The Complete Groupie Trilogy (24 page)

He had tattooed himself undern
eath my flesh and onto my soul.

I suppose it was that connection that made me casually look back into the park, and that was where I saw them. Vanni walked with Kat, with his arm around her shoulders, smiling down at her with that smirk that I always thought was mine.

My heart stopped for a moment. He bent to whisper something in her ear and she laughed, which drew the attention of some passersby. These were fans apparently because I could see them squeal and react that they had run into Giovanni Carnevale in the middle of the park. Just before the horse had pulled the cab out of sight I could see that Kat greeted them with the same kind of gracious accommodation.

Apparently they were fans of her too.

My throat felt as though it has closed tight and I could barely swallow, or even breathe. What the hell was going on? He had chosen to work over spend time with me, which he couldn’t really control, but what I saw was definitely not work. He wanted to be with Kat.

He wanted to be with Kat more than me.

I fought with every fiber of my being not to cry as I finished the hansom cab ride. I took a regular cab back to his apartment, where I let myself in with my key.

Did Kat have a key? Was she able to stay in his apartment with him?

These were questions that suddenly demanded answers.

I thought briefly about rifling through his belongings to see if there was any evidence she was more to him than just a backup dancer, but I couldn’t bring myself to stoop so low. Instead I sat on the couch, pulled out my phone and sent him a text. “Coming home for lunch?” I asked, feeling the possessiveness of the question as I typed it.

He didn’t answer right away, which only made me antsier. After about five minutes – which felt like about ten years – I got up and started to pace. Something familiar caught my eye on his recliner, and as I drew closer I realized it was the leather-bound book I gave him on Christmas.

It wasn’t prying or snooping to read through the book, I convinced myself. After all I had given it to him and he claimed he’d write music for me in it. I had a right to see what he’d done with the gift I had given him, didn’t I?

I opened and flipped through the pages, rushing until I reached the songs in the back. These would be the ones that gave me some insight into what he was currently thinking or feeling.

“
Since the day she found me, I felt her all around me. I can’t resist the taste of her lips. I can’t wait to make her mine
.”

I felt like I had swallowed a bag full of marbles. Those words did not feel as though they belonged to me. Instead it sounded like new love, with someone he had yet to conquer.

“
Never sleep with him
,” Jacob had advised, “
and he’ll love you forever
.”

As if punctuating that statement my cell phone rang. It was Vanni.

“
Can’t today. Swamped. See you after the show
.”

I felt so hollow I couldn’t even cry. My first impulse was not to go to the show. But stronger than that was the simple fact I needed to go to the show. I needed to know if there was something really going on between Kat and Vanni, or if I had simply misread what I saw at the park.

And in his journal.

And through his lying, impersonal text.

If it wasn’t the middle of the day I would have called Alana, but I knew she had a full schedule thanks to representing several overseas clients who had been friends of hers from way back. Her “family” came first, and truthfully I didn’t want to put her in the awkward position of being thrust in the middle of her loyalty to her boyfriend and her loyalty to me.

Besides, she already warned me that Vanni wasn’t boyfriend material. I knew going into this he had a wandering eye and a love for the ladies, which was made him so good at sell
ing his sex god image on stage.

I convinced myself that these were the reasons that I opted to go to the show rather than the club to hang out with Iris and Alana, to help them set up the M&G. The real reason is I needed to more closely examine the relationship that Kat and Vanni shared onstage. It was an act I knew, but if he treated Kat with any microscopic difference than he treated Wenonah, then that would prove to me their relationship was no longer business only.

Maybe it never had been, I thought suddenly. All she ever needed to do was make him work for it and he would have likely been on the hunt from the beginning. She was certainly attractive enough, and Vanni had already established he had no particular “type.” He seemed to appreciate women of all shapes and sizes.

I touched my hair, which had been platinum since our relationship had become intimate. Had I become too boring? Was he tired of the same old thing?

I knew how to fix that.

With Iris’s help I found a salon to help me regain some of Andy back.

By the time I got to the concert that night no one I knew would recognize me, but I had never felt more myself since this whole crazy affair started.

I stayed in the balcony, paid seats this time. Vanni wasn’t expecting me to be there, he thought that I was going to help Alana and Iris. None of my friends knew I’d be going to the concert instead until right before the concert started. Hopefully if he didn’t think I was watching he’d indulge more freely with Kat.

It was crazy to think this way. He’d made me no commitments, and as far as the public was concerned he was a free agent. And precious few knew in our personal lives knew we were involved, including members of his own band.

It was quite s
imply never discussed.

So really he was free to pursue her just a
s she was free to respond back.

Everyone was free to do what they wanted.

Even me.

So why did I suddenly feel so restricted? Perhaps because what I really wanted involved something impossible for me to have. This was not a white picket fence kind of life, and I had the misfortune of falling in love with a butterfly that would have been crushed if I tried to hold onto him too tightly.

Though I watched his behavior closely I didn’t notice any real change from the night before. He sang my song again to the front row and again I saw the same fan from the night before. This time she copped a feel when he walked past, and he laughed it off with a playful wag of the finger.

Since I knew how expensive the V.I.P. tickets were, I was frankly surprised to see her there a second night. This concerned me because she was clearly not willing to respect his personal space, and she knew she’d have access to him if she was in the front row. If she could afford to do this more than once she obviously had the means to pursue him, which immediately raised a flag on my radar.

I made it a point to keep an eye on her when we reached the club that night.

That she ignored everyone around her and kept her eyes and focus on Vanni only reinforced my initial concerns.

“Andy! Oh my God!”

I swung around to see Alana gaping at my new makeover. I had long, dark, burgundy tresses thanks to some very expensive extensions, and I was wearing a much more daring corset top, studded skirt with thigh high lace stockings and platform pumps. My makeup too was dark and brought the whole Goth motif together. All I needed were fangs and I’d be a vampire.

“I love it!” she squealed as she threw her arms around me.

“I felt like I needed a chang
e,” I said.

“This is a big change!” she exclaimed happily, tucked her arm in mine and we wandered over to a quiet corner.

“You see that girl over there?” I indicated to the fan I had been watching.

Alana slightly rolled her eyes. “Oh yes. We see her everywhere.”

“I noticed she was here last night. She tried to kiss Vanni when he was in the front row.”

“Iain told me about her about a month ago. Apparently she showed up in Seattle for the first show, but has really gone into overdrive the last couple of months. She’s been to Sacramento, Reno, and Las Vegas. The last one was Salt Lake City. Front row, every show. I really don’t know where she gets the money.”

“Is she always so handsy?”

Alana shook her head. “I think she’s getting more brazen each time. I keep telling Vanni to stop going down into the audience. He’s really asking for trouble when he makes it seem he’s falling in love with each girl.”

Was he ever
, I thought to myself.

“Iris told him. Iain told him. Even Yael told him to take his head out of his ass.” We laughed. Then she grew serious. “I just don’t think he can bear the thought of alienating anyone. So he tries to be everything for everyone.”

I glanced across the room just in time to see him enter the room. Was that it, then? Was he so afraid we’d all abandon him like his dad that he had to be the perfect boy for everyone?

I watched the fan make her way immediately to him once he entered. He gave her a hug, and she held on a few seconds longer after he made it clear he needed to go. She reached up on her tiptoes and aimed for a kiss on his cheek but he averted his head quickly. It landed s
omewhere around his collarbone.

He moved on through the crowd of fans, each one more adoring than the last. He seemed so happy surrounded by their adoration. Sated. Complete. Maybe this was why he couldn’t be honest about our relationship. Without their thinking they could be with him, and his encouraging that with the way he performed, he thought maybe they wouldn’t love him as much.

And it became all too clear to me he needed that. This wasn’t a job. It was about filling a deep hole within. This was why he got so much out of the personal interaction of the fans and the others in the band kept a low profile.

They wanted to make music.

He needed to be a star.

I turned back to Ala
na. “I’ll talk to him,” I said.

She just laughed. “You do that.”

We hadn’t really ever come out and said what was going on behind closed doors, and suddenly I wanted to. “Maybe he’ll listen to me,” I offered, hinting that the relationship that Vanni and I shared was far deeper and emotionally connected than anyone else. Even members of the band.

Alana grew serious. “Andy,” she started but then seemed to think better of it. “Be careful,” she finally said. “Vanni has always had a hard time seeing past his own nose, and his instant stardom hasn’t helped that much.”

She looked so troubled I had to ask. “Is something wrong?”

She sighed and placed the juice drink she’d been nursing back onto the bar. “The band is experiencing… growing pains,” she explained delicately. “Not everyone is as happy about things as Vanni.”

I set my own drink down and waited.

She took a quick glance around then turned back to me. “Iain is really not happy about Jasper. Ever since this whole Lourdes speculation stirred back up he’s been running the boys ragged. Yael is about to rip his own hair out and Felix wants to bail for the West Coast. They’ve asked me to talk to Athena about helping them release from their contract. They want out.”

“What?” I exclaimed. “But this is what they worked so hard for…”

She shook her head. “Things are… complicated right now.” Then, closer to me, “I’m pregnant,” she whispered.

I gasped in surprise before I threw my arms around her for a hug. I knew this was something she had wanted for a long time. “When?”

She beamed. “November.”

I quickly did the figures in my head. According to the DIB schedule they would be back on tour to support the second album by the end of the year. It explained why Iain didn’t want to keep their breakneck pace. He wanted to be at home with his new family.

“Nobody knows,” she added. “Not even the band.”

“My lips are sealed,” I promised. “What are you going to do?”

She sighed again. “We don’t know. Ideally we’d go back to London. That’s where we want to raise our child. But that is impossible with the band. So I guess we’ll stay based in the States for now. It’d just be nice to be able to see Iain more than a few months a year. I already told him they need to take it to one tour a year, but Jasper’s so freaked out he’ll lose Athena with these Lourdes rumors he’s willing to milk DIB for all they’re worth.”

I nodded. After Athena, DIB was now Jasper’s biggest act. “If you need anything, I’m here.”

She smiled. “I was hoping you’d say that. I need some help running the fan forums that Iris set up. She’s so wrapped up with her new clients she doesn’t have time to run them, and naturally I am going to have a very busy schedule the next few months while I prepare for the baby.”

She looked so serene when she mentioned the baby. It reminded me briefly of my scare earlier in the year, and how after the panic subsided I really rather warmed to the idea. There seemed something almost magical about conceiving a child with the person you loved.

“You just tell me what to do and I’ll do it,
” I said.

“You’re the best,” she said happily as she gave me a big hug. “I’ll send you an email with all the details. Just look it over when you get home.” I nodded and then she remind
ed, “Remember, mum’s the word.”