
longer horseshoe guy. I was that other guy. The one who would do
anything for a girl. Hell, if Georgia asked me to shave my head or
tattoo her fucking name on my body, I would. And everyone knows
getting a name tattooed onto your skin was a bad idea.

But for
her I would do it. For her I would wear pink with purple polka dots
if it would give me the smile that I was looking at right now. For
Georgia, I would do anything.

I’d taken
her out for dinner and now it was time for her surprise.

“Happy
birthday,” I said and then bent down to claim the mouth that had
been driving me crazy all day.

A few
wolf whistles rang out in the club but I didn’t care. Hell, I liked
that fact that everyone could see she was with me. That she was
mine. My girl.

When we
touched the heat was unmistakable. It was intense and if not for
the fact that we were in the middle of the crowded VIP lounge in
Club NV, I would have had her out of the sexy black dress she wore
and flat on her back.

I finally
managed to drag my mouth from hers, though I kept my hands on her
waist, kept her close and intimate.

Her hair
fell over her bare shoulders just the way I liked, a little wild
and a little messy. Her cheeks were flush, her lips swollen from
mine, and her eyes—her eyes were fixed behind me and they
wrong.

Wait. What the
fuck was wrong?

“
Hey,” I
said carefully. “Is everything alright? I wanted to surprise you
for your birthday and Kendall said that this band was one of your
favorites.”

Had I screwed
this all up?

Her eyes
were on the stage downstairs. The band hadn’t taken the stage yet
because the band was part of her surprise. Spleen. I’d never heard
of them but I’d managed to get hold of her girlfriend and she’d
said they were local and that they were one of Georgia’s
favorites.

I’d made
a few phone calls and turns out, the owner of the club was a huge
Flyer fan. He booked Spleen for me and I thought they would keep
that smile on Georgia’s face all night long.

Her brows
furrowed and she chewed on her bottom lip which I knew meant she
was either nervous or pissed.

“
Hey,” I
said more than a little alarmed. “We can leave. I just…I thought
this would be good for you tonight. For your birthday.” Obviously
not. Why the hell had I listened to her friend?

I glanced
over to Kendall and gave her a mental
fuck
you
. She’d met us at the
club and had brought a bunch of people I didn’t know. I didn’t give
a shit about any of them but I thought that Georgia did and that
was the point of everything. It was her 21
^st
birthday and I wanted it to be special.

“
It’s
okay,” she said finally. “Thank you.”

But it wasn’t
okay and I had no idea what was wrong.

The house
lights dimmed, the crowd below and behind us erupted into cheers
and the unmistakable crunch of a guitar spilled across the
club.

We looked
down at the stage and I watched five guys take over. None of them
wore shirts, all of them were tattooed and pierced and the guitar
player….

My eyes
narrowed. Fuck. It was the guy from the country club. The guy
Georgia said she’d dated. The guy she said didn’t matter but from
the rigid set of her shoulders, I called bullshit.

The guy grinned
up at us and let a long, lingering chord ring out as he grabbed the
mic from his singer. He saluted Georgia and everyone below turned
to see who he was looking at.

“
Happy
Birthday to the hottest girl I know. I don’t know how we can top
last year babe, but I’m sure as hell gonna try.”

He threw
the mic back at his singer and the band dove into a hard rocking,
full throttle song about drinking and drugging and sexing. It was
heavy and usually I liked that sorta shit, but not tonight. Not
with that guy down there looking at my girl as if he wanted
her.

As if he’d had
her.

Red hot
jealousy shot through me and the need to go all cave man and drag
her out of the club was strong. I wanted to tell guitar guy to keep
his eyes off Georgia. I wanted to tell him that if he dared to
mental fuck my girlfriend in front me I was going to kick his ass
and break him. My fists clenched at the thought.

I moved
behind Georgia, boxing her in against the ledge as we stared down
at the band and I whispered next to her ear. “We can leave if you
want.”

Sure I
was all about doing whatever the hell she wanted tonight, but the
simple fact was, I wanted out of there. I hated that guy and the
vibe I was getting wasn’t good.

Kendall
slid up beside us and hip poked Georgia. “Oh my God, they sound
awesome!”

Georgia
nodded to her friend and then glanced up at me. “I’m good,” she
mouthed. “Are you?”

No. Let’s get the hell out of
here
.

“
Yeah,” I
answered.
“As long as
you are.” I pulled her into me as we watched Spleen rock and roll
their way through the next ninety minutes.

By the
time their set was done the club was a mess of sweaty bodies, some
of whom were basically having sex in the pit below us and the ones
in the dark corners were definitely getting down and dirty. The
waitress had been over several times and I had moved on from beer
to my old buddy Jack.

My good
mood was long gone. It had fizzled right about the time guitar
guy—Travis was what the girls chanted below—raised a glass to
Georgia and shouted out that their one and only cover tune was one
he was dedicating to her. He’d stuck his tongue through his fingers
and waggled it before shouting into the microphone, “You’re crazy
but I like the way you fuck me! You crazy bitch!”

Who the
hell did this guy think he was?

Dance
music replaced Spleen and I wasn’t sure what was worse. I hated
dance music. I hated guitar guy.

Either
way, the music was loud, my buzz wasn’t doing anything to dull it
and I needed to be alone with Georgia. There was no way in hell I
could get through the rest of the night until I knew the truth
about her and tattooed Travis.

“
Let’s
go.” I grabbed her hand and turned, pulling her along behind me as
I tried to figure out where we could find a bit of privacy. I
passed the bar and spotted an exit. Bingo.

We were
nearly there when some asshole turned into me and his beer went
flying. The guy was tall and built but if he gave me problems I
could take him. Hell, with all the pent up energy running through
me I
wanted
to
take him and then follow up with tattooed Travis for
kicks.

“
Dude,
what the fuck?” he shouted but then his face crinkled and he took a
step back. “Hey, aren’t you Ben Lancaster?”

I shoved past
him without answering. The exit led to a stairwell but it was empty
and as the door swung closed behind us the noise was easier to
take.