Swept Away (20 page)

The waitress arrived with Carson’s sandwich and two more beers. She gave Cody a look of resignation. They all knew Cody would be going home with his brother tonight.

He wondered, not for the first time, what would happen when they got to be old men. A couple of crusty, washed-up bachelors reminiscing about their conquests and fighting over whose turn it was to buy the prune juice.

Cody stared at his half-empty beer. It should be his last. “I don’t know what it is about her,” Cody wondered aloud. “But Lily is really special.”

“Yes. She is.” Carson looked out over the river, memories of what he and Lily had done just upstream flooding him.

“Sure she’s got a great body. That rack, mmm-mmm-mmmm.” Cody was up to his usual antics, trying to get a rise out of him. “But there’s something else.”

“Yes. She’s something else.” Carson felt his chest tighten.

“She’d make a good mother.” Cody sounded wistful. But he had an excuse. He was drunk. “Don’t you think?”

“Yes. She’d be a really good mother.” Carson took a bite of his sandwich, looking at the view as he chewed. Carson had never liked to talk about what happened to their mother. The one time they’d come to blows was an argument over whose fault it had been that she’d died.

“She wouldn’t let her kids get away with crap.” Cody chuckled softly. “She’d be firm. But loving. You know, so they wouldn’t want to screw up. They’d want her to be proud of them.”

“Our mother would’ve been proud of us.” Carson hoped.

“She’d be proud of you.” Cody drained his glass. “She’d know I was a screw-up.”

“You’re not a screw-up.” Carson’s response was automatic. Without feeling. They both knew he wasn’t telling the whole truth.

“Sure I am.” Cody actually sounded serious. “I’ve never had a relationship that lasted longer than a long weekend. Hell, most of them lasted as long as my relationship with mom.” Cody heaved a sigh. “Twenty-seven minutes.”

Carson flinched. Officially, the cause of her death had been ruled medical error, but each of the twins believed they had been the cause. Cody had often complained that the reason Carson was so hard on him was because he blamed Cody for their mother’s death. Their father’s abandonment. If he only knew that it was guilt that drove Carson to be so protective.

“I think I need another drink.” Cody half-heartedly raised his hand to flag the waitress.

“I think I need to take you home.” Carson stood, threw some money down on the table, and jingled his keys.

“Yes, Mommy.” He let Carson lead the way, preferring to stagger behind, instead of in front of his brother.

“I expect you to be in good enough shape to go down the river with the prospective guides tomorrow.” Carson held the door open.

“No problem.” Cody worked at staying steady. “They’re not meeting us until ten.”

“Be ready by nine.” Carson watched him stumble over to the truck.

“Yes, sir.” Cody gave him a mock salute.

Cody had often compared him to a drill sergeant. Usually when he was pissed off about not getting his way about something. If he thought Carson was tough on him, he would have been in for a surprise if they’d joined the military instead of guide school. Maybe it would have been good for him.

* * * *

It didn’t take long for Cody to drop off into a deep, if drunken, sleep. Carson hoped he’d be able to meet the prospective guides the next morning, but he had his doubts. He’d seen him drunk before. That wasn’t the problem. It was seeing his brother look so…defeated that bothered him most.

He was worried. Sure, he could have chalked it up to Cody feeling sorry for himself. He’d always been a sore loser. But he couldn’t know about him and Lily. They’d been discreet. Besides, he would have said something. He would have made a snide comment or a crude joke to cover up his disappointment.

Instead he’d gone on and on about how Lily would be a good mother. And then he’d started in on their mother. It was just… He needed someone to talk to. To sort out his feelings of frustration over having to babysit his older brother.

Lily’s light was still on. He didn’t even need to search for the key in the flowerpot. Not that he was comfortable with the idea of anyone being able to get into her house. But what right did he have to say anything? They were just lovers. Short-term lovers. She’d made it clear that she didn’t mind that he was leaving soon. It was just sex. Or so she claimed. She didn’t want anything more.

He didn’t have a right to anything more.

“Carson, come in.” Lily took in his appearance with a look of concern. “What do you need?”

The question stunned him. He hesitated before crossing her threshold. He couldn’t ask too much of her.

“Do you want to talk?” Lily reached for his arm, leading him gently inside. “Do you need a drink? Or do you want to just get naked and lose ourselves in the pleasure we can give each other?”

Carson felt a smile crack through his stone-faced façade.

“Can I have all three?” He’d been weighed down for so long, until Lily came by and released the anchor.

“Sure.” She led him into the kitchen. “Do you want wine or beer?”

“Either’s fine.” Carson didn’t want to be too much trouble. “Whatever you prefer.”

“Would you like a glass of wine?” Lily asked again, slowly, as if he hadn’t heard her the first time. “Or would you like a beer? I’m sorry I don’t have anything stronger, but I can get something, whatever you want. For next time.”

“Oh, that’s okay.” Carson tried to remember the last time someone had cared about what he wanted. “I’ll take a beer. Please.”

“See, that wasn’t so hard.” Lily offered a warm smile, but she looked a little sad, too. “It’s been hard for me to get used to asking for what I want. But it gets easier. Trust me.”

“I do.” Carson took the beer she offered. He trusted her more than he wanted to.

“So do you want to take these outside?” Lily took a long sip of her beer. “Or should we just get right to it?”

Carson stood there in her kitchen, wondering where to begin. He wanted to talk, but now that he was here, he didn’t know what to say.

“You do want to get naked, don’t you?” Lily put her arms around his waist, pulling him close, looking up at him with those mysterious eyes. Gold. Brown. Copper. All those shades mixed together. But it was what he saw behind those colors that nearly brought him to his knees. She wanted him. More than that, she wanted to take care of him.

“Oh, Lily.” It took him three swallows to finish his beer. Then he set the empty bottle on the counter, lifted her in his arms, and carried her to her bedroom. He lowered her to the bed and began taking off his clothes.

“Wait.” Lily sat up. “Let me undress for you.”

She shoved him on the bed and switched on the bedside lamp before slowly undressing. She lifted her T-shirt over her head, letting it fall to the ground.

“You like my breasts, don’t you?” Lily turned slightly, so he could get a better view.

“Yes. I do.” He loved her breasts. And everything else about her.

“They like you too.” Cupping her hands beneath her breasts, she lifted them, showcasing the supple curves.

She hooked her thumbs into the waistband of her pajama shorts, inching them down as she shimmied her hips, letting them fall to the floor, leaving her standing there in a tiny scrap of pink satin.

He groaned and started to reach for her.

“No, you stay there,” she ordered. “I want to do this for you.”

She wanted to torture him?

“Take a good look.” Finally, she slipped off her panties and stood there, perfectly naked. “This is for you. All for you.”

Slowly, she turned around. Letting him see every curve, every inch of her smooth skin. He’d touched every inch. Tasted every inch. But he’d never stopped to look at her this closely. The first time he saw her naked, he’d been too worried about getting her to safety. And making sure she didn’t think he was some kind of creep. And every time they’d made love, he’d been so busy feeling that he hadn’t stopped to look. To really appreciate how beautiful she was.

“Tell me what you want me to do to you.” Lily stepped closer.

“Take off my clothes.” Carson’s voice was a harsh whisper.

Lily slowly removed his T-shirt, sliding it over his head. She trailed little kisses down his chest as she reached for his shorts. It seemed to take forever for her to undo the button and slide the zipper down. He was so hard he thought he might shatter if he didn’t get relief soon.

She grasped his penis, stroking him tenderly. Inspecting it as if she’d just discovered some curious artifact, rare and priceless. Barely touching the sensitive skin, she traced her fingers along the entire length. She licked her lips and then lowered her mouth, brushing her lips over the tip before sliding her tongue down his shaft. Tentative, yet curious, she tasted him, drawing him deeper into her mouth.

He was pretty sure she’d never done this before.

“Lily, stop.” The urgency in his voice brought her head up. He was so close to losing it.

“Am I doing it wrong?” The uncertainty in her voice just about broke his heart.

“No, baby. You’re definitely not doing it wrong.” He lifted her up so that she was lying on top of him. Her body lined up with his. “Kiss me.”

She complied. And there was nothing tentative about this kiss. She kissed him hard and hot and hungry. When she came up for air, she smiled a devilish grin, and then moved her hips over him, drawing him inside. She started rocking back and forth, riding him. Determined to make this good for him. Wild. Uninhibited. Too fast.

Carson grabbed her hips, holding her in place.

“Slow down, baby.” His breathing was ragged, so close to losing control. “Please.”

She stilled. Then she shuddered, a low moan escaping her throat. He could feel the pulsing of her inner muscles as she climaxed.

Slowly, he began to thrust upward, with just the smallest movement. She squeezed, pulling him deeper. Time seemed to stand still as they moved together in slow-motion. Micro movements that suddenly burst into the most powerful orgasm he’d ever had.

She collapsed on top of him, both of them out of breath and unable to move.

Finally, she spoke. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I wanted this to be special. I wanted to give you more than you gave me.” She sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

He could barely breathe. “It was special.” He wrapped his arms around her. “You’re special. What I can’t figure out is why you picked me.”

“Isn’t it obvious?” Lily rolled over, spooning against him. She took his hand and placed it over her left breast. “See, perfect fit.”

Yes. She was a perfect fit.

He held her. Just held her. There was so much he wanted to say. So much he needed to say. He just didn’t know where to begin.

How could he describe the way she made him feel? How could he tell her he loved her when he was planning on leaving in a matter of weeks?

* * * *

“You okay?” Lily didn’t want to push, but he’d been so tense when he arrived. Something was bothering him. Something weighed on him like an anchor. She wanted to relieve the pressure. She wanted to comfort him. To take care of him. She wanted to love him with everything she had.

The beer had loosened the lines around his mouth. Sex had relaxed his body. Now she hoped he would talk.

“I can’t move.” He pulled her even closer. “I don’t think I’ll ever leave your bed.”

“That would be great.” She snuggled against him, wishing he could stay. “Until I’m arrested for kidnapping.”

“I wonder how long it would take Cody to miss me?” Carson laughed softly and sighed. “He’ll probably want coffee. He’ll need a lot of coffee.”

“What happened tonight?” Lily asked. “I take it you didn’t get a chance to talk.”

“He was drunk.” Carson rolled over on his back, threw his right arm over his head. “He’s been drunk before, of course, but this was different.”

“How so?” She wanted to encourage him without prying.

“He was really down.” Lily felt the tension return to his body. His muscles tightened and she could feel him withdrawing. “I think I might have made a mistake in coming here. In being with you.”

Lily couldn’t breathe. Was he breaking up with her? She’d known this was only temporary, but she wasn’t ready to give him up just yet.

“Cody doesn’t deal with disappointment very well,” he continued. “I knew he wanted you. I should have stepped aside.”

Lily found her voice. “It wouldn’t matter. I wouldn’t have slept with Cody. If you’d turned me down that night, I wouldn’t have gone looking for a substitute.”

She scooted away from him, put one foot on the floor, before he grabbed her arm.

“Lily. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” He took her hand. “Please, don’t go.”

“This is my house. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Please, Lily.” He looked so desperate, so worried. “I don’t have anyone else I can talk to”

“So what do you want to talk about?”

“I’m worried about Cody.” She could tell it took a lot for him to admit. “He’s taking your rejection harder than he should. I don’t understand it.”

“I never led him on.” Lily tried to think of anything that she could have done differently.

“I think he’s drawn to your nurturing side.” Carson let his hand fall to her chest, just above her heart.

“Oh.” Lily felt her head spin. “I want a baby. Not a man-child.”

“That’s right.” Carson shifted, just enough for her to notice he was less than comfortable with the subject. “You want to have a baby.”

“Yes.” Lily wondered if this was a deal breaker. Not that they had made any kind of deal.

“And you’re going to…” He couldn’t even say the words. Was he was so repulsed by her plan?

“I’m not willing to wait.” Lily could only tell him the truth. “It wouldn’t be fair to start a relationship with you, or anyone else, knowing that I hope to be a mother within a year.”

He didn’t say anything so Lily kept talking.

“That’s why this is so perfect.” She hoped he wouldn’t run screaming from her bed. “We can enjoy each other’s company. No pressure, no demands. Just great sex.”

“Really great.” Carson ran his finger along her curves, sending waves of arousal throughout her body. How was it possible that she had been so completely satisfied just minutes ago, and now she was dying for his touch?