The Rules of Supervillainy (The Supervillainy Saga Book 1) (18 page)

Psychoslinger and I were walking down the now-deserted cell blocks of the prison level. Our directions from Tom Terror were irritatingly precise, highlighting how we could best take advantage of the breakout.

I had no intention of living up to my end of the bargain, of course.

I intended to find the teleporter, figure out how to use it, and get myself off this rock. All I had to do was put up with Psychoslinger’s insane commentary until then.

“I’ve never killed anyone famous before. Sometimes, though, I consider trying to kill the President. The problem is he’s guarded by a lot of very scary people. A lot of them have superpowers. Someone tried to kill President Kennedy in Dallas, you know. The Golden Lightning caught the bullet, though, jerk.”

“This is hell,” I muttered.

“
I’ve been to hell. This isn’t even close
.”

“Have you ever considered what it would be like to kill everyone in the world?” Psychoslinger said. “I have. I’d need superspeed for it, though. That way I could kill everyone individually.”

“
Alright, it’s close
.”

“I can’t say I have.”

“Either that or invulnerability. If I had invulnerability I could take my time killing everyone. So, between the two, I’d have to choose invulnerability but I wish I had both,” Psychoslinger said, making a psychic mace as he walked. He turned it into a machete and created a second one, spinning the two blades like he was a human fan. Psychoslinger made his blade work look effortless, making me all the more uncomfortable with his close proximity.

“
Okay, I
need
to kill this guy. I don’t care what it takes. Tell me how and I’ll do it
,” I said to Cloak.

“
In order to defeat Psychoslinger, you need to understand his motivations. Psychopaths are different from sociopaths, however
.”

“
How so
?” I thought to him.

“
Sociopaths often have some form of ethical code they abide by
,” Cloak said. “
It’s just unique to them, like you and yours
.”

“
Thanks
,” I replied, rubbing my temples. “
I think
.”

“
Psychopaths are, dumbing down the psychology involved, unfettered. Given you can’t defeat Psychoslinger without your powers, the best option for defeating him is figuring out what Tom Terror is using to control him. I have a number of suggestions for how we can deduce it
.”

“Hey, Psychoslinger, what does Tom Terror have on you?”

“
I suppose you could do that too
.”

“Oh, not much. He said he’d help me kill Albuquerque.”

I was unsure how to react. “Is that a life-long ambition?”

“Yep!” He said. “How about you?”

“No. I can’t say I ever dreamed about killing a major populated area.”

“Not even Delaware?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

I said to Cloak, “
I don’t think we’re going to get an advantage from psychoanalyzing this guy
.”

“
Neither do I
.”

Still
thinking at Cloak, I asked, “
Is there any way I can get my powers back? I mean, I seriously want to kill this guy. I don’t have an issue with killing people but this guy is the first guy I’ve
wanted
to murder
.”

“
No way that I know of
.
The spells were designed to guard against, well, villains like you using them
.”

“Dammit.” I grit my teeth.

“Something wrong?” Psychoslinger asked, his voice unsettling due to its cheerfulness.

“Nothing, I’m having an argument with the voices in my head,” I replied, getting sick of that excuse.

“I have that problem too!” Psychoslinger slapped me on the back.

Seeing a nearby fire extinguisher, I decided to reach for it and bash in Psychoslinger’s brains. Picking it up, I had it knocked out of my hands by a sun-shaped shuriken. The tiny little flying disc released a blinding flash of light which caused me to drop it against the ground.

“What the hell?” I asked, turning around.

“Halt evil doer!” Sunlight lifted another shuriken. “You are under arrest by the authority of senior Society of Superheroes member Sunlight!”

“Man, I hate killing old people,” Psychoslinger said, frowning. “They go down so easy. Worse, he’s a dude! Dudes are no fun to kill! They do a whole different type of screaming!”

“Wait.” Sunlight pointed at me. “You!”

“How the hell did you get here?” I was flat-out
confused
by his presence.

“Teleporter.” Sunlight pulled out another of his shurikens. “I recognize your cloak now! You must be the supervillain who killed the Nightwalker!”

I almost shouted. “You fucking sent me the cloak in the first place!”

“You did?” Psychoslinger said. “Awesome!”

“No!”

“
Obviously,
” Cloak said, indignant.
“I died of an aneurysm. Even at a hundred and ten, I was sharp enough not to be taken down by the likes of you
.”

I would have made a rebuttal to Cloak if not for the absurdity of the situation.

“Fiend!” Sunlight said, catching his returning weapon. “Prepare to be smote, old school style!”

“Old school is right. Sixty-five year old men should not be wearing tights!” I did not have time for this bullshit.

I wasn’t afraid of Sunlight. I was afraid Psychoslinger would kill him and I’d be blamed for it. Could you imagine what that would do to my rep? Killing the Extreme was one thing, people would respect that. Killing Sunlight would label me as a murderer of eccentric elderly superheroes.

“
You’re all heart
.”

“
I know
,” I thought back.

Psychoslinger had already conjured two psychic knives to throw into his face by the time I realized I needed to keep the crazed former sidekick alive.

Seeing no alternative, I charged at Sunlight, yelling. “Mercy is for the weak!”

“
Is that your battle cry? If so, it needs work
,” Cloak said.

“Do you ever shut up?” I ducked and dodged Sunlight’s shurikens. He was tossing two or three at a time now. Each one caused a blinding flash of light when they hit the wall, which made it hard to dodge the next one.

“
I confess, since dying you’ve been my one source of entertainment
.
Try not to kill my grandnephew
.”

Taken aback by my charge, Sunlight failed to dodge. As a result, I smashed him into the wall behind us with all the force I could muster.

“Ooomph!” Sunlight said, grunting. “It’ll take more than that to put down—”

I interrupted him with a punch to the face. He somersaulted over me and jump kicked me in the head. Even at sixty-five years old, Sunlight had a bunch of kick. No pun intended. Then again, so did I. Kneeing the man in the stomach, I dropped him long enough to start strangling him with my cape. After he stopped struggling, I threw him against the wall and tried to figure out a way to render him insensible. Spotting Sunlight’s utility belt, I pulled some rope from it and started tying him up.

“You won’t believe me, but this is for your own good,” I whispered in his ear.

“
Thank you
.
I appreciate you doing this.
A
s exasperating as Robert could be, he is still family.”

“I’m doing this for Mandy and my reputation, not you,” I muttered under my breath. “This guy has about exhausted my non-existent mercy.”

“Varlet!” Sunlight howled, showing he was still conscious. He wasn’t able to do anything other than a shake a fist in my general direction, though. “I’ll get out of these bonds and hunt you to the ends of the Earth.”

“Yeah. You do that. A little help here, Cloak?”

“
Take the third capsule on the utility belt from the buckle and break it front of his face
.
That’s the Solar Sleeping Gas. Don’t use the second capsule. That’s the Solar Happiness Gas
.”

“I don’t even want to know.”

“
I didn’t name them
!”

Grabbing the third capsule, I cracked it open underneath Sunlight’s nose, a purple mist pouring out of the capsule. Sunlight passed out, a good thing since he’d already started slipping out of my crude bonds.

“Hey, no kill-stealing!” Psychoslinger shouted, running up behind us. Seeing Sunlight was alive, the psychopath took his knives and started grinding them against one another. “Ooooo, a tied up superhero. This should be fun!”

I closed my eyes, trying to figure out how to prevent Psychoslinger from killing him. The problem was that it was a bit like keeping a dog from barking. “Yeah, bound and gagged superheroes are pretty damned fun. Sadly, we can’t kill him.”

“What,
why
?”

I blathered out the first thing which came to mind, “Because of Rule Number One!”

“Rule Number One?”

“Yes,” I said. “It’s in the by-laws for the Fraternity of Supervillains.”

“Again…why?”

“So, uh, we can get more fights in the long run,” I said, trying to think of a reason he’d accept. “Up the pay-per-view rights price.”

“Oh!” Psychoslinger said, a figurative light bulb popping on above his head. “I get it. We get more press this way!”

I was stunned this was working. “You catch on quick.”

“You’re like my supervillain mentor!” Psychoslinger said, extending his hands to embrace me.

“Never say that again.” I walked past him on down the hall. “Ever.”

“
I can’t believe that worked
.”

“Me either.”

Psychoslinger trailed up behind me, a big grin on his face. It was a bit like having a murderous puppy adopt you.

“
In any case, I think I can keep this guy from killing anyone else
,” I thought to Cloak. “
All I need to do is make up rules that he has to follow. It’s a long shot, but I think I can pull it off. If I work hard, maybe I won’t end up with a hundred murders tagged to my record
.”

“Hey look!” Psychoslinger said, pointing to two guards coming around the corner. They were wearing suits of scaled-down power armor similar to the kind worn by the Prismatic Commando. In their hands were a set of electrical-shock prods, the variable settings on them ranging from knocking out a full-sized normal human being to putting down a super-powered elephant. They also had laser-pistols on their chests and energy shields on their backs. I imagined they were Foundation for World Harmony trained and probably capable of kicking my ass every which way from Sunday. I didn’t think they would be too happy about my escape and searched for a way to talk my way out of this or fool them.

Before I could react, Psychoslinger hurled two psychic daggers through their helmets, killing them instantly. Their armor should have contained defenses against psionic attacks as well as being composed of reinforced steel. It meant Psychoslinger was packing a lot more punch than I’d initially surmised. It also meant I was now an accessory to murdering two innocent guards.

Great.

“Look at that,” Psychoslinger said, laughing. “A pair of hole-y guards!”

“Yeah, that’s just fucking hilarious,” I said, trying and failing to keep my immense sarcasm out.

Staring down at the guards, their helmets dripping blood and other liquids down on the ground before me, I almost launched myself at Psychoslinger. This was real and I might have been able to stop Psychoslinger with Sunlight if I’d tried to. At the very least, I’d had an obligation to try.

“
Steady
.
His time will come
.”

“You don’t sound like you approve,” Psychoslinger said, a dangerous edge to his voice.

Clenching my fists, I counted to five before uncurling them. Turning to Psychoslinger, I put on the fakest smile imaginable. “I dunno, it was kind of quick, shouldn’t you have done their legs first? Make em beg a little?”

“Oh!” Psychoslinger said, slapping his head. “That’s why you sound upset. I get it. No, these guys are just mooks. We save that for the real prey.”

“So this is just…warming up?” I asked.

“Yeah. It may be against the rules to kill heroes but that doesn’t mean we can’t torture them.”

That was what I was afraid of. “Yeah, I suppose it doesn’t.”