Swept Away (22 page)

Carson just rolled his eyes. Not that Cody would notice, since they were both wearing sunglasses. “So why not hire both Jake and Gavin?”

“Sure. The more the merrier.” Cody acted like he didn’t care. “I’ll have Lily print out three copies of the hiring paperwork.”

He headed for the office before Carson could stop him.

* * * *

“Hey, have you seen Cody?” Carson had just come in off the river. Sun-kissed, a little sweaty, he looked sexy as ever.

“You just missed him,” Lily said. “He was in making sure I got the paperwork on the new guides you hired. Trying to help out a little more.”

“I guess.” Carson shrugged. “It will be good for him to train a few new guides. It’s what he does best.”

“You still want him to do more, though,” Lily guessed.

“Well, there’s so much he doesn’t even think about.” Carson stretched his neck and shoulders.

“Maybe you should make a list.” Lily stood and reached up to rub his shoulders. “Sometimes it’s more helpful to be specific about what you want. Instead of saying ‘you don’t help around the house enough,’ it’s better to specifically point out that putting dirty socks in the hamper makes it easier to wash them.”

“So your ex left his dirty socks on the floor?” Carson teased. “That’s it, I’m going after him.”

“This isn’t about me.” Lily dropped her hands. “Or my ex. It’s about you communicating with your brother. If he doesn’t do enough around here, you need to tell him. Or find someone else who can do the work.”

“I do tell him.” Carson sat down on the desk. “But he doesn’t get it.”

“Well, maybe he needs to focus on what he’s good at.” Lily hoped she wasn’t crossing a line here. “Let him take care of the customers, and let the rest of us worry about the rest. I’m serious about you making a list. Write down everything that needs to be done around here. I’ll take on what I can. I’m sure Fisher would be willing to help out.”

“Thanks.” Carson grabbed a pen and walked over to the copier to pull a piece of paper from the tray. He sat down at his desk and started on his list.

“Wow,” he said after about fifteen minutes. “Even I had no idea how much was involved in running this place.”

“It’s a lot of work.” Lily smiled to herself. “Would you have gone into this business if you’d known what was involved?”

“It was an opportunity I couldn’t pass up.” Carson looked up from his list. “One
we
couldn’t pass up. Can you picture Cody working in some corporate office? Or even working for someone else?”

“Not really.” Lily could see him in sales maybe. “But I can’t picture you working as a suit either. What did you really want to be when you grew up?”

“The usual. A professional ballplayer. Cop.” Carson sounded so casual, almost too casual. “Maybe join the Marines.”

“I could see you as a Marine. Serving your country.” Lily smiled. “You’d look great in the uniform.”

“Do you think they’d still take me?” He sounded like he was only half joking.

“I’m sure you’d pass the physical.” Lily couldn’t help but run her hands across his shoulders. “You’re in great shape.”

“I work hard.” Carson shrugged. “Comes with the territory.”

“So why didn’t you enlist?” Lily asked. “Did you fall in love with the river and give up your dream?”

“That’s part of it,” Carson said. “But I couldn’t leave Cody behind. He never would have made it past boot camp.”

“No, I can’t picture him in camouflage.” Lily perched on the arm of his chair. “Tie-dye is more like it.”

“Are you calling my brother a hippie?”

“No.” Lily ran her fingers through his hair. “But his hair is about a quarter of an inch longer than yours.”

“You’ve been running your fingers through my brother’s hair?” Carson tensed. A little bit jealous?

“No. I was trying for a joke.” Lily patted his hair. “You don’t need to worry.”

But worrying was what he did. He could wander to the far corners of the earth, but that wouldn’t keep him from worrying about those he cared about.

The last two weeks of May flew by. Carson managed to take care of all the needed repairs and routine maintenance. Barring any unforeseen accidents or natural disasters, there was no reason for him to worry about Swift River Adventure Company and Resort. Lily took care of all the clerical and financial details of running the business. She also had a way of getting Cody to chip in. He had taken on daily garbage and recycling collection, making the weekly Costco run to pick up supplies and store inventory that wasn’t on the delivery schedule.

Carson should be thrilled that Cody was taking a more active role in the day-to-day operations. He would be thrilled, except for the nagging suspicion that he was only doing it because Lily asked him to.

He struggled with the desire to tell Cody to back the hell off—Lily was his. But if Cody knew that, he might start slacking off again. Carson didn’t want the extra work to fall on Lily’s shoulders. She’d done enough already.

Like every night the last few weeks, Carson waited for his brother to go to bed. When he was sure Cody was asleep, he snuck out and drove over to Lily’s. She’d given him a key so he could let himself in. Tonight, like many nights past, she was already in bed. Waiting for him.

He undressed by the light of the moon streaming through her windows. Since she had no neighbors, she preferred to leave the windows bare. She’d told him about the decorative security bars on her house in Sacramento, the heavy drapes installed by her decorator, and the electronic alarms on all her windows. She gushed about the privacy and freedom she got from living out in the woods. He would prefer she had a security alarm, especially since she had the habit of sleeping in the nude.

“You’re late.” Lily rolled over as he slid naked between the sheets.

“Sorry. Extra innings.” Carson pulled her into an embrace. “Cody wouldn’t go to bed. He was pretty pumped up.”

“We could just tell him about us.” Lily pressed her body against his. A perfect fit.

“I know.” Carson felt the burden. The secret had grown, threatening to suck some of the pleasure from his relationship with Lily. “But then he’d stop working so hard to please you.”

“He’s working to please you.” Lily had been fine with keeping their affair a secret in the beginning, but he could tell her patience was starting to wear thin.

“I don’t want to talk about Cody.” Carson stroked her skin, touched her in the way he’d learned she liked. “I just want to make love to you.”

“No.” Lily rolled over, offering her back to him.

“No?” His heart seized up. His throat could barely get the word out.

“Not unless you plan to stay.” Lily turned around to face him. “Stay past sunrise. Stay for breakfast.”

“Okay.” Relief washed over him that it wasn’t their relationship that was stagnating. Just the routine.

Lily sat up, a big smile on her face. “Really? You’ll stay? We’ll have breakfast together?”

“Yes. I’ll stay.” Carson knew it was time. He had to offer her more than just sex. “I’d love to have breakfast with you. Anything but pancakes.”

“Why not pancakes?”

“It’s just something I used to make for Cody’s overnight guests. It was sort of my specialty.”

“Why didn’t he make them?” Lily asked. “I mean, pancakes are pretty easy. Anyone can make them.”

“Yeah. Unless you’re trying to avoid someone. Then you send your brother into the kitchen.”

“Wow,” Lily said. What could she be thinking? “So did Cody make pancakes for your dates?”

“No. I could take care of my own guests.” But he didn’t take care of her. Not in the way he’d like.

“That’s why you set up the coffee before you leave?” Lily’s voice held a note of bitterness. “Because pancakes would get cold?”

“I don’t like leaving you.” Carson felt his world slipping away. “I hate leaving you. I do. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to break it to Cody.”

“Wow. I feel like I’m in the middle of a threesome, only…” She was going to send him packing.

“I love you.” His words slipped out. Part desperation, part relief at finally being able to admit it. “I know this was supposed to be a casual thing, but I’ve managed to fall in love with you.”

Silence.

Carson thought his heart would stop. Or the world would stop turning. Or all the air would be sucked from the atmosphere.

“I’ve managed to fall in love with you, too.” Lily placed a soft, gentle kiss on his forehead.

That kiss led to another, not so gentle, not so innocent. It was the kind of kiss that would lead to other things. And it did.

* * * *

Carson woke up to the smell of bacon cooking. He’d slept in. And no wonder, they’d made love once, twice, three times throughout the course of the night. Each time more intense, more meaningful than the last.

He pulled on a pair of shorts and stumbled to the bathroom. After cleaning up and brushing his teeth with the toothbrush she’d given him that second night, he went into the kitchen to help with breakfast.

“Smells delicious.” Carson wrapped his arms around Lily’s waist. “What can I do to help?”

“You can crack the eggs.” Lily was busy dicing potatoes. She had a hot skillet ready with onions already sautéing over a medium-high flame.

They worked together, preparing a hearty breakfast, with laughter and kisses and playfulness that Carson had never experienced before. This was what it was all about. This was the life he’d never known he’d wanted.

He went to the fridge to retrieve the orange juice. His eye strayed to the appointment card tacked to the door with a fruit shaped magnet. The card was from Foothills Fertility Clinic. Her appointment scheduled for June 17. He’d be gone by then. And when he returned, she’d be … He couldn’t think about it.

“Carson, are you okay?” Lily put her hands on his shoulder.

“Yeah, I guess I forgot what I came over here for.” He shook his head, trying to clear the disturbing image of her lying on a table, feet in stirrups, awaiting insemination. “Orange juice, right?”

“Yeah.” Lily wrapped her arms around his waist. “You do like orange juice?”

“Sure.”

“Look, if you’re worried I’m going to beg you stay, don’t.” Lily reached around him and grabbed the carton of juice. “I mean, I’ll miss you. I’ll miss you like crazy, but I understand you made these plans before you even met me. I can’t just expect you to change your mind because of me.”

“So, you want me to leave?”

“No.” Lily poured the juice into two short glasses. “But I won’t make you choose. I understand that you need to complete this journey. I just hope we can pick up where we left off when you get back.”

“Lily. You’re amazing.”

“Stop.”

“No, it’s true,” Carson said. “You’re so amazing, and wonderful, and I love you.”

“I love you too.” She sounded a little scared. Like she knew he was going to drop something heavy on her and shatter this little domestic bliss they were sharing.

“You’re too good for me.” Carson pulled her against him. “You are so giving and strong and you haven’t asked one thing of me, except for this breakfast. Which is perfect, by the way. Just like you are. And I’m going to sound like a completely selfish Neanderthal.”

Lily didn’t say anything. She simply stood there. Letting him hold her. Letting him touch her, as if for the last time.

“Lily.” He turned her around and placed his hands on her flat tummy. “I love you. I love you so much.”

“I love you too.” Lily’s words held just an edge of sadness. An edge of fear.

“I can’t believe how lucky I am to have found you.”

“But?” Lily started to tremble.

“I can’t do it.” Carson wrapped his arms tighter around her waist. “I can’t think about some other man’s sperm inside you. Another man’s baby inside you.”

“Oh, is that all?” She let out a nervous little laugh.

“Look, I know you made plans before you met me. And you’ve had this dream.” Carson felt a lump rise in his throat. “It’s not my place to ask you to give that up. It’s not even my place to ask you to wait for me.”

She leaned against him. Was her heart breaking, too?

“The thing is...” Carson turned her around. He had to look into her eyes. “I don’t know what scares me more—losing you, or being a father.”

* * * *

This was exactly the kind of situation Lily’s plan was supposed to avoid. Her decision to use a donor was supposed to simplify things.

“We don’t have to decide anything right now.” She led him to the table. “We do have to eat. I finally get to have breakfast with you. I don’t want it to get cold.”

Carson sat.

“It’s simply a consultation.” Lily wanted to ease his mind. And hers. “I’m just going to go over my options.”

“What about my options?” He took a bite.

“You’re leaving in what? Two? Three days?” Lily forced herself to eat. “Let’s enjoy these last few moments together. The future can wait.”

“How long?”

“I don’t know. But taking some time apart will give us both time to think about it. I didn’t expect to meet you. I didn’t expect to fall in love with you. And I certainly didn’t expect to include you in this decision.”

“Well, I’m included.” Carson’s voice had an edge. Bitter. Angry. Frustrated. “Whether we expected it or not. I either have to go along with you, or get out.”

“You make it sound like it’s my way or the highway.”

“Well, you’re not going to suddenly decide you don’t want children, are you?”

“No.” Her heart started to break. What if he didn’t? Ever? “But I don’t need to have them today. Or tomorrow. Or even next week.”

“These potatoes are delicious.” Manspeak for subject is closed.

They finished their breakfast, making small talk, discussing details about work. She almost wished they had stayed on the topic of Cody. At least she knew where she stood where he was concerned. Sure, Carson was jealous of any time she spent with him. But that was nothing compared to the possessiveness she felt when Carson put his hands on her abdomen. He was almost territorial. Like a wild animal. The kind that would eat the young of another male.

What did it all mean? Would his biological urge to spread his seed overrule his reluctance to settle down? She knew he had some issues with his father. She wished they could talk about it. But she couldn’t push. He was getting ready to leave. If she wasn’t careful he wouldn’t want to come back.