Ten Thousand Lies (34 page)

Laughing, I handed him over to her. “I think we know who his favorite is.”

Ellen brought us her hair dryer, and Xanthe held him while I blasted him dry. Once that was over, Beefcake was the fluffiest, cutest little man ever, and he attacked the plate of food Lilla had made with gusto.

“So…Ronen won’t shut up about me?” Lilla asked us in general.

“Nope,” replied Ellen. “He thought you kicking his ass out was the sexiest damn thing. And then you refused to give him your number. He likes a challenge.”

“And your tits,” I muttered at Lilla.

“Yeah, well…”

“Do you like him?” asked Xanthe.

“Honestly? When I woke up and he was in bed with me, I had a serious what-the-fuck moment. He’s nothing like what I usually go for, and I have no idea how we ended up there. If he seduced me with his brain, I have no recollection.”

“What do you usually go for?” I asked.

“Dudes like the ones Xanthe ends up taking home,” Lilla replied. “Big fuckers who won’t break beneath me.”

“Xanthe has been walking kind of funny the last couple of days,” remarked Ellen. She waved the joint at us. “What was that man’s name, dear?”

“Morten.”

“He put the hurtin’ on you, didn’t he?” Ellen said.

Lilla lost it as Xanthe’s face blazed with heat.

“I’m meeting up with him tomorrow,” Xanthe mentioned. “We had a lot of fun.”

“Maybe a little too much?” Lilla joked.

Xanthe shrugged, smiling. “He’s here for a few months, and he has good taste in music. He can hold a decent conversation, too. Couldn’t hurt to have a bed buddy.”

“Not if he leaves you walking in circles,” drawled Ellen.

Ricki

The meeting with the Locals had run a lot later than I’d hoped it would. Ronen and I didn’t get out of there until after midnight. I texted Jaime as we left, but she didn’t answer, so I knew she must be sleeping.

It was my first night sleeping without her since we’d gotten together, and I didn’t have an easy time of it. I’d gotten used to holding her, having her presence wrapped around me while I drifted off to sleep. Lying in bed alone made me very aware of how lonely I’d been all my life.

Ronen and I walked into the shop the next morning, and Jaime stood behind the counter, setting up for the day. The sight of her stunned me a little. She turned her smile on me full blast, and a fierce, possessive sense of elation shot through me.

That’s
my
woman.

Contrary to the excitement inside me, I sauntered up to her and smacked her arse. “Hey, Dollface.”

Laughing, she threw herself in my arms and smothered me with happy kisses. “Hey. I missed you last night.”

Ronen walked down the hall, making gagging noises.

“I missed you, too,” I told her, keeping my voice low. “I sent you a text, but I guess you were asleep.”

“Yeah.”

“I hate waking up, and you’re not there.”

“I thought the same thing when I woke up.”

Taking her face in my hands, I pulled her in for a kiss that left us both panting. She let me but only because we weren’t officially open for business. When we were, Jaime would turn into the shop manager and wouldn’t allow any inappropriate stuff, which was a shame because I’d just found out that being inappropriate was a fucking turn-on.

Sometimes, I just couldn’t help myself, and I’d shamelessly molest her when no one was looking. She’d let me get away with that shit, too.

Clients started rolling in, and we were all so busy that, by the time I’d finished with my last client at three o’clock, I was shocked the day was nearly over. Since we stayed open until six, I had some time to kill and decided to check my email and get shit rolling for Monday.

Jaime had still never been in my office. Letting myself in, I made my way to my desk. Booting up the computer, I opened some bills for the shop and looked them over. Jaime had taken over the payments and kept shit organized, but I still liked to know what was going on.

Clicking through my email, I found one from Xanthe, which was kind of weird. We didn’t send emails to each other so much. The subject read
To Chop or Not
, which intrigued me, so I opened it. Xanthe had a wild, diabolical side, and I wondered what—or who—needed the ax.

After the first few sentences, I was sitting there, staring at my screen, with my mouth hanging open, reading some of the best fucking porn I’d ever come across. It was official. Xanthe wasn’t just a secretly bloodthirsty little freak; she was a fucking sex fanatic with a gift for writing it in explicit detail.

Donovan Colt had the heroine of
Haunted Bonds
, Lindsey Sparks pinned to the wall with his head between her legs. From what Lindsey was screaming, it was something she was enjoying, and I couldn’t help but wonder why I hadn’t done this to Jaime. Donovan had a beard, which apparently made the whole experience that much better. I had a beard, so I’d have that going for Jaime, too.

Then, the fucker hefted the woman up and threw himself into her like a battering ram.

Seriously? Do chicks like it like this?

They fucked up against the wall for a few minutes like this before he
tossed
the woman to the floor and banged her while she was on her hands and knees. The thought of doing that to Jaime had me fucking hard and aching, and I reached between my legs and squeezed to counterpressure the rush of blood.

My dick was tingling something fucking
fierce
.

Does Jaime want it like this?

I wanted Jaime like that.

What the fuck do I do? How do I do it? Would she think it’s weird?

I’d spent the last week trying to make it up to Jaime, how I’d treated her the first time. The way we’d made love the first night at my house, I thought that was what she liked, so I’d kept doing it that way. Reaching for my phone, I did the only thing I could think of and called the author of this amazing piece of smut.

“Hello?” Xanthe answered.

“Hey,” I replied.

“Hey,” she said, sounding cheerful. I could hear her typing away at her laptop. “What’s up?”

“I, uh…I got your email.”

“What email?”

“The one you sent me,” I replied, snarky. “
To Chop or Not.
And—”

“I fucking sent you that?” she whispered in shock.

“You did.”

Xanthe laughed nervously. “Oh, man. It wasn’t supposed to go to you.”

“Who the fuck was it supposed to go to then?”

“Jaime and Rex.”

“Rex reads this shite?”

“Rex reads all my shit. And it’s not
shite
,” she fumed.

“No, it’s not. It’s fucking awesome. But the reason I’m calling is…do women like it like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like…” I couldn’t for the life of me think of an adjective to accurately describe it.

“Up against a wall?”

“All of it. Like, rough. Brutal but not…” I took a deep breath. “So, Jaime and I have sex, right?”

“I’m aware, yes,” she said dryly.

“But not
that
kind of sex. I was wondering…”

“What?”

Whispering for some unknown reason, I said, “Do you think Jaime would want to have that kind of sex?”

“Ricki…we
all
want to have that kind of sex.”

“You do? Like…violent like this?”

“It’s not violent in the sense of
violence
. It’s passion.”

“Donovan bloody slaps her arse and pulls her hair,” I stated.

Xanthe sighed. “Yeah…”

“You…you like that kind of shite?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Wait…is this you and
Deo
?” I was a little appalled.

Xanthe cracked up. “He does enjoy smacking arses and pulling hair.”

“Ugh!”

“Hey, you asked. But, seriously, yes. Jaime wants to have that kind of sex with you. It’s not violent in the way you’re thinking, Ricki. It’s just…unleashing the inner beast, so to speak. It’s showing Jaime, when it comes to her, you lose a little control. Show her she ignites something hot and wild within you.”

“I don’t want to hurt her,” I said. “Ever.”

“She knows that. It’s not like giving someone a beating, you know? A little twinge of pain can make it that much sweeter. That’s what you’re going for. Reckless, uninhibited abandon. If it starts to get out of hand or painful, she’d tell you. It’s about trust and knowing the limitations. She’ll love it if you can let that passion run its course.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh, yeah. And…”

“And?”

“She told me the sex with you is the best she’s ever had.”

“Really?” That perked me up. “I have no fucking clue what I’m doing.”

“I think the love makes up for the lack of experience. And that’s another thing; don’t be afraid to try shit out. You never know what you’ll like if you don’t move beyond the missionary position.”

“All I have in my head now is you and Deo.”

“Deo is quite an awesome lover.”

“Why can’t you two make it work? I mean, we all can see how much you two love each other.”

Xanthe sighed again, resigned. “I know, but…there’s something missing.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not even entirely sure. It’s like…I get the feeling there’s someone out there who’ll make Deo a whole man one day, and that person isn’t me. We complement each other, you know? Our pieces fit, but we don’t create a whole picture somehow. Deep down, Deo needs to feel
needed
.”

“What do
you
need, Xanthe?”

Silence.

Then, she took a deep breath. “I need the man of my dreams. I know it might sound ridiculous and…
girlie
, but I need someone who isn’t so much like
me
. Deo and I are so much alike. If I’m going to spend the rest of my life with a man, he has to be someone who doesn’t want to be with me just because it’s safe.”

“You think Deo thinks you’re
safe
?” That made me want to laugh, considering the man had once called me because she’d pinned a person’s arm to a wall with his knife.

“To Deo, I am safe. He has no fear of judgment from me. I’m a supreme comfort to him. And, no, it’s not a bad thing, but like I said, he and I are two sides of the same coin. He needs someone who’s going to shine that light for him, the way Jaime lights you up.”

“You really don’t do that for each other?”

“Let me ask you something. If Jaime told you she was leaving tomorrow, that she couldn’t be here anymore, this place was hell for her, and she was getting the fuck out…what would you do?”

“I’d take her wherever she wanted to go,” I answered promptly. “Wherever she needed.”

“You think Deo and I haven’t had a conversation like that?”

“I know you have.”

“Deo asked me to give up everything and live with him in London. I told him I
had
to be here; it was where I needed to be. I asked him to come with me, and he couldn’t sacrifice his dream either. In the end, it showed us our love for each other would never be enough, if neither of us could give up our path. And, if one of us had, it wouldn’t have lasted because we’d end up resenting the other for all we’d given up. I don’t blame Deo. His mom, his shop, and the work he does there with the unfortunates—that’s what he’s supposed to do. And he’s realized the same about me. It is what it is.”

“It doesn’t make you bitter?”

“No. Should it?”

“I don’t know. It just seems…sad.”

“Sometimes, it is. It’s not like we’ve ended though. We love each other. We always will. The connection, the friendship—it will always be there.”

“Okay.”

“Now, just forget about what’s never going to be between me and Deo, and for the love of all that’s holy, fuck your girlfriend’s brains out.”

I laughed. “Thanks, Bro Dawg.”

“Anytime, Bro Dawg.”

“And, Xanthe?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t chop it. This shit you write…wow.”

She laughed, and the sound of it lit me up from within. I realized, while I’d never be
in love
with Xanthe, she had the power to light me up, too, just in a different way than Jaime did. Xanthe had been my girl since she was a punk-ass sixteen-year-old, and I knew, in that moment, what she meant about her and Deo’s love.

It was the same sort of love Xanthe and I had, and, yeah…it was for always.