Ten Thousand Lies (36 page)

As we waited for the food at our secluded corner table, I grew more nervous. I needed to tell her who I was because I was so helplessly in love with her, and if knowing would change her feelings for me, I had to do it now before I lost myself completely.

Who am I kidding? I’m already lost to her.

I definitely needed to do it before any more amazing memories could be made.

Poking at my fish tacos—Jaime had laughed at me for ordering them—I could hardly stand to put anything in my mouth, my gorge had risen so high.

“What’s the matter?” she asked, reaching for her beer and taking a swig.

“I…” Fuck, I had known it would be hard, but I’d figured it’d be in an emotional sense. My throat was paralyzed around my vocal cords. I seemed physically unable to tell her.

“Ricki?”

Closing my eyes, I wished I could do this without the fucking contacts, so Jaime could look into my eyes and see me as my true self.

“I need to tell you about…” I dropped my voice to a whisper. The restaurant was crowded and loud, but I had this ingrained apathy toward my past. “About who I was.”

“Okay,” she murmured, glancing around.

My heart warmed at the thought that she was nervous for me, checking to see that no one was eavesdropping.

“Jaime, I was…”

She stood suddenly and came around the table to sit next to me in the booth seat. My back was against the wall, so there was no fear of someone hearing anything from behind.

“I was born into a life of crime,” I said as she sat down. “I’m not talking about a family of petty thieves or drug dealers. My father…what do you know about the Mafia?”

“Um…not much. I’ve watched
The Sopranos
.”

“Yeah…well, I guess we can go with that. My father was The Godwin.”

“Shut the fuck up. Seriously?”

“You’ve heard of him?”

“The Godwins were the ones who had Rex…” Her voice trailed off. Her eyes grew wide with shock. “Oh my God,” she whispered.

I nodded. “Yeah. Before that though—”

“You’re the son. The Godwin’s son who was gunned down with him. Aren’t you?”

“Yes,” I replied. “My name was James—Jamey. People called me Jamey.”

She reached for her beer again, and I couldn’t blame her. In fact, I was thinking we might want to hit some harder stuff in a moment.

“That must creep you out,” she said after she swallowed half of her beer. “We have the same name.”

“No. Nothing about you creeps me out. What creeps me the fuck out is, you might not like what you hear, and I’m…Jaime, I’m fucking terrified you won’t want to be with me. Yesterday, you said we had to prove to one another that we trusted each other. I trust you with knowing everything about me. I need you to know because I can’t be dishonest with you.”

“Ricki, I already knew you had to have a shady past.”

“My first kill was when I was fourteen years old. I put a bullet between a dealer’s eyes for pissing off my father. He wasn’t the only one.”

“Okay.”

“The night we saved Rex…I easily killed two, maybe three men. Ronen and I helped Rex kill his dad, too. We took him over to this side.
On purpose
. We helped blood a sixteen-year-old kid.”

“I know,” she said softly. “I’ve known for years. If I were Rex, I’d have probably done the same. If you hadn’t helped him do it, he’d have done it on his own somehow, and he would’ve probably gotten caught.”

I’d never thought about it like that before.

“I know you had a…different…life,” she told me. “I understand the things you did were just straight-up wrong. But I also know that if you hadn’t been born into that life, you’d never have had the balls to do what you do today. What you, Ronen, and Rex do…it takes fucking guts. It’s fucking insane. And I sleep better at night, knowing people are out there who are willing to put their own lives in danger to save others.”

“I like it,” I confessed. “It’s gotten to the point where I like killing them.”

“That’s fine by me,” she retorted.

“How?”

“Because the ones you kill take sick pleasure in victimizing others and make a profit off it, too.”

Relief sang through my blood. “So, it’s okay with you that…I am what I am?”

Jaime looked me in the eyes. “I’m in love with who you are, Ricki. This is a part of what makes you, you.”

I had to clench my jaw against the deluge of emotion Jaime infused me with. “How do you know?”

“That I’m in love?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, let’s see…I can’t stop thinking about you. I can hardly keep my hands to myself when you’re around. I miss you like crazy when we’re not together. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. Lately, when I think about the future, I can’t see my life without you in it.”

Grabbing her face, I dragged her in for a tongue-sucking kiss. Her hand went straight to my crotch and squeezed my hardening cock through my jeans.

“Fuck,” I grunted, pulling back and thrusting against her hand at the same time. “Damn it, woman. Now, I bloody well want to skip dinner.”

Jaime laughed. “Not me. I’m starving.”

She let go of me and slid out of the booth to take her seat across from me once more.

“Why the hell did you do that?” I asked, grumpy as fuck. “All me blood’s in me dick. I can’t fucking think for shit now.”

Jaime’s evil little chuckle earned her a scowl. And a dick twitch—though she didn’t know that.

“So, how do you know
you’re
in love?” she asked.

“I just do,” I replied.

Snorting, she said, “Yeah. You sound
real
happy about it.”

“Come back over here, and give me a hand job under the table. Then, I’ll tell you all the reasons I’m in love with you.”

“But my chicken enchiladas are delicious. Eat your fish tacos.”

“I wanna eat
your
fish taco.”

“Ass.”

“Bitch.”

Jaime’s face was quivering with attempting to control her laughter. I couldn’t contain mine and busted out in guffaws.

As she smiled, her China blues sparkled like stars. “We got this.”

“Yeah, we do.”

Ricki

Waking up Monday morning with Jaime wrapped around me just meant I could start my day with a smile on my face. Ahead of me stretched hours of stress, pretending to be someone I wasn’t. Breathing in the scent of generic lotion and dreadlock wax, I was in my happiest place.

The Knight of Mercy had sent me a text last night, telling me to be at the hotel around noon. It was barely nine o’clock now. I had time to just lie here and hold Jaime. At least I would have the memories from the last two nights to hold me over while I was tattooing the embodiment of evil later on.

Jaime pressed a gentle kiss to my chest, and my arms tightened around her.

“Your heart’s beating fast. What are you thinking about?”

“Tattooing Satan.”

“Hmm…yeah, I guess that would do it.”

For some reason, when I was with Jaime, the brain-to-mouth filter on me was nonexistent, and, “When I touch him…” just popped out of my mouth.

“When you touch him what?”

Damn it.
“I don’t know if I want you to know what I’m like when I’m doing my job.”

“I know I do,” she replied. “Tell me.”

“My head goes dark, I go cold inside, and I fantasize about the ways I can fucking end his arse. Slow. Bloody. Painful. And, when I see his sadistic brother…the shit I’d like to do to
that
fucker is even worse.”

She nodded, her face against my heart. “I feel you.”

“You do?”

“Yes. You want me to make some coffee?”

Leaning back, I gazed down at the top of her head until she raised her face to look into my eyes. With my fingertips, I traced over her cheekbone. “How did I ever exist without you?”

Those China blues widened and grew dark. “It was just that, Ricki.
Existing
. I’ve never felt more alive than I do when I’m with you.”

Sucking in a sharp breath, I swelled up with pride for my girl. My heart pounded, and my dick tingled. Yeah, I felt
alive
.

“Sex before coffee,” I demanded.

Pushing herself off me, she laughed, scooting herself toward the edge of the bed. I pounced, dragging her back and pinning her beneath me. Wiggling my hips, I situated myself between her thighs, the head of me resting against her heat.

“Can I come in?” I asked.

In response, she rubbed herself against me, making me slide through her dampness. “Yeah.”

With a slow thrust, I pushed home, groaning at the tight, wet feel of her. “How the fuck did I ever live without
this
?”

“I know, right?” She laughed, her eyes sparkling with happiness.

“Pfft. You didn’t deny yourself sex.”

“It was
just
sex, babe. It was never
this
.”

“It was never
this
.”

Over and over, Jaime’s words replayed in my head as I made my way up to the Knight of Mercy’s suite. Just like the last time, a thug called Pasha sat outside the door in the corridor. Recognizing me, he leered and stood.

“
Misha is expecting you
,” he told me in Russian.

All of Mikhail’s cronies called him Misha.

“No shit,” I snapped.

Remembering protocol from last time, I held my arms out and let the fucker pat me down.

Acting on edge with these guys, giving them attitude, might have struck some people as insane. The thing was, if I didn’t act like a punk-ass piece-of-shite tattooist, they’d have no respect for me. It showed them I was willing to fight, that I wasn’t some pissant pushover willing to be used. They’d use me anyway—that was what they did—but at least they’d know I wouldn’t just bend over and take it.

As Pasha opened the door, the sounds coming from inside made my skin crawl.

The sight that slammed into my eyes made me sick.

Right there, on the fucking living room floor, the woman from Tiny Dancers, Tonya, was on all fours, gagging around Mikhail’s cock, while he fucked her face, and his brother, Nikolai, brutally pounded into her arse. Tonya’s black eyeliner streaked down her cheeks as she teared, snot and saliva coating her face and dripping in ropes onto the floor.

“Ah! Ricki!” said Mikhail, grinning like the sick fuck he was.
“Right on time. I shouldn’t be too much longer.”

The bastard grabbed Tonya’s head and shoved her face into his pubic hair. She started flailing, slapping at his thighs, as he punched his hips, her face turning red. With the other hand, he reached down and squeezed her throat.

“I’ll just go and fucking set up then,”
I told him, pointing toward his bedroom.
“The bench still in there?”

“Stay. If you want, she can do you next.”

“No, thank you,”
I replied, averting my gaze. But I stayed where I stood, waiting for Mikhail to finish.

In my mind, Jaime whispered,
“It was
just
sex. It wasn’t
this
.”

This room was painfully red. All the rooms in this hotel were heavy on the color scheme. Old World-style portraits graced the walls with touches of modern convenience and technology. I had to think about the benign shit around me, or I’d go full-on fucking assassin. It helped me keep my head while witnessing the absolute abuse of a woman.

Does she want that? Does she
enjoy
that? Is that
just
sex? Did Jaime ever do shit like that? Has she taken it up the arse? Is it something she’d want me to do to her? Would it be the same?

Somehow, I didn’t think so. I didn’t think I had it in me to do that to my Dollface even if she wanted me to. Maybe some gentle anal or something, if Jaime
really
wanted it.

It did nothing for me. My dick was dead in my pants.

Deep within me, shame for Tonya beat like an echo to my heart rhythm. She might be a whore, but it didn’t mean she should be degraded like that.

Mikhail grunted and breathed heavy, and with a wet sound, he removed himself from Tonya’s throat. Glancing back to the scene at hand, I watched as she dropped to the floor, face-first, sucking in huge drafts of air. Mikhail stuffed his semi into his pants and buttoned up.

Nikolai raised his right hand and delivered a blow to Tonya’s rear that made her cry out. “
Get up! I’m not fucking a dead thing here!
” he snarled in Russian.