Taste of Reality (12 page)

Billy and Willy were two of my favorite people because they joked around all the time. There was never a dull moment, and even though Billy had told me how his parents “hated Jews and coloreds,” he always assured me that he and his twin brother Willy didn’t feel that way. They’d grown up in a small Kentucky town but had decided as teenagers that they didn’t care what color a person was so long as that person treated them decent. I so appreciated hearing him say that, and it was a good feeling to know that they’d been brave enough to break that continuous cycle my mother always spoke about.

The meeting adjourned, I gathered my material together, chatted with a couple of employees and headed back through the plant. When I arrived at the door leading into the HR department, Elizabeth opened it and then allowed it to close. I was sure she could tell that I was headed inside, so it surprised me when she didn’t hold the door open.

I was about to find out why.

“Jim wants to see you in his office,” she said.

I stared at her because I didn’t like the expression I saw on her face.

“Did he say why?” was all I could muster.

“He asked me to let him tell you what’s going on, but I’ll at least tell you that it’s about the job you applied for.”

My stomach turned flips. I knew immediately that it wasn’t good news, because Elizabeth was still standing here with no smile and no indication that I was going to be promoted.

“They gave it to someone else, didn’t they?”

“I’m sorry, Anise, but I really do think it would be best if you spoke with Jim first, and if you want to talk afterward, I’ll be in my office.”

I didn’t even respond. Not because I was angry with Elizabeth, because I knew she meant well. The truth was, I was speechless.

It didn’t take me five minutes to drop off the meeting material in my office and walk down to Jim’s for what seemed like the hundredth
impromptu subpoena in the last month. I knew there was a reason why eleven days had passed since he’d interviewed me, but I’d still stayed hopeful. I’d even decided that I wasn’t going to let it consume me day in and day out. At least not until I heard from him one way or another.

But now the time had come, and I didn’t want to hear the decision I knew he couldn’t wait to tell me.

“Hi, Anise. You can go right in,” his secretary said. But this time she didn’t smile so readily. I could tell she wasn’t being rude, but her inability to look me straight in my eyes told me that she already knew what I was about to discover.

I went in and took a seat without being instructed to.

“I’ll get straight to the point,” he said.

He was so arrogant that it made me ill.

“Elizabeth has been offered a position with another company and has decided to leave Reed Meyers. So now that I have two managerial positions open, I’m going to have to do some major restructuring of the entire department and reevaluate everyone’s responsibilities. Which means I’m going to have to place the position you applied for on hold.”

For the first time in my life, I knew why disgruntled employees woke up on any given day, drove to the parking lot of their previous employer and shot everyone in sight. I was feeling temporarily insane
again,
and I thanked God I didn’t own a gun.

“Lyle and I feel real bad about having you wait all this time for an answer, and then now having to tell you this. So we agreed that since you are obviously the most qualified candidate for Elizabeth’s job, we would have no problem offering it to you.”

“Why would you think I’m qualified for Elizabeth’s job, but you’ve never thought I was for the HR recruiting one?” I asked.

“Because you’ve worked in benefits for two years, you’ve reported to Elizabeth the entire time and you’ve even carried out some of her responsibilities when she couldn’t be here.”

“Yeah, but so has Kelli.”

I could tell he didn’t have a rebuttal, and I wondered what he was going to conjure up as a scapegoat.

“You’re good with benefits. You’re good with handling all the questions and concerns that people have. Kelli is a people person too, but I think you’re a better fit for the job.”

“Really?”

“Yes, and since I don’t know when we’ll be filling the other position, this would give you a chance to be promoted to management in the next couple of weeks or so.”

“Well, I’m still not interested.”

“How could you not be?”

He looked shocked, and I wondered, did he actually believe he could dangle a ten-cent lollipop in front of me when I craved Godiva chocolate?

“I’ve told you more than once that I’m not interested in continuing a career in benefits, I’m not interested in being a training manager and I’m not interested in any other area besides HR. So I guess I don’t have a choice except to wait for you to release the recruiting position from hold. Which isn’t a problem for me because I have all the time in the world.”

In reality, it was a problem. It was a major problem, because I suspected this job was only being placed on hold to frustrate me. What they wanted was for me to lose patience and either take Elizabeth’s job or leave the company. They’d succeeded in frustrating me, but I wasn’t about to resign. I was in this for the entire ride whether they realized it or not.

“I understand your position, but if I were you, I would rethink all of this very carefully. I know you want the recruiting manager’s position, but I have to remind you that we’ll still be selecting the most qualified candidate when the time comes. And I’d hate to see you miss out on that position as well as Elizabeth’s.”

“I appreciate your concern,” I said, standing up, “but I’ll take my chances.”

“Your choice,” he responded.

I left his office fuming.

They’d made it clear that they didn’t want me in recruiting, and for a while I’d thought part of the reason was that they didn’t want me knowing the salaries of corporate employees. But if he was practically shoving Elizabeth’s job down my throat, then that wasn’t the case, because as benefits manager, I would have access to information on everyone who worked for the company. So now I knew that Jim and Lyle’s mission was primarily to keep me out of a job that would give me the authority to recruit qualified women and minorities into corporate positions that were vacant.

The roadblocks were being stacked against me at an alarming rate, but I fought hard, trying to stay strong. I wasn’t sure what depression felt like, but I had a feeling that this stirring in the pit of my stomach and my sudden desire to crawl into a hole were likely qualifiers.

It was almost four-thirty, and although I usually kept working until five or six, I grabbed my things and walked out.

I told Elizabeth I was leaving for the day. When she asked if I still wanted to talk, I told her maybe tomorrow. I didn’t even bother saying good-bye to Lorna or anyone else.

All I wanted was to escape. I drove to the one place where I wouldn’t have to speak to anyone. I drove home, where I would be safe.

I’d been lying in bed for two full hours, trying to deal with my disappointment. Which was fine, because in the midst of it, I was minding my own business. I wasn’t bothering a soul, but now here David was standing inside the doorway, staring at me in silence. I had no idea what he was doing here. I hadn’t seen him in weeks, and I wondered what was so special about tonight.

He continued standing, I’m sure in hopes that I would say something—anything. But I didn’t.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked.

I glared at him.

“Oh, so you can’t even talk to me, I guess?”

I turned my head away from him and nestled into my pillow. I didn’t want to hear any new explanations he might have for cheating on me, and I didn’t feel like arguing with him. What I wanted was for him to leave me alone, or even better, go back to the woman I was sure he was shacking up with.

“At some point, Anise, you really are going to have to grow up,” he said, and strutted into what used to be his walk-in closet. He’d cleaned out just about everything he had the day Mom and I had gone shopping, but there were still a few of his items on some of the shelves.

I knew it was killing him that I was ignoring him, but it served him right. He didn’t deserve any conversation from me, and if he wanted someone to talk to, I couldn’t help him.

“You know, we really did have everything, and every bit of this separation is all your fault,” he said. “You and that damn career ruined us, and the sad part is, you’re probably still obsessed with it.”

He was badgering me for no reason, and I was quickly becoming tired of it.

I heard him walk out of the closet, but I didn’t raise my head to look at him.

“Anise, why are you doing this?”

I sat up, faced this man I no longer had one ounce of respect for and said, “Why are you bothering me?”

“I’m trying to keep things pleasant between us, so I’m sorry if you feel like I’m
bothering
you.”

“David, I’ve had a very bad day. I’m trying to deal with some things that happened earlier, and I refuse to participate in another screaming match with you. You haven’t been here, and you haven’t called, so why are you here harassing me now?”

“I tried to call you a week or so ago, but you blew everything out of proportion. All I wanted to do was apologize, but you wouldn’t even give me a chance.”

“But I don’t need you to apologize. You made your decision to be with someone else, and I’m dealing with it.”

“You don’t even care about any of this, do you?” he asked, folding his arms.

“Why should I spend all my time thinking about the fact that you’re sleeping with another woman? Our relationship was basically over anyway, so if you’re expecting me to roll on the floor in tears, it’s not going to happen.”

“You know? That really sickens me. I’ve seen you shed tears over other shit, but now you’re sitting here telling me that I’m not worth it.”

“What are you talking about? Are you saying that you
want
to see me torn up emotionally?”

“At least then I would know that our marriage meant something to you.”

I laughed, but didn’t find any of this amusing. I’d done that a lot with him lately.

“David, you had the affair and then decided you weren’t going to stop. So I’ll ask you again: Why are you bothering me?”

“I’m asking because you haven’t tried to contact me once since the day I moved out.”

“Why should I try to contact you? You’re the one who messed around and got caught. Not to mention the fact that I have more important things to worry about than you and your mistress.”

“Don’t pretend like my moving out isn’t bothering you, Anise, because if it wasn’t, you wouldn’t be lying in bed on a hot summer day while the sun is still shining.”

I hated to drop his ego down a notch, but he left me no choice.

“Yes, I’m upset, but it doesn’t have anything to do with you. I’ve already gone through my sad and angry moments regarding our marriage, but today I’m dealing with something different. Something you couldn’t care less about, and something I don’t care to discuss.”

“I hope it’s not that same old Reed Meyers saga again?”

“Whatever, David,” I said, and went over to the extra tall armoire, opened the doors, pulled out the TV selector and powered it on. Then I sat down on the bed and flipped through the channels. There wasn’t anything on I wanted to see, but this was the only thing I could think to do to avoid him.

“What is it now? They’ve given that job to someone else?”

“Why in the hell won’t you just leave me alone?”

“Because you’re my wife, and I’ll be damned if you’re going to make it seem like I’m no big deal and that our marriage never even existed.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked. “I mean, exactly what is it that you expect me to do?”

“First I started taking on more overnight projects, then I started attending more five-day training conferences, but I still didn’t get your attention. Now you’ve found out that I’m seeing someone else, and that hasn’t made any difference either.”

He was becoming more and more unbelievable with every breath.

“No, the reason you did all those things was because you couldn’t control me. You wanted me to do everything except the things I wanted to. I am who I am. My mother raised me to be strong, and she made sure I knew how to take care of myself in case some man left me the way you have. So if you’re waiting for me to apologize for that, you’ll be waiting for the rest of your lifetime.”

“You being so strong and independent is what caused all of these problems.”

“No, you trying to control me like some child and not being able to is what happened.”

“You just don’t get it, do you?” he said.

“Oh, I get it, but I’m not sweating it,” I told him.

“You may be riding on your little high horse now, but you’ll come down off of it when you realize what you’ve lost.”

“Honey, don’t flatter yourself,” I said.

He turned sharply and stormed out of the bedroom mumbling. I thought I heard the word bitch, but I knew I must have been mistaken. For his sake, I had better be.

“David, what did you just say?”

“I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“No. Repeat what you said.”

“I don’t want to hurt your little feelings, so let’s just forget it.”

“You are so freakin’ spineless.”

“Okay. I’ll tell you exactly what I said. I called you a crazy bitch. Happy?” He was now standing inside the bedroom again with a self-satisfied look on his face. He was proud of what he’d just called me.

“That’s real good, David. And I hope you’re happy about the way you just disrespected me, because there are a lot of things I could say to hurt you, too, but I won’t.”

“Yeah, right. Like what? Because I know for a fact that I’m the type of man every woman in America dreams about.”

“Hmmph. If you only knew.”

“If I only knew what?”

“That those same women you’re talking about would rather die than have a jerk like you.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“That most women wouldn’t dare have a man who can’t fuck.”

“I knew I shouldn’t have married your little nappy-headed, double-chocolate-looking ass in the first place.”