Read The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child Online
Authors: Marti Olsen Laney Psy.d.
The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child (37 page)
Because an introverted child may seem disinclined to socialize, parents may suspect autism. As a result of the recent media attention given to autism and Asperger’s, I have had several parents consult me about this. But introversion and autism are very different issues. Introverted children have normal social relationships and form close attachments with parents and with peers. Introverts do not exhibit the repetitive behavior, such as rocking or head banging, that characterizes autism. Nor do innies display the uncanny “savant” quality of, say, being able to recall random lists of numbers that sometimes signals these conditions.
Social Anxiety and Other Anxiety Disorders
. Children with social anxiety regard social situations with dread. They want to engage with people but are uncomfortable to the point of paralysis. They look for and find negative reactions to support their negative internal feelings. This virtually cripples their capacity to function in daily life. An introverted child, on the other hand, prefers situations where he can create his own internal space. This need not affect his self-esteem or his ability to get along with others. All forms of anxiety are marked by worry and nervousness that often escalates in a vicious cycle. The innie child, however, need not be concerned about wanting to be quiet or alone.
Actually, extroverts tend to experience anxiety to a greater extent than introverts. This is because anxiety is triggered on the nervous system’s
sympathetic
pathways. However, extroverts may enjoy the feeling of being hyped up and excited. By contrast, innies can find even small amounts of anxiety uncomfortable.
Selected Reading
Following are books that I have found valuable. I hope that some will offer you as parents insight too. At the end is an annotated list of books to read to your innie child.
On Temperament
Burruss, Jill D. and Lisa Kaenzig. “Introversion: The Often Forgotten Factor Impacting the Gifted.”
Virginia Association of Gifted Newsletter
, 21; 1: 1999.
Ginn, Charles.
Families: Using Type to Enhance Mutual Understanding
. Florida: Center for Applications of Psychological Type, 1995.
Greenspan, Stanley with Nancy Lewis.
Building Healthy Minds
. Massachusetts: Perseus, 2000.
Greenspan, Stanley.
The Secure Child: Helping Our Children Feel Safe and Confident in a Changing World
. Massachusetts: Da Capo, 2002.
Kurcinka, Mary Sheedy.
Raising Your Spirited Child. New York: Harper Perennial
, 1998; and
Raising Your Spirited Child Workbook
. New York: Quill, 1998.
Murphy, Elizabeth.
The Developing Child: Using Jungian Type to Understand Children
. California: Davies-Black Publishing, 1992.
Myers, Isabel Briggs with Peter Myers.
Gifts Differing
. California: Consulting Psychological Press, 1995.
Neff, Lavonne.
One of a Kind: Making the Most of Your Child’s Uniqueness
. Florida: Center for Applications of Psychological Type, 1995.
Neville, Helen and Diane Johnson.
Temperament Tools: Working With Your Child’s Inborn Traits
. Washington: Parenting Press, 1998.
Penley, Janet and Diane Stevens.
The M.O.M.S. Handbook: Understanding Your Personality Type in Mothering
. California: Penley, 1998.
Siegel, Daniel and Mary Hartzell.
Parenting From the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive
. New York: Putnam, 2003.
Tieger, Paul D. and Barbara Barron-Tieger.
Nurture by Nature: Understand Your Child’s Personality Type—and Become a Better Parent
. New York: Little, Brown & Co., 1997.
On Education
Barger, June, Robert Barger and Jamie Cano.
Discovering Learning Preferences and Learning Differences in the Classroom
. Ohio: Ohio Education Curriculum Materials Service, 1994.
Hellyer, Regina, Carol Robinson and Phyllis Sherwood.
Study Skills for Learning Power
. New York: Houghton Mifflin, 2001.
Lawrence, Gordon.
People Types and Tiger Stripes
. Florida: CAPT, 2000.
Mamchur, Carolyn.
A Teacher’s Guide to Cognitive Type Theory and Learning Style
. Virginia: Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development, 1996.
Marshall, Brian.
The Secrets of Getting Better Grades
. Indiana: JIST, 2002.
Radencich, Marguerite and Jeanne Schumn.
How to Help Your Child with Homework
. Minnesota: Free Spirit Publishing, 1997.
Thompson, Thomas.
Most Excellent Differences
. Florida: CAPT, 1996.
On Social Skills
Farber, Adele and Elaine Mazlish.
How to Talk
So
Kids Will Listen and Listen
So
Kids Will Talk
. New York: Quill, 2002.
Farber, Adele and Elaine Mazlish.
Siblings Without Rivalry
. New York: Quill, 1998.
Giannetti, Charlene and Margaret Sagarese.
Cliques
: 8
Steps to Help Your Child Survive the Social Jungle
. New York: Broadway Books, 2001.
Greenspan, Stanley and Jacqueline Salmon.
Playground Politics: Understanding the Emotional Life of Your School-Age Child
. Pennsylvania: Perseus, 1993.
Luvmour, Josette and Sambhava Luvmour.
Win-Win Games for All Ages: Cooperative Activities for Building Social Skills
. Canada: New Society Publishers, 2002.
McNamara, Barry and Francine McNamara.
Key to Dealing With Bullies
. New York: Barron’s Educational Series, 1997.
Montross, David, Theresa Kane and Robert Ginn.
Career Coaching Your Kids
. California: Davies-Black Publishing, 1977.
Romin, Trevor.
Bullies Are a Pain in the Brain
. Minnesota: Free Spirit Publishing, 1997.
Various Related Issues
Bruno, Frank.
Conquer Shyness: Understand Your Shyness—and Banish It Forever
. New York: Macmillan, 1997.
Galbraith, Judy and Pamala Espeland.
You Know Your Child Is Gifted When
…
A Beginner’s Guide to Life on the Bright Side
. Minnesota: Free Spirit Publishing, 1995.
Nelson, Jane.
Positive Parenting: A Warm, Practical, Step-by-Step Sourcebook for Parents and Teachers
. New York: Ballantine Books, 1987.
Sears, William and Lynda Thompson.
The A.D.D. Book: New Understandings, New Approaches to Parenting Your Child
. New York: Little, Brown & Co, 1998.
Sherlock, Marie.
Living Simply with Children
. New York: Three Rivers Press, 2003.
Neuroscience Research
Brebner, J. “Extraversion and the Psychological Refractory Period.”
Personality and Individual Differences
. 1998; 28: 543–551.
Broberg, Anders. “Inhibition and children’s experiences of out-of-home care.” Chapter in
Social Withdrawal, Inhibition and Shyness in Childhood
. New Jersey: Lawrence Earlbaum Associates, 1993.
Chi, M.T. “Eliciting Self-Expressions Improves Understanding.”
Cognitive Science
. 1994; 18: 439–477.
Curry, Daniel. “The Power of a Leader: Analysis of Introversion as a Good Trait for a Leader.”
School Administrator
. 2000; Vol 57: 1250–55.
Dugatkin, Lee Alan. “Homebody Bees and Bullying Chimps.”
Cerebrum
. 2004; 5: 2: 35–50.
Fuster, J.M.
The Prefrontal Cortex: Anatomy, Physiology and Neuropsychology of the Frontal Lobes
. (2nd ed.). New York: Raven Press, 1989.
Golden, Bonnie.
Self-Esteem and Psychological Type: Definitions, Interactions and Expressions
. CAPT, Florida: 1994.
Heerlein, A.,
et al.
“Extraversion/Introversion and Reward and Punishment.”
Individual Differences in Children and Adolescents
1998. Journal of personality and Social Psychology. 1994; 67, 319–333.
Henjum, Arnold. “Introversion: A Misunderstood ‘Individual Difference’ Among Students.”
Education
. 2001; Vol 10l: 1: 39.
Johnson, D.,
et al.
“Cerebral Blood Flow and Personality: A Positron Emission Tomography Study.”
American Journal of Psychiatry
. 1999; 156: 252–257.
Lester, David and Diane Berry. “Autonomic Nervous System Balance and Introversion.”
Perceptual and Motor Skills
. 1998; 87: 882.
Lieberman, Matthew. “Introversion and Working Memory: Central Executive Differences.”
Personality and Social Differences. 2000;
28: 479–486.
Nussbaum, Michael. “How Introverts Versus Extroverts Approach Small-Group Argumentative Discussions.”
The Elementary School Journal
. 2002; v102 i3: 183–199.
Rammsayer, Thomas. “Extraversion and Dopamine: Individual Differences in Response to Change in Dopamine Activity as a Biological Basis of Extraversion.”
European Psychologist. 1998
; 3: 37–50.
Scan, Sandra. “Social Introversion-Extraversion as a Heritable Response.”
Child Development
. 1969; 40: 823–832.
Singh, Ramadhar,
et al.
“Attitudes and Attraction: A Test of Two Hypotheses for the Similarity/Dissimilarity/Asymmetry.”
British Journal of Social Psychology
. 1999; 38: 427–443.
Springer, Sally and Georg Deutsch.
Left Brain, Right Brain: Perspectives from Neuroscience
. New York: W.H. Freeman, 1998.
Stelmack, Robert. “Biological Bases of Extroversion: Psychophysiological Evidence.”
Journal of Personality. 1990;
58:293–311.
Swickert, Rhonda and Kirby Gilliland. “Relationship Between the Brainstem Auditory Evoked Response and Extraversion, Impulsivity and Sociability.”
Journal of Research in Personality
. 1998; 32: 314–330.
Thompson, Roy and Arthur Perlini. “Feedback and Self-Efficacy, Arousal, and Performance of Introverts and Extraverts.”
Psychological Reports
. 1998; 82:707–716.
Zimmer, Carl. “Looking for Personality in Animals, of All People.”
The New York Times
. March 1, 2005.
Books for Innie Kids
Bourgeoius, Paulette. The
Franklin the Turtle
Series.
The series for children ages
4
to
8
covers topics like speaking in front of a group, making a new friend, forgetting, fears, and other daily innie challenges. Also in Spanish
.
Cain, Barbara.
I Don’t Know Why
…
I Guess I’m Shy
. Washington, D.C.: Magination Press, 2000.
This book
is
for
4-
to 8-year-olds. It shows the importance of a pet for shy and/or introverted kids. The last few pages give parents pointers to guide hesitant kids
.
Farris, Diane.
Type Tales
. Florida: CAPT, 2000.
Charming tales with innovative photography addressing temperament differences for kids from
5
to 10
.
Lowery, Lois.
The Giver
. New York: Random House, 2002.
For older kids, Jonas
is
a young introvert who learns a valuable lesson on differences
.
Meiners, Cheri J. The
Learning to Get Along
Series. Minnesota: Free Spirit Publishing.
This series has lively illustrations for
4-
to 8-year-old children of all races. The books include tips for parents at the back. They cover great topics for young introverted children such as how to join a group, show caring behaviors, try something new, and deal with feelings
.
Michelle, Lonnie.
How Kids Make Friends
…
Secrets for Making Lots of Friends, No Matter How Shy You Are
. Illinois: Freedom Publishing Co., 1995.
For kids
8
and up. Uses the term shyness but it offers parents the opportunity to discuss the difference between introversion and shyness. Provides good suggestions for making friends
.
Milne, A. A. The
Winnie-the-Pooh
Series.
The characters who live in the Hundred Acre Woods represent a range of temperaments
.
Montross, David.
Career Coaching for Your Kids
. California: CPP, 2004.
Includes exercises for kids and a tool kit for parents to encourage exploring careers
.
MacLachlan, Patricia.
Sarah, Plain and Tall
. New York: Harper Collins, 1987.
For kids ages
8
to
11.
First in a lovely series of books on a quiet, blended family on the prairie
.
Rawling, J. K. The
Harry Potter
Series.
Harry Potter
is
a classic introvert
.
Snicket, Lemony. The
Series of Unfortunate Events
Series.
With their thirst for knowledge and ability to concentrate, the two older Baudelaire orphans are introverts
.
Wells, Rosemary. The
Edward the Unready
Series.
Edward comes a little more slowly to new experiences than his peers do
.
Wells, Rosemary. The
Voyage to Bunny Planet
Series.
Introverted characters learn to use their internal resources
.
Index