The Honeymoon Period (The Austin Series) (21 page)

 
I shook myself down and splashed my face with cold
water and went and hung up his suit and tie and threw his underwear and shirt
in the laundry bin. I pulled a long line t-shirt on and crept out of the bedroom
and went downstairs to get him a glass of water and was surprised when I opened
the kitchen door to find Robert still sitting at the island. He appeared to be
having a conversation with someone on his iPad and jumped when I walked into
the room. I instinctively went to retreat, pulling my t-shirt as low as I
could.

‘Mia, is
everything ok? You look upset.’

‘I’m sorry
I just came for water, I interrupted you. I’ll go.’

‘No, please
don’t.’ He turned to the screen, ‘I’m sorry, I need to go, I’ll call you later.’
I stood awkwardly  holding the door partly open and was sure I heard a woman’s
voice respond and I watched as he smiled softly at the screen and touched it before
setting it down. I felt like I’d just intruded on a very private and personal
moment.

‘I’m sorry Robert,
I should’ve just left.’

‘No, don’t
be sorry. Talk to me Mia, what’s wrong?’ I bit my lip and felt my eyes welling
up again and before I could do anything, a few tears spilled over and he strode
to me, put his arms around me and hugged me, both of my arms tucked up against his
broad chest. I chewed hard on my lip to stop myself from letting go completely.
‘Is it Gabriel? I’m so sorry, I forgot he doesn’t drink often and he’s had too
much tonight. He hasn’t hurt you has he? He used to get a bit aggressive and
into fights when he got drunk.’

‘No, he’d
never do that to me. He’s just very drunk and said some things.’

‘To upset
you?’

‘Not
intentionally. He seems to think I don’t love him because I was clear I didn’t
want to get married or have a family.’

‘O Mia, I’m
sorry. Come and sit with me a minute to talk.’

‘I’m sort
of not really dressed,’ I mumbled, embarrassed, really hoping my bare arse
wasn’t poking out of the back of the t-shirt and also slightly relieved not to
feel an erection in my stomach, that would have been just too weird.

‘Wait here
then, I’ll be back in a second.’ He kissed the top of my head and let me go and
went out and a minute later he opened the kitchen door and waved something at
me.

‘They’re one
of Gabriel’s jogging bottoms. I did some laundry while you were out, so pop
them on and let me know when I can come back in.’ He handed them to me and shut
the door. I held them up to my face and inhaled, Gabe used different washing
powder to me and the smell of his clothes always reminded me of him. I pulled
them on and did the drawstring as tight as I could and re-opened the kitchen
door. ‘Better?’ he smiled.

‘Yes,
thanks,’ I nodded. He came in and filled up a glass of water and handed it to
me, then pulled out one of the bar stools for me and he sat back on the other
and took a swig of his whiskey.

‘I’m sorry
Mia, I think it’s my fault. He was asking me about how his mother and I knew when
the time was right to have him and his ... well, to have children. We ended up
having a rather lengthy conversation about it and his concerns regarding your fertility
circumstances and reluctance to go further. I hope you don’t mind my knowing
the finer details?’

‘No, it’s
not like it’s a big secret, but I just don’t understand how he thinks I don’t
love him.’

‘He’s just
had a different upbringing, Mia. He was raised in a happy two parent home until
we lost Tabby. All of his friends had the same and in his world, when two
people love each other, they get married and have a family. He sees it as a
natural extension to being in a loving relationship.’

‘That’s not
been my experience,’ I sighed as I grabbed my water and took a sip.

‘He knows
that and I’ve tried to explain to him that our perceptions of what are normal
are moulded by what we’ve experienced and that you may feel as strongly opposed
to the idea, as he is for it. I also told him that it doesn’t mean you don’t
love him every bit as much as he does you.’

‘I never
meant to hurt him Robert, but to have expected me to discuss marriage and
children so soon into a relationship, with my history, it was just a bit much.’

‘I think I
was a bit harsh with you yesterday suggesting that you were the one that needed
therapy, Mia. He’s my son and so naturally I want what’s best for him, but now
I understand some of what you’ve been through, it makes me realise that neither
of you has had conventional childhoods. Gabriel has a fear of abandonment, just
as you’ve your own insecurities. It’s what’s prevented him getting attached to
anyone until you. Mia, if you’ll accept my offer, Dr. Jarvis is excellent. He
helped me through the loss of my wife and I should’ve insisted on Gabriel
seeing him as well. I knew he missed Tabby and I expected some feelings of loss
to linger, but I’d no idea until tonight that he felt anger and guilt over the
accident. He’s finally told me the truth about what happened that day.’

‘He did?’ I
asked, looking up at Robert surprised.

‘Yes, so maybe
you can understand why he’s in a rather emotional state of mind this evening. I
just can’t believe he’s held onto it for so long and that I didn’t put two and
two together.’

‘What do
you mean?’

‘I was with
Tabby in the ambulance and we both knew her injuries and blood loss were
serious despite the paramedics trying to reassure us. We knew she might not
make it and she told me to tell Gabriel not to blame himself. I never had the
chance to ask her what she meant before they whisked her away and I …’ he shook
his head and his hand tightened around his glass as the other clenched up on
his knee. ‘I should have pressed it further with Gabriel and found out what had
happened. He was just a child and I feel so awful that he had to carry that
burden for so long.’

‘It wasn’t
your fault, Robert,’ I said softly as I reached over and put my hand over his
balled up fist. ‘You went through a terrible ordeal too.’

‘Yes,’ he
nodded with a faint smile of gratitude at me. ‘But it’s inexcusable for a
father not to recognise the anguish of his own son. We had a few difficult
years where I pulled away and buried myself in work as I couldn’t handle losing
her, but I should have been there for him.’

‘You’re
there for him now, that’s all that matters,’ I smiled, wondering if my dad would
ever realise his shortcomings and try and work things out with me. Robert let
go of his glass and placed his hand over mine.

‘This is
why I long to be a grandfather, Mia. I want to do it right second time around
and give them all the support I wasn’t able to offer Gabriel when he needed
it.’

‘I can
understand that and I’m sure Gabe would too.’

‘He’s also
told me how worried he is about losing you too, Mia. He knows he’s been short
fused, but he’s really struggling with trying to balance his need to protect
you and make sure you’re safe with his tendencies to be over possessive and
protective of you. I’ve suggested he also see Dr. Jarvis to try and deal with
his concerns, as he’s terrified he’ll push you away. I’d like to hope that
maybe in time I could fund joint therapy, so you could listen to each other’s
concerns.’

‘You’d
really be willing to do that for us?’

‘Mia, my
son’s deeply in love with you and in the short time you’ve known him you’ve
made him open up and start dealing with some deep rooted issues that even I
didn’t know existed. If it wasn’t for you I’d still be in the dark, so if I can
do anything to help you work this out then that’s what I’ll do. I want to see
him remain as happy as you’ve made him since you came into his life.’ He
squeezed my hand tightly in his.

‘That means
a lot, thank you Robert.’ I suddenly felt like his ultimatum wasn’t so
threatening, he genuinely wanted what was best for Gabe and he saw me as a part
of that solution.

‘I don’t
want to scare you, but I told you he rang me the day after he saw you?’ I
nodded. ‘Well, he told me “Dad, I’ve just seen the girl I’m going to marry”
which is exactly how I felt when I saw his mother the first time. In that
ambulance, Tabby made me promise her that I’d do everything in my power to make
sure he was happy and I may have failed him in some respects, but I’ll make
damn sure I won’t again.’

‘I want to
do the therapy, Robert.’ Gabe deserved to feel safe and loved and to have the
life he desperately wanted. He was being open and honest and all I’d been doing
was being stubborn by refusing to work with the man I loved by knocking down some
walls built by my own father, a man I didn’t even care for. Robert was right,
Gabe needed to be with someone who could give him the life he dreamed of. I
knew I had a really rough journey ahead of me if I was going to try and face my
fears and overcome them, but it was a risk I was willing to take, for
my
man.

‘Thank you,
Mia,’ Robert smiled and let out a sigh of relief. ‘I’ll ask Dr. Jarvis to
contact you on your mobile and arrange a convenient time to meet then. He won’t
tell Gabe that you’re seeing him or disclose any confidences. Gabe was happy
for you to know he was going to get help, but it’s up to you if you want him to
know you’re going too. He won’t hear it from me.’ He patted my hand again and
let it go.

‘Thank you
Robert, it means a lot that you’re so supportive of us both. I’d better go back
and check on him and take him some water, he was really drunk.’

‘Yes,’ he
laughed. ‘Sorry, he’s never been able to hold his liquor, it was silly of me to
let him drink so much, but maybe without it he’d never have opened up to me.
Thank you for talking to me Mia, and you can anytime. I don’t have to be in the
country, you know.’

‘Thanks,
and I’m so glad that Gabe has been honest with you.’

‘Please try
not to take what he said to heart, he loves you, very much indeed, he’s just very
confused. He’s never had a serious relationship before and he’s finding the
depth of his feelings for you hard to handle, especially as they hit him so
quickly.’

‘I feel the
same too,’ I smiled. I stood up and gave him a big hug wishing I could talk to
my own dad like that. I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and another
glass. ‘I’m sorry you had to cut your call short.’

‘Yes about
that, I’d appreciate you not saying anything to him. I was going to tell him
this weekend that I’m seeing someone, but after our conversation tonight I really
don’t think it’s the right time. He’s a bit too fragile.’

‘My lips
are sealed, I’m very happy for you. Night, Robert.’

‘Night, Mia.’

I crept
back into the bedroom and let my eyes adjust to the darkness before moving.
Gabe was on his back, on my side of the bed hugging my pillow tightly in his
left arm. I stood watching him gently breathing, looked at his soft face and
long dark lashes and felt myself aching for him. Fragile was never a word I’d
have used to describe Gabe, but I guess deep down he was, maybe everyone was. The
duvet was pushed down to his hips and I ran my eyes over his lean muscular
body. I needed him, I needed his arms around me, the warmth of his body pressed
against mine and I wanted to hold him, to kiss him and tell him how much he
meant to me. I put the two glasses and the water on his bedside table and stripped
off and peeled the duvet further back and smiled to see he’d gone soft. It wasn’t
a sight I saw very often. I climbed over him on all fours and softly kissed his
lips and heard him moan. I kissed them again and he stirred and slowly opened
his eyes and looked at me and broke into a huge smile that made me melt.

‘I thought
you’d left me.’

‘I left you
to get you some water, but I was always coming back. I’m sorry to wake you up
but I wanted to cuddle with you and you’re on the wrong side of the bed.’

‘I was
looking for you. You were gone.’

‘I was
downstairs, I’m here now.’ I kissed him again and felt a tapping on my stomach,
it really didn’t take much to get him hard. He pulled me down onto him so I lay
outstretched on his front, his erection trapped between us and he pushed his
face into the curve of my neck as he wrapped his arms around mine and across my
back, encasing me.

‘I love you
Mia, I’d be lost without you.’

‘I know you
do and I feel the same.’

‘I feel
very drunk. I think I upset you earlier. What did I say?’

‘It doesn’t
matter now, just hold me.’

‘Did I say
something?’

‘
Sssshhhh
,
forget it.’

‘I need you
baby.’ His lips started moving on my neck and I closed my eyes and relished the
feeling.

‘You’re
drunk,’ I whispered.

‘I don’t
care, I need you. You don’t need me?’

‘Always,’ I
sighed as his hands started to run up and down my back while his lips caressed
my hot skin. I kissed his neck and heard him groan and he reached down and
pushed my buttocks so I pressed harder onto him. I lifted my head and our lips
met and merged, we kissed slowly and softly and I moved my arms from under me
and anchored his head with my forearms and let my fingers play with his hair as
our tongues wrapped around each other’s and I sighed happily. I could lie here
like this forever, feeling his arms around me, his mouth on mine, even with the
taste and odour of whiskey on him. I pulled my head back and looked at him and
he gazed back at me with an adoring look.