Taste of Reality (28 page)

“Who’s that?”

“Jim, Lyle and the CEO, of course.”

“You crack me up.”

I was pleased that he enjoyed my sense of humor.

“You know, Anise. I’ve spent all day thinking about what you’re up against, and I’ve decided that I’m going to help you in any way I can. Not just because I love you, but because it’s flat out wrong the way they discriminate against certain people.”

“I told you, you don’t have to do that.”

“I’ve already made up my mind. And it won’t be that hard because you know I’m friends with Todd, the director of MIS, right? Actually, he’s one of my best friends.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that before,” I said, and felt a little guilty since
that was one of the reasons I’d been so willing to go to dinner with him in Schaumburg.

“He’s a good guy, and if I tell him what I need and why, he’ll give it to me. No questions asked.”

“Do you think?”

“I’m positive.”

“But what if you get caught and you both lose your jobs over this?”

“I really doubt that that will happen, but I’ll discuss everything with Todd to make sure all our ducks are in a row.”

“Well, all I can say is that you really must care about me a whole lot to risk your job and your reputation like this.”

“I’m in love with you, Anise, and I would do anything for you. And like I said earlier, I’m also doing it because the way they treat women and minorities is wrong. Enough is enough, and somebody has to stand up for what’s right.”

“I keep hearing you say that, but it’s hard for me to believe that you feel the way you do about discrimination. And it’s even harder for me to understand how you feel about me and how I fell for you so quickly.”

“Some things are meant to be. It was love at first sight for me, but I had to grow on you.”

“Still, it didn’t take as long I would expect.”

“I don’t think you can put a time limit on love. It hits you when you least expect it, and even if the time isn’t right, I think you have to go for it. I know you’re still concerned because you’re still married to David, but I think you have to keep in mind that he’s seeing someone else, too.”

“But no matter how I try to pretend like there’s nothing wrong with what I’m doing, deep down I know it’s completely wrong. It was also wrong when I made love with you practically all night and then came straight home this morning to get ready for church. I felt so guilty the whole time service was going on. My morals have
always been so much better in the past, and I can’t deny that I’m being a hypocrite. I’m committing one of the worst sins there is. It’s one thing when you do wrong without knowing it, but I’m wholeheartedly aware of what I’m doing. I’m committing adultery, and I’m going to have to pay for it somewhere down the road.”

“That’s pretty deep. I didn’t realize you were that religious,” Frank said.

“I don’t attend church as often as I should, but I’ve been going since I was a baby. Then, when I was five, I joined the Angelic Choir. When I was ten, I became a junior usher, and when I was thirteen I joined the young adult choir. I didn’t just go to church every Sunday, I was really involved with it.”

“Is that right? Well, my parents never spent much time in church, and I’ve only been maybe a couple of times in my life. Unless you count weddings and funerals.”

“You do believe in God, don’t you?” I wanted to know.

“Let’s just say I don’t disbelieve.”

“Hmmm.”

“Why do you say that?”

“It sounds like you don’t know one way or the other.”

“Sometimes I believe there’s a higher power, but when I see children being abused, people living in the street, and innocent people being killed, it’s hard for me to understand how a merciful God could allow such things to happen.”

“I can understand that, because I’ve had my own questions from time to time. But I still believe in Him, and I try to keep my faith as strong as possible. Although I’ll admit, it has been a little shaky lately, because I feel like everything is piling up on me all at once.”

“Not every day can be the same with anything.”

“This is true, but I have to ask this. Are you open to going to church with me in the future?”

“I don’t have a problem with that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course, because I can tell it’s important to you, and I don’t want you to stop doing something you believe in because
of me.”

I didn’t know if this was going to cause an issue between us later on or not, but I knew that successful relationships required both giving and taking, so I didn’t have a problem with working out our differences when they occurred.

I turned into Target’s parking lot and pulled into a stall. Normally I would have gone to Office Depot, but they were already closed for the day.

“So what about you? What are you doing for the rest of the evening?” I asked, pushing my gear in park.

“Not much, since it doesn’t sound like I’ll be seeing you.”

“I would come by, but I need to spend some time going over those documents I brought home so I can figure out how I’m going to go about writing my memo.”

“I know. And I think I’ll call Todd when I hang up with you to see what he can do for us.”

“I really appreciate this. It’s a major undertaking, and I’ll owe you for the rest of my life.”

“If you spend the rest of it with me, you won’t owe me anything.”

My heart did that fluttering thing again, and it was so good to feel this happy about at least something.

“We’ll have to see about that,” I said.

“You do know that before the ink is dry on your divorce papers, I’m going to ask you to marry me?”

My throat muscles contracted. Partly because I was shocked, but mostly because his promised proposal made me feel uncertain.

“You did hear me, didn’t you?”

“Yes.”

“I guess you’re surprised about that, too?”

“Sort of.”

“I’m in this for the long haul, and I hope you feel the same way.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“You do love me?” he asked.

“Yes. I do.”

“Well then, why shouldn’t we be married?”

“I didn’t say we shouldn’t, but there are still so many things we need to learn about each other before doing something like that.”

“I agree, but I also think that with love, you just have to take a chance.”

“We’ll see,” I said.

“I hope so.”

“Well, as much as I hate to go, I need to go inside the store to pick up a few things. But I’ll call you later, okay?”

“I’ll be here. I might step out for a minute to get something to eat, but that’s about it.”

“Okay, then I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Bye, beautiful.”

“Good-bye, Frank.”

I shut off the air-conditioning and the ignition and stepped outside. I was starting toward the entrance of the store when I saw a black woman and white man walking out. They were laughing with each other like they’d just won the lottery. They looked so happy, and I wondered if Frank and I could really have a great life together. I hated worrying about what other people thought, but it was hard not to. I wanted to love him unconditionally and not care whether people approved of our relationship or not. I hoped I could move past these self-conscious tendencies once I was finally able to see him publicly. If I didn’t, I knew our love for each other wouldn’t be enough. We wouldn’t stand a chance, and our relationship would be doomed immediately.

I saw people, both black and white, stare disapprovingly at the young couple, and it bothered me that they stood out like plaids and polka dots. I wondered if anyone noticed how happy they seemed with each other, rather than their difference in color.

What bothered me most, though, was that I, too, would have noticed color before happiness before I fell in love with Frank.

M
ONDAY ARRIVED
in record time. I’d spent most of the evening comparing salaries of manufacturing employees, but I hadn’t found much to help me prove discriminatory practices. Mainly because it was hard for management to offer unequal pay to the factory employees, since the union implemented a set rate for everyone, depending on the person’s job class. I’d started outlining the memo I was going to give my superiors, but I still needed additional information to back up what I was planning to accuse them of. So I was elated when Frank called, asking me to drive to his house right after work. At first I thought he wanted me to come for personal reasons, but then he told me in so many words that he’d taken care of everything.

I hoped this was true, because I didn’t know how much longer I’d be able to deal with working under these conditions. My morale couldn’t have been lower, and I knew I wasn’t setting the best example for my staff. I was sure, by now, they knew something was wrong, but there was no way I could offer them any details.

I looked up from my desk when I heard Lorna knocking at my door.

“Hey, Lorna,” I said. I didn’t know whether she was the same friend I’d always known, or if she was still upset about Frank and me. She’d probably have ten cows if she knew we’d made love all weekend.

“What’s shakin’?” She closed the door behind her, and I wondered why.

“Not much. Trying to get a few things done before lunch. What’s going on with you?”

“Nothing new. But I wanted to come apologize to you because of the way I acted on Friday. I was completely out of line, and I haven’t been able to think about anything else. I almost called you at home, but I was ashamed. I don’t know what came over me when I saw you with Frank, except that it made me think about how alone I am. How no decent man ever gives me the time of day. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, and the reason this thing with you and Frank hurt me, is that I’ve worked with him side by side for four years and he’s never asked me to go out one time. He’s never even tried to flirt with me. So it’s not that I envy you personally. I’m just upset because it seems like every man I’m interested in doesn’t feel the same way about me.”

I didn’t know what she wanted me to say.

Lorna continued, “Do you know what I’m saying, Anise? And then there’s this thing I told you about Jim. I keep wondering why he sexually harassed me the way he did. It was almost like he thought I couldn’t do any better, and that I should just be happy a man of his authority would be interested in screwing me at all. You should have seen the way he looked at me whenever he spoke to me back then.”

“But see, that’s why I think you have to do something about this, or you’ll never be able to rest,” I finally said.

“You know I can’t do that. I’ll lose my job if I go this alone, and what will I do then? It has to be both of us if this is going to work.”

I wanted to tell her that in a matter of days, I’d have the entire executive team scrambling like children, trying to find an alibi for their wrongdoings. I wanted to tell her that she’d finally be able to expose all she knew about Jim. But I still didn’t know if I could trust her, so I didn’t. She seemed very sincere, almost like the old Lorna, but I couldn’t risk confiding my plan to her and then having her betray me in some weird fashion. For all I knew, she was working with Jim and Lyle to destroy me. I didn’t really believe that, but I couldn’t help being so suspicious, based on the way she’d turned on me three days ago.

“You won’t lose your job, because once you file any charge of harassment or discrimination, the company can’t touch you,” I told her. “It will make them look too guilty if they do.”

“But I told you before, I’m not as strong as you.”

“Well, maybe something will work out in the long run. Everything done in darkness eventually becomes exposed.”

“I hope you’re right, because I’m so miserable. I’m depressed about my love life, which may as well be nonexistent, and I’m depressed about what Jim did to me. It’s been a while ago since he tried to force himself on me, but every time he smiles at me, I feel like throwing up. He gawks at me like he has total control over me. And I guess, in a sense, he does.”

“That’s ridiculous, and you have to do something about it.”

“I don’t know how to,” she said, bursting into tears.

“You’re going to be fine,” I told her, and reached for her hand.

“I’m so sorry for the way I treated you last week,” she said.

I was starting to believe that maybe she really meant it.

“Just forget about that,” I said.

“I can’t. The way I spoke to you was uncalled for, and I’ll never forgive myself for confronting you like that. I’ve always done stupid stuff like this with other friends of mine in the past. I get close to people, and then I do everything I can to push them away. It’s hard for me to trust anybody, and even though your date with Frank was your business, I felt betrayed because you hadn’t told me about it. I
know it was wrong to jump to conclusions the way I did, but I couldn’t help it. So please don’t hold what I did against me,” she said, drying her nose with a tissue from my desk.

“I’m not even thinking about that anymore.”

“But are we still going to be as close as we always were?”

“I don’t see why not,” I told her.

But the reality was, I didn’t know for sure. I supposed we could with time, but even though I’d agreed to forgive her, there was still that tiny piece of doubt in the back of my mind. But based on how broken up she was right now, maybe she was genuinely sorry.

“I think maybe my hormones had a little bit to do with my actions on Friday as well,” she said, and closed her eyes. “Oh God, Anise, I don’t know how to tell you this.”

I didn’t know what she was about to say, but I already sympathized with her. I could tell that her news wasn’t going to be something to sing praises about.

She looked at me, shaking her head in shame. She hadn’t said a word, but her eyes warned of trouble, the same way animals scattered when a storm was near.

“I’m pregnant.”

It was inconsiderate of me to have such thoughts, but I wondered who she was dating seriously enough to have a baby with.

“Oh no,” I said, holding her hand with both of mine.

“And I don’t know what else to do except have an abortion.”