Take What You Want (45 page)

“
Where're
you going with this, Jay?” Chase asked. “Because if you
want to debate my private life some more, then I got nothing else to
say.”

Jayson faced the railing and
surveyed the rolling pasture of his backyard. He drew in a long
breath and slowly released it. “That's not what I wanted to
talk about,” he said.

“
Then,
what the fuck is going on?” Chase asked.

A long silent moment passed
and Chase finished his beer. He reached for another in the ice
bucket Jayson had set on the table and popped the cap.

“
You
and I have more in common than you think,” Jayson finally said.

“
What
do you mean?”

Jayson
glanced at him over his shoulder, then looked away. “Haven't
you ever wondered why I don't have a steady girlfriend or ever talked
about getting married some day?”

“
You
have a different girlfriend every weekend,” Chase said.
“What's your point?”

“
Never
anyone long term, though,” Jayson said quietly.

“
So,
you like variety,” Chase said. “What guy doesn't?”

“
You've
never asked about my regular weekend trips off-island; where I go or
what I do,” Jayson said.

“
What's
to know? You go to the Cape,” Chase said. “Am I
supposed to know your hour by hour itinerary? I'm your friend, not
your wife.”

Jayson nodded. He ran his
palm over his face and sighed loudly. “Shit. This isn't
easy.”

Chase leaned forward in his
chair. “What the hell is going on with you? It looks like
you're about to jump out of your skin!”

“
I'm
gay.”

“
What?”

“
I
said, I'm gay,” Jayson said a little louder.

“
You're
gay?” Chase asked with an uneasy laugh. When he saw the
seriousness in Jayson's expression, the smile faded from his face.
He sat up straight in his chair and thought about what his friend had
just confessed to him, then shook his head. “No way. I've
seen you fucking girls before; on the beach, and that time at Scott's
house in the hammock.”

“
It's
possible to fuck just about anything with enough liquor to mask what
you're doing,” Jayson said.

Chase tipped his head,
trying to fully absorb what Jayson was saying. “You're really
gay?”

“
As
a three dollar bill.”

“
Wait
a minute,” Chase said. “You were giving me such a hard
time about
not
telling you I was bi and you were doing the same thing to me.”

“
I
know and for that I am truly sorry,” Jayson said. He moved to
the table and took a seat next to Chase. “If I'd had any idea
you were into dudes, I would have told you about myself a long time
ago. It sure would have been nice to have had someone to talk to,
but I was nervous about how you'd react. So, now you know I wasn't
judging you for the choices you're making in your personal life.
Long as Danni is on board with it, I think it's great.”

“
How
long?” Chase asked.

“
I
think I figured it out in high school, but I didn't act on it until
college.”

“
And
all the girls?” Chase asked. “Wouldn't that make you bi,
like me?”

“
The
girls were a necessary means to hide who I really am,” Jayson
said.

“
Who's
on the Cape?”

Jayson shifted in his seat.
“I have a guy I see, when I can.”

“
Boyfriend?”

“
I
guess, although we've never labeled it,” Jayson said. “We've
been seeing each other for about three years now.”

“
Jesus,”
Chase said on a sigh. “I had no fucking idea.”

“
Then,
I guess I've done a good job of staying in the closet,” Jayson
said.

“
Do
your parent's know?”

“
No,
but listening to you talk about your situation and being so ready to
come out has made me think maybe it's time I did the same. This
island isn't exactly a safe haven for people openly living an
alternative lifestyle. Not to mention, the job I do keeps me in
close proximity with nothing but straight, uptight men; I've never
felt comfortable outing myself.”

“
You've
never been with a guy on the island?” Chase asked.

“
Fuck
no! I've been with enough women to maintain my secret and that's
it,” Jayson said. “And for the record, I haven't been
with a girl in years. It would require too much liquor for me to go
through with it and I'd probably die of alcohol poisoning in the
process. I hardly think its worth it.”

Chase scratched at his head
and smiled. “Wow! I'm stunned, Jay. I don't know what to
say.”

Jayson smiled; the first
real smile he'd offered Chase since he'd arrived. “I told you
we have more in common than you think.”

“
I
guess so,” Chase said.

“
How
long have you been bi?” Jayson asked. He saw Chase visibly
flinch at the question. “Is that too personal?”

Chase shook his head. “It's
a fair question, since you answered all of mine,” he said.
“I've had attractions to guys for as long as I can remember,
but never acted on it. Alex is the first.”

“
You
really like him, don't you?” Jayson asked.

“
Oh,
fuck, yes,” Chase said and smiled. “He's the best
adrenaline rush I've ever had, besides being with Danni.”

“
How
do you plan on making it work?”

“
We're
considering a three-way relationship,” Chase said, “Something
with a commitment and exclusivity between the three of us.”

“
I'm
happy for you, Chase. Really, I am,” Jayson said. “But,
what you're suggesting won't be easy for the three of you, nor will
it be readily accepted by anyone on this island.”

“
I
know we're in for a rough go of it, but I want to at least give it a
try,” Chase said. “I want Alex and I want Danni. I
don't want to break it off with Alex and I sure as hell don't want to
lose Danni. A three-way is the only way I see this working.”

“
Is
Danni on board with it?” Jayson asked.

“
We're
working on it,” Chase said.

“
Do
you love him?”

Chase closed his eyes and
inhaled deeply. “Possibly. I don't know.”

“
How
about him? Does he feel the same?”

“
I
suspect he does, but nothing has been verbalized,” Chase said.
“How about you and your Cape Cod guy?”

Jayson smiled. “Is
that a deliberate change of subject?”

“
Maybe.
Why? Are you done answering questions?”

“
Ken
and I …” Jayson started. “It's complicated.”

“
That
doesn't sound good,” Chase said.

“
He's
convenient and safe, but he isn't my forever guy.” Jayson
stood up from his chair and walked to the railing again; facing
Chase. “I'm tired of sneaking around; pretending to be someone
I'm not, and I'm tired of having to make long trips so I don't get
caught just to get laid.” Jayson drank from his beer bottle.
“Since learning about you I've started questioning my reasons
of staying in the closet. I want to have a real partner, not a
secretive, once a month booty call.”

“
Maybe
we should come out together?” Chase said and laughed. “That'd
really set this island on its ass.”

“
How
bad do you think the fall out will be?” Jayson asked.

“
I
don't know, but if I want to keep Alex in my life, I think I'm gonna
have to take that leap to find out and let the chips fall where they
may.”

“
I
think it would be easier for me if I had someone worth coming out
for,” Jayson said. “But, if I continue to live hiding
this lie, I'll end up dying alone and that right there is reason
enough to come out.”

Chase was quiet for a long
moment, thinking about how crazy his life had become. Why had this
feeling of complete happiness come with such a huge burden? For the
first time in his life, he felt settled; comfortable with what he
wanted and who he was, but living it out in the open would come at a
cost. Could he live with that, knowing he'd be dragging so many
people into this mess along with him?

“
I'm
glad we talked,” Jayson said. “I only wish we'd both
been honest years ago. It would have been nice to have had someone
to talk to about this.”

“
I
agree,” Chase said. “But we can talk to each other now.
Right?”

Jayson smiled broadly. He
walked over to Chase and held his arms open. “Absolutely.”

Chase stood up and stepped
into a tight bro hug with Jayson. It was a relief to have this on
the table with him. He only hoped it would be as simple to come
clean to everyone else in his life. He couldn't worry about that
now. He'd simply move forward one day at a time and follow his gut
instinct and his heart. What more could he do?

Chase
stayed with Jayson until it started to get dark. He knew Danni would
be home soon and he wanted to be there when she arrived. He said
good-bye to Jayson and began driving back to the estate. He was
pulling out onto last street leading to the estate and spotted
Danni's small compact car a short distance ahead of him. He watched
her take the turn into their common drive much to fast; barely
slowing enough to engage the electronic gate. He saw the plumes of
dust rise above the tall hedges and wondered what was going on with
her. She was home at least an hour earlier than he expected her and
her driving seemed abnormally aggressive for her, too.

He pulled beside her car and
parked. He was about to head for their cottage, when he heard
yelling coming from inside Alex's kitchen. He followed the sound and
stepped up inside Alex's house. Danni was in Alex's face screaming
at the top of her lungs and Chase couldn't quite catch the reason for
her anger from her high-pitched hostile voice.

“
Baby,
why are you so pissed off at Alex?” Chase asked.

Danni never removed her
glare from Alex. “Go ahead,” Danni said to Alex. “Tell
him what you did – or I will.”

“
Danni,
I don't know what you're referring to,” Alex said.

“
You
lie!” Danni screamed, and slammed her palms to Alex's chest.
He stumbled backward into the kitchen island, then held her by the
shoulders.

“
Stop
yelling and talk to me,” Alex said.

Chase walked closer to Danni
and pulled her away from Alex.

“
Sticking
up for your boyfriend?” Danni growled and attempted to slap
Chase's face.

Chase caught her wrist
before she made contact, then pulled her backside to his chest and
held her in place. “Tell us what the fuck has you so damn
mad,” Chase said. Danni struggled in Chase's grip, but chase
held her tight. “Start talking and I'll let you go.”