Shark Out of Water (Grab Your Pole, #3) (37 page)

“Oh, ah…okay, thanks! Nice seeing you too…have a good night!” Camie called enthusiastically as I glared at the traitorous “Alfred’s” back. Man, she’s in a pissy mood tonight…actually offering to help my girlfriend get back at me like that…I mean really, that’s not cool.

As I swung Joey to a stop, he surprised me by reaching out to Camie, wanting her to hold him. He tolerates his two aunts and grandmother, but he doesn’t particularly like women aside from his mom, Gina the Skank, and he almost always throws a screaming fit when people he doesn’t know and trust go to hold him, so I hesitated in handing him over. “Are you sure, buddy?”

Nodding his little head he answered, “Twisan dance wif Belle, my wan dance wif Belle too.” Ah, so that’s it. He thinks he knows her from the movie and he trusts her because he trusts me.

Camie was smiling at him and held her arms out to receive him, but I was still a little leery. Honestly, you’ve never heard screaming like what this kid is capable of. But then again, he’ll probably throw a tantrum if he doesn’t get what he wants.

I looked at Joey and his messy face and then at Camie and asked, “Are
you
sure, Belle? He’s pretty sticky.”

“Oh, I don’t care about that,” she replied and then handing Joey his sippy cup, which he probably chugged down at least half of the second he got his chubby fingers on it, she basically took him from me, “Besides, who doesn’t like chocolate, right, Joey?”

So I watched and chuckled as Camie “danced” with Joey by vigorously swaying him from side to side and “dipping” him up and down, thinking to myself that if
she’s
not my Great White Buffalo, then maybe it doesn’t exist, but when pee-wee cleared his throat, which was an obvious yet lame attempt to reclaim her attention, I left my reflective musings on how perfect Camie is as she slowed the dance down and said, “Oh, sorry…I uh, I didn’t mean to be rude.”

Rude?
She’s
worried about being rude? How can you be rude to someone who showed up at
your
school,
uninvited
, and purposefully interrupted you while you were taking advantage of the first
real
opportunity to show the guy who loves you more than his own life, the guy who put his personal and physical comfort aside and degraded himself to create said opportunity for you, that you want him
just as much
as he wants you? I know, right? You can’t. But, I love her for it. That’s just who she is and her compassionate heart makes her even more precious to me.

“Don’t worry about it,” he told her as she sorta tossed a giggling Joey back to me so that she can hopefully help this fucktard recognize the precarious situation his life is in as I complied with Joey’s wish to be tossed in the air some more, “Oh wait, that came out wrong.”

Pausing before she licked her sticky finger, Camie asked, “What did?”

“Oh, well…I didn’t mean to agree with you.
You
weren’t being rude, just a little
distracted
,” he said and if I hadn’t just swung Joey up to sit on my shoulders, I might’ve missed it when the guy’s eyes subversively flicked to me.

That’s fucking it!
I’m going with death by metallic blue and gold bikini coupled with homicide option number six and I’m gonna do it right here regardless of California’s death penalty and an auditorium full of witnesses! But first I should get Joey safely off of me which might be tricky because I think he’s starting to crash from his sugar high and using my head as a pillow for his own and has his hands locked around my chin, and then I have to find Jillian ‘cause I’m sure she’s got a book of matches or a lighter on her…

“So anyway, I was thinking I should probably make up for almost killing you with fruit,” he said and started to laugh at his stab at making light of something neither Camie nor I find any humor in whatsoever, and causing her eyes to flash to mine when I audibly began to growl and just about gnashed and snapped my teeth at him for even insinuating that her ever dying at the hand of bananas, or
any
thing else for that matter, was even remotely funny. “So how about me and you go get some din—”

God totally loves me. I mean I couldn’t have planned something so perfect or as beautifully fitting as what happened when Wayne walked up to collect his nephew. As the assclown started asking my girlfriend out, I’d just begun the multi-step process of getting the Master Fit Thrower willingly off my shoulders, so I could of course have better upper-body maneuverability in which I would initially need to lasso the insurgent with Camie’s new uniform, when Wayne said, “Time to go, little dude,” and reached up for Joey who wasn’t kosher with that and displayed that fact by starting to screech, squirm and hit at Wayne. Wayne however, being used to his nephew’s freakouts, ignored the hitting and squirming and managed to get a firm enough grip under Joey’s arms and together we started to lift him off my shoulders, but as I bent my head and leaned forward a little, Wayne muttered, “Uh-oh,” and let go of Joey just in time to miss being the target of the kid’s projectile vomit. The puke found a better mark though and probably saved the snake’s life…

“Oh, little dude, what did you do?! That’s nasty!” Wayne said and then started laughing. “Oh my God, look at it, it’s not even digested!”

Joey, who’d finally managed to not get food on him for once, seeing as how what he’d eaten had left his body with enough force to ensure that he and I both stayed dry, which I sincerely appreciated…I don’t mind getting messy and I’m washable and all that, but being doused in puke? Well, that’s just…well, it’s just icky. Anyway, he’d started crying as soon as his food was done exiting his mouth so I was holding him to me, rubbing his back and whispering to him that he was okay while looking at his grotesque work of undigested art. And it was art. It was also exactly what I needed to make this guy go away without risking a life sentence, and Camie who was doing a poor job of covering her shock and her laughter by covering her mouth, couldn’t say a word about my firm dismissal either.

“You need to leave. Right now,” I told him and when he glared at me like he was considering arguing the point, and Camie went to put her hand on his arm like she was attempting to not be “rude” by trying to console him or getting him to laugh about the whole thing with her and Wayne, I quickly shut them both down, “Don’t touch him, Camie, he’s dripping in undigested fruit salad…seriously, man, she’s deathly allergic…you really need to leave.”

With the help of Camie’s expression and her involuntary step back, he got the message loud and clear and even looked almost apologetic, but I’m still not sure if he understood just how close he came to being hogtied with a swimsuit and set on fire.

“Oh shit, I am,” he said and started to kind of laugh at himself. “I guess I’ll just have to make it up to you another time, okay Camie?”

“Oh, sure…uh, thanks for coming,” she said and then gestured to, I think, a piece of cookie that was clinging to a milked portion of his hair. “And um, sorry about all this, but I really don’t feel like getting a needle jabbed in my thigh and spending eight or more hours in the emergency room which is the alternative to death so, um, thanks for understanding too.”

“No worries, it happens…I’ll talk to you later.”

I watched him retreat all the way to the doors and when they closed behind him, I let myself relax again. Well, up until I looked back at my baby and saw the glare she was aiming at me.

“You could’ve done that without sounding like a holier-than-thou a-s-s-h-o-l-e you know…”

Honestly, I don’t think so. I’m also thinking it’s a really good thing that Camie can’t read my mind, because if she thinks
that
was bad? Well, I’m just sayin’, I doubt she’d be all that happy with me and the plans I had for her new uniform…

Practice what you preach ~ Jeff

“So, what are you guys doin’ over here?” Gary asked us.

The “Us” being myself, Katy, Zack and Sasha. There was another significantly larger group of “Us” on the other side of the gym though. That ensemble consisted of Pete, Melissa, Jillian, Mike, Kristen, Jamie, Courtney, Logan or Landon, but if I had to guess, I’d say Logan because he’s standing sorta close to Courtney and she’s not spitting hatred at him, Conner, Brenna, Justin, Wayne, Alicia and, interestingly, Keith. Not to mention if you looked around and counted heads, the rest of the swim team could be seen watching from various positions as well.

“At the moment, we’re just observing,” Katy answered and pointed over to Tristan, Camie, and the douche bag from that lame Valhalla party where I got my ass handed to me at by Pete for not sticking with my best friend when I should’ve.

When the douche showed up unexpectedly and I saw the flash of recognition that was closely followed by violently murderous intent on Tristan’s face, my first instinct was to grab my coach’s whistle and get over to the ring, but, Katy stopped me.

“Babe, you said it yourself. He wants to do this alone. And besides, that guy is harmless, but even if he wasn’t, Tristan can totally take care of him on his own too. Let’s just see what happens and if it looks like things are about to take a turn,
then
you can go over there. But for right now, let’s just give our friends some time to feel each other out.” It sucked. She even used my own words and logic on me. But she was right about Tristan being able to handle the guy and giving them time was the whole point of everyone hanging back, so, I stayed put.

This time is critical. And all the key players recognize that. We’re all standing back so our friends can have some time to genuinely be themselves with each other, which they haven’t had in weeks. Sure, they’ve been around each other and there was that little episode last weekend with the cake, but while that was a start to Tristan and Camie being themselves again, it wasn’t nearly enough. The rest of the little time they’ve had has been charged with hurt, tension, and…questions. Questions of how they feel about each other and what the other one wants.

Without question, though, he loves her. But, he’s finally decided he wants her back too. I know he does. And now so does Katy and probably most anyone whose been paying close attention to them tonight. Watching his reaction to Camie touching his back made that more than clear to the people who witnessed him close his eyes and have what looked to be just this side of an outer-body experience, but what I don’t know is how he thinks he’s gonna swing it without telling her the truth.

Like Katy said the other day, Camie’s not stupid. At some point she’s gonna figure out he’s keeping something from her if she hasn’t already and when he refuses to tell her what it is, that’ll be it. I mean, I guess I could be wrong about that, but, no one likes to be deceived or lied to, least of all a girl who’s tattooed a promise of no poisonous secrets on her body.

“Who’s the guy?” Gary asked as he folded his arms over his big, beefy chest.

“The douche bag who thinks he has a shot with Camie,” I muttered.

“You’re kidding…what makes him think he has a shot? I know Wayne told me they broke up, but Christ, look at ‘em! Anyone with eyes can see that it’s only a matter of time before they get back together.”

“
Weeellll,
when Tristan made it next to impossible for Camie to find someone at
our
school to go with her to our winter formal next week and she called him a chicken and everything and he all but declared war, she uh, asked that guy to take her…” Katy explained. And this is another reason I’m pretty irritable at the moment.

Again, having used my own logic on me, Katy convinced me to keep that bit of information from Tristan. I was so fuckin’ torn. I still am. I mean, one, I still feel guilty for not bein’ there for him when all that shit went down in the first place. Two, I’m still earning his trust back, which I personally think should include telling him everything I know, but three, I agree with Katy. They can figure this out on their own and the more cooks in the kitchen, the bigger the mess. And one more thing I’m starting to struggle with; where does a guy draw the line between keeping the confidences his mate for life shares with him and the ones his best friend does? I’m kinda beginning to feel my loyalty being pulled in different directions by the two of them and I don’t really know how to handle it. For the time being though, I’m just gonna stay out of it unless Tristan specifically asks for my opinion, advice or help. It’s a pretty damned good plan, isn’t it? Although I’ll admit I didn’t come up with it on my own. I stole it from Katy. That’s what she’s decided to do with Camie.

“Uhh, Jeff, are you seein’ this?” Gary asked and nodded towards Tristan who’d just put Joey up on his shoulders.

“Yeah, uh…that’s not good…we should get Joey out of there,” I answered. Tristan had an intense look of calculation on his face, like he was seriously planning to kill the douche and although Tristan would know that to do it in front of Joey would traumatize and scar the kid for life, I wasn’t sure if he’d take that into consideration in the heat of the moment.

“Already done,” Gary said, indicating the larger group of “Us” with his chin and tucking his phone back in his pocket. “What? I have no life and I don’t wanna miss what happens,” Gary told me when I looked at him after watching Wayne read a text and then walk over to get Joey.

Gary was chuckling and shaking his head when Joey started to throw a fit, but when the kid drenched the douche in milky puke, the widespread sounds of cheering and being grossed out that came from the various peanut galleries were simultaneous.

“Well, that was fun. I really hate to say, but, I miss high school,” Gary said and looked at his watch. “Shit, I gotta go…I hope the kid got it all out though…he hates goin’ to work with me and if he’s figured out how to barf on command when he’s unhappy, that won’t be too good for business.”

“Why are you takin’ him to work with you? I mean, why don’t you just take him home?” I asked, thinking a one-year-old at a tattoo parlor probably wouldn’t be good for business regardless of whether he’s puking, but, I think it might be illegal too. Not sure though…

Gary met my eyes and pursed his lips together like he didn’t really wanna say what he was gonna say, then he sighed and finally spit it out, “I finally kicked Gina out. I’m sure Wayne’s told you guys we’ve been havin’ a lotta problems ever since she had my kid and we got married, and I could deal with most of her bullshit, but I’ll be fuckin’ goddamned if I’m gonna sit back and let her have parties with criminals and drugees in my house while I’m at work, use my money to buy drugs and then do ‘em in front of my kid and leave coke and fuckin’ needles on the goddamned coffee table where he can get into it…she’s just lucky I didn’t have her arrested and her ass thrown in jail too.”