“Really?” Jason replied. “What an unusual request.”
Caesar laughed. “Let me finish. She wanted to know what I’m doing here, what I hope to get out of showing up in your life again. Have you thought about that? Everything would be different this time. No parents, no restrictions—”
“No Nathaniel,” Jason said.
“That’s right.” Caesar reached across the table, hand stopping an inch away from Jason’s. “This relationship you were in, the one that was put on hold, is that something we need to take into consideration? I don’t want either of us to be put in an awkward situation again.”
Jason swallowed, then shook his head. “There’s nothing on hold. Sometimes I think of it that way. The truth is it mostly ended four years ago, and died completely two years ago. I just felt like it was on hold because I never moved on.”
Caesar put his hand over Jason’s. “You can move on now. We can do so together, finally go places we couldn’t before. What we had as teenagers—the potential we both felt—that can finally be explored. That’s what I told Emma. If you’re willing to try again, I’d relocate to Austin so we can be together.”
“That’s a big step,” Jason said.
“I don’t care,” Caesar replied. “I’m not afraid to risk everything. Hell, that’s what I should have done seven years ago. I should have disowned my parents and moved into the orphanage with you.”
Jason laughed, knowing that Caesar was familiar with the proper terms and was just being silly. In fact, he knew a lot more about Caesar than that. Glancing around at all the strangers, he took solace in the idea of being with someone who knew him, who had come back after all this time just to be with him again. Jason turned his hand over so their palms were touching.
“Is that a yes?” Caesar asked.
Jason smiled. “More like a ‘let’s take things slowly.’”
“I can handle slow.” Caesar nodded. “As long as we get there eventually, slow is okay by me.”
* * * * *
When Jason and Emma returned home, they found another bouncer waiting for them. That’s how it felt, anyway. As soon as they opened the door, Tim was in the entryway, looking them over.
“Step forward for a breathalyzer test,” he said, pointing at his nose.
“You’re kidding,” Emma said. She sighed when it was clear that Tim was not. “Next time I’m eating raw garlic on the way home.”
“Just as long as you aren’t drinking,” Tim said.
Emma huffed in his face, and once he was satisfied, he motioned for Jason to step forward.
“I’m old enough to drink!” he protested.
“But not drink and drive,” Tim said.
“Don’t you trust me?” he complained.
“Not in the slightest.”
“Have
you
been drinking?” Jason countered.
Emma rolled her eyes. “Have fun smelling each other. I’m going upstairs to my room to sort through all the phone numbers I picked up tonight.”
They waited patiently until she was gone. As soon as she was, Tim clapped an arm around Jason’s shoulder. “Wanna have a beer out back with me?”
“I thought you’d never ask.”
Soon they were seated in the backyard, Chinchilla leaping and nipping at the first fireflies of the year. Jason clinked bottle necks with Tim, and after taking a sip, rolled the sweating glass across his forehead.
“How’d it go?” Tim asked.
“Fine. Emma had a great time. Didn’t touch a drop. Just flirted her pretty little heart out.”
“That’s good, but I mean with you and Caesar. Are you guys still on?”
“Yeah,” Jason said. “At least I think so. He seems serious.”
“I’m sure he is,” Tim said, sounding certain in his declaration. “People can change. I was thinking about the conversation we had this morning, and I was worried you got the wrong idea. All you heard was Ben talk about being nervous, but I didn’t tell you how ready I was to be with him again, how badly I wanted to be. I had changed. That’s the thing. Maybe not as much as I needed to, but I’ve always been a slow learner. Caesar’s probably going through the same thing. He’s a different man and wants to make up for the past—earn another chance.”
“You think so?” Jason asked.
“Yeah, I do. You’ll have to give him time to prove himself, but you guys have better odds than Benjamin and I did back then. You’re both single. You don’t have to worry about Jace being in the way.” Tim’s eyes went wide and he looked up to the heavens. “Nothing personal, big guy, but at the time it was frustrating as hell. For us both, I bet. Ha ha! Am I right?”
Jason took a swig of beer. “Are you seriously talking to Ben’s dearly departed husband?”
“You mean you don’t?” Tim asked in deadpan tones. “Maybe you should give it a try. He probably gives better advice than I do.”
“Nah,” Jason said. “I think you’re right. I should at least give Caesar a chance.”
“Or two or three chances, if he needs them,” Tim said. “I’m heavily biased though.”
Jason grinned. “How many chances has Ben given you?”
“Three, and that’s only counting today.”
Jason laughed. They clinked bottles again, and after turning them upside-down a few times, gasped in satisfaction.
“So when are you two finally getting married?” Jason asked. “It’s been ages since you asked him. I’m beginning to think it’s never going to happen.”
Tim nodded slowly, as if confirming this possibility. “We have some reservations.”
Jason sat upright. “About getting married? What’s there to think about?”
“We’re okay,” Tim said. “Right now, I mean. Ben and I are happy. We get along, the sex is great, we can talk for hours on end or sit together in comfortable silence. I love him more than I ever have before. From what I can tell, he’s just as happy with me.”
“So seal the deal!”
“We’re good as we are,” Tim said. “Why tempt fate?”
Jason shook his head in confusion. “Like if you guys get married, it’ll somehow make bad things happen? Are you that superstitious?”
Tim looked embarrassed and shrugged. “I asked the guy to marry me and shortly afterwards, my psychotic ex-boyfriend showed up to gun us down.”
“You’re silly,” Jason said. “Does Ben feel this way too?”
“A little, yeah. Almost losing me brought back some bad memories for him, so I feel like we’re waiting for the dust to settle. Make sure the coast is clear.”
“I would have thought nearly dying would make you even more desperate to tie the knot,” Jason said. “Do it before it’s too late, that sort of thing.”
Tim laughed. “Maybe that’s how we should be looking at it. Or maybe we’re just too damn happy with the way things are. Speaking of which, are you really going apartment-hunting tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” Jason said, “and this time I won’t let you talk me out of it.”
“It’s just that I had this idea about turning the garage into a guest house and—”
“No,” Jason said. “If it were up to you guys, I’d still be here when you’re old and gray.”
“Hey, someone has to change our diapers.” Then more seriously, Tim added, “I like a big family. I didn’t have one growing up, so it’s nice.”
“It is,” Jason admitted. “Maybe you and Ben should adopt.”
“Believe me,” Tim said. “We’ve been talking about it a lot lately.”
Jason’s head whipped up. “Really? Like a little kid?”
“Michelle suggested something along those lines.” Tim shrugged and finished his beer. “You want another one?”
“No,” Jason said. “I think I’ll call it a night.”
He went upstairs to his room, head spinning with all they had spoken about. A little brother or sister? Ben and Tim never marrying? Caesar being desperate for another chance? Jason checked his phone, as he so often did, and for once there was a text message waiting for him. Not from William, of course, but from Caesar.
Some guy came up to my car and tried to put the moves on me.
Jason snorted and texted him back.
Are you with him now?
A minute later, Caesar responded.
No. I told him that I already have a guy from my past who wants to take it really slow. Took forever to explain. If only there were some sort of convenient title…
Jason sat on the edge of his bed.
What would you suggest?
The phone rang a second later, Jason answering it right away.
“Boyfriend,” Caesar said on the other line. “I want to be your boyfriend.”
Jason glanced out the back window where Tim was reclining, hands behind his head. Maybe he was thinking of a time when he had wanted nothing more than another chance to prove how amazing he and Ben could be together.
“Boyfriend,” Jason said, as if trying the word on for size. “Has a nice ring to it.”
“Yeah?” Caesar asked, sounding excited.
Jason smiled. “Yeah.”
* * * * *
The last cardboard box having been shoved into the moving truck, Jason took a step back, wiped the sweat from his brow, and allowed himself a moment of satisfaction. One life, all nicely packed up and ready to go. Part of him felt like a thief, since the truck was full of Ben and Tim’s furniture, but that hadn’t been his idea. Ben had walked around the house earlier in the week, making excuses to give him everything he could possibly need.
“Oh, we were going to buy a new couch anyway. You’ll be doing us a favor if you take this one.” Or “We need a kitchen table that seats more than four. We can’t always have dinner parties in the backyard.” Soon Jason had to start coordinating with Emma, who was going through a similar process in Houston. Otherwise they would have ended up with two of everything.
Jason hopped up on the truck bed and was trying to get the rear door closed when a voice called out.
“You forgot one!”
Jason poked his head around the side of the truck and noticed a box near the rear tire, but it was soon forgotten when a bike pulled up and skidded to a halt. On it, grinning and covered in sweat, was the most beautiful man he’d ever seen. Sure, maybe Marcello had never offered him a modeling contract and maybe heads didn’t turn when he walked down the street, but Jason’s body reacted to his appearance in countless ways. Increased pulse, weak legs, dry mouth, and most of all, a yearning that almost brought him to tears.
William swung off his bike, placed it on the ground, and hurried to pick up the wayward box. Then he held it up to him. Jason stared a second longer before he put his hands on it, but he didn’t pull it away. Nor did William let go. In this way they were connected, which was more than they had allowed themselves in the past two years.
“Moving?” William asked.
“Very,” Jason said. Then he blinked. “I mean, yes.” He adjusted his grip on the box, taking it from William’s hands and placing it on top of a stack. Then he turned back around. “Home for a visit?”
William shook his head, still smiling up at him. “Home for good.”
Jason almost fell out of the truck. Before that could happen, he sat down, legs hanging over the edge. “You’re moving home?”
William nodded. Then reconsidered. “More accurately, I moved home already. I’m back.”
“No more Coast Guard?” Jason asked. He didn’t mean for his voice to sound so rusty or for his stupid eyes to water, but he felt like a man who had been given his freedom after years of false imprisonment.
“I’m considering my options,” William said, “but no more active duty. I decide what I want to do now. Please tell me you aren’t moving away from Austin.”
“No!” Jason said. “I finally got my own place in town. With Emma, actually.”
“Emma?” William took a step back. “Wow. Is she—”
“Eighteen,” Jason said, nodding his understanding. “Time flies by. She’s starting college in the fall.”
“Wow,” William said again. “How long was I gone?”
“Four years!” Jason said with a mad chuckle. “I can’t believe you’re back!”
“Feels like a dream, doesn’t it?”
They looked at each other for a moment. William was still fit, his muscles appearing much harder than they used to. This, along with his buzzed hair, made Jason wonder if he would still feel soft in bed, if holding him would feel as good as it once had.
“So,” William said. “What’s going on in your life?”
Jason understood the question. At least he thought he did. William wanted to know if he was single. Jason struggled to answer. How could he explain that he had waited, that his heart had been loyal for years, even though William never asked him to be? Then the past had returned, and the last three weeks hadn’t been lonely. Well, the last few days had been, since Caesar had returned to Connecticut to pack up his own life.
“Ready to go?” Tim asked, appearing from the house. “Oh, hey! Look who’s here!”
William tore his eyes from Jason and smiled at Tim, who asked him all the obvious questions, like if he was done with service and what he planned on doing next. The commotion eventually attracted Ben, and the happy greetings happened all over again. Jason remained passive during all of this, watching one of his biggest dreams come true, but being unable to reap the benefits. That was okay, because Caesar was great. Jason was really happy. Besides, William probably had someone, so everything was fine. Really.
William offered to help with the move, and soon Jason was smooshed in between him and Tim as they drove across town. Tim kept asking questions about his service, William answering with stories. They were entertaining too, at least the ones Jason managed to concentrate on when he wasn’t overwhelmed by racing thoughts and confused feelings. Once they arrived, he gave a surreal tour of his new home, a two-bedroom apartment on the top floor of a completely average complex. Nothing fancy, but it had a balcony and a nice kitchen. The two bedrooms were on opposite sides, allowing privacy, and each had a private bathroom. He was looking forward to living there.
Then they started moving in. Sometimes Jason and William would pass each other on trips to and from the truck. When they needed to bring in heavier furniture, Tim and William teamed up, since they were the strongest. By evening when they were finished and sitting exhausted on the living room floor, it felt like the most normal thing in the world that William should be there. Jason could almost imagine that they had just moved in together, gotten a place of their own after so many years of dating and seeing each other regularly. But that wasn’t the case.