Shark Out of Water (Grab Your Pole, #3) (35 page)

Seriously, you’d think this was a Homecoming game or something…

“What are Tristan’s parents doing here?” I leaned over to whisper to Jillian. Honestly, I’m really surprised to see them and I don’t think he knows they’re here either. It’s not that they don’t fully support their son in what he does or that he’d mind if they’re here, but this is pretty unusual. It’s date night for one thing and this really isn’t all that important of an event to him. I mean, when your kid is as active as theirs is, you just can’t show up to everything so you pick the important stuff, and his parents don’t usually go to any of his polo or ball games or meets either unless it’s a championship kind of thing. It’s not a big deal; it’s just how it is, you know?

“They had an early dinner with my mom and dad at my house before the show and then offered to drive me and take some pictures for my parents,” Jillian whispered back.

I was about to ask how that went, if their parents compared notes and discovered their children have become estranged, when there was some giggling behind us and then Jeff elbowed me in the ribs and jerked his head in their direction, indicating I should be listening to them. So, I turned my attention to the whispering gigglers and heard the following:

“…want one!”

“Jeez, Tracy, they’re not puppies.”

“I know that, but I still wanna take one home and play with him.”

“Honestly, how are we related? Didn’t they have guys at your old school?”

“Well, of course, but can you blame me? I mean look at ‘em!”

“Oh, I know, believe me, but you’re practically drooling and you’re pretty much wasting your time anyway…and your saliva.”

“Why?”

“Taken, taken, taken, stoner.”

That was when my ears really pricked up and out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Jillian’s spine stiffen. Jeff and I are definitely not the only ones listening to the gigglers, but here’s my question, or, questions: A) Is she jealous? B) If so, how do I handle it? For instance, does that give me some kind of leverage here that I should take advantage of before it wears off or should I instead be irrationally afraid of her jealousy and apologize for another girl being interested in me? C) How should I feel if it turns out that I’m not one of the “takens” but actually the stoner? Because honestly, I don’t smoke-out all that much. I mean certainly nothing like Wayne. In fact, it’s been months since I got high and plus, I have a legal prescription for it; so really, to label me as the stoner would be fairly presumptuous in my opinion. Oh, and D)
How the fuck does anyone know I’m taken?!

You can get back to me with your answers; let’s continue with the eavesdropping…

“Seriously? All three of them?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure. They’re together, I heard he’s going out with the co-captain of Varsity Cheer now, and that one is
definitely
out. He’s practically married…they even live together.”

“No way, which one?”

“The one sitting next to the blonde.”

“Well, that helps, they’re
both
sitting next to a blonde, so point to the married one.”

As the one girl said that, Jeff raised his hand high in the air, pointing to himself, and still facing the stage he said, “That would be me,” at the very same time everyone around him including myself pointed at him and said, “Him.”

The girls were pretty much mortified at having been overheard so putting his arm around Kate, Jeff kissed her on the cheek and then turned around to give the girls a big, flirtatious smile and a wink and said, “‘Til death do us part, but contrary to the latest rumor you’ve heard, the captain of Varsity Baseball and the co-captain of Varsity Cheer are actually
just
friends, so if you can handle dating in the shadow of a highly gifted, quiet, yet vainglorious kinda guy and you don’t mind a really short-lived, one-sided relationship, I can offer you the best pitcher this school’s ever seen for the next…how long before the ball season starts, Captain?”

“Roughly four weeks,” I answered automatically and tried to not wince when I just barely caught Jillian raise her eyebrows in question before Jeff continued his comedic effort in pimping me out and making the gigglers giggle again.

“Right. Four weeks. So if you’re interested, you better get a move on because in roughly four weeks, you could show up naked and pole dance in his face, but if you’re not facing him in the batter’s box, he honestly won’t know you exist. However, if you have a deep and abiding love for baseball, you’ll appreciate being given the cold shoulder when he leads us in being undefeated for the third year in a row! Give it up, buddy!”

I rolled my eyes at him but nodded my resigned agreement and gave him a high-five, although it might be wise for me to start seriously considering the possible answers to my previous question number B because, sadly, he’s right. About pretty much all of it. Except with that goddamned surgery, I don’t know about the undefeated thing for sure yet, so with that and one or two other things goin’ on, I’ve got a sneaking suspicion this ball season isn’t gonna be anything like past ones. But still, being just as quiet yet vainglorious as Jeff said, I turned to face my girlfriend who was studying me with interest and gave her a quick wink.

And really, she can rest assured that if she shows up anywhere in my vicinity naked and/or pole dances, I’m gonna fuckin’ notice. Hell, I’d even notice if she had a hole in her sock or got a chip in her damned nail polish…

“Hey, psst, Pete! Do you and Melissa wanna ride in the limo with Mike and me and Justin and Erica to the dance?” Kristen asked from across Alicia and Wayne who were both involved in keeping Joey occupied and quiet by playing peek-a-boo with him.

NO. NO. NO. I don’t want to ride in the limo with them! I don’t want to ride in the limo I’m actually gonna be riding in with MaryAnn and Derek either! I don’t want to go the dance with Melissa, Sam I am! But before I could make my feelings about this damned dance thing known to more than just Jillian, the music changed, alerting us that it was time for the swimwear portion of the show, so everyone who knew there was some sort of something going on got quiet and turned around to pay attention.

It started like all the other segments and was going fine, and even though the dress rehearsal had gone up in smoke, everyone pretty much knew what they were doing. It’s not like it’s all that hard to walk around a stage and turn a few times... So this is how it went down: Mike announced the recently broken up Landon and Courtney who were the first on stage and as they were going through the motions of flirting and playing with a beach ball, he described what they’re wearing. It was interesting to watch how they were interacting with each other though, because they’d been doing a lot of profane name calling over the last two days, but right now they look like they’re having a really good time and don’t hate each other as they’ve appeared to since Wednesday’s heated breakup.

“Hey, did they get bac—” I started to whisper to the group at large.

“No…that’s Logan,” Tanya informed me and then pointed to an aisle behind us where Landon had just knocked his chair over as he left, looking none too happy about the “acting” taking place on stage.

Okay, so blood isn’t always thicker than water, but, moving on…

Then Camie came out when she was announced and joined in the beach ball frivolity while Mike described her Superman suit complete with a red, terrycloth cape. I know, right? Fail. Everything was going just how it was supposed to though, but when Mike announced Tristan, the music went from “California Girls” to the—

“Boody ‘n Bees!” Joey shouted and clapped.

“What the hell?” Wayne asked.

“No, he’s right…it’s the theme song to
Beauty and the Beast
,” Jeff said while Kate, Alicia, and Rebecca nodded in confused agreement.

I wasn’t prepared for that either…that
had
to be an afterthought on Tristan’s part inspired by our earlier conversation. I gotta hand it to him though; he sure isn’t pulling any punches.

Courtney, Land—I mean Logan, and Camie kinda forgot about the beach ball and looking just as confused as everyone else, aside from Jamie in the front row who was looking at the sound booth like she wanted to launch a nuclear missile into it, they turned around in bewilderment to see Tristan walk out, resplendent and fully dressed in a tailor-made tuxedo and also carrying a rose, which he presented to one entirely stunned stupid Camie before he twirled her around the stage a couple times. I couldn’t hear him, but reading his lips, I wanna say he said something about Hell and maybe a uniform right before she glared at him and they came to a stop. But it wasn’t over. Not by a long shot…

Like he hadn’t noticed what was going on, Mike had been describing the swimsuit Tristan was
supposed
to be wearing, but just as the music came to a stop, it was Mike’s turn to play his part. “Oh, wait, do I um…do I have my cards out of order? Nope, they’re right…hey, uh, Tristan bud, I think you’re a little overdressed…”

Tristan looked innocently in question at him and the audience, and then he held up one finger and nodded like he was saying, “Oh, I get it,” then he kicked his shoes off, revealing he wasn’t wearing socks, as if that was what Mike was referring to.

“Well, yeah, that’s a start…” Mike said and at that time, I took another peek at Jamie who was hunched over and had her head in her hands.

Tristan looked at Mike and the audience again like he was utterly baffled, then when Tom Jones’ “You Can Leave Your Hat On” started, Tristan pretended to have a lightbulb moment and sorta slowly, he proceeded to take his jacket and bow tie off, which he put on Camie who was still just standing there staring at him with her mouth hanging open.

“Better, but I think we wanna see a little more…” Mike said.

Tristan kind of held his hands up like he was asking, “What can you possibly mean?” and by this time, the audience was showing they were into it by whooping and hollering with whistles and cat calls interspersed, so rolling his eyes and throwing his hands in the air like he was saying, “Alright,
fine,
” the music morphed again into “You Sexy Thing” by Hot Chocolate. Then taking the tux, which was really a rip-away work of art, in both his hands as the lyrics “I believe in miracles” was sung, Tristan tore it off in one fell movement, let it drop to the stage, and then only wearing that ridiculous Batman Speedo, he stood there with his arms stretched out to his sides and turned a slow, full circle so everyone could see both the huge Batman emblem tattooed on his chest and the one on his back that was a side-by-side picture of Batman as Bruce Wayne in a tuxedo holding a glass of champagne and then Batman in his Batsuit plucking the feathers out of a chicken that he was throttling by the neck with a caption over all of it that read: “Playboy by Day, Masked Avenger by Night.”

The audience lost it.

Camie was cracking up.

Jamie was on her feet, clapping and whistling.

The gigglers were
both
bidding on who wanted to play with the puppy more.

How can I kill thee, let me count the ways ~ Tristan

After digging down deep into my narcissism, that I hadn’t really realized was there until Pete pointed it out earlier in the day, but which ultimately allowed me to put on that horrific display of egotism at its best, I threw my jeans on and hightailed it out to the audience to find Jillian so I could review my performance before seeing Camie. On my way I passed Zack and Sasha who were closely followed by Pete, all of who were ending the show with the actual formalwear portion.

“My Lord Vader,” Sasha, in a floor-length evening gown, greeted me through a giggle as she passed me on her way towards the entrance to the stage. I’m not sure what the Lord Vader thing was about, but I’m just gonna take it as a compliment because as she towed him along, Zack in his formal evening wear enthusiastically said over his shoulder, “Oh my God, dude…really, that was awesome!”

“Be proud…it came off without a hitch,” Pete, also wearing a tux very similar to the one I couldn’t wait to tear off, without the Velcro and snaps of course, told me as he jogged up the stairs in his hurry to get in position.

Okay, so three accolades in a row…not bad. Of course, I really don’t give a rat’s ass about what anyone’s reaction was aside from Camie’s. Which when I found her sister and got outside to watch the video by myself, I discovered was pretty much exactly what I’d been going for. There was bewilderment, shock, plenty of gaping, a little stumbling from the “dancer,” one small glare when I told her Hell hadn’t quite frozen over but I’d brought her new uniform anyway, some more gaping, a satisfying little shiver when I put my jacket on her, and then some very gratifying laughing of her ass off.

By the time I got back inside though, the show was over and the house lights were on so to find my baby, I’m gonna have to prowl through the throngs of people who are wandering around and chatting with each other and the models, and those who are just trying to get to the reception tables that are piled with food before the good snacks are gone. I wasn’t looking forward to being stopped every five steps by people who want to ask what that whole thing was about or worse, vapid girls who, to borrow an analogy from Camie’s dad, only care about my car’s paint job, but Camie made it easy for me. As I circumvented the crowd by walking along the outer wall and watched her sitting on the edge of the stage with her feet dangling over the side, she saw me and rolling her eyes, she started laughing. I can’t tell you how beautiful this girl is when she’s laughing. Really, I don’t think there’s anything more beautiful than my baby, but when she laughs, it’s like everything that’s wrong with the world is suddenly put to rights and she glows brighter than the myriad stars on a moonless sky made of black satin.

By the way, how’s
that
for a simile? And no, I didn’t plagiarize it, that was
all
me.

“You really love yourself, don’t you?” She asked and I shut my mouth on the words, “Nope, I love you,” and just gave her a grin. When I stuck my hands in my pockets to combat them from reaching out to touch her like they want to, she said, “Come here and turn around, I wanna see your back.” I complied by moving directly in front of her so that her legs were on either side of me and turning so she could inspect the cartoon art on my back. As she looked it over she asked, “Man, did you just really wanna win or what? It’s pretty freaking cool though, I really like it. Gary?”