Swept Away (25 page)

Lily rushed into the hall, and just made it to the employee restroom before she lost what little breakfast she’d managed to swallow.

She waited for her stomach to settle, and the room to stop spinning, before venturing to the sink to rinse her mouth.

“You okay?” Carson had followed her. Had he heard all that?

“Yeah.” She splashed cold water on her face and rinsed her mouth. “I don’t know what came over me.”

“Really? You have no idea?” His face broke into a wide grin. As pleased as she was to see him smile again, she didn’t like that it was on her account.

“What’s so funny?”

“You know, the river is always changing.” Carson was making even less sense now. “The one thing I know for sure, the only thing I know for sure, is that the river changes.”

“Okay.” Lily had no idea what he was talking about. She was just glad he was talking to her again.

“You told me once that you knew your cycle like I knew the river.”

Lily still wasn’t sure what he was getting at. Why was he talking about rivers and cycles? Was it a full moon? The Summer Solstice?

“Lily, look at me.” His face softened. He looked at her with concern, and an emotion she couldn’t quite pin down. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“What, that I still love you?” She took a long deep breath. “I wanted you to figure it out on your own. I wanted you to see that I’m not going anywhere.”

“And the baby?”

“What?” Lily felt a wave of nausea strike again. Only this time it suddenly made sense. “Oh my God…”

“Lily, you’re pregnant.” It wasn’t a question or even an accusation. It was just a statement. A statement of high probability.

“Oh.” Her legs felt weak, and he caught her before she slumped to the floor.

“You really didn’t know?”

Lily couldn’t speak. She just shook her head.

“How?” She couldn’t wrap her mind around it. What if it was true? What if it wasn’t?

“I think you know how it works.” Carson’s face lit up with amusement. How could he be so calm? So happy? “Come on, Lily, it’s not like we were all that careful.”

“There was the one time, but I swear…” Lily couldn’t think. Couldn’t string the words together.

“It wasn’t just that one time.” Carson took her hands in his. “Come on, Lily, if we used something half the time… I guess I was more ready than I thought.”

“It could be a false alarm.” Lily still couldn’t accept the possibility. “It could just be nerves. The added stress of everything that’s been going on.”

“You could be pregnant.”

“I don’t know.”

“We could find out.”

“I can’t.” Lily’s mind flashed back to all the times when she’d hoped. Prayed. Held her breath as her dreams had been crushed time and time again. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t face another negative pregnancy test. Especially not now. Not when it was Carson’s baby she’d be losing.

“Yes, you can. We can.” Carson took her face in his hands. “We’ll do it together. We’ll pick up a home pregnancy test. You can do what you need to do, and I’ll be there when the results come in.”

“You want to be there?” She looked up at him, surprised and relieved that he wasn’t angry at her. He didn’t accuse her of doing it on purpose.

“Yes. I do.” He placed a kiss on her forehead. “Like you’ve been there for me these last few days.”

“But you don’t want to be a father.” Lily flashed back to the conversation they’d had the night before the fight.

“I said I wasn’t sure.” Carson pulled her into his arms. “I wasn’t sure until right now. We can do this. Together. You and me.”

“Are you sure?” Something that felt like hope sprung up inside her.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.” He held her, stroking her hair, breathing her in.

“Then I guess we should find out.” Lily straightened. Ready to face the truth. No matter what the results were. She could face anything as long as she had Carson by her side.

* * * *

They didn’t stock home pregnancy tests at the store. They had condoms, feminine hygiene products, and personal lubricant, but no home pregnancy tests. No big deal. It wasn’t like they were the only store in town. It was just that now that he was faced with the prospect of fatherhood, Carson wanted to know for sure. As soon as possible.

There was a pharmacy on Prospector Drive. He’d take Lily there, pick up the test, and drive to her place to confirm.

He was going to be a father.

Whether Lily was pregnant or not—and he seriously suspected she was—he was going to be a father. If the pregnancy test was negative, he’d do everything he could to change the result for next time.

Carson pulled up to the pharmacy and got a spot right up front. “Do you want to come in? Or would you rather wait here?”

She looked pale, afraid. No, make that terrified.

“I’ll go in. You stay here.” Carson wondered how many times she’d been disappointed. How many tests she’d taken only to have her dreams not come true.

“Okay.” She nodded, still a little dazed.

“Do you need anything else?” Heaven? Earth? The moon and stars? He’d get it for her. For their baby.

“No, I can get this, really.” She started to reach for the door handle.

“You wait here.” He dropped a quick kiss on her cheek. “I’ll take care of everything.”

Inside the store, Carson didn’t head straight for the pregnancy test section. He didn’t know where to look, but being a man, couldn’t ask for directions. And he had to come up with something manly to purchase along with it.

After grabbing some beef jerky, a stick of deodorant, and a can of shaving cream, even though he used an electric shaver, Carson found the right aisle. Who knew there were eighty-seven different home pregnancy tests? Maybe not that many, but there were seven different brands, plus the store brand. Each brand had more than one option. Digital, early detection, multipacks? If this was just the beginning of the choices he’d have to make, maybe he wasn’t ready to be a parent after all.

He took a deep breath and selected the package that boasted a one-step, easy-to-use, 99% accurate test. On his way to the checkout, he picked up a carton of ice cream. Didn’t pregnant women like ice cream?

* * * *

“There you are.” Lily had tired of waiting and was heading for the front entrance. “I was just about to send out a search party.”

“Sorry, I wasn’t sure which kind to get.” He looked a little traumatized.

“I should have warned you.” Lily couldn’t help but smile at the man who’d braved the pharmacy counter for her.

“I got some ice cream too.” Carson flashed a half-smile, just barely showing his dimples. “But I wasn’t sure what kind of pickles you’d like.”

Lily threw her arms around him. “I’ve missed you.” She leaned into his broad chest, feeling for the first time that it didn’t matter what the results were. She already felt complete.

“I’ve missed you too.” Carson walked her to his truck, held the door open, and helped her inside. “I can’t tell you how many times I walked into our office, expecting you to be gone.”

“I know.”

“But you were there.” Carson’s voice was thick with emotion as he slid behind the wheel. “Every day, you continued to show up.”

“I did.”

“And every day, I shut you out.” He gripped the steering wheel. “But you didn’t let me down.”

“I couldn’t.”

“I promise you, Lily, no matter what…” He turned to face her. “I will not let you down.”

“I know.” Lily felt a smile spread across her face. She was happy. Very happy.

“If you are pregnant, I’ll be ready for that.” Carson smiled back at her, his dimples deepening. “But even if you’re not... I think we should get married.”

“Married?” That was unexpected.

“Yes. I know I don’t have a ring. And I’ve acted like a jerk these last few days. But…” He took a deep breath, let it out, and continued. “Lily, will you marry me?”

The look on his face said it all. Hope. Fear. Joy. Love.

“I can’t.” Lily’s heart felt ready to burst.

“That’s right. You said you didn’t want to get married again.” He bowed his head. Stared down at the steering wheel. “That’s okay. I …”

“That’s not it.” Lily didn’t know how to make this make sense. “I just don’t think I can marry you until you make peace with your brother.”

Lily knew how important his relationship with Cody was to Carson. Sure they needed to separate their lives a little bit, but being a twin was a big part of what made Carson who he was. The man she loved.

“It’s not entirely up to me.” Carson turned toward her, the look on his face was almost enough for her to relent. To say
Yes, I’ll marry you no matter what
.

“Yes, but I know you won’t be happy unless you try.”

“But what if … What if he doesn’t come back? Or what if we don’t have anything to say to each other?”

“Let’s find out.” Lily took his hand. “Let’s see what happens when you tell him he’s going to be an uncle.”

“That would be a good place to start.” Carson relaxed, just a little. “If he’s going to be an uncle, I should be the one to tell him.”

“Yes. You should.”

“What will I tell him about us?” Carson squeezed her hand, gently and firmly.

“Tell him that I’ll only marry you if he agrees to be our best man.” Lily smiled before leaning across the seat to kiss him.

“Hey, I like the beard.” Carson led the way down to Hidden Creek with Cody right on his heels. They had their fly rods, but fishing was the last thing on Carson’s mind. He doubted Cody believed they were just here to drop a line in the water. They had unfinished business, and this was the best place to conduct it. “It gives you a rugged look.”

“Takes away from my crooked nose.” Cody had been gone for the full six weeks. He’d shown up yesterday, just as Carson was getting ready to head home to Lily. Instead, he’d helped his brother unpack and spent the night at the house. Cody had gone to bed early, having driven fifteen hours straight through. They didn’t say much about the fight, or why he’d left. But then again, they didn’t have to.

“Sorry about that.” Carson would never completely forgive himself for breaking his brother’s nose. For almost breaking Lily’s heart.

“Hey, it’s cool.” Cody pinched the bridge of his nose. It was noticeably bent. Yet he could pull it off. It would probably make him even more of a chick magnet. “It’ll make it easier for people to tell us apart.”

At least he still had a sense of humor.

“Look, I should have told you about me and Lily.” This was as close to an apology as he could get.

“Yeah. You should have.” There was enough lightness in Cody’s tone that Carson knew he wasn’t going to hold it against him, at least most of the time. He could see it now, anytime Cody didn’t get his way about something, he’d bring it up. And the broken nose. He’d never live down the broken nose.

“I know it’s no excuse.” Carson knew he sounded lame. “But I never expected to fall in love with her.”

“So it’s love, huh?” Cody stood there, stroking his beard as if he was thinking about what else he wanted to say. “Cool.”

He turned, walking ahead of Carson. At first glance, it seemed like nothing had changed between them. They were just a couple of guys heading out for an afternoon fishing trip. But there was something different about Cody. Besides the beard. He just couldn’t figure out what it was.

“So, how was the Yampa?” Carson still hoped to see it someday, but for now, he was happy staying right here. He’d moved in with Lily, unofficially. He still had a lot of his things at the house. The kind of useless stuff that tended to gather when you weren’t paying attention. He’d brought the essentials to Lily’s place. Including his tools. He had a lot of work to do, making improvements on her cabin. Baby-proofing. He’d shored up the deck railing, put in a sturdy gate, and was already planning on where to set up a play yard, where their child could explore his or her surroundings safely.

“The Yampa was good.” Cody switched his rod case from one hand to the other. “The fishing wasn’t so hot, but the rest of it was real good.”

“The scenery?” Carson would have liked to have seen the sandstone canyons, the Native pictographs, and maybe even some dinosaur bones. But he was going to have a kid. Kids love dinosaurs. It would be even better to wait a few years and go as a family.

“The scenery was spectacular.” The way Cody said it, Carson knew he wasn’t talking about the sculpted cliffs or natural arches. He’d met someone. Most likely a few someones. He’d never gone very long without female company.

“So, you had a good time?” Carson was glad Cody had been able to take advantage of the situation.

“I did.” Cody stopped. He took a deep breath. He was contemplating something. His tone was different, too. A little more serious. “I had the time of my life.”

“That’s great. Glad to hear it.” Carson knew things would never be quite the same between them. It was no longer just the two of them. Still, he wanted his brother to be happy.

“It was totally worth it.” Cody laughed, the same self-deprecating, yet slightly arrogant laugh Carson had come to associate with his brother. “Broken nose and everything.”

Carson hadn’t realized how much he’d missed Cody until just then. When Lily first requested he ask him to be their best man, he’d thought she was asking for trouble. But she must have known that it wouldn’t be the same without him.

“She was that good?” She’d certainly put a smile on his brother’s face, even weeks later.

“She was.” Cody’s grin was more crooked than ever. “She was damn good.”

“You going to see her again?” He couldn’t help but wonder about this mystery woman. Could she possibly be the one?

“Nah. Why ruin a good thing?” Same old Cody. Except for the hint of regret in his voice. That was new. She had obviously made an impact on him. Even if he wasn’t going to admit it.

“I almost ruined a good thing.” Carson might as well get this over with. He needed to tell the rest of the story. “I almost lost Lily.”

“Because of me?” Cody stopped walking. His shoulders dropped a little.

“No, because of me.” Carson knew it wasn’t Cody’s fault. “I almost didn’t recognize what I had.”