The Soldier's Bride (22 page)

“Because I’m her husband!” Jim yelled. “You’re worse than the German scum I shot down from the sky, if you think holding onto a married woman is going to make her happy.”

“She wasn’t married when I fell in love with her. She was a widow. A lonely, terrified, heartbroken widow raising a son by herself.” Sterling stood up and took a few steps toward his garage, then he turned. “And something you’re forgetting is that Evelyn is in love with me, too.”

Jim’s heart pounded in his chest. The man was right, though it cut him deeply to admit it. Still, that wasn’t the only truth. “Maybe so, but if you know anything about Evelyn, you know she could never live with herself if she didn’t give us a real chance—give me and my son a real chance.” Jim swallowed and pushed himself up from the snow. “And I only need that one chance, because I love her with my whole soul, and I will do anything in the world to make her happy. You need to man up and get out of the way. You need to let us try. If you really love her, you’ll give her that.”

Their eyes locked for a long moment. “Maybe,” Sterling said, “it’s already too late. Go home to your
wife
, Jim.”

Jim watched Sterling disappear around the corner and heard a door slam. He punched the snow and bit his lip as pain shot up his arm. The seat of his pants was soaked and his legs were beginning to feel numb from the cold. He dusted the snow off his jacket and rubbed the back of his neck. A few coins jingled in his pockets as he stuffed his hands inside. He had enough money in his wallet for bus fare and he knew where he wanted to go: Colorado Springs.

~*~

Later that night, Evelyn paced in the kitchen. With a scrub brush in one hand and a rag in the other, she wiped and scrubbed until her shoulders ached and her fingers were raw and red.

“Honey, you need to go to bed.” Marie walked over to the sink where Evelyn rinsed her rag. “Your dad’s already been asleep for an hour.”

“I know.” Evelyn wiped the moisture from her forehead and leaned against the counter. “I don’t know what to do.”

“I think you do.” Marie patted her arm. “Sometimes it’s the things that need done most that are the hardest to do. So we try to tell ourselves we’re not sure in order to delay doing those things that might cause us pain, even if they’re right.”

The rag dripped into the enamel sink with a steady plop, plop. The lemon scent of the cleaner hung in the air, so Evelyn pushed the kitchen window open and took a deep breath.

“Mama, I love them both. I don’t want to hurt either of them, but no matter who I choose, someone will be left alone.”

“Evelyn, they’re men. They can take care of themselves. You can’t make a decision like this based on how you think someone else is going to survive. You’ve got to live with yourself for the rest of your life. If you’re not happy, it won’t matter how hard you try to make everyone else feel that way.”

The rag stopped dripping, and Evelyn rubbed the back of her neck trying to make sense of her life. They both jumped when they heard something thud on the front porch.

“What was that?” Marie said.

“Do you think it’s Jim?”

The two women listened for another sound, and when they heard nothing Evelyn dashed from the kitchen and yanked the door open. The porch light flickered and she screamed. She shrank back against the door and crumpled into a sobbing heap.

“What is it?” Marie stepped over Evelyn and covered her mouth as a cry escaped.

The tombstone was fractured into three pieces with jagged edges, but they had been pieced together on the porch so one could easily read the inscription.

Here lies my only true love

James R. Patterson

1919-1943

The wind gusted through the open doorway and lifted Evelyn’s skirts.

“Come inside, you’ll catch cold.” Marie tugged on her daughter’s arm.

Evelyn turned when she heard a noise like paper scratching against the pavement. A single piece of paper flapped back and forth against the edge of the tombstone. Evelyn had to lift the piece of stone to release the paper. She stood up slowly and let the door close on the macabre scene behind her. She held the paper under the lamplight with a trembling hand.

Jim’s handwriting in bold flowing strokes brought another searing memory to the forefront as she read,

Maybe you’d rather have this instead of me. I’ll be at the inn.

Evelyn felt the fingers of bitter cold seeping around the door frame and clutching at her heart. She held the paper out to Marie and a sob rose up and bubbled over before she could speak. Marie read the note and then put her arms around her daughter.

“I don’t know what to do,” Evelyn cried. “I just don’t know what to do.”

Jim stayed at the inn for two days worrying about how to win his wife’s heart. He thought about the music box he’d given to Evelyn. She’d been so happy then, so full of love for him. How could so much have changed in just a few years?

When he wrote the note, he never dreamed it would come back to haunt him. The freedom he’d given her to live, really live, hurt more than he ever could’ve imagined. But he wouldn’t allow himself to regret the lines he’d penned. Jim had to rely on his belief that every experience was part of the greater framework of what made life so miraculous—of what made a person who they were.

~*~

The Silver Lining looked the same as always. Harold had insisted on driving Evelyn over and told her he’d be back to pick her up at around nine thirty.

“If it isn’t the prettiest lady in town come back to sing to us.” Frank hugged her and thumbed over his shoulder. “Sterling’s already here. How are you two doing? I heard rumors.”

“They’re true. Jim’s back—he was a POW left for dead.”

Frank uttered a few choice words about the people who had held Jim prisoner and then frowned. “I ’spect that’s caused a heap of trouble for your young heart. No wonder Sterling looked so nervous tonight.”

Evelyn nodded. “It’s been difficult.”

Frank hooked her arm in his as they walked through the lounge and into the practice room beyond. “It’ll work out. He’ll be fine. Now go sing your heart out.”

“Thanks, Frank.”

Evelyn stepped quietly into the practice room, where Sterling was warming up. He played the guitar with such talent that he seemed to cradle each note before releasing it to join the melody floating through the air.

He looked up and smiled at her. She noticed his hair had grown longer and the ebony curls hung close to his emerald eyes framed by thick dark lashes. She wanted to keep a mental picture of him like this, his face warm and expectant as he gazed upon her. His eyes full of love.

As she focused on Sterling’s handsome face, the impact of Frank’s words fell heavy on her heart. He meant Sterling would be fine about Evelyn staying with Jim. Frank expected it like everyone else.

“It’s so good to see you,” Sterling said.

With a quick inhale, Evelyn regained her composure. She crossed the room and Sterling drew her into his arms. When he kissed her, she tried to remember the words her mother had said about the things that most need doing.

A few moments later, she tore herself from his passionate embrace. “Sterling, I can’t kiss you anymore. I feel so much for you that it clouds my mind.”

“And how is that a bad thing?” He smiled, and Evelyn blushed.

“Jim left. He’s staying at the inn. I haven’t seen him since Saturday.”

Sterling ran his tongue over his teeth and nodded. “He came to see me. We had some words.”

“I thought he was headed there.” Evelyn lowered her gaze. “I don’t want to hurt either of you. It’s not fair. How could I fall in love with two men?”

“Easy, when one of them is dead. It gets difficult when he comes back from the dead.” Sterling chuckled and took hold of her hand. “Don’t blame yourself for this mess we call life. I’ll love you no matter what you decide.” Sterling hesitated, meeting Evelyn’s gaze. “Have you told him about Harlan?”

She flinched and shook her head.

“Evelyn, do you really love Jim? Because if you do, you need to tell him so that he can understand what’s going on.”

“I know. I just can’t right now. Everything is so complicated.” Evelyn tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Sterling was right, but part of her still felt ashamed about what had happened.

“I know you hate talking about it,” Sterling said. “It makes my blood boil if I think about it too long, but that’s exactly why you need to tell Jim and not worry about his reaction.”

Sterling knew her so well. He understood her fears. That’s what made it so difficult for Evelyn to stick with her decision. “I’ll try to talk to him.” She remembered the question Sterling had asked her. “And, yes, I do love Jim. When we were married, it was the happiest day of my life. Jim and I belonged together—that’s what everyone said. But then he was gone and you came along and were everything I needed. It was the truth when I said that I fell in love with two men.”

“I love you, too, Evelyn.” Sterling embraced her and kissed her gently. “I’ll always honor your heart.”

Evelyn whispered, “Thank you for being there for me, through all of this.”

He kissed her once more then cleared his throat and stepped back, picking up his guitar. “I guess we’d better get practicing, but there’s something that has come up.” He tightened the strings on his guitar and gave her a worried look. “My uncle is coming into town and I might not be able to make it the night of the performance. I talked to Frank and he said that he has a new guy who plays guitar. His name is Travis, and I’ve already shown him the chords.” His words came out in a rush. “Will you be okay with that?”

Evelyn stared at him for a moment, trying to sort through what he was telling her. She nodded. “Of course, it should be fine. I don’t want you to miss seeing your family.”

“I’m hoping I can still make it here, but I wanted you to know just in case.”

“Okay, thanks for working everything out for me,” Evelyn said. Could she sing without Sterling? He’d only said that he
might
be gone, so he’d probably still be there to play for her.
And if he isn’t, that would make Jim happy.
She felt guilty for the thought as soon as it came.

Sterling strummed the guitar and she began singing. Somehow she managed to make it through a few runs of the song, but by the time Harold came back to pick her up, she couldn’t hold in the tears.

“There now.” Her father hugged her when they got home. “Once you make your decision you’ll feel better. It’s this going back and forth that’s hurting your heart.”

She knew her dad was right. As long as she held onto both Jim and Sterling, no one could be happy. She was living her life in limbo.

She kissed Danny good night and stood in front of the bureau gazing into the mirror. When Jim first came home it was easy to pull out her wedding ring, put it on, and say that she was his wife. But handing over her heart had turned out to be much harder than she’d expected. Part of her was afraid to believe Jim was really there to stay—she worried that something might happen to snatch him away, and so she’d driven him away before anything else could.

The fingers of her left hand were slender, but the ring still fit perfectly. The diamond Sterling had wanted to give her flashed through her consciousness and she shook her head. Knowing that Sterling was there gave her a warped sense of security because if things didn’t work out with Jim, she’d always have Sterling. But she couldn’t do that to Sterling. Evelyn looked in the mirror, deep into the coffee-colored depths of her eyes. There was strength inside her. If only she could find the courage to make her choice.

A sound entered Jim’s sleep; a rapping or thumping noise pulled him from dreams of chasing Evelyn. He sat up in bed and groaned. The clock ticked, moving steadily toward midnight. The first night at the inn had been terrible. Jim’s hands still ached from pounding at his headstone with a sledgehammer. Two more nights had done nothing to improve his mood.

There it was again. The noise—it was a knock at his door.

“Coming,” he grumbled and pulled on his trousers. As he turned the handle, his heart beat double-time. Had Evelyn found him? Would she take him back? When he opened the door, the blood pulsed through his veins even faster. His mother-in-law stood outside the door, her face drawn in lines of concern and heartache.

Jim slumped back against the wall, leaving the door hanging ajar. Marie had come to tell him that his wife didn’t want him anymore. He felt a hand on his arm and focused on the words Marie spoke. A gentle squeeze of her hand clarified her statement.

“I’ve come to help you. I know Evelyn loves you.”

Jim blinked and shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. She loves Sterling more.”

“Do you want your wife back or not?” Marie demanded. She pushed past Jim and turned on the lamp in the shabby room. “Don’t worry about competing with Sterling right now.”

Jim closed the door and slouched onto the edge of the bed. “What do you mean? He’s the one standing in my way.”

“You need to talk to Evelyn. If she trusts you, she’ll choose you. She’s already chosen you anyway. Her heart never left you. It’s been so difficult for her because she’s worried about what will happen to Sterling if she leaves him alone. Sterling is the one who saved her.”

“Saved her?”

Marie pursed her lips and Jim noticed how her hand trembled when she lifted it to her brow.

“With everything happening, she hasn’t been able to bring herself to tell you. She blames herself for what happened, no matter that it’s about as far from the truth as possible.”

Jim held up his hands and clenched his fists. “How can I get her to trust me? Whatever’s happened to her has changed her—she’s afraid of me.”

“I know it seems that way, but it’s not you she’s afraid of.”

Jim thrust his hands through his hair and sighed. “How can I win her back when I don’t know what’s going on?”

“For starters, you need to apologize for the other night. You scared her out of her wits.”