Authors: Harnet Spade
Chapter 17: Pain is the Brand that Binds
I
was laughing with joy as he stopped turning me suddenly, “I see you now remember how much you once loved me.”
Silencing myself and recovering from the memory I correct him, “This, what you have done to me is not love. If you truly loved me you wouldn’t torture me. Love is good, caring, wanting above all… the other’s happiness. To love someone is to ensure the well-being and safety of your beloved not to destroy them.”
“My Queen, you will learn there are different degrees of love. I’m building you up to show you what true love really is. All I ever did was demonstrate to you, repeatedly, a love so full of kindness, waiting patiently for you. Did you not love me then?”
I sat on his shoulders breathless from the exhilaration I felt reviving that memory. “Things are so different now,” I said sadly. How could you think I’d forgive you for lying with her all these years?”
“What if I told you, I did it because it was the only way someone of my kind, let alone the King himself, would be allowed to be near you. Your mother and I have been enemies for centuries. Before becoming her lover, there were many times I almost succeeded in killing her. As my people’s King it was my duty to destroy her. She has the ability to eradicate us. I didn’t understand why I hesitated every time; not knowing of your existence then, but I’m glad I did because each time I couldn’t kill her it made me curse my weakness becoming obsessed with killing her.”
“Until the last time, when you walked in on us after hearing her scream. You, a tiny vision of an angel demanded I let her go, and asked me why I was hurting her. I fell to my knees in wonder at the sight of you. I saw you in that very moment as you are now... a soul shattering beautiful woman, my only beloved. I would have done anything to be with you- even thought of taking you then, but knew it was too dangerous because of all the uncertainties. I needed to learn so much about what you would become.”
“I would have never been allowed to watch over you, be by your side- guarding you all those years if I had not been your mother’s lover.” He said kissing… savoring my thigh.
“I’ve dreamed with you ever since, did you know this?” I asked him wishing I could, at least for only a moment, put my hands through his hair- just as I did when I was only a child.
“No, I didn’t know how powerful the bond was for you all I knew was I couldn’t be close enough to you all these years. I’ve thought about you every second. Thinking I would go mad with grief, jealousy, and anger… so much anger it has been the only thing keeping me sane.”
“I no longer love you, that child you played with does not exist. You destroyed her love for you every time I walked in on you and saw you with your countless lovers.”
“Yes… I knew you would hate me for that, but as you grew into a woman, and I watched you with him; I wanted you to feel the pain and anger I felt when I watched you with another.”
“Tell me Emma, did you run to him because he was safe. Because he was the safer version of me, I was who you really belonged with. The one you truly longed for. It was always me, Emma. And all he was Emma… make no mistake, was just an easy play thing for a spoiled princess who was used to getting her way.”
Closing my eyes, I shook my head no.
“Stop trying to delude yourself. Admit it damn you, and we finish this here!” He roared. “Admit you too have been selfish and proud. When you thought you couldn’t have me you decided to use the slave as punishment against me!”
“It is not true.”
“No… are you still so afraid of what you really feel? Then let me help you. How did it feel to watch your mate smile and flirt with the slaves? Do you know what that does to a king’s pride, too see the girl you’ve cherished, fought for against your own kingdom because they thought you mad with a prophecy that would bring down a king… they said you were my destruction. My own brother betrayed me to your father in order
to save me from myself.
I was tortured, brought back from death only to be tortured repeatedly, and my brother’s last words were that he was saving me. All the betrayal I endured for you. I would not let all of the pain I suffered go to waste by allowing a slave to touch you; moreover, for you to throw yourself at him.”
“How hypocritical of you because you made sure you had plenty of slaves to forget me with. I heard you calling me, every time you were mating with them. In my mind, you repeated my name, only then to reach you and find you feeding and claiming someone else!”
“No Emma you were so young, and I wanted you, but I knew I had to wait. I had dark needs that were driving me mad with lust- all for you. Your thirty years is nothing in the lifespan of a goddess. You are immortal. You are still discovering yourself. I never claimed any of them because I’ve waited for you all of my miserable existence. I will only claim and mate with you. I fucked them, but I would never let you do the same. I wouldn’t let you because your innocence is mine to take, but you cannot blame me for it, for this.”
“You are too late, so you might as well kill me. This past time with Darius it wasn’t our first. He’s been my secret lover for years. I’ve given myself to him, repeatedly. I can’t have enough of him. I will never have enough of him!”
His claws dug into my thighs and I smiled. “You think you can lie to me? I had the witch examine you; although, I’ve kept a very close eye on you my love. You have never been touched.”
“I wanted his touch, I still do. I can’t even trick my mind that it is he who touches me instead of you to save myself and stop the pain.”
He growls in pain and deafens me. I can’t cover my ears as I feel blood running from them. “Do you want me to kill him, is this what you want… My Queen because make no mistake, the slave dies!”
Feeling panicked, I try to answer unaffected, “I don’t care what happens to him any longer- he’s probably long gone. I’m more curious of how long we’ve been in this room. I realize we both have been punishing each other long before this. Tell me how long has my torture gone on for… Eros, how long has it really been, a couple of days?”
“It’s been weeks, Emmaley.”
“Weeks,” I laughed bitterly. “And you haven’t broken me, but I will tell you a secret I hid even from myself… watching you not just flirt, but savagely fuck my personal attendants senseless has left a scar nothing will undo… nothing my king, so fuck you and your pride,” I claimed as my knees quickly took hold of his neck, and I turned the ring with all my strength. My hands clung to the chain while I climbed it carrying myself higher to decapitate the vampire who had suffered, was still suffering because of me. I would either snap off my wrists or take his head, but nothing would stop me.
I had once loved him- loved him so much, I pushed him away so many years ago out of fear because of the relationship between my mother and him- caused me so much pain. I inexplicably felt betrayed.
There were also his endless betrayals with different lovers as I heard them gossiping of how incredibly strong and gifted he was. I pressed and pulled harder applying more pressure. His claws tried to cling to the wall, but he was unsuccessful. Why he chose the wall and not my thighs was something I would not understand until later.
I was tearing tendons when I started choking on my own blood, so I looked down on him. He was staring at me with blood for tears, as more blood flowed from his lips. His legs gave out as I threw up more blood, and the chains finally- blessedly broke.
I hit the ground crouching, coughing for air trying to clear the blood- laying over him as his face lay underneath my stomach. Afraid he would tear my stomach with his fangs, I moved back quickly standing over him as I examined most of his head had come away from his body.
I turned, fell to my knees, and quickly threw up more blood.
He is dying… I did it,
I could feel it.
I loved him, yet I would kill him now.
But I’m dying too,
I soon realized… horrified.
No, No… No!
I cried desperately. My forehead resting in a pool of my own blood.
This can’t be… it can’t happen like this. I’m immortal, I can’t die… my God has the witch linked us, or is it the bond between us?
I heard his laughter in my head,
“What did you expect Emma? I promised you all eternity.”
I felt myself crawling to him, against what my heart and mind demanded. My instinct, my only will was to save him. I reached for what was left of his neck, and gently placed it on my lap. I looked at his black blooded eyes while taking his hand and piercing my wrist with his sharp claw.
“Eros, please… my beloved king… please drink,” I heard myself whisper while I smoothed his silky hair away from his face placing my wrist over his dry open lips.
I felt weightless again… losing the hate I had carried with me all these years. The blood had stopped flowing from my lips leading me to believe it was working. His body was repairing itself. I felt true happiness then as I lost control and fell back against the hard flagstone floor. Instants later, with eyes half closed, I saw his beautiful face smile down on me when he leaned down and kissed me, tasting my blood on his lips.
“Soon Emma, very soon now… you will be completely mine,” he promised against my neck. His fangs took me there as he drank more fiercely. He was claiming me… I was his,
always had been
, my mind whispered when everything went to black.
Chapter 18: Lifeline into Heaven or Hell?
Water
hit me harshly, when I came out of my blissful sleep. I must have set him off again- made him so angry he lost control of the pain he inflicted. I probably blacked out from the severity of it.
Maybe I begged for Darius, wouldn’t be the first time. I think I did it to torment him now more than anything else.
No one would come for me.
I coughed as water went into my nose. I was hanging again, but gone was all the blood from the floor and my body. My wrists were cured, and my body was renewed for the first time in the weeks I was here. I imagine it was some type of reward for saving his life yesterday, or he was finally giving up.
I faced him now no longer turned towards the wall. My breath caught at the beauty I had never before permitted myself from appreciating. I had made my heart a stone after all the years of suffering. He was the most beautiful out of all my mother’s lovers. And I knew everyone was enjoying what was meant to be mine. Now, as I truly looked at him I finally understood why she let such a hated foe into her bed. He drew you in with his intensity- it was innate, in the essence of who he was. He was raw. I was bled out from so much rawness. I now believed what he repeated all these miserable weeks- tormented me with.
We were made for one another.
He saw my appreciation as my eyes roamed over him. Only black leather pants covered his impeccable body. He was close to seven feet tall. All muscle and smooth taught skin covering every inch of his body.
He traced right under me when he asked, “Are you now willing to play nice, or should I fear for my life again, Emma?” I could feel his breath on my inner thigh as my knees folded, and I felt those claws grab and squeeze my backside supporting my weight as I again sat on his shoulders.
“Your desire smells exquisite, my beloved… so sweet it’s intoxicating. I thought I would never smell it again.”
Embarrassed by what he said and worse what I knew to be true, I tried to climb the chains, but he held me down ripping my gown. My wrist bled again while all I could do was watch them, so I screamed from the pain and frustration.
“What… are you willing to put an end to my kindness so soon? To the kindness you have won for willingly giving me your blood.”
“No… stop… no more torture; please… I cannot take any more of this suffering.” I pleaded.
“I’ve given you my body as support. Do you not remember the consequences of your stubbornness, or are you finally willing to hear what I ask from you before you have earned your right as my future queen to lay beside me in the comforts of our bed?”
I felt him lick my inner thigh, but this time instead of telling him I’d rather burn in hell for all eternity than have him touch me… I whimpered from the only cool refreshing touch, I had allowed from him. He supported me on his shoulders while facing my stomach.
In the past endless hours, Eros had taught me that I was in control of the pain he unleashed on me. One of the earlier times I refused him, he whipped me saying it was much more torment for him having to punish me when all he wanted to do was pleasure me.
I didn’t believe him, until I remembered screaming, “Everything that comes out of your lips is filth and lies that is how I see you. How can you possibly think I would allow you to touch me?”
I saw the whip all bloodied, thrown against the wall right beside my head. He was now beside me on the wall, when he roared, “Look at me Emmaley, really look at me.” I turned my face then… seeing him as he revealed a great weakness. He turned, and soon I was faced with the fierce welts of open skin on his back.”
“How is it possible,” I asked.
“Any harm I cause you, I receive it double because we are Mates. I am just as raw as you are after so much pain. End it now for the both of us, Emmaley... I beg you my sweet girl. I’ve been tortured viciously throughout my existence, but nothing compares to harming you, my love.”
I smiled, my head falling back on my shoulders, “You should never have shared that information with me because now, Eros… I will welcome the pain.”
His knuckles caressed my cheek, “Difficult girl, it is obvious no one has taught you… pain can only be welcomed for so long.”
He was right of course. I welcomed the pain the first two times the whip fell on my skin. My skin never before this past week had felt such unshakable pain. In fact, it had been gifted with all the best luxuries.
Everyone served me including him- Eros, but now no one could save me, but Eros.
No, I thought. I could hold on to the knowledge he was feeling it twice as hard every time the whip fell and cut my skin- my teeth cutting deep into my lips when the whip cut the air right before it made contact. I was not someone accustomed to any pain much less one so deep. I had always protected myself from it. By the third time the whip landed, I held on to the thought it was better it be me than have him take out his rage on Darius.
On the fourth whipping, I realized I couldn’t think of “him” because I had also learned that Eros read my thoughts, and nothing angered him more than knowing I welcomed this hell as long as I knew Darius was safe.
I never got to the fifth count, miraculously- it had merely taken four whippings for me to pass out from the pain.