The Lady’s Torn Heart (Faces of Love Series #2) (9 page)

* * *

T
he remaining time
I had with Mary and Gaffton I spent shut up in their house. If the gossip from the tavern didn’t travel fast enough, the words among the servants in the market would compensate. Before I had even arrived home late that night with Gaffton, everyone already knew of my rejection.

I stayed close to the house. I loved on my sweet little niece and memorized the lines of her face. I would have liked to say that I closed my heart off, turned it to ice, but the tears that constantly stained my cheeks at night told me otherwise.

It wouldn’t be long before news of my indiscretion flowed to the ears of the ton…and my mother. I would be unmarriageable after that. I couldn’t say I was unhappy about it. Despite Gaffton’s words, I didn’t know that I could ever feel love for someone as deeply as I had for James. I did, however, dread the meeting with my mother. Her disappointment in my fragile state would be more than I could bear.

Mary had offered for me to stay with her. I am sure she would have let me stay permanently if I had wanted it. There were just too many memories that were now filled with sorrow. I didn’t think I could bear it.

Scarlett had been a good friend through it all. It wasn't long before my flight had landed on her ears and she came right over to see me. She wasn’t at all judgmental or accusatory toward my intentions with her brother. Instead, she sat with me, held my hand and gave me that quiet comfort and companionship I needed.

She had become very dear to me over the last few months, and I would sorely miss her friendship upon my return. She wasn’t here for long anyway. Soon Henry would be returning to his regiment, and she would be returning to her mother’s home.

The final night before my leaving, Scarlett and Henry came over for a small, intimate dinner. As was our norm, Henry and I never spoke about what had transpired between James and me. I could tell he was more reserved toward me now. That carefree light in his eyes was gone, again replaced by his reserved outer shell. I couldn’t blame him. He had opened up to me, and I had chosen another. The fact that he was here and still willing to be my friend said a lot about his character.

We sat in the drawing room after dinner. Mary was tending to little Juliette while Scarlett played the piano. It was a beautiful lullaby. For the most part, Henry stayed by Gaffton’s side, talking horses and politics. I aimlessly worked on some embroidery that I would often neglect. I hadn’t noticed Henry coming to stand by me until he cleared his throat.

“It seems that we both will be leaving shortly,” he said, seating himself next to me. He was wearing his formal uniform again. I did love the casual Henry, who chased around the horses on his estate, but something could also be said for the handsome man who stood before me.

“Are you returning to your regiment then?” I asked, putting away my needlework.

“Mmmm,” he nodded. “First, I will see Scarlett home, visit with my mother a bit, but after that, yes, I will return to my troops.”

I fiddled with my hands now that there was nothing to employ them. I gave him a sideways glance, soaking in the memory of his features. “Are you scared to go?” I asked. It probably wasn’t a very proper question.

“I won't be in much danger, if that’s what you mean,” Henry said with a smile. “I suppose I am nervous in some ways. When I go, I leave the ones I care about behind me. The world just seems to go on, whether I am in it or not. I wonder if anyone even notices my absence.”

“I would notice,” I said, trying to cheer him. “Certainly the Duke and Duchess would also. And of course, your family would.”

“Yes, I suppose you are right,” he said with a weary half-smile. “Sometimes I wish my brother and I were in each other shoes. That way I could stay home with my family and look over my lands as he does.”

“I have recently learned that there are sacrifices one must make, no matter one's station in life,” I said very seriously.

“Yes, I am sure you have,” he agreed. It was the closest we had come to outright saying what had transpired between James and me.

“It wasn’t right, what he did,” Henry finally blurted in a serious tone.

“What I did wasn’t right either.”

“No, but nonetheless, he made a promise and a gentleman is nothing if he cannot be held to his word.”

I shrugged. “What’s done is done.”

“Will you recover?” he asked, true concern on his face.

“I believe others have come back from far worse sorrow than mine. I think my pride is hurt more than anything else.”

“When someone you are affectionate for is removed from your life, it is hard to see that you could ever feel that way again.” He looked at me lovingly. “I know it can happen again, though. No matter the depths of sorrow you face.”

“You sound like Gaffton,” I replied with a playful wrinkle of my nose to lighten the mood. Tears were brimming in my eyes at his sincerity. I had cried enough recently; I didn’t need to do so in front of him.

“He is a good man,” Henry said, looking in Gaffton’s direction. “A superb friend too.”

“And big brother,” I agreed.

He looked back at me. I could tell a thought was on his lips, but he was hesitant to say it. I waited for him to form the words.

“I wonder, since we have been good friends all this time, well at least I think we have been, I thought, if you wouldn’t terribly mind it-”

“Henry, it can’t possibly be that bad, just spit it out.”

“Could I write to you?”

I could see the hopefulness in his eyes. I noticed the way he also wrung his hands nervously. Despite all I had done to deter his affections for me, they were still there. He was a better man than I ever deserved. I found warmth spreading through the marrow of my bones and rising to my cheeks. “I would like that very much,” I said, just above a whisper.

* * *

O
ver the next year
, life returned to normal. Of course, Mother was mortified upon the news of my social status. She couldn’t believe that of all her children, her prettiest was now unmarriageable. I settled into my new life. Without the added pressure from Mother, I found it remarkably more peaceful.

I received regular correspondence from Mary and Scarlett. I also received letters from Henry when he was able. I hadn't told anyone about his request. In my mind, he did care for me, but knew that with the reputation I now had, it could never be more than just feelings. He was a kind-hearted man, though, and a good friend, and was unwilling to let either be deterred by my reckless behavior.

When in town the following season, I was thrilled to receive correspondence that Henry would be given a holiday in a few months. He asked if he could call on me in London. I quickly responded that I would love to see him again.

Both Mary and Scarlett were in town for the season. Mary, of course, didn’t attend many social events, since she still had her beautiful baby girl. Juliette was now a year old and just beginning to walk. I loved her so dearly. I was half considering returning home with Mary to make their home my permanent one.

Enough time had passed to dim the memories of sorrow that place had once held for me. Life living with Mary held so much more joy for me than the monotony of spending my days with Mother and Father.

One afternoon, while Mary was over for tea with Mother, Rebecca, Willamina and I, I had the desire to broach the subject of returning with Mary.

Before I had a chance, Mary spoke first. “Julia, I wanted to tell you. Colonel Fitzwilliam wrote to Gaffton a while back. He plans to have a holiday again. We thought maybe you would like to come and stay with us for a spell while he was home?”

“I know about the holiday,” I replied. “Henry told me that he plans to be in town by the end of the month. He asked if he could call on me.”

Mary’s eyebrows raised in shock.

“Fitzwilliam?” Mother interjected. “Is that the one you get all those letters from, Julia?”

I turned back to Mary, who waited for my explanation. “Well,” I said to the both of them. “He asked me last year if he could have permission to write to me.”

“And now he wants to call on you?” Mary asked.

“Only as a friend, I assure you.”

Mother turned to Mary, apparently her matchmaking spark reignited. “Tell me more about this Colonel Henry Fitzwilliam? I am not familiar with the name, does he have good family?”

“Yes, great family,” Mary replied. “His older brother is the Duke of Bellingham.”

“You have also met Scarlett, Mother,” I added. “She is his sister from his mother’s second marriage.”

Mother seemed to mull over all of this. “Well, he isn’t titled, which is a bit of a disappointment. I doubt you could do better in your condition, Julia. I suppose a colonel will have to do.”

Anger rose to my cheeks as Mother carelessly whittled him down to facts and figures.

“He is a wonderfully kind hearted man. He has no ill words to speak of others and will be first to defend someone in need. He has lived through sorrows none here could imagine and has become a better man despite it. Not to mention the fact that he is willing to sacrifice himself for the betterment of this country,” I said, probably a little harsher than I meant.

“Well, I hope you are talking about me,” a man’s voice said to our party.

We all turned to look at the door. There standing was Henry, dressed in his finest uniform. Amidst my speech, I hadn’t heard the servant let him into the room.

“Actually, Julia was talking about you,” Mary said as she stood to welcome Henry.

We all stood and politely curtsied to him. Introductions were made. I could hear Rebecca and Willa giggling and whispering to each other.

“I hope you can pardon my intrusion. I arrived earlier than expected, and Julia did give me permission to call on her. It was just my fortune that I could call on all the lovely ladies of this house at once.”

My mother blushed and waved off his apology. I could have defended Henry to her until I was blue in the face and it would all have been for naught. One charming word out of his mouth and she was completely enraptured by him.

He spent the next several weeks visiting us often as the season ended. We had fallen back into our relationship as if no time had passed between us. I had such a deep love and admiration for this man, but knew I could never ask for more than friendship in return.

I didn’t think my sodden reputation would hinder him. It was more because I had personally wounded him, choosing James over him. It was unforgivable that he had opened his heart to me, and instead, I had chosen another. I was therefore merely satisfied with his friendship and the light he brought into my otherwise dreary life.

I was surprised when one day he asked if he could have a private audience with me. Of course, Mary and Mother had both been talking incessantly about an impending vocalization of his feelings, but the thought had never even been allowed to enter my mind.

Happily, the other women scurried out of our small townhouse drawing room, leaving behind Henry and me. He nervously seemed to pace the floor.

I sat on the small sofa, watching him go back and forth as he collected his thoughts. Finally, he came to stand in front of me. He knelt before me and took both my hands. The warmth his hands brought shot up my arms and heated my cheeks. “Julia, I know you know that I care for you deeply. I am not entirely sure if you feel the same. We are good friends though, you and I. I could make you very happy, and you would have a good life. I know you would make me happy too.”

I had to admit that I loved the look of him as he rambled on nervously. I raised one of my hands to his cheek and brushed it softly. He stopped his ramblings and looked into my eyes. I did my best to show all the love that had grown inside me over the last year.

James may have swayed me for a moment with all his passion. Henry had spent the time to conquer my heart, to show me the consistency of his affection through his actions.

“How about you just spit it out,” I said with a bit of a giggle.

He laughed, looking up at me. He leaned into my touch, closing his eyes and breathing in my scent. Opening his eyes again, he looked back at me with matched sincerity. “Lady Julia Summers, would you do me the honor of being my wife?”

Tears were brimming in my eyes, threatening to spill. “There is nothing in this world that would make me happier.”

He lifted my hand off his cheek and delicately kissed my palm. He hesitated for a minute before brushing my cheek in return. I could see he was still wary in believing that I had affection for him in return. I wanted to show him that I did. I leaned into his forehead and softly kissed him on the lips.

I pulled back nervously. I had never been so forward before.

He erupted in a huge smile. “You are quite the minx, aren’t you,” he said as he came to sit beside me, pulling me into his embrace.

Before I could fake hurt at his joke, his lips came down on mine again. His touch was soft at first. It sent tingles across my lips and down my body. I leaned in, wanting more of him. He happily gave me my desire.

Finally, he pulled away from me. Both of us were breathing heavy. He leaned his forehead against mine again as he tightened his arms around me. “Well, there is only one thing to decide now,” he said with his lips brushing mine.

“Mmmm?” I half asked, half moaned at the sensation of his touch.

He looked into my eyes seriously, sobering me for a minute. He gave a small laugh, unable to maintain his serious face. “What shall we name your horse?”