The Soldier's Bride (24 page)

She looked at Jim. “But I thought you’d go back to flying.”

“I won’t be able to fly again.” He held out his hand and Evelyn noticed for the first time the tremors in his fingers. He sighed. “It’s been happening since my head injuries. They don’t take any chances in the sky.”

“Oh, Jim. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s all I know—all I’ve ever wanted to do since I was a little boy.” He rolled his shoulders back and looked at the ceiling. “I’ll understand if you choose Sterling because I don’t even know how I’m going to provide for you right now, but I know I love you and I love our son.” He smiled, but the expression was laced with pain. “I want my family, but I want you to be happy.”

Evelyn covered her eyes with the handkerchief and cried for a moment. “I’m so sorry, Jim.” But then she stopped and straightened. “I know I’ve acted terribly, but it’s because I didn’t know if you would want me once you knew . . .”

Jim leaned forward and touched her knee. “Evelyn, I know something bad happened to you, but nothing would change the way I feel about you. You hear me? Nothing. I love you.”

She dabbed at her eyes with the white cloth. “When you first came home, I thought everything would work itself out, but now I don’t know.”

“Why don’t you try me and find out?”

With a deep sigh, Evelyn looked at Jim and began to tell her story.

“I told you how I went to work at the Silver Lining as a hostess.”

“Yeah, you did,” Jim said.

“Before I started dating Sterling there was this man who bothered me every time he came in.” She smoothed out an imaginary wrinkle in her skirt. “He wore his dress whites, thinking that just because he’d fought in the war, I’d fawn all over him. Somehow he found out things about me, like that I’d been married and widowed. He even knew about Danny.”

“He flirted with me at first, but then he got more and more inappropriate. I finally had to have Frank throw him and his buddies out.” She licked her lips and glanced at Jim. He watched her and his eyes seemed to turn from blue to steel-gray as he scowled and clenched his fists.

“Who was he?”

Evelyn shook her head, but then muttered, “Harlan Callaway.”

Jim’s head snapped up. “As in the Callaway’s of Callaway Grove?”

“His father is the mayor.” The tendons in his neck tightened with each breath and Evelyn drew up her courage and continued speaking, “Most nights I walked home. Sterling had started walking with me, but he had an emergency that night and the weather was nice so I headed for home.” Her hands began to shake and she bit her lip.

Jim covered her hand and she stared at the rough edges of his nails as her mind replayed the story she told.

“I was near the Montgomery’s property when someone grabbed me—three people actually. It was Harlan and his two buddies. They took me to the abandoned barn on the property and he . . .” She tasted the salt from her tears and clenched Jim’s hand.

He groaned. “Evelyn. My sweet wife. What did he do to you?”

The terrible anger in his voice jerked Evelyn back into the present. She clutched Jim’s hand. “Sterling stopped him. Harlan kissed me and ripped my clothes. He tore my stockings. He was going to—he touched me. It was so horrible,” Evelyn cried. She didn’t want to continue, but Jim needed to know everything that had happened. She wiped her nose and shuddered. “He was on top of me and I can still hear the sounds, when he undid his pants I screamed and he slapped me.” She put her hand to her cheek. “I tried to get away, but I couldn’t. He—I felt him. Harlan was going to rape me, but Sterling stopped him.”

Jim fell from the chair onto his knees and buried his head in her lap. “I’ll kill him.” He gathered the quilt in his fist, squeezing so tight that she heard the threads pop.

“He’s in prison, but a few people did try to kill him before they got him there.” She touched his fist with her fingertips and he relaxed.

“You mean his daddy couldn’t save him?” Jim said.

“He got a lighter sentence, but there were several people here in Aspen Falls who threatened his life. Too much outrage for him to go free. He’s safer in a cell.”

Jim gave a snort. “None of those Callaways is worth a plugged nickel.” He took hold of both of Evelyn’s hands. “But you were hurt. Are you okay?”

“I had some bruises.” She raised her hand to her cheek and closed her eyes as she relived the moment Harlan had hit her. She’d never been hit by a man before and prayed it would never happen again. “And Harlan touched me. He—if Sterling had been even a minute later.” She shook her head. “Sterling was trying to catch up with me to walk me home and he found my purse. He saved me, but I . . .” she covered her chest with her hands and lowered her head as if she would curl into a ball.

“I don’t know what happened to me, but it was like I couldn’t cope anymore. Mama said I was depressed, and then after that I started getting worried every time I left the house. The air would feel so heavy like I couldn’t breathe, and it seemed everyone knew and would look at me like it was my fault.

“Sterling knew about that. He called it panic.” Evelyn swallowed. “He went through the same thing after he came home from the war with shrapnel in his leg. Did you know it took him five weeks of coming to the lounge before he found the nerve to ask me out?”

Jim drew his lips over his teeth and a pained look crossed his face.

“Jim, I love you. But I love Sterling, too, because he helped me find myself again.” She pushed a curl away from her face. “I feel like I should’ve been able to do something to stop Harlan before he—I don’t feel worthy to be your wife.”

Jim sucked in a breath and put his hands on either side of her face. “I didn’t marry you under the conditions that I could love you only if everything was perfect. I married you to love in sickness and health, despite anything that might come our way. It doesn’t matter what happened to you. I love you. I’ve already proven that the line “till death do us part” doesn’t mean anything. How can I prove to you that I love you no matter what has happened since I’ve been gone?”

She smiled. “Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure.” Jim rose and sat beside her on the bed. He pulled her into his arms and rested his cheek on her head. “Evelyn, if you’ll let me into your heart again, I promise I’ll never leave as long as the good Lord is willing.”

Tears rolled down her cheeks and dripped onto Jim’s arms, and he held her so he could see her face. “Please let me help you find that happy girl I married. Let’s get rid of these tears, enjoy our son, and live a long life together.”

“You make it sound so easy,” she whispered. “But you’re forgetting that in order to take you back, I have to break Sterling’s heart. How can I do that to him?”

His hands dropped from her side and he fiddled with the keys hanging from his belt. “As long as you try to sidestep the choice before you, you’re cheating us all out of happiness.” He gripped the bedpost and stood. “I had hoped you could reach a decision by now. I thought you had.”

“I know,” she said. “But then I think about everything that’s happened, and I feel like I just need a little more time.”

The muscles in Jim’s shoulders tightened. “You need to end it with Sterling or tell me to get lost.” He nudged the rug with his boot. “You can’t have both of us.”

For a few moments, Evelyn concentrated on the creaks and groans of the house as the wind outside pushed a loose shutter back and forth and rattled the rain gutter. Tree branches scraped over the roof, and her heart seemed to shift back and forth with each gust of air.

Her hands felt warm within Jim’s grasp. She lifted her eyes to his and stared at the vivid blue portals to his soul. Jim had always been easy to read. He loved her and she couldn’t deny the feelings stirring in her heart. But the confusion spinning in her mind kept her from speaking. How could she feel a similar devotion to Sterling and still be Jim’s wife?

As if reading her thoughts, Jim cleared his throat. “I want you to know that I thought a lot about what you and Sterling have and I understand that you care for him, even . . . love him, especially now after hearing that he saved you. It makes more sense. I can see you’re confused by the love you feel for him and me. All I’m asking is that you stay with me. You can love Sterling, but you have to let him go.”

He bent and kissed her cheek, then rested his hands on her shoulders. “Thank you for telling me about Harlan. I’d like to beat the hell out of him—or worse.”

Evelyn gasped, but Jim smiled and winked. “Don’t worry, I won’t. If I beat the hell out of him, there’d be nothing left.”

She nodded. “I just want to forget that it ever happened.” She picked at a thread on the bedspread.

Jim took a deep breath. “I think I understand why you’ve been so reluctant to be near me. I’m so sorry for what happened to you, that I wasn’t here to protect you, but I’m glad to know.”

“I’m still scared. I don’t know if I can—I worry about being with a man again.” She twisted her wedding band around, her fingers fluttering.

“Don’t worry about that, Evelyn. Think back on the day we were married. Remember how scared you were? Remember how in love we were?” Jim kissed her gently. “I still remember our first time together.”

Evelyn felt warmth in her cheeks as she recalled memories that had been pushed too far beneath the surface of the present. The first time she had made love to Jim, it had felt as if her heart blossomed with a love so deep it couldn’t be defined. He had always been gentle with her, and she had loved being close to him. With a smile, she nodded. “I remember.”

“Will you try to remember every minute of those days?” Jim crouched so he was at eye level with his wife. “Remember I’m the one who doesn’t feel worthy to be your husband. You know I always felt like the luckiest man alive to have you as my wife. All I’m asking is for you to remember what we had and ask yourself why you wouldn’t want that again.”

She exhaled a shaky breath and placed her hand over his. “I’m singing tomorrow night at the lounge. Maybe it’d be better if I wait until next week. Sterling is playing for me, it just doesn’t seem right.”

“And it won’t seem right next week, either.” Jim pushed a hand through his hair. “You can’t hold onto him like that. Are you going to be Evelyn Patterson or not?”

Her eyes filled with tears. “I never thought it would be this hard.”

“Every day you wait just makes it harder,” Jim said. “I love you, but I want my wife to love me with her whole heart.”

When she didn’t answer, Jim stood and touched her hand. “Don’t live your life halfway because your heart’s divided. We have a beautiful family right here with more than enough love to go around, but only if you let us.”

The door clicked and Jim’s footsteps found the squeak in the floorboard and then padded down the stairs. Evelyn listened and covered her heart with her hand. Jim still loved her, in spite of everything. Sterling loved her regardless of Jim’s claim to her. She loved them both.

The damp spots on her pillow that night reminded her of the choice she must make. She thought about everything Jim had said and she knew he was right. Jim would expect an answer tomorrow. Evelyn tried to imagine a scenario that would cause the least amount of pain. She drifted to sleep still imagining how she could choose between Jim and Sterling.

The branches of the oak tree scraped against the house, and Evelyn awoke to the sound of the wind moaning through the crack in her window. The cry of the wind had never frightened her. It was almost like she could hear where the wind had been—the rush of air telling her of the last person it pushed by, the branch it tore from the mother tree, the leaf scattered along the street. And as she listened with eyes open, gazing at the darkened room, she heard something.

Reaching for the lamp, she scrambled out of bed and found a piece of paper and a pencil on her bureau. She began writing, scratching out, writing more, humming, and thinking until the dawn lightened the night sky.

Evelyn held the piece of paper in her hand and clutched it to her chest. Her heart felt light for the first time in weeks. She had made her choice and tonight she would let him know. She only hoped it wasn’t too late.

The sunlight filtering through the windows couldn’t overcome the chill in the front room, and Evelyn buttoned her coat and wrapped her scarf tight. For a moment that morning she’d considered walking to the Silver Lining, but that brief feeling of confidence had left her, and Harold had the car running to take her to practice with Sterling.

When she’d stepped out into the hallway that morning, Jim had poked his head out of his room as if he’d been waiting for her. “I could come along to your practice today, if you’d like.”

“No, I want you to hear me perform—not practice.”

Evelyn’s smile faltered when she saw the light in Jim’s eyes fade. Before she could attempt to explain her reasons, Jim had rushed down the stairs. She hurried into the bathroom and splashed her face with cold water. She could guess at the reasons Jim thought she didn’t want him at her practice—little wonder he was upset.

Jim brooded during breakfast, not attempting to join the conversation. Then he spent the morning outside repairing rain gutters and fixing the loose shutter by her window. He was with Danny now, reading him a story so he wouldn’t be upset when Evelyn left.

The clock chimed five, and she felt a jolt of anxiety at the reminder of her performance only two hours away.

“You’ll do fine, dear.” Marie moved a strand of hair away from Evelyn’s face. “This is a side of you Jim’s never seen. I can tell he’s excited.”

A smile played around the corner of Evelyn’s lips, but then she sighed. “The crowd will be huge tonight. Frank was sure to let everyone know I’m singing the song inspired by Jim, the miracle soldier returned from the grave.”

“It’s wonderful of you to share your song with others. We’ll come right after Lillian gets here to watch Danny,” Marie said.

“Hopefully he’ll go to sleep for her.” Evelyn’s forehead creased in worry. “I’ve been so lucky to have you and Dad. I can count on one hand the number of times he’s been left with a sitter.”