The Rules of Supervillainy (The Supervillainy Saga Book 1) (15 page)

“Two extremists down, one to go.”

“
Have you considered a less violent career
?”

“Why would I? It’s not the job I mind, it’s the working conditions.”

That was when Ninjess slashed through the side of the vehicle with her katana, the side of it peeling open like a can opener. In seconds, she’d cut open a pyramid shaped hole large enough for her to walk through.

“I’m going to kill you,” Ninjess called at me, tears streaming down her eyes. “Kill you and everyone you’ve ever loved!”

“Meep.”

“
You were saying
?”

I made a run for the wall, hoping to pass through it. A second later, I was on the ground from smashing my head against the wall.

“
Oh, I’m out of power now. Sorry
.”

“I noticed!”

The bikini-clad assassin advanced upon me, drawing her second sword as both started glowing with other dimensional energy. Yesterday, if you’d told me I was going to die at the hands of a crazed ninja supermodel, I would have told you there were worse ways to go. Now, experiencing it? I thought it was something to avoid.

“Mandy, I want you to know I love you,” I breathed into the machine. “You were the best thing to ever happen to me and I’m sorry I got wrapped in all of this. It’s been a blast.”

“Gary...” Mandy’s voice whispered.

I closed my eyes, waiting to be impaled by the psychopathic superheroine. A second later, I heard the sound of a body hitting the floor. Opening one eye, I saw Cindy standing over Ninjess’s body with her ax buried between the cyborg’s shoulder blades. Cindy was covered in soot but looked none the worse for wear from being blown up. Somehow, she’d managed to hit a spot which wasn’t reinforced by subdermal armor.

“You…bitch,” Ninjess said on the ground, trying to get back up.

“Language! Kids look up to superheroes!” Cindy clobbered her again, and again, displaying a level of cartoon violence I would have found funny if not for my relief at her arrival.

“Hey!” I told Mandy. “Good news! I’m not dead.”

“I heard!” Mandy said, relieved. “Thank God. Listen, Gary, I need to talk to you about this whole supervillain thing. It’s not...”

The cellphone cut out, the sound of static interrupting her. Picking up the cellphone, I tapped it a few times. “I need to get some better cellphone service. Cindy, it’s wonderful you’re alive.”

Cindy leaned on the handle of the ax, grinning. “Turns out your whole spiel about leaving the bank was a good idea.”

“Yeah. Those poor people. I’m going to catch such hell for this with the police.”

“All that money, gone.” Cindy sniffled. “Such a senseless waste.”

Smiling at Cindy’s priorities, I asked, “Is Diabloman all right?”

Diabloman popped his head through the hole Ninjess made. “Yes, for the time being at least. While I am grateful for your sacrifice, you broke the first rule of supervillainy.”

“Yeah. Don’t kill superheroes.” I stared down at Ninjess’ cold body. “I didn’t have much of a choice, though.”

“That will not matter to the Society of Superheroes,” Diabloman said. “They depend on government support which means anti-heroes like the Extreme are accepted as auxiliary members due to political contacts.”

“How bad is it?” I said. “The Extreme weren’t exemplars of their kind.”

“Bad enough.  Not all agree with Ultragod’s strictures against in-field executions and prohibition against collateral damage either.”

“Great.”

“I suggest you go to ground,” Diabloman said. “It will make less of a splash than the entire team being wiped out.”

I leaned down and picked up Ninjess’ arm, checking her pulse. She was gone. While I leaned down, I saw the ax had buried itself into a group of live electrical wires in her spine, explaining why the attack had killed her. “I wouldn’t count on it.”

Cindy hefted up her hammer, looking pleased with herself. “I think I’ve graduated from being a henchperson. I think I’d like to be known as Red Riding Hood.”

Diabloman felt his head. “All three are dead? This is not good.”

I walked out of the hole and threw up my hands. “Okay, I’ll head back to the Night Tower and get some equipment together. We’ll change our identities and start over as supervillains of a different stripe. Hopefully, everyone will lose interest in about a month. What’s the worst they could do? Send Ultragod after me?”

That was when I heard a clap of thunder and saw the entire sky had clouded over, lightning bouncing around across the air as if it were caught in one of Nikola Tesla’s science experiments.

Descending from the sky was an Olympian-proportioned African American man in a skin-tight white and gold outfit with a similarly colored golden cape flowing behind him. Otherworldly electricity moved through and around his body, circling his eyes especially. Unlike most superheroes, he wore no crests or symbols, but everyone in the world knew who he was.

“Ultragod,” I said, awed. “The Lord of Light.”

Ultragod was the greatest superhero on Earth. He was the leader of the Society of Superheroes. An inspiration for billions of people who had defeated gods, demigods, monsters, and dictators in the name of justice.

Eighty years ago, an African American astronomer had stumbled upon a glowing meteorite during his studies and found out it contained the spirit of an alien god called the Ultra. Bonding with that entity, he’d gained unimaginable power to manipulate the cosmic energies of the universe which permeated everything. The rechristened Ultragod had an aura of energy called the Ultraforce which could protect him from virtually anything, and be manipulated to create any object he wanted. All of this was common knowledge, as was the fact those supervillains who went up against him lost.

Every single time.

I was
fucked
.

“Merciless: the Supervillain without Mercy,” he said with a deep fatherly Keith David-esque voice. “We need to talk.”

“Wow, you know my name and catchphrase,” I said, starstruck. “That’s flattering... and terrifying.”

Cindy pointed at me. “It was all his idea!”

I would have glared at her but a second later, Ultragod had me by the scruff of my cape. The two of us took off, flying up high into the sky.

Dammit.

Falconcrest City grew smaller and smaller as Ultragod and I soared higher into the air.

“
I think there’s a lesson to be learned here
,” Cloak said. “
Perhaps, ‘do not tempt fate’ or the simpler ‘do not be a supervillain’
?”

“Cloak, shut up,” I snapped. “I need to think. If comics have taught me anything, there’s a contrived way for the supervillain to escape custody.”

“You should listen to your friend,” Ultragod said in a strong fatherly voice. “It strikes me you could have avoided a lot of the trouble you were in with an ounce of foresight.”

“Yeah, well...” I said, pausing. “Wait, you can hear him?”

“Yes,” the legendary superhero said. “With my Ultrahearing I can hear everything said on the planet at will. I see everything with my Ultravision. They’re a secondary mutation from my ability to manipulate the Ultraforce.”

“Do you refer to all of your superpowers with the word Ultra in front of what they do?” I asked, wondering if that was for trademark purposes or what.

“Yes,” Ultragod said, without irony. “What else would you call them?”

He had a point. “Fair enough.”

“I confess a little more originality by the newspapers would have been nice. I was stuck with the name once they assigned it. Do you want me to tell your wife about your situation?”

“That’d be nice, thank you.” I did a double take. “Wait, you know about my wife too?”

“I know everything there is to know about you,” Ultragod said, sounding paternal instead of creepy. “I started investigating Falconcrest City when I heard about Nightwalker’s death. It was my hope his cloaks would fall into the hands of citizens desiring to be superheroes.”

“Sorry to disappoint you.” I was saddened by the situation myself. The thought of Mandy fighting alongside Ultragod and the rest of the SOS made my career choice feel hollow.

“Call me Moses,” Ultragod said. “Please.”

Ultragod reminded me a lot of Gabrielle’s father in a way I couldn’t quite put into words. Mostly in the fact they looked exactly alike and shared the same name. Yet, for some reason, my mind couldn’t make any connection between those facts. Instead, for whatever reason, I just put it down to coincidence.

“Of
course
the world’s greatest superhero is named Moses,” I muttered, watching the Earth disappear beneath our feet. “How much trouble am I in?”

“Quite a bit. I know you killed the Extreme in self-defense but other heroes won’t see it that way. There’s also the matter of the numerous other crimes you’ve committed.”

“Wow, that’s not good.” I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact he knew everything. “Hold on, Moses, if you knew this entire time why didn’t you…I don’t know...
stop me
earlier?”

“I can’t be everywhere at once. I was stopping a flood in Madagascar until about an hour ago. I am going to be serving as a witness in your trial, however.”

“Great, you might as well find me guilty now.” I tried not to look down.  “No one in the world is going to take my word over the world’s most beloved energy manipulator.”

“Well, you
are
guilty.” Ultragod chuckled.

“Touché,” I replied, thinking about my chances. This was a bad, bad situation. I hadn’t expected to be caught
quite
early in my career. “I need to call my lawyer too or well... get a lawyer.”

“We’ll see you receive proper representation.”

“We?”

“The Society of Superheroes,” Ultragod answered, generating a giant Ultraforce hand to move a cloud out of the way. “According to the United States Superhuman Act, supervillains capable of killing superheroes can be tried by legally recognized superheroes on the moon.”

I needed a second to process that. “Hold on, Super Duper Guy, we’re going to
the moon
?!”

“Yes,” Ultragod said, before reassuring me, “but don’t worry, the S.O.S doesn’t believe in torture. You’ll just be incarcerated until your sentence is up.”

“In
space
?” I choked out.

“We’re all in space,” Ultragod replied, a broad smile on his face. “Humans travel on Starship Earth.”

“Why thank you, Super Hippie. I can’t breathe in space, you know!” Panic overwhelmed any sense of wonder I might feel at my impending space travel. If I didn’t die of asphyxiation, I was going to be judged by a superhero star chamber.

“I’ve extended my Ultrafield around you,” Ultragod replied, looking down. “You should be able to draw all your necessary physiological requirements from it until we reach New Avalon.”

“New Avalon, huh? Catchy title.”

“It’s the name for our headquarters. We figured the place to imprison supervillains was far away from populated areas and surrounded by a thousand or so superheroes.”

“A thous...” I started to speak before trailing off. “Well, there goes any chance of an easy escape.”

“That’s sort of the point, Gary.”

“Merciless, please.”

As Ultragod picked up speed, I saw we had already passed through the upper atmosphere and we were now overlooking planet Earth. It was a majestic sight; one reserved for astronauts, superheroes, and supervillains incarcerated on the moon. For a moment, I forgot all of my troubles and took a moment to appreciate Mother Earth.

“I understand why so many supervillains want to conquer the planet now,” I said, despite the lack of oxygen in space. “I must have it.”

“
Everyone has to have their dreams, I suppose. I don’t think you’re going to be able to do it, though
.”

“Why?”

“
Remember, you’re going to be incarcerated for the rest of your life
.”

“Oh right. Way to spoil my mood, Cloak.”

“
Sorry
.”

Minutes later, the moon came into view. Once we were a few miles away from the rocky barren surface of the satellite, I caught a glimpse of New Avalon. It was the size of a small city underneath a clear environmental dome.

The interior looked like something out of Flash Gordon with big, beautiful, spiraling towers and vast gardens filled with plant life from all across the cosmos. I guessed there had to be at least ten thousand or more inhabitants in the small city.

“Wow.”

“Home, sweet home. A monument to humankind’s capacity for engineering and the benefits superheroes have brought to the world. I helped design this place with Nightwalker. It incorporates elements of Fairy, Mu, and Venusian technology.”

“Venus is inhabited?”

“Oh yes, pleasant bunch. They’re all red and have six-arms,” Ultragod said, flying up to the side of the dome and knocking.

A tiny wormhole appeared and the two of us flew in. We emerged in a tranquil rainforest-like park in the middle of the city, the wormhole sealed up behind us. I didn’t know much about physics, but it staggered me—the kind of technological effort which must have gone into creating a wormhole generator as opposed to installing an airlock.

“Cloak, how many laws of physics did we just break?” I asked, stunned by what had just happened.

“
You can’t break the laws of physics. Whenever you seem to violate one, it only means your understanding of them is incomplete
.
To answer your question, though, three hundred and forty-seven
.”

“I thought so.” I was amazed at the power on display. It made everything I could do look like cheap tricks.

“
It’s not the level of your power but what you do with it
.”

“Keep telling yourself that,” I said, staring at New Avalon in wonder.

Ultragod flew up the largest building in the city, a palatial-like structure resembling the Taj Mahal crossed with the Jedi Temple. Around it was a beautiful park, almost Eden-like in its beauty. Once we were above a nice soft cushion of grass, Ultragod dropped me and the energy cage I was in popped like a soap bubble.

There, I saw many of the world’s greatest heroes lounging around. There was Ink Splotch, the Prismatic Commando, Frankenstein’s Monster, the Trenchcoat Magician, Succubus, the Silver Lightning, and more.

Now I was going to get the chance to outwit them all.

“You realize I’m going to try and escape.”

“I understand you’ll try.” Ultragod hovered a foot above the ground. “Your kind never learns.”

“Hey-hey,” I said, pointing at him. “Can the racism.”

Ultragod looked down at me. He raised an eyebrow.

“Sorry.” I stared down at the floor. “That was funnier in my head.”

“Gary... “ Ultragod said, his voice pitying, “ you’re not like the majority of the criminals I’ve put away. You haven’t been ruined by the lifestyle yet. Is there
anything
you can tell me which might mitigate your sentence? I know…people…who would be greatly upset to find out about your incarceration.”

I found that to be a strange comment. “Even if I knew anything, I wouldn’t rat out my friends. Honor amongst thieves and all.”

“I’ve never encountered that. I think you’ll find it’s an extremely rare quality.”

I’m sorry to say I didn’t possess that quality either. If it meant being reunited with Mandy, I’d sell out everyone. Even Diabloman and Cindy, despite the fact they were my friends. I wasn’t going to betray them, though, unless it was a last resort. “I’m sorry, that’s my answer and I’m sticking to it.”

“
Oh, for the God’s sake
.”

The superheroes Robin Hood and Maid Marian then walked by. “I will never understand people who use bows as weapons. It’s the 21st century, people.”

“
Your attention span remains as consistent as always
,” Cloak said. “I
hope you know what you’re doing
.”

“Not a clue.”

Ultragod’s wristwatch, a thing straight out of the Fortieth century, started blinking. “Excuse me; I’m needed on the planet Rigel in the Orion Cluster. Pyronnus the Galaxy Destroyer is at it again. Guinevere will escort you to your trial.”

“Wait, what? My trial is happening
now
?” I asked, watching Ultragod zoom away through a portal he conjured.

I was about to say more when Guinevere walked in. Dressed in a decorative suit of armor with a white-tabard, she had white-blonde hair which she kept up in a ponytail that stretched down to her neck. Her ears were elongated and pointed and her eyes the shape of almonds. Guinevere’s face was thin and angular with racial features of the entire spectrum of the globe contrasted with golden brown skin. Despite the fact she wasn’t my type, there something about her that made me think she was most beautiful woman on Earth.

Well, except for my wife.

Guinevere was a literal fairy princess, a descendant of King Arthur and Morgana Le Fey who’d grown up in the Otherworld. Aside from her ability to spellbind both sexes, she was one of the greatest warriors who ever lived. A lot of people shipped her with Ultragod, though Mandy held out hope she played for the other team.

Which I found annoying.

Also hot.

“Hello, Merciless,” Guinevere said, her voice was like crushed silk and made me feel weak in the knees.

“Duhhh...” I fumbled for something to say, my mouth hanging open.

She gave me a light slap on the cheek, snapping me out of it. “Merciless?”

I jolted like I’d been shocked. “I’m awake now.”

Guinevere, who now looked like a gorgeous Anglo-Saxon woman with long blond hair and pointed ears, looked at me intently. “That’s impressive. Very few people can break my glamour so easily. You must be either strong-willed or in love.”

“Can I be both?”

“No,” Guinevere said. “It’s one or the other. True love requires one’s heart to be flexible.”

“Then I’m in love.”

Wow, she was gorgeous. I looked away, feeling guilty.

“An admirable choice. However, it’s not going to help you very much. The evidence against you has been gathered and it’s pretty damning.”

“What am I accused of?” I asked. “Exactly?”

Guinevere gestured for me to walk forward. “Multiple counts of arson, murder, robbery, and conspiracy to take over the world.”

“I dispute the last one. I
just
decided to do that.”

“
Gary...
”

“What? I might as well be honest. They have telepathy and goodness knows how many other methods of extracting the truth. A fair trial would screw me so I want an unfair one.”

“I’m afraid we’re all out of unfair trials.” Guinevere smiled, filling me with a sense of warmth and self-respect. “You’ll be judged by a panel of seven superheroes selected on the basis of moral fiber and sound judgment.”

“So much for a jury of my peers, huh?” I was offended. “Can’t I get a bunch of supervillains to judge my innocence or guilt? Preferably ones I haven’t killed? Cause, they seem to be coming back.”