Shy Town Girls (17 page)

“
After this, we give our film a
bath.”

Watching him show me his world with such expertise
and enthusiasm was entertaining—not to mention extremely sexy.

“
We set it into a tank which
prevents all light from entering, and wash it in water. . .” he
continued talking, throwing out terminology I’d never heard before.
“. . .because D70-6 solution is the. . .” I was no longer listening
to what he was saying. I had become way more intent upon the
nearness of his body. It was like a magnetic pull.

“
There we go, freshly exposed black
and white film.”

He loaded the film around the wheel, smoothly and
gracefully, treating it with great care. “So, are you still seeing
Charlie?” he asked suddenly, jarring me out of my sensual trance.
“Now, put the film in the tank,” he went on, without waiting for me
to answer, and he plopped it into a small canister. “Chemicals.” He
smiled and poured in a potent smelling liquid.

“
You look like a mad scientist,” I
said, “flipping the canister of film, pouring liquid here, dumping
it there.”

“
Now, the film is washed and ready.”
He put his hands on his hips, and he looked into my eyes. He held
my gaze.

I could hear the blood pumping in my ears.

“
Well?” he asked.

“
Fascinating,” I said. “Watching
you.”

“
He’s not good enough for you,
Bobbie.”

Without thinking I stepped towards him, and leaning
in, I touched his chest. He didn’t move, and I could hear his
breath in the quiet of the darkroom. I closed my eyes and lifted my
head just a little, hoping to feel his soft lips against mine.

One moment passed, then another.

But nothing happened. I opened my eyes, he was
looking down at me, and then—at the photos.

I stepped back, afraid. “Oh,” I uttered,
“Olly--I’m--ugh--sorry.”

“
For?” He began to reorganize the
film in the tray. My heart sank.

He moved past me to the laundry wire, unclipped a few
photos and handed them to me.

“
Here, you may want to review these.
They’re the ones I already developed earlier today.”

“
I didn’t know you came earlier. I
thought you were busy.”

“
I finished early and came over.
Joey let me in.”

I risked a glance at him, but he wouldn’t look at me.
The silence was awkward, and my heart raced. How did I so
completely misread him? I was so embarrassed. Everyone was wrong.
He didn’t like me. How did I not see it? I shifted my gaze, looking
down at the photos. Scanning through them quickly, I realized most
of them were photos of Charlie.

Oliver looked away and made himself busy. “So, I
still have quite a few of these to do tonight...you don’t have to
stick around,” he added, dipping film in the tray.

Was that his way of asking me to leave?

“
Okay, then. . .” I took off my
gloves, throwing them in a trash bin. “I’ll leave you to it.” He
gave me a nod. I walked out the door with tears in my eyes. I stood
outside the darkroom for a moment, pacing back and forth, wondering
if I should go back in and apologize or if I should swing open the
door, grab him and kiss him. I banged my head against the wall,
turning and covering my mouth, mortified, as the moment replayed in
my head.

I thought of how Ivy wouldn’t have taken no for an
answer. She would’ve turned around and charged in there and made it
happen. Me? I was a crab, and I retreated into my shell. I hurried
to the elevator, pressing the button for what felt like a hundred
times as I waited impatiently. Get me out of here!

I walked out of the building, my head woozy from the
smell of chemicals. At first I thought I was hallucinating when I
heard someone yelling my name. I recognized the accent before I saw
the face. I turned to see buff and beautiful kiwi man, jogging
towards me, his hair flopping on his shoulders.

“
Zander, what are you still doing
here? It’s late!”

He stopped to catch his breath and brush back his
hair. “Get a drink with me, will you?” He asked.

And I wasn’t about to turn him down.“Okay.”

We walked to a bar around the corner. He seemed
quieter, shyer than he’d been at the after-party. Did I make him
nervous? His accent was by far the sexiest thing about him. I
couldn’t get enough of it, as he leaned over the bar ordering our
drinks from the bartender—a beer for him, Pinot Noir for me.

“
Liking Chicago?” I
asked.

“
Better now,” he flirted. He was so
light-hearted, yet his life seemed filled with adventure and
intensity. He spoke of his spiritual experience when he hiked the
Kakoda Trail in the mountains of New Guinea. He made it sound like
a mythical fairy land, a place you’d only dream about. He made me
want to escape, with his free-bird approach to life.

“There is no better place than New Zealand. It’s
green for miles and miles, and the locals are the nicest people
you’ll ever meet,” he said winking at me.

“
Really? I’ve only met one New
Zealander, and he was kind of boring,” I teased.

“
Impossible!” He retorted as he
moved closer to me.

But as he talked, I realized I was treating him like
Olly. Then I realized I wished he was Olly. I couldn’t get my mind
off what had happened. I didn’t know what was going on. Why did I
come on to him like that? Why did he reject me? Did he reject me?
Was I high on the fumes? Was that what made me want to touch him?
What was he thinking right now?

I needed to admit it to myself. I wanted to be with
Oliver. I can’t believe I was fighting it this whole time. Why
hadn’t I realized it before?

“
Bobbie?” Zander’s voice cut through
my reverie. “Hey, you look like you’re a million miles
away.”

I snapped back into the present. “You’re right. I’m
sorry. There is somewhere I need to be,” I said. Zander was a great
guy, and I would have loved to get to know him better. But tonight,
my mind was full of Oliver.

I grabbed my coat and walked back towards Fordham,
hoping I might catch Oliver on his way out of the building, or
still in the darkroom.

My phone buzzed. Speak of the devil. “Where are you?”
Oliver asked.

“
Where are you?” I asked.

“
Bobbie, I’m sorry.”

“
No, I’m sorry.”

“
Meet me at our spot?”

“
Okay.”

He hung up.

I shouldn’t have come on to him like that, I kept
telling myself. I had freaked him out. Now he wanted to set things
straight to tell me it would never work. He liked me as a friend.
That’s all. I felt like such an idiot. I hailed a cab.

“
Alfred Caldwell Lily Pool!” I said
to the driver. It had been our favorite meeting spot since high
school.

“
The zoo’s closed at this hour of
night ma’am,” the dark-eyed driver stated.

“
I’m aware!”

I bit my nails the whole way to the Lily Pool, when I
wasn’t playing with my necklace and fidgeting with my hair. I’m a
wreck! Pull yourself together, Roberta! Why did I even care about
what Oliver thought of me? I felt out of my element.

Then I thought about it. I had always cared about
what Olly thought of me. Of all the opinions of all my friends, it
was his I valued most. I rubbed my hands together nervously.

After throwing money at the cab driver, I leapt out
of the car and ran towards the lily pool, hoping I’d see Oliver
standing there waiting for me. As I whipped around the corner, I
slowed, attempting to catch my breath.

“
Olly?” I looked around, but Oliver
was nowhere to be found. My feet were killing me so I took off my
shoes and ran barefoot, ruining the bottoms of my tights. I sat
down on a stone. Here, the city was silent, except for the hum of
traffic from nearby Lake Shore Drive...and the sound of my own
breath. My throat ached as I gasped in the cold air.

One minute went by.

Five minutes.

Ten minutes.

Sixteen minutes.

Where was he?

My hands were stiff with cold. I blew into them.
C’mon Oliver. I heard the thump of feet as he ran around the
corner, coming to save the day, coming to save me.

“
I was beginning to think you
weren’t going to show,” I said darkly.

“
But I asked you to meet me,” he
said. “You knew I’d show.”

“
I know. Listen, I’m so sorry about.
. . what happened in the dark room. I think it must have been the
fumes.”

“
The fumes? I hope not.”

“
But you...”

As I spoke, my cell phone slowly slipped from my ice
cold hands. Oliver and I both went down for it at the same time,
smacking heads. His mouth hit my forehead, and my forehead had no
mercy on his mouth. “Ah!” I yelped, grabbing my head.

“
Shit, Bobbie,” he exclaimed. He
licked his bottom lip, checking for blood.

“
I’m really not trying to kill you,”
I cried, gently touching his face. “Are you bleeding?”

“
Minor flesh wound,” he said. We
looked at each other and burst into laughter.

I guided him to sit down on the stone bench. I
covered my mouth trying to stop laughing, apologizing again.

He sighed. “Can we go back to talking about what
happened in the darkroom and the way I rejected you?”

“
Rejection, ouch. Yes.”

“
Don’t look at me like that,” he
said.

“
Like what?”

He sat in silence, putting his head in his hands.

“
Oliver, what’s wrong?”

He looked up at me, as if in pain.

“
Is it your lip?”

“
No, Bobbie, it’s not my lip,” he
said quietly.

“
Then what is it?”

He sighed and looked out into the distance. He looked
at me again. “Bobbie, honestly, do you know how hard it is to want
someone, to want someone so badly and not be able to have her?”

He inhaled a large gulp of air. “No,” he said, “you
don’t. Do you know what it’s like when every time you see that
person, you’re different because she brings out the best in
everyone?” He stared at me in the darkness.

What was going on? I didn’t understand what he was
trying to say. He couldn’t be talking about me. I knew that much. I
felt my stomach drop. Maybe it was Lilly or even Ivy.

Looking down at his hands, he continued, “This is all
really forward, but I can’t take it anymore. You just need to know,
Bobbie.”

“
Did I do something to upset you,
Olly?” I asked softly. “If I did, I’m sorry.”

“
No, no, it’s the exact opposite,”
he blurted.

“
Talk to me.” I touched his
arm.

“
Do you realize I’ve had to see you
almost every day of my life since high school, and you’ve driven me
nearly insane? I can’t get enough of you. You’re the only person I
want to be around all the time. You bring out the best version of
me--you always have. I see you sometimes, and I want to be the one
who makes you laugh until you do that snort thing you can’t
control. I want to be the one who makes you happy. And I don’t want
to see you with some asshole who doesn’t deserve you.”

It was all pouring out now.

“
I love that you laugh at me even
when I’m not funny,” he said. “I love that you laugh at your own
jokes even when they aren’t funny. I don’t know what’s going on
with you lately, but I can’t help but feel it’s just the beginning
of what it could be for us. There are so many more adventures in
store for both of us. I want to go through them all with you. I
want you, and I will wait for you to figure out whatever it is
you’re looking for, but I’m telling you. . . the answers are not
here . . .” He poked my head with his finger. “They’re here,” he
said, touching my chest, just above my sternum. His touch seemed to
burn through my clothing.

“
I’m afraid,” he said. “You are the
most amazingly beautiful person I’ve ever seen, and I don’t know .
. .”

He wasn’t a poet, but he was honest and stronger than
I was. I was blown away. I had thought Olly had a crush on me, but
it was much more than that. I realized that I needed his bravery.
He was a solid rock, and I was liquid.

“
I had no idea,” I said.

“
You don’t know how bad it is,” he
said. “Why are you smiling?” he asked. “I’m being totally serious
with you, Bobbie.”

“
I know, I know you are. But the way
you’re talking,” I said, “it’s crazy. I’m nothing special. In fact,
I’m a mess. You know that better than anyone. I’m an emotional
train wreck. I’m constantly second-guessing myself. I’m overly
sensitive and flat-out insecure. I search and search for some kind
of stable ground, but can’t ever seem to find it. I’m vain and tend
to care about things that don’t really matter. . .”

He interrupted me. “Bobbie, don’t you think I know
you by now? If anything, you try far too hard. I know you do it all
because you care and you worry, but you don’t even realize what
you’re capable of.” He gave me a strange look, scrunching his
eyebrows and narrowing his eyes.

“You’re not broken, Bobbie. You don’t need to be
fixed. And you don’t have to be with someone who doesn’t get you.
You can do so much better than Charlie.”

“
Yes. I know.”

“
You. . . do?”

“
Yes. Olly, I haven’t been with
Charlie since I moved into my new place.”