Authors: Sinéad Moriarty
I felt sick. Louise only had Clara, just like I only had Jess. We lived alone and our daughters were our lives. Louise had been incredible to me when I’d lost everything. I wanted to be there for her. I decided to run out and see if I could catch her before she drove off.
When I got to the car park I saw her car, parked in the corner. The headlights were on, but she was still there. I ran over, and as I was about to knock on the window, I stopped. Louise was bent double, with her face in her hands, crying as if her heart would break.
I had never seen Louise cry. She was the strongest person I knew. She was the most capable, determined, talented, intelligent woman I had ever met. Yet here she was, crushed and heartbroken.
I hesitated, then opened the car door, leant in, put my arms around my older sister and held her tight.
I
was very shaken
after the dinner with Louise. I felt we had handled the situation badly, and when Sophie had sent me a text from the car park saying she had to drive a hysterical Louise home, I’d felt physically sick.
I began to think we’d done the wrong thing, but Mum kept saying that no matter how or when we’d broached the subject Louise would have been angry and upset. These were completely normal reactions. When she had had time to reflect and take it all in, she’d see we meant only the best, that we loved Clara and were looking out for her best interests.
I had tried calling Louise and texting her, but so far she hadn’t responded. Sophie said we needed to give her some space.
In the days following the dinner I didn’t feel like meeting anyone, so I’d been staying at home reading books and texting Dan, who was in Germany on some business trip and kept sending me hilarious messages about his German colleagues and saucy ones about big German sausages. His messages were the only thing that brightened my day. I felt very flat. Besides the Louise fiasco, I’d applied for two jobs as a receptionist. I didn’t tell anyone about it. I saw so little of Harry now that it hadn’t occurred to me to share it with him. Anyway, I figured receptionists wouldn’t need that many skills and certainly wouldn’t need to know stuff like PowerPoint or Excel. I’d had a ‘no thank you’ from one and the other hadn’t bothered replying. When I called to follow up, they said I’d been out of the workplace too long and they needed someone with specific receptionist experience. I was mortified. I was officially useless. Thank God for Dan, with his ability to distract me and make me laugh.
On Friday morning, after texting back and forth, Dan said he had to go to a conference. The morning loomed long and lonely ahead so I decided to call Marian for a chat.
She answered the phone and whispered, ‘Hold on one second.’ Then I heard her talking to someone else.
‘Yes, John, you do have a beautiful dick … Yes, it is big, so big, the biggest ever … Oh, you naughty boy … Where do you want to put it? … John, you are so bad … Oh, yes, I’m loving this … Oh, John, don’t stop now … Keep going … Concentrate …’
Marian was back with me. ‘Sorry, Julie, I’m nearly finished here.’
‘I’ll call you back.’
‘No, it’s grand. He’s nearly done.’
Going back to John, she shouted encouragement at him: ‘Go on, John … go on … Yes … yes … yes … Are you done? … Ah, come on, John, focus … You’re inside me now, in and out, in and out, oh, yes, John, this is fantastic, I’m whipping you, I’m slapping you … Oh, yes, I’m in ecstasy … Go, go, go! … Are you finished? For the love of God, man, will you get on with it? I’m beating you, I’m flogging you, I’m thrashing you … Ah, good man. Finally. Well done. Brilliant. That’s the best phone sex I’ve ever had. You’re a beast, John, an animal, a tiger. I’ll talk to you next week, same time. ’Bye, big boy.’
I stifled my giggles. Marian came back on the line. ‘So, how are you?’
‘I think the question here is, how are you after all that sex?’
Marian laughed. ‘It’s the easiest money I’ve ever made. Honestly, men are mad. Imagine paying money to some stranger at the end of a phone to pretend you’re having sex with them.’
‘I know! Have you had any creepy guys?’
‘Not yet. To be honest, a lot of them are lonely. Half the time they just want to chat. Yesterday I spent an hour on the phone to a farmer in Laois talking about harvesting. I actually learnt quite a lot.’
‘Well, old John there didn’t sound like he wanted to chit-chat.’ I laughed.
Marian chuckled. ‘Sometimes they don’t concentrate and you need to get them back on track. Otherwise you’d be on the phone for hours waiting for them to climax. I know it’s more money for me, but it’s hard to keep up the momentum, even on the phone. I’d never be able for Tantric sex. I don’t have the patience.’
I squirmed. ‘I cannot believe we’re talking about strange men climaxing at ten in the morning. How do you do it so early?’
‘Well, I can hardly be huffing and puffing when the kids get home from school, so it’s mornings and late nights only.’
‘How’s your real sex partner, Lew?’ I asked.
‘To be honest, he’s gone a bit cool on me, the bastard.’
‘Oh, no.’
‘I think he’s found another housewife. He’s working on a new job and he keeps telling me he’s too busy to see me. I’m pretty sure he’s moved on.’
‘Are you OK?’
‘I’m grand. Sure I knew it was only a fling. He was hardly going to move in with me. Mind you, it was nice while it lasted. To be honest, with all the phone sex I’m having, I wouldn’t have time for the real stuff.’
‘Any word from Greg?’
‘He’s coming home for Molly’s birthday, so we’ll see how we get on. I’m not looking forward to seeing him at all. But it’ll be nice for the kids.’
‘I bet when you see him you’ll be happy.’
Marian paused. ‘I’m not sure. We need to sit down and have a very frank conversation.’
I sat up on the couch. ‘You’re not going to tell him about Lew, are you?’
‘Actually, I think I will. I know Greg’s been up to no good too. We need to be honest with each other and see if we can salvage our marriage or if it’s over. I don’t know how I feel about him any more. I need to see him and spend some time with him, then decide what to do. I’m used to being on my own, so that doesn’t frighten me. I put the bins out, I pay the bills, I deal with the kids. I do everything.’
I was on my own a lot, too. Harry was often out, and when he was at home, he wasn’t present. He was always on the phone or messing around on his laptop. He only really engaged with us all when the boys were playing rugby. It was as if he lived in the house but was mentally elsewhere. That was why I was texting Dan so much these days. At least he was interested in what I had to say. At least he thought I was sexy and funny.
‘I think you and Greg just need to spend some time together and reconnect. All marriages go through ups and downs. It’s normal – it doesn’t mean it’s over. Talk to him when he comes home and see. I’ll take your kids for a night so you can be alone to chat.’
Marian whooped with laughter. ‘Julie, you’re really sweet, but I wouldn’t inflict my kids on you.’
‘I’d be happy to have them. My house is chaotic anyway and, besides, I’ve nothing else to do.’
‘Thanks, it’s a really nice offer. If I need to take it up, I’ll get back to you. To be honest, having the kids around is a good buffer for me and Greg. They’re all we have left in common.’
‘Well, the offer’s there. Think about it.’
‘I will. Listen, I gotta run. My sex line’s ringing. It’s Damian – he likes the dominatrix stuff.’ She answered her other phone. ‘Damian, hold on a second, you low-life prick. I’ll be there in a minute to beat you senseless.’
Back to me she whispered, ‘Talk soon, Julie.’
I hung up quickly before I caught any more of her sex talk.
T
hat Saturday
, the triplets were invited to a fancy-dress party by one of the boys in their class. Apparently this kid was obsessed with bats, spiders and ghosts, so his mother had decorated their ballroom – yes, they had a ballroom! – like a haunted house. There was going to be a magician doing ‘gross magic’ and a zookeeper was coming with spiders and snakes for the boys to hold.
The triplets were beside themselves with excitement. Leo was going dressed as a mummy, Luke as Dracula and Liam as a vampire. Although Tom wasn’t going, he wanted to join in and dress up as a pirate.
‘You’re such a dork,’ Luke said to Liam. ‘Dracula
is
a vampire so you’re just copying me. Go as something else.’
‘No way. I’m going as a vampire and I’m going to be way scarier than you, you big fat moron.’
‘Stop being so rude to each other,’ I snapped. ‘You can both be vampires but different.’
‘Duh, Mum, vampires have a black cape, sticky-out teeth and fake blood. He’s totally copying me and it’s not fair.’ Luke was not giving in.
I turned to Liam. ‘Perhaps you could go as something else. How about a pirate?’
Liam looked at me as if I was completely insane. ‘Pirates are lame.’
‘I’m wearing a pirate costume,’ Tom piped up.
‘Exactly. Lame.’
‘Don’t be mean to Tom just because you’re in a grump,’ I scolded him. To Tom, I added, ‘You’ll be a brilliant pirate.’ He gave me a grin.
‘Why don’t you just go as a monster or something?’ I suggested to Liam.
‘I want to be a vampire. Luke can’t just force me to be something else. It’s not fair.’
‘You’re just a copycat. Come up with your own idea,’ Luke shouted.
Liam’s face went red. ‘Shut up, you idiot.’
As Liam rushed over to hit his brother, I stepped in and stopped him. ‘Right, that’s enough. You’re both going as vampires and I’ll do different makeup on you so you don’t look the same.’
‘I want to have more blood because it was my idea,’ Luke huffed.
‘Fine,’ I said.
‘
Nooooooo
,’ Liam shouted. ‘That’s not fair. I don’t want to look like a crap vampire. I want to look really gross. I want loads of blood.’
I put my hand up. ‘I promise to make you both look really awful.’
Tom tugged at my sleeve. I bent down. ‘Mummy, I don’t want any blood,’ he whispered.
I hugged him. ‘Don’t worry, pet. I’m only putting it on the triplets and it’s not real, just red water. OK? And you do know that you’re not actually going to the party, don’t you?’
He nodded. ‘Yes, but I want to dress up like the boys.’
‘I know and that’s fine.’ I kissed his eager little face. Tom was going to have a lifetime of trying to keep up with his brothers.
H
alf an hour later
, as I was sending Harry a very grumpy message for being late back from golf – again – he was supposed to be dropping the boys to the party – I heard an almighty thump. I ran out to see Leo prostrate at the bottom of the stairs, wrapped from head to toe in toilet paper.
‘Mmmmmm,’ he muttered.
I rushed over to him. He was staring at me, wide-eyed. His mouth was stuffed with toilet paper. I pulled it out. ‘Are you all right?’
‘I hate them!’ he shouted. ‘They wrapped me up and then when I couldn’t move because my arms and legs were all tied up, they put toilet paper in my mouth. I was trying to find you to get it out, but I fell on the stairs.’
‘Are you hurt?’
‘MUM! I just fell down the stairs! Of course I’m hurt, but I don’t think anything is broken.’
‘Let’s get this off you.’ I began pulling at the toilet paper.
‘What are you doing?’ he roared. ‘You’re ruining my costume.’
‘But I want to see if you’re all right.’
Wriggling about, Leo somehow managed to stand up. ‘I’m fine. I just didn’t want to die of suffocation before the party.’
He hopped back up the stairs. I followed him to see how the others were getting on. The bathroom door was locked and I could hear squealing.
‘What’s going on? Open this door,’ I said.
I heard giggling.
‘Boys? Open up.’
‘Hold on, Mum, we just need to finish something,’ Luke said.
I could hear squirting noises and raucous laughter. Oh, Jesus, the fake blood. I ran to my bedroom where I had hidden it in what I thought was a safe place – in a shoebox under a pile of blankets at the back of my wardrobe. It was gone. Nowhere was safe from these guys.
I rushed back and thumped on the door. ‘Open this door or I swear I’ll break it down.’
‘Go away.’
‘Open it now!’ I shouted.
‘NO! You’re just going to freak out,’ Liam said.
‘If you do not open this door, I’ll kick it down.’ I was panicking now.
I could hear urgent whispering.
‘We’ll only let you in if you promise not to go mad.’
‘I promise,’ I lied.
‘No way, Mum.’ Luke knew me too well. ‘You have to swear on the Bible.’
‘OK.’
‘No, you have to swear on our lives,’ Liam said.
‘OK.’
‘So you swear that you will not go crazy and start shouting at us and telling us we’re brats and that we’re ruining your life and –’
Luke was interrupted by Liam: ‘And saying we’re not normal and we’re always wrecking everything and we don’t have respect for stuff and –’
Luke cut back in: ‘And that we’re spoilt and we have too much stuff now that we’re rich and that we don’t appreciate things and the kids in Syria have nothing.’
Liam added, ‘And that you wish we were like other kids who are really good and sit in restaurants for, like, six hours, and don’t fight, and eat slimy, squirmy fish and disgusting vegetables and never say rude words or shout –’
Liam was once again interrupted by Luke: ‘And that we’ve given you another headache and you want to go somewhere quiet and lie down for a really long time?’
Did I really say all those things to them? Some of them sounded pretty mean when they were said back to me. I’d have to learn to hold my tongue. I’d be nicer and use kinder words and not lose my temper with them. After all, they were only nine and they were really good kids. I would remain calm, no matter what.
‘I solemnly promise not to go mad.’
‘OK.’ The door opened. The bathroom looked like a violent crime scene. The walls, floor, toilet, sink and bath were covered with fake blood. ‘You horrible little monsters,’ I screamed. ‘Get out of my sight before I kill you.’
They scarpered.
H
arry didn’t make
it home in time to bring them to the party, so I had to drive them there, with Tom in the car. When we arrived, Tom had a complete meltdown – I’d known he would – as the boys ran into the party and he was left with me. Harry was putting his family second all the time. I was sick and tired of his absence and his obsession with money and investments. I wished his aunt had left him nothing. His inheritance was turning him into someone I didn’t like or recognize.
I took Tom to the park, then for some juice and a big chocolate muffin, which calmed him down, and went back eventually to collect the triplets. They clambered into the car, comparing their party bags, which were filled with Lindt chocolate truffles, Ferrero Rochers and solid silver key-rings.