Authors: Harnet Spade
I thought to myself, I need to get up… I need to help Darius and his team. I need to show them I’m strong, I no longer need their protection; I can now take care of myself.
This was my last thought before the illusion of serenity enveloped me, and the wind blew its soothing farewell kiss upon my scorched skin.
Chapter 14: Fear me, Need me, but Don’t Ever Leave Me
Slowly
becoming aware, I awakened to screams all around me. My lids feel too heavy to open, and my head is swaying as I limply bounce over someone’s shoulder. I feel everything changing around me so quickly. The sounds I hear change too quickly. Even with my heightened hearing the screams sound so far away. I moan in pain and need.
Instinctively, I know it is Darius who carries me. With this knowledge, I realize this is the reason everything is moving so fast. This can’t be good, it can’t be good…
drop me now… please. Everyone will die! You can’t die… noooo.
My arms sway, so I try to hit him and get his attention… tried so hard, but nothing. Nothing!
I know you can hear me, Darius, please… everyone will die! Put me down!
I need to get him to hate me, to drop me, and not want anything to do with me because when the beast found me, and he would, I have to be alone. Maybe we can end each other, the beast and I.
Darius… God what you must think of me... please hate me it’s what I deserve, best that you leave and never look back. What have I done!
My heart feels like it has been through a shredder. In fact, in my heart I feel defeated because I know the condition he found me in would cause us both so much heartache. He would never forgive me for it.
Kimmy you were right, Darius always found me.
He was running because my body kept jerking with his pace. I knew him to be extremely fast. We must have covered so much ground when the screams sounded so distant, even with my heightened hearing. I am amazed he was able to get us away from the beast.
I try to tell him to stop and set me on the ground while he has the chance, but my lips won’t move. I am still fighting an inward battle with myself trying to make some type of movement. He has to understand he must set me free, or they will all die. It sounds like hell on earth, and I knew if I opened my eyes it would look like a page from the book of Revelation’s.
Struggling for some response from my motionless body, I realize so many of the things he tried to tell me made so much sense now. Would I have believed this was what he was protecting me against? Did he know it was useless because as soon as I regained control over myself he would have to fight me too? I craved the beast as I worried about those facing him, but the hardest, most important truth I would have to face was I still loved Darius, and it hurt like hell knowing he would never forgive me for this.
The beast would be my punishment.
I needed to stop thinking, or my heart would burst.
Wanting to block all thoughts from entering my mind, I concentrate on the noises around me to gather where we are, or where we’re headed while I try to ignore the screams, but soon I can’t keep one name from entering my mind, Kimmy. Please don’t be one of them- out there, please be safe. I think of her and more pain overwhelms me.
Soon, I hear the waterfalls he took me to months before. I understand his plan is to trap us in the caves while the whole world falls apart around us. I can’t let him. For everyone out there fighting for me, but most of all- I need the beast as much as he needs me. My lover won’t stop until he has me again.
Suddenly, there’s a loud blast and we’re thrown. Darius loses his grip on me, and I hit the ground so hard that I feel my skull and teeth rattle. I try to call out to him, but I’m too weak. I don’t know if I’m still in one piece, or if the blood I smell is me bleeding all over the sodden ground. Am I lying in my own blood? I wonder feeling like destiny, the bitch, always wins in the end. I fear I may not live for very long because my breaths are very shallow… limited, and I can’t hear anything. I try to call out to him; it rings out in my mind
Darius… Darius
.
Chapter 15: Will you Wait for me Outside the Gates of Heaven?
I
awaken to pain. I feel so much pain, it consumes me. I can’t run away from it. The truth is I think it’s become my long lost friend- it’s all I can think about. I don’t even grasp where I am until my reflexes kick in, and I gasp for air. I feel myself being submerged in water. A few moments pass before I painfully feel the burn- like there is no air left in my lungs.
My eyes burst open. I see what looks like a great expanse of rock wall-
the cave.
My back is cradled against his chest. I grab at the hand that holds me and struggle against Darius. He releases me, so I make my way up to the surface for air. He’s brought me here again, but I’m afraid this time I’m not getting out.
I take a great gulp of air when I break the surface and look frantically around at my surroundings. I feel panicked seeing no way out of this cave. I feel him touch my skin- grabbing me by my waist and drawing me to him just before I see him. He comes up, but doesn’t gasp for air like I did. I’m breathless all over again because I can’t believe there was a moment I permitted another’s touch. My arms and legs wrap around him as we’re both bobbing in the water staring at one another- silent just watching each other.
I never thought I would see this emotion… hate, and this time there’s no doubt in my mind it’s directed at me, his eyes tell me he both hates and blames me. I don’t try to apologize, after all, I wanted him to feel those emotions towards me, but what I don’t understand is how, or why he’s still here. How we are here together.
He clears his eyes, appearing emotionless… blank- still holding me, swimming for the both of us as I hold on to him. It is completely pitch black, but I see him. We’re in a part of the cave I’ve never seen before. I try to use all the senses I own, even the ones I may not know of. I know… I’ve always known we are more than what we appear to be. Before, I just did something I’ve become very good at- hide the truth. And I don’t ask, how we made it this far after feeling myself being blown to bits… how it is that my body is working feeling less and less pain.
“Why have you brought me here? I will leave again.” I tell him.
His fingers dig into my skin, “You don’t get to ask questions, or demands- you think I don’t know what you are doing?”
“What am I doing Darius?”
“Do not fucking say my name with those deceitful lips, and stop playing your fucking games with me- have you played me all along, Princess, or is it Queen now?”
He wasn’t going to distract me with jabs, “Here’s a question, if you hate me so much why didn’t you leave me out there to die?”
“Because if there is any killing, it will be directly by me, but not before I satisfy us both. Tell me who are you wet for now? He can’t influence you in here. It’s my body rubbing up against yours now. Is it me you want, or have you become so good at lying you don’t even recognize the truth when it’s right smack in front of you?” He harasses me with his words, his hands, and a dark expression on his face- frightening me, his hands tighten on me.
“Let me go, I’ll find my own way out of here.” I tried to get away undoing my legs and arms while trying to push away from him.
His fingers quickly wrap around my fragile neck while his arm holds my waist painfully against him- tightly... squeezing. I sigh from the pain. He brings my face forward as he whispers in my ear, “You said you dealt with Eros- to leave it alone… why did you lie to me? Were you playing me all this time, aiding him so that he may find you? Take you from me?”
I started hyperventilating… but suddenly the air becomes too thin, and I can’t take enough of it into my lungs.
I am suddenly blind to everything. I manage to use my elbows striking him on his neck while bringing my legs up. I kick off his chest diving backwards into the water and start swimming away from him.
A few moments after, I feel my ankle being grabbed, jerked back hard while my arms try to grasp something, other than water, current, and bubbles-
anything… please
, I think as I open my mouth on a scream underwater. As the precious air leaves in bubbles surrounding my face, I think-
how stupid could I be?
He is pulling me to him, his hands wrapping around my waist as he turns me towards him. I struggle for air as I push him- more out of survival than wanting to get away this time, but he holds me down in the darkness of the water as my body convulses for air.
I shake my head no…
he’s finishing me
… really is killing me when suddenly he enters my weakened mind.
I hear him in my head,
Show me what you never showed me before, what you kept hidden from the both of us.
He demands.
Let me see the two of you together, Eva. I want to see how you betrayed us! How you gave him everything when you give me nothing.
I shake my head no one last time, releasing the last bit of air, and losing all grasp of myself.
This is when I saw what I had worked so hard to suppress. The agony I tried so hard to protect him against.
I
was held up against a jagged stone wall somewhere in his castle. Held captive in a dark, vast, and empty room; close to his bedroom where I had been dragged from, and not in a dungeon where I expected to be kept. I’d convinced myself it had gone on for only a couple of hours, tricked my mind, when the reality was so much worse.
There are iron cuffs at my wrists connected to six feet of chain that thread through a rotating ring hooked on a metal bar high over my head on the wall. My voice was hoarse, and my throat was raw because every time I regained consciousness I started screaming, cursing him… cursing myself.
I made promises too. I promised I’d give him a slow and painful death, that I would make him beg me for the mercy he had denied me. I even lied and promised to love him.
I would say anything to be released from this nightmare. The worst of it was there would be no one saving me. I was my only hope.
I was soaking wet, wearing a black lace nightgown. The gown was designed with a low cut v at the front and the back. It also had high front slits on each of my legs which he had made very good use of. I missed the dress I wore when I last saw Darius- it covered more of me. This left very little to the imagination. I was so cold, so cold… I felt it deep in my bones.
I screamed some more.
In my mind, I kept repeating it had only been a couple of hours, and that I the daughter of
the Goddess Aurora
could
withstand a little torture.
I couldn’t bear to move because my wrist scrapped the metal every time and there was blood running down my arms.
I begged for mercy, “Please, please set me down. I’ll do whatever you ask,” I whispered. “You’re wasting my blood. It’s what you want, will you just let me die like this? You want more from me than to let me die like this!” I supplicated, trying to trap him with my words.
“I feel how difficult it is for you. You can’t lie to me.” I plead.
“But the excitement hasn’t even begun, my love.” I hear the clipped tone of the voice I had learned to fear most, behind me. “You’ve given me the same promise before; always promising to give me what I want- only to try and tear out my heart later, my sweet girl. But what I want is more than spilling myself in your sweet body. After so many years of wanting, I want so much more. I want to break your tender barrier knowing you love me, and while I’m spilling my seed into your womb I will know you killed the slave. I won’t penetrate you until you’ve killed him with your own hands.”
“Tell me beloved, are you willing now… to give me what I ask? Should I release you, release us?”
His claws traveled up my legs revolting me. My tear soaked face fell back on my shoulders as I looked at the bar protruding from the wall which held me. How many times had I prayed for it to break free?
“Here my good girl, I’ll give you my shoulders to sit on,” he said so silkily.
His touch revolted me, especially after hearing what he expected from me. I would never leave this hell. He would not kill me, so I had to find a way to kill him because there would come a time when he would become impatient. I felt it already- his impatience; he was having difficulty talking of us together without throwing himself on me. I saw his depraved thoughts. He wanted me now, chained… with streaks of crimson blood tumbling down on my pale skin.
I gagged. “Please stop!” I screamed.
Endless tears traveled down my face as I cried. I felt my legs being lifted and inevitably knew what was coming. He’d tried this countless times before, always causing me to attack him with my legs instead. I’d almost succeeded in killing him the last time. The revelation I witnessed with the last attempt I would ever make on his life, left me so dumbstruck- coughing up blood.
The vision of what previously occurred hit me hard. Left me hopeless, made me think… would it be so bad if I tried to find some common ground. He was suffering as much as I was, maybe I could reason with him, teach him to compromise.
____________
He’d come to me like many times before, saying things I refused to listen to, but I did hear his warning, “If you kick me, like you did before, you know that I will quickly heal. The damage you inflict will be temporary, but the consequences that will befall you… the pain you will force upon yourself will be very real.”
I felt his hands traveling up my legs, lifting my dress while his breath fanned my skin. I again screamed when I felt his lips touch my skin, “NO let me go, Don’t!” He laughed turning me quickly, while I no longer had any voice. His movements had silenced me. I became too weak, lacking any willpower- the fight within me quickly vanished, and left me with only the rush of watching the ring above me dance on its hook feeling some delight at being turned so quickly- like a merry-go-round.
A memory came forth; I was a young girl again with my arms outstretched into the beautiful starry night sky while one of my mother’s lovers turned me on his shoulders. My mother and her guards watched as he played with me; I could hear her laughter mixed with his and mine. He had great speed… turning me, making me feel weightless almost like one of those beautiful birds I’d envied so many times.
I screamed but this time it was with joy asking him to go, “Faster, faster… please don’t stop… I love you,” I said on impulse while my tiny little nails dug, and gripped his black hair.
“Enough, Eros! I said enough, put the child down before you make her sick,” my mother demanded.
He suddenly stopped as I opened my arms and let myself fall from his shoulders knowing he always caught me. I felt so much trust in those moments- knowing absolutely no fear waiting for his arms to lovingly reach me and wrap around me. I held onto that beautiful feeling for years. I held it now. Bliss… a time of no fear.
He’d been gentle.
As expected he caught me, kissed my temple, and took me to my mother’s waiting arms as she carried me away. I wanted her to take me back to him. I didn’t tell her I preferred his embrace moments earlier because I knew she would feel jealousy of my love for him.
Fearing one day she would learn and she would make him stop… I called to him, “Promise me again tomorrow,” with my outstretched arms extended past my mother’s neck I repeated, “promise me.”
He’d been staring at me, watching me leave with an emotion I didn’t understand or pay any attention to then… I recognized the emotion now- pain. Quickly recovering, he gave me a look no one else saw- his pupils dilated overtaking his iris and his lips turned up in a smile when he said, “I promise you all eternity, my sweet girl.”