The Complete Groupie Trilogy (47 page)

“I don’t need another nurse,” he spit out between clinched teeth.

“Actually, you do. For all those things you won’t let me do.” That shut him up. He told her he’d rather die than have her bathe him or change his dressings, he couldn’t bear for the woman he loved to see him in such a vulnerable state. “Her name is Maggie Fowler. She specializes in paralysis patients and four of her last five patients all regained mobility under her care, using her therapy.”

“What about the other one?”

“The other one, who?”

“The other unlucky bastard who never walked again.”

“You’ll have to ask her,” Andy answered dryly. “You can do that later when she comes to meet you after dinner.” She motioned to the food on the floor the other nurse was still trying to clean. “You might want to leave the place a little tidier. You never get a second chance to make a first impression, you know.”

He glared at her but said nothing. She was trying to regain their former relationship that was teasing and lighthearted, but he felt anything but lighthearted these days. Though he never regretted saving Andy’s life, the reality of never walking again was tough to swallow. That was especially true now that she had actually chosen to stay with him. She felt guilty. She felt pity. But did she truly feel love? What he feared more than anything was that if he couldn’t learn to walk again, learn how to be a man again, she’d leave him for that sonofabitch Vanni.

After coming back from a bullet wound, it would have been a travesty to die of a broken heart.

That was why he wasn’t content in waiting around for his miracle. However the healthcare providers in Philadelphia were maddeningly conservative. Most of what they seemed to focus on was the life changes he’d have to make as a paraplegic.

He closed his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat. He hated the very sound of that word. Half of his body was dead and there was precious little he could do about it. That was not a position Graham Baxter had ever been put in before, and he didn’t much like it. He was used to being powerful and respected and admired.

Each time he looked into Andy’s hazel eyes and saw any hint of pity there it chipped away at his very soul.

It was his helplessness that fueled the seething anger he harbored, one that, like that very afternoon, made him tip over his lunch tray like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum.

He was ashamed of his behavior but unsure how to put the brakes on a runaway train. He took a deep breath and looked back at Andy, who studied him thoughtfully. She was worried about him, it was clearly written all over her face. And despite all his outbursts she stood unwavering at his side, ready to fight this battle with him. He was being childish and he knew it. “I’m sorry, Andy,” he said softly.

She clasped his hand in hers. “It’s okay.”

He shook his head. “No. It’s not. And I don’t know if it ever will be.”

She reached over and cupped his face with her hand. She hated to see tears glistening in the corners of his lovely eyes. “It’ll be good again. I promise. I won’t stop fighting if you don’t.”

He grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips. “I love you, Andy,” he whispered against her skin.

Her stomach lurched whenever he said the words. She knew he was looking for a specific response, one she felt like she owed to him because of the life he had given her by taking that bullet. And she did love him – it wasn’t completely a lie. She figured now wasn’t the time to squabble over nuance. “I love you too,” she said as she rea
ched down to kiss his forehead.

This time, however, he caught her by surprise by reaching up and capturing her lips in a kiss tha
t demanded more than the words.

He was a man, dammit. Though he couldn’t feel the lower half of his body, he still needed her and wanted her as his woman.

“Graham,” she said softly as she tried to disengage. “This isn’t the place…”

He was disappointed and really didn’t bother to hide it. “You’re right,” he conceded as he leaned back against the bed. If only she had kissed him back he would have known if she meant the words she said or if she just felt obligated to repeat them.

Whether Andy would stay and be with him was an even bigger question mark than whether or not he would walk again. It was hard for him to decide which one he wanted more.

Her phone buzzed in her purse. She pounced on the distraction to step away from the awkwardness of the situation, but her face fell as she read the text me
ssage. “Problem?” Graham asked.

Andy sighed as she glanced up at him. She didn’t want to bring it up to him, especially now, but it was his record company and he certainly had a right to know. “It’s Iain. I guess things aren’t going very well at their Hollywood Bowl performance.”

“What’s the problem?” he wanted to know.

“Vanni’s drunk,” she finally said. “Iain said he’s never seen him this wasted.”

Graham chortled in disgust. “Sounds about right. He can’t stand that you stayed here with me so he’s going to try and make you choose which romantic hero to save.”

“This isn’t his being manipulative. Believe me I’m no stranger to that. I think he’s in trouble.”

“So what are you saying, Andy?” he demanded. “What is it you want to do? Fly to L.A. and hold his hair as he pukes?”

She shook her head. She had made her choice. The way she calculated it she wouldn’t even see him again for another two months at least. Vanni was just going to have to be a big boy all on his own.
She said as much to Graham.

Again he chuckled. “I’ll believe that when I see it.”

Andy artfully dodged any more discussion about Vanni or the band by suggesting she go get Graham something a little more edible from outside the hospital. He agreed, begrudgingly. He didn’t want her to leave, especially after that text from Iain, but he was starving. Apparently he didn’t think his little stunt with the food tray all the way through.

This time she planted a kiss on his mouth and promised she’d be back with a greasy, yummy Philly cheesesteak.

The minute she was out the door, however, she was on the phone with Iain.

“What’s going on?”

“He’s ripped, that’s what’s going on,” Iain told her. She could hear the loud sound check going on behind him. “I’m afraid he’s going to plunge head first right into the crowd.”

She couldn’t imagine. “He’s that bad?”

“Worse,” Iain confirmed. “And I’ll tell you this. I don’t think that Leo guy is helping matters at all. He’s willing to let him drink even more.”

Andy’s mouth thinned into a firm line. She’d only met Leo once and hadn’t been all that impressed with him, probably because he was fairly dismissive of her. “Keep me updated,” she instructed. “We should be back in L.A. after you guys get done with the UK gigs. I’ll be able to do more when I’m not an entire country away.”

“Honestly, babe, I don’t know if you can do anything. It’s up to him now. And he doesn’t give a shit.”

She wasn’t worried. She felt pretty confident that she could still get through to Vanni. He was mad at her but she knew he still lov
ed her. They would work it out.

They always had.

They just had to get in the same room again so he could see that her staying with Graham hadn’t changed her feelings for him. That had to mean something, right? Even though they couldn’t be together?

When she got back to the hospital Graham was dozing. When he was asleep the lines in his face, many of which deepened since the shooting, smoothed out and he was once again the man she had grown to care about so deeply.

Was it love? Who was to say? It really didn’t matter. This man nearly gave his life to be her hero. She wasn’t going anywhere. And that was a kind of love that was real and solid, even if she dreamed nightly of being wrapped in another man’s arms.

She checked online to see how the concert was going through the different social networks. Alarm bells sounded in her head when she realized even the audience could tell he was wasted. She had only really seen him drunk in private once, at her hotel in Los Angeles after he caught her kissing Graham, but she’d never ever seen him blow a performance. He w
as the consummate professional.

Someone even uploaded video. She could only watch for a painful moment or two before she had to shut it off. His singing to a groupie after everything they went through with Tawnie and Talia was completely irresponsible. That he gave her the same kind of kiss he had always given Andy just added insult to injury. She couldn’t decide if he was being childish or just stupid… both were legitimate possib
ilities.

Either that or he was deeply hurt – and she was the cause. She gulped down familiar guilt and pocketed her phone before she woke Graham for his dinner.

Chapter Three

August 13, 2010. London, England.

Vanni

They only had six European dates over six weeks, but Vanni’s drinking managed to effectively challenge the first five. He showed up drunk, he fought with the band, he snapped at the groupies. During the week when they had interviews with the press he was late if he showed up at all. This left the interviewers scrambling that they couldn’t get time with the guy the audience wanted to see most. Somehow, though, with the excitement of the band finally heading overseas, they managed to sell out each venue and leave the crowd clamoring for more.

The more elusive Vanni made himself, the more attractive he was. Their tunes rocketed to the top of the charts both stateside and wherever they happened to tour.

Worse, the frustration he used to take out with actual women found its way onto the stage. He offered the promise of ultimate sexual fulfillment but stayed at arm’s length. It had groupies swarming in droves. He grew more brazen, leaving the romantic hero stuff at the wayside. He wanted to rock hard and work out all his brooding aggression in front of an audience of tens of thousands of screaming fans. He left ballads off the set lists, even though the girls clamored to hear thei
r favorites like “Wanting Her.”

Instead he tried out new material he was writing like a madman in his hotel-ridden drunken stupors. The band could barely keep up and the errors were numerous when they played live. The precision he once prided himself upon also fell by the wayside. He was dangerous and raw and unpredictable.

The girls couldn’t get enough of Giovanni Carnevale. He was the bad boy rocker in every sense of the word.

By the time they got to London, the last date on their tour, Iain knew what he had to do. He had already flown Alana and George over to stay with his folks while he secretly spent his week in the city looking for a place to live. Though they were selling out arenas and on top of the charts, the whole environment around Vanni was just too volatile. Iain just didn’t see it getting any better, especially once they got back to L.A. and Vanni had to deal with Andy’s living with Graham right under his nose. All the guys worried it was going to get worse before it got better, and he hadn’t signed onto this kind of roller coaster when he joined the band three years before. He was a family man now. If he had to do studio work to pay the bills, that’s what he would do. It was never about the fame for him anyway.

Alana had already given her blessing. The life of a rock star wife was not exactly her dream come true either. She had George now and he was her focus. She couldn’t care less about being a career woman like Iris; she wanted to be a mom. She was already thinking of adding another to their brood. And she knew with all certainty she didn’t want to do that in the fake and plastic land of Los Angeles, California. She was tired of the fans. She was tired of the fame. And quite frankly, she was tired of Vanni.

Vanni was predictably late to the meeting that Iain had arranged prior to the show on Friday, which just happened to be the thirteenth day of the month. Even for those in the band without any superstition whatsoe
ver, it sounded eerily ominous.

He was also predictably drunk, with a bottle of the ever present expensive champagne in his hand. Iain sent a disapproving look to Leo, who had made sure that Vanni had easy access to all the liquor he wanted at the expe
nse of their live performances.

Leo in particular was another reason Iain wanted to leave. He would have tried to talk to Graham about it had the situation been different. Leo Newman was a liability, both to the band and to Giovanni himself. He drank and partied just as hard as Vanni, and managed to keep himself busy with the groupie castoffs Van
ni no longer wanted to indulge.

“So what’s up, brother?” Vanni slurred as he looked over at Iain. He called him brother, and had for years, but these days there was precious little emotion behind i
t. Vanni was now on auto-pilot.

“I’ve decided to leave the band,” Iain told him quietly. The other members looked on, awaiting Vanni’s reaction. They already knew what was going to go down, and some had even cons
idered their own escape routes.

“Leave?” Vanni repeated. “Why?”

“Look around you, mate,” Iain said. “This is not the band we wanted to be.”

“Rich? Successful? In demand the world over? Oh no,” Vanni sneered. “Nothing to like about any of that at all.”