Authors: Harnet Spade
I return her
smile because I
know Darius would never fire Kimmy. He knows she is the glue piecing back the damage he’s done. “Don’t remind me,” I say to her while I do my best to keep up, “every time I take a step, I conjure a master plan on slow torture for you and remember this was my brilliant idea. In fact, I know I’ll never hear you complain tonight after hooking up with pretty boy… I couldn’t even find you most of the night.”
Looking back, Kimmy is smiling in all earnest now probably thinking of the man who had stolen her most of the night, difficult task since she is my personal shadow. “Hey in my line of work I don’t get much action… it’s pretty boring work keeping you in line and out of trouble. You never do anything remotely interesting, not even flirt just a little with Mr. Stick Up His Ass and by this Emma I hope you know I mean Mr. Tall, Muscular, Smoldering, and very dangerous Hunk of a Boss, baby girl. The man seems to have it pretty bad for you and he is one fine piece of delectable meat… don’t look at me like that little Miss Innocent pretending not to notice when it’s so very apparent to everyone else… really Emma what is up with you always ignoring his looks? You want him,” she pauses all of two seconds raising her index finger to stop me, even before I begin, while piercing me with a knowing look as she continues on her rampage. “You would have to be dead not to with all that focused attention directed at you. I want to see him happy he’s a good man, honey… he deserves to have you. He’s suffering Emma, can’t you see!”
I don’t answer, I can’t. She has it all wrong, but there’s no use in correcting her. I wouldn't know how. He is the one who’s done all the irreparable damage. So instead of answering her, I just vacantly look straight ahead.
“Okay, I’ve said all I’ve wanted to for quite some time, so moving on to lighter subjects. Can you blame me for trying to get as much of pretty boy from the club? Unlike you girly, if a pretty boy wanted to give it then I’m not turning down a chance like that- you should really reconsider because with all the pent up frustration from the boss I’m sure he’d be an animal when you finally unleashed him, but then again that could be said about you as well… hmm, that should be interesting… galasmic, I’d say.”
That was our word for orgasmic in an out of this galaxy kind of way.
I give her an irritated look, “I thought you were done on the subject.”
She continues badgering me, “Maybe I didn’t say everything I wanted to say after all… like you trying out the merchandise, and letting out some frustration with him. It looks promising- a great work out of sorts, Miss I’m waiting for the right guy. Take it from me don’t pass up an opportunity at great mind blowing sex, those moments my dear are pretty rare in the lives of simple girls who always stay out of trouble such as you and me,” she says wiggling her eyebrows.
Of course, I was sure she was talking about me, but to make it less painful to my pride she included herself in the mix.
“Pretty boy gave it damn long and good… you should try it sometime,” she says light
heartedly
making it sound like a good lay was all I ever needed in my life. Please… obviously Kimmy had no idea the past Darius and I had, and the friction between us... a good toss in the sack between us two would be the tipping point for us. I can practically chain myself to his leg, give him the key, and never think of doing or being anything but his sex slave. If he was difficult, overbearing, and ridiculously jealous now... I wouldn’t want to add great sex to that because he’d be insufferable then. The fact that he thought me capable of anything to escape, and the fortress he raised between me and everyone around would be nothing to what he’d be capable of.
Putting those thoughts as far from my mind as possible, I realized I had to be thankful for one thing,
he’s given me one concession… Kimmy.
“Kimmy you have one hell of an imagination if you think his condescending, commanding, know it all attitude is anything but attractive,” I said.
“Emma he isn’t so bad really, besides that man can make anything… look attractive to say the least. Is that why you avoid him like the plague, does he intimidate you? Can’t you take the big bad wolf?”
I smiled, “Kimmy it’s out of choice, not fear. Someone once told me never to get serious with those you employ,” she flinches; although, she quickly recovers, and knows I’m referring to sleeping partners, but I regret what I’ve said because I could tell I hurt her with my choice of words.
“Who’d you hear that wise piece of advice from?”
“I don’t know, but the important thing is I learned my lesson.”
“Well I would understand... Emma, if you had a moment of weakness because he is Sex on steroids… overprotective, but so sexy when it comes to you, you have nothing to worry about. I mean he’s like putty in your hands and really he’s just concerned about you and we all know how serious he is about protecting you against… well you know what I mean.”
“No, I don’t know… REALLY… how could I? When no one will speak of it,” I say.
Chapter 2: We are all Roaming Lost Souls
“Some
things are just better this way, because you’re too young and innocent Emma. Right now we’re just concerned with keeping you safe and the less you know the safer you’ll be. Believe me we are so close honey. You just need to be a little patient and it will all be worth it and better soon. You can trust me… it’s better this way for now.”
I’d been hearing of “patience” since I first got here four years ago at the age of sixteen, so I sped up my pace as much as the terrain and my heels allowed because I was on the verge of tears. And I was past the point of crying lately. It was my life we were talking about here. I was twenty not twelve, yet I wasn’t allowed in the details? I was always left in the dark. Did they think I would freak? I mean if I was going to die, I should be allowed some time to come to terms with it all.
I slowly remembered how I once told Darius along those lines, and he lost it completely firing people left and right; changing any personnel at the time that might have slipped out too much information. Leaving me alone to wander if maybe I had stumbled upon some truth only to find it was sometimes better to live in the dark as I did because the truth had the power to destroy. Soon after, I’d wander… how long could I continue to live like this? That’s when I came up with a desperate plan to escape… I thought I’d had enough that nothing could possibly be worse. I was so utterly mistaken.
My whole life before arriving is a complete blank or black hole, until recently… like everything was sucked into the unconscious. I remembered nothing that led up to me waking up screaming in pain, hysterical, strapped down to what looked like a hospital bed with tubes and wires protruding everywhere while I fought to free myself. There were people in that lab I don’t remember, but Darius’s face is my beginning, what I’ve always held onto. He never left, and somehow with each passing day he made the pain more bearable.
He was my light in those dark days. I couldn’t help but to fall in love with him. There from the very beginning it seems or at least my beginning- the “conscious” one I remember. I don’t recollect much from those first days here, but what I do have is the only excuse ever given to me.
Darius spoke with me daily, among the things he decided to share with me were; he said I was a recovering victim of abduction, and I had suppressed all my memories. My father’s enemies were responsible, but he ensured me I would never have to worry because he would keep me safe. His soothing words of encouragement provided the strength I needed; the direction for someone as lost as I was.
Because of the abduction, I needed to be kept here. That, was the reason... he said, I remained in this secure compound. He told me my father was a very powerful man who had the worst kind of enemies. He was involved with top secret work when I was taken. He explained, I didn’t remember anything because my mind just erased everything, so I could cope. Now I know the truth. Darius lied about everything except the abduction.
No one who had the inside knowledge of my past was allowed to speak of it for fear that it might trigger the unwanted memories. When I asked Kimmy anything about my past, she acted like there may be cameras watching us and then wouldn’t come to see me for some time. So I stopped asking her, for fear that one day I might not see her at all.
A guard once told me, the people whom kidnapped me were very dangerous and powerful, so for my own protection I was hidden away. Sometimes I even wonder if it’s true, is my real father out there? This life I’m living doesn’t seem real, but it’s the only one I have. The only information I’ve been told about my father and myself, other than what Darius said, was by the guard who’d found me after I had escaped and been missing for two days.
I was found just in time. I don’t remember much, but what I do know is I was barely breathing. And the scars were horrific.
Kimmy came into my life exactly two years ago this month, just days before I tried to flee. She was still under rigorous training and wasn’t allowed much time with me, but that all changed once I was found. Darius said I needed a woman companion because it was unhealthy for me at eighteen to be surrounded by so many men, but I think he soon realized he needed her more than he first anticipated. The truth was he didn’t trust me.
The guard who found me carried me back to the mansion while I was in out of consciousness speaking freely to me about things he knew I wanted to hear… he did this to keep me from blacking out. He either thought I wouldn’t survive, or I wouldn’t remember the information he relayed to me. I had nearly starved myself to death in my failed attempt to escape.
It was Jeffery’s plan. It should have been perfect, easy, but nothing is ever what we think it is. Jeffery was a guard who’d been here probably just as long as Darius, so I trusted he knew what to do.
He told me the property was massive, and I had to prepare by wearing hiking gear with jeans to protect me and help me cover the rough terrain before I could make it where he would be waiting for me with a jeep. The plan was simple. I was to wait for him, and he would take care of the rest.
When I set to plan my escape, I started noticing him always trying to be near me. What I soon realized was… he had fallen in love with me. He helped me plan all of it. His part in the plan was he would create a distraction. Then with the map he had provided, I would go to the location he mapped out. The biggest problem was that he never showed. Undetected, I’d taken a horse from the stables to our first meeting point. He gave me instructions with a backpack containing the map, some bottled waters, protein bars, and a .22 handgun. He quickly taught me how to shoot it just as he assured me that it wouldn’t be necessary.
I remembered how he looked on the last day we were to ever be together. His golden hair blew in the wind as he embraced me. I was on edge as I held him because I doubted my plan would work. I was expecting to see Darius at every turn, any moment- uncertain about so many things, and thought maybe it was all a mistake. He drew away, his eyes searching mine. I remember looking up at his honey colored eyes and seeing so much strength in them. So I shook away my fear, allowing his belief in us to fill me with calm and reassurance. I realized then why I had picked him. He’d always looked at me with such sincerity and yearning. It was there written all over his face as he took his leather jacket off and put it on me, shielding me.
“Don’t worry love, nothing can keep me away from you,” he said as he gently kissed me.
It was not a lover’s kiss by far, he’d kissed me so tenderly that I thought to myself,
he knows… he knows I don’t love him, yet he’s allowed for me to use him.
I felt such shame in the moments that followed as I watched his retreating form until I no longer saw him. It was the last I ever saw of him, and I regret not giving him something of myself, some emotion other than my selfishness. I wish my feelings towards him had been pure…
God, I wish I’d loved him.
When I saw he wasn’t at our next meeting point, I automatically panicked. I waited and waited telling myself that he would come. I expected to see him rounding the corner of the cabin, but finally I could no longer refute he wasn’t coming.
I waited for as long as I thought possible then set out to carry our plan on my own; futilely hoping he would find me along the way. I feared... and deep inside knew Jeffery must have been caught because he would have come for me otherwise. If I was certain about anything, it was that he loved me. God, I’d been so stupid. I worried he would lose his job, and I worried about his family- the people that depended on him.
I really met Kimmy in the days that followed which can only be called my own personal hell. I thought Darius had not been home when I was brought in, but apparently I was wrong. Kimmy nursed me back to health by the time he came to see me two days later. He was raging with anger- it was apparent from the severity of his manner.
I was getting out of bed while Kimmy went to prepare my bath when he walked into my bedroom, making my heart stop, and demanded that Kimmy leave us alone. She looked at me with worry in her eyes before walking back into the bathroom to shut the water off. I looked at him then, and automatically wished I hadn’t because he was facing the bathroom waiting for Kimmy while ignoring me. When she made her way to my bedroom door he went after her, without sparing me a glance. From their muffled voices, I couldn’t decipher what they spoke of, but I knew them to be on the other side of my bedroom door.
I was unable to move rooted to the floor watching the closed door as if my life depended on it. I was instantly jealous wondering if there was a closer connection between the two.
Are they lovers, maybe he got her the job to be closer to her
… I swear I saw red.
Was he bringing her pleasure in some corner of this hell, while I lay here dying?
Was she the reason he didn’t come sooner?
This last one really did me in bad, so I quickly pushed those thoughts aside and concentrated on preparing myself for what the sight of him so close to me would do; all while knowing he may have feelings for the new guard.
Yes, she had to be the reason he stayed away until now.
As if I wasn’t punishing myself enough, now my nerves and the memory of him in my bedroom, being so close, were taking control of my senses not allowing me to do anything else, but wait for what I was sure would be severe punishment for my impulsive behavior.
He entered, locked the door with key, returned the key to his jean pocket while slowly turning to me, and approached without taking his hard gaze off me. I looked at him as he drew near, and realized the great mistake I’d done. There was so much strength and power in every step he took towards me… I instantly knew I would suffer for what I’d done. This man did not forget. And forgiveness… well let’s just say that word never had a place in his existence.
He wasted no time, “I see that you have recovered enough for us to finally have this talk, you don’t know how difficult it’s been to stay away, or how long these past two days have felt. And Emma, I suggest you think before you speak because I just may get the opportunity to kill you myself.”
Ignoring his warning, I blurted out.
“You seem to be doing just fine,” I said while checking his lips for any sign of swelling from a passionate kiss. He took a deep breath and crossed his arms.
“Why are my lips suddenly so fascinating to you; is that jealousy burning in your eyes, or something else?”
He was causing my insides to turn, so I turned to get my robe when he said, “Leave it, you don’t need it. I’ve seen you bruised, broken, and naked. In fact, I stripped you myself to see with my own eyes how hurt you were, for my sanity Emma…, but I thought I would be burying you instead of laying you in bed.”
I faced him then, wearing only a silver, silk, and lace chemise with a low open back, and tiny matching silk panties. I stood shocked, staring at him and not believing his words; I’d thought him away because I hadn’t seen him for days, or worse I’d feared he’d been with her.
I was dreading his return up until this very moment, and I was also terrified of his reaction on seeing what I looked like. When I first opened my eyes, I was bandaged up from my chest down to my waist. Early that morning, I knew I had to see what was underneath, so I waited for the sedatives to wear off, and for Kimmy to leave me alone. I was horrified when I found receding bite marks all over the skin underneath the bandaged area. And the scariest part was, I don’t know how I could survive that. What in God’s name does that to someone while still leaving them alive? How is it that only a half moon scar is all that’s left now? How does someone heal so quickly?
With so many unanswered questions and no one to ask; I thought I would go crazy, or maybe the only explanation was- I already was delusional. I knew I couldn’t trust or ask anyone, so I thought I would just wait, and try to live day by day until I could piece it all together. I was expecting this confrontation as soon as I regained consciousness, but I sure as hell did not believe him capable of taking such liberties with me. How was I to explain what my body looked like- to save Jeffery from Darius’s anger? All these questions made me panic. The thought of him undressing me, seeing me… it unraveled me.
He was now covering every inch of my body with his eyes. His eyes had just changed into an electrifying blue. I wondered how that was even possible when he threw his head back, and closed his eyes.
He threw his hands up in a show of exasperation when he said, “What did you expect… Emma, do you even know what you looked like when you were brought to me?” He paused resting his hands on his head with anger and pain resonating in his tone. “You looked like a broken rag doll for fucks sake,” he yelled opening his now normal eyes, walking closer to me as his hands came down grabbing my shoulders. “The things I did were necessary, you were dying,” he said blaming me. “You ran from ME, and You Almost Died!”
I’d never heard him yell and even less, curse before. I felt the heat rising in my cheeks, I was so shaken when I said, “You had no right- how dare you touch me!” I demanded stepping back, away from him. “Did you...,” as I was about to face my fears and ask about the mark, he cut me off.
“Did I what? What exactly are you accusing me of? I was checking your injuries you reckless, stupid girl, and why should you care if I touched you when your eyes are always begging me for so much more. When jealousy eats you up inside with the thought of me with someone else. That’s what this is really about isn’t it?”