“Very good,” Kira answered. “We rendered my mom speechless. And then she cried, but they were happy tears.”
“They were,” I said, looking at Kira. Then looking at Tamara, I told her, “I had an episode of vertigo when I was going to the door to let them in, and that kind of ruined the moment a little, but it was all fine.”
“What happened?”
“I was setting the table, turned to go to the door, the room spun and I hit the floor,” I said. “Kira picked me up and put me on the sofa.”
“Did that upset you?” she asked.
“No,” I answered immediately. Honestly. “Like I said before, vertigo is something I’m learning to live with. Is it frustrating? Yes. Is it embarrassing? Yes, it can be. Do I blame anyone for it? No. Do I resent myself for needing Kira’s help? No.” I sighed. There was no malice in my tone. I was simply stating a fact. “It just is what it is. Like being deaf in one ear. It’s a…condition I have, something I have to live with. That’s all.”
I reached over and took Kira’s hand, and he squeezed my fingers. “It’s true, Tamara,” Kira said. “Matt’s really very good about it. Takes it in his stride, doesn’t get angry or shut down on me. Same with the hearing loss. It’s just something we deal with.”
“True,” I agreed. “And like I’ve told Kira before, I doubt I’d have dealt with losing the hearing in one ear so well, if it weren’t for his family. Sal’s completely deaf, so concessions for that and sign language are just part of the daily norm.”
“I agree,” Tamara said. “I’d imagine it’s helped a great deal.” She looked between us and smiled. “You two have come a long way.”
“It’s because I tell him everything now,” I said. “Probably too much. I talk about what’s going on at the club all the time.” I looked at Kira. “Does it drive you crazy?”
Kira chuckled and shook his head. “Not at all. I love hearing about it.” He looked at Tamara. “It’s a nice change from police work where he couldn’t really talk about the day to day stuff. And it kind of helps when I visit that I know what’s been going on.”
“You visit the club often?” she asked.
“About twice a week,” he answered. “If I’m working an afternoon shift, I’ll call in for an hour or so. Sometimes just for a chat with the other guys if Matt’s busy.”
“And you’re finding the change of pace suits you, Matt?” she asked.
“It’s really good,” I answered. “To be honest, it’s welcome. I mean, I’m busy most of the day and there’s always something to do, but it’s not as demanding as being a cop, that’s for sure.” Then I added, “One of the kids, Claude, the one I told you about before, she said what I did sounded boring.”
“How’s she going?” Tamara asked, her head tilted to the side.
“I haven’t seen her in two days. She spent the whole day with me on Tuesday, but I haven’t seen her since.”
“Do you worry?” Tamara asked.
“Of course,” I said with a shrug. “But kids come and go. Some of the other kids said they’ve seen her and Rueben, Claude’s brother, so they’re around. Maybe they’re busy at home. I don’t know. They’ll come in when they can.”
Tamara gave me a small smile, and I knew we’d be talking about this again in my next session. Then she looked at Kira and started talking through some trust exercises we would quite often do. In the beginning, after I’d got out of hospital, some of these sessions had been tense—particularly on my behalf. I had been worried I’d say the wrong thing, or upset Kira even further. But six months on and these sessions were sometimes fun. We’d laugh a bit and get the giggles between us, and even Tamara would find herself smiling at us.
Today was one of those days. For the rest of the hour, we had questionnaires that Tamara had written just for us that we had to complete on each other. Some of the questions were serious, like the ones about what we wanted for each other by getting married, and what our expectations were, and we had to answer what we thought each other would want and expect.
But some questions were funny, and the fact we got nearly all them correct and we could laugh about the ones we got wrong, really just showed how well we knew each other. How far we’d come.
We left the session in a good mood, and when we got to the car, I stopped Kira from getting in. “Can I ask you something?”
Kira was still smiling, but his eyes were cautious. “Sure.”
“Did you want to get rings?” I asked. “You know, engagement rings? I mean, I don’t even know if guys wear them. I guess there’s no reason why we can’t. It’s just that I asked you to marry me, and forgot about the rings.”
Kira’s smile widened to a grin. Then he scratched his head. “Um, I don’t know…it’s not like I can wear one at work. Not without damaging the ring, or my finger.”
I’d reasoned that very thing, but it still stung that he didn’t want to. “Oh.”
“Do you want to?”
“Well, no, it’s okay…” I started to say no, but stopped. No more lies. “Yes. I do. I want to wear something that says I’m with you.”
“Like a shirt?”
I pushed his shoulder. “Shut up. You know what I mean.”
He laughed and got in the driver’s side. I opened the passenger door and with a sigh, got into the car. But when he’d pulled into traffic, instead of turning left to go home, he went straight ahead.
“Where are we going?”
“To look for something that says you’re with me.”
I grinned at him. “Really?”
“If you want it, then yes.”
“I do,” I said. “I just don’t know what.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I’ve been thinking about it. I thought about maybe getting a tattoo,” I said.
Kira jerked his head around to see me instead of the road.
“Watch the traffic, babe. And I’m not discounting that idea, but you know what? As silly as it sounds I think I’d really like to get a ring.”
Kira smiled, but seemed surprised. He pulled the car into a spot and pointed up the sidewalk. “There’s a jewellers just up there.”
We got out of the car and headed in the direction he’d suggested. I was so excited, but as we got to the door of the jewellers, Kira stopped and pulled me aside. “A tattoo? You thought of getting permanently inked?”
I nodded. “Yep, permanent and meaningful.”
He seemed a little lost for words. Eventually, he said, “What would you get?”
“Well, it would need to be something symbolic, and I was thinking—you’ll probably think this is stupid—but I was thinking of getting a warrior.” Then I elaborated, “A Samurai warrior, but he would hold a Spanish shield.” I shrugged and looked up the sidewalk. “You know, to represent you—Japanese and Spanish, and a fighter. Like I said, it’s probably silly…”
Kira lifted my jaw so I looked at him. And there in the broad light of day, in full public view, he kissed me.
“That’s not silly,” he said quietly. “Matt, that’s… I really do love you.”
I smiled. “I love you, too. So maybe I should get both?” I asked with a laugh. “The tattoo
and
a ring?”
Kira laughed and opened the door to the jeweller’s. He walked in and stood aside, holding the door open for me. I walked inside, still smiling, and the lady behind the counter greeted me. “Gentlemen, what can I help you with today?”
“Rings please,” I answered.
She showed us a few trays of silver and gold bands, and I picked one that was a bevelled edge, polished tungsten something-or-other as the woman told me, but I didn’t care. I just liked it. I tried it on and they had the right size, so I told her I’d take it.
“We’ll have two,” Kira said.
I looked up at him. “Really?”
Kira looked at the saleslady. “I’ll need a necklace or something to go with it, please.”
He chose a black leather strand, that when worn with the ring secured on it, sat just above his sternum. It looked fucking hot.
And something was very clear.
“I’ll have a leather necklace too,” I said. My voice was quiet but sure.
“Matt?”
“I want to wear it. I really do,” I told him. “But not until we’re married. I want to wear it for real.”
Kira’s lips twitched as though he was trying not to smile, but his eyes gave him away. “You’re unbelievable. It was your idea to do this!”
“We don’t have to get them now,” I said quickly. “We can put them on lay-away, or come back later…”
Kira put his hand to the ring that was still hanging around his neck. He looked from me to the saleswoman. “We’ll take them now.”
I grinned like an idiot, and the poor lady behind the counter couldn’t help but chuckle at me. “Did you want to wear the necklaces now? Or shall I box it all up for you?”
“Box them up, please,” I said.
“You sure?” Kira asked. He looked as though he found my enthusiasm amusing.
I turned and faced him, so the saleswoman couldn’t see my face. I bit my lip. “I think we should try them on at home.”
He understood what I meant.
“We’ll take them to go,” he said.
I paid and five minutes later we were on our way home. I was still smiling and Kira kept glancing at me as he drove. “We only have two hours before I have to go to work, you know.”
“Plenty of time,” I said. When we got home and walked inside, I pulled the small black boxes from the paper bag. “You really need to wear this.” I pulled out the leather strand and then his ring, and threaded it through. He was standing close to me and I could almost feel his eyes on me. “Take your shirt off,” I said, my voice gruff.
I looked up at him as he pulled his shirt over his head. He had a smug smirk, but his eyes were dark. “You really liked it on me,” he said. “I could tell in the store.”
I couldn’t deny it. “I did.” Then I whispered, “Turn around.”
I held either end of the leather necklace, lifted it over his head and tied the two ends together. I traced my fingers along his shoulder, and he turned back around slowly to face me.
The ring sat on his chest—dark silver on black leather. But it was more than that. It was the ring he’d wear when we were married. I touched it lightly, feeling the cool of the metal under the rise and fall of his chest. “It’s beautiful.”
Kira surprised me by taking my face in his hands and kissing me deeply, thoroughly. His hands, his lips, his tongue—there was an urgency, a passion in his touch, his kiss. He fisted my shirt, only pulling his mouth from mine to rip the shirt over my head before quickly kissing me again.
With a soft groan, he slowed the kiss and pulled my bottom lip between his. His eyes were still closed, his full lips were wet and red. “Matt…”
“Mmm,” I hummed. “You can kiss me like that any time.”
He chuckled and opened his eyes. “Your turn,” he said, and, licking his lips, he took the box. “Turn around for me.”
I did as he asked and his adept fingers ran across my skin. I felt an overwhelming sense of love and peace as the cool metal ring was placed above my heart.
I automatically touched the ring, and Kira turned me by the shoulders so I faced him.
“Kira,” I said, suddenly overcome by emotions. My eyes sprung with tears. I wasn’t embarrassed—in fact, I raised my chin proudly. “I’m so happy right now.”
Kira’s fingers traced along my jaw with the touch of a feather. “Then why the tears?”
“Happy tears,” I said. “Overwhelmed… I’m so grateful for you. I can’t explain what it means that you want to marry me.”
“Matt,” he murmured.
Even after these last six months of me battling demons, guilt and insecurities, he never faltered. He was my absolute rock. “Kira, please take me to bed.”
He took my face in his hands, gently this time and kissed me softly. Then he took my hand and led me to our room.
Sex between us was different now. Since
then
, when I’d been undercover and would basically beg him to hurt me.
We
were different now. We were more open with each other, communicated better and there was a closeness now that wasn’t there before.
And how this overflowed into the bedroom was no different.
Gone was the rough sex,
the fucking
, and in its place was eye contact and hand-holding, soft kisses and whispers of love. We still had passion, and there was still urgency and need, but different emotions fuelled us.
I bottomed mostly—it was just what felt natural between us, and to be honest, I preferred it. Kira did too. He was a natural top, and without fail, he took care of my pleasure before his own.
Kira undressed me, he kissed every inch of skin he could reach, he prepped me and he filled me. My legs fell open for him and his hips rolled into mine. He was buried deep inside me. He held one of my hands and his other hand wrapped tight around my cock. His open mouth pressed to mine, his tongue teasing, tasting. He knew which buttons to press, what turned me on, what made me come.
With long, deep thrusts inside me, with low moans and his tongue in my mouth and his hand squeezing, pulling and twisting, my orgasm spilled between us.
Kira leant back, flexing his hips into me, beckoning every ounce of pleasure from me he could. And only when I was boneless and blissed out, did he realise his own pleasure.
He picked up my hips and thrust into me. When he was buried to the hilt inside me, he leaned over me once more and rolled his hips, again and again. The ring on the necklace swung between us in time with his thrusts.
“God, Kira,” I groaned.
“You feel so good,” he grunted. “I don’t want this to end.”
I took his face in my hands. “It never has to. You can have me forever.”
And with a final thrust, his body flexed and stilled as he filled the condom inside me. He collapsed on top of me with a groan and a chuckle, and after a moment, he pulled out of me. Rolling off me, he quickly wrapped his arms around me.
“You look so good with that leather band around your neck,” he said with a kiss to my temple.
I chuckled. “Do you have a leather kink I don’t know about?”
He laughed. “No, but I so have a ‘he belongs to me’ kink.”
I burst out laughing and leaned up on my arm so I could see his face. “Well, it’s just as well that I do belong to you.”
Kira smiled and touched the ring on the necklace around my neck. “I’m really glad you suggested this.”
“What? The rings or the sex?”
He grinned. “Both.”