Shark Out of Water (Grab Your Pole, #3) (12 page)

Yeah, you know you’re being punished when thinking about one of your buddies brings you just that much closer to blowin’ the wad you’ve got goin’ for a girl…

I was sitting in my car in front of Camie’s house swearing at myself, fantasizing, swearing at myself, changing that goddamned ringtone, swearing at myself, and considering whether it would be plausible and/or appropriate to go straight to the bathroom to rub one out before facing her family when the rampant need to do so was rendered completely unnecessary. In fact, I don’t think I’ll ever be so relieved to have had the shit scared out of me as I was right then.

“Love’s like suicide, huh? Good song but kind of a downer of a ringtone for people who’re still alive and in love if you ask me,” Jillian commented from outside my window in reference to Chris Cornell’s acoustic version of Soundgarden’s song “Like Suicide” that I’d just finished programming my phone with, and startling me
so
much that she trampled my wood like a chainsaw toting lumberjack.
 

“It’s better than what I had and besides, I’m
not
asking you,” I snapped at her. What I felt like saying was something like, “Oh, thank you, Jesus! You’re the best!” And yeah, the song is amazing,
but
maybe not quite the best considering I almost accidentally killed myself so I’ll just have to change it to something else later. Huh. Is it still considered suicide when you kill yourself on accident? I don’t think it is…whatever. Not the point.

“My my you’re testy this afternoon...and far be it from me to make you even more cranky, but you should probably know that you’ve got an engine leak.”

“WHAT?!”
I hollered and flew out of my car and laid myself flat on the asphalt to look underneath it. Sure as shit, there was a goddamned fucking
lake
of fluorescent green fluid running off into the gutter. I’d been so goddamned absorbed sitting in the car that I hadn’t even noticed the fucking hissing sound
or
the sickly sweet syrup odor that I was blasted with once I got down there.

I had my car jacked up and I was just crawling back out from under it when Camie’s dad pulled into the driveway.

“Hey there, Boy…what’s happening?” Kevin asked as he got out of his car and came over to me.

Oh nothing much, Sir, I just physically abused your daughter when we were both shitfaced drunk after the fucking party we had in your house while you were out of town and now I’m lying to her about it by letting her believe I broke up with her on her sixteenth birthday because she wouldn’t fuck me. I’m also letting her and pretty much everyone else believe I don’t love her, and I’m desperately struggling to not let
anyone
catch on that my johnson gets harder than a fucking diamond every goddamned time I’m reminded of when she sucked me off. Did I mention that because it was Camie’s virginal lips and warm tongue working my dick into a frenzy for the first time, it was also the first time ever that I didn’t wrap it up before sticking it anyone’s mouth? Well it was. And you wanna know something else? Not only did she choose to not stop when I gave her advanced notice that I was about to blow out and just let me cum straight into her mouth, but she fuckin’ swallowed me too. Yeah, I know, right? It was pretty phenomenal. Of course all of that was right after she scared the fucking shit out of one of our cats while she loudly and
very
enthusiastically sank her nails into me when I ate her out like I was starving. Oh, not the cat…your daughter. Her nails are probably just as sharp though…I can show you some scars if you wanna see ‘em as proof. And if you don’t already know, she’s really got a set of lungs on her, which I’m sure she found beneficial when I gave her step-by-step instructions on how to give me the mother fucking hummer in the first place! I know
I
sure appreciated her vocal abilities when she sent me through the goddamned roof by treating my dick like a goddamned trombone and moaning her pleasure while we were giving simultaneous oral a try. But other than that, really, it’s been slow. What’s been happening with you?

“I’ve got a damned coolant leak…”

“Find the source yet?” He asked and bent over the open hood as he began checking clamps and shit.

“Yeah, I’m hoping it’s just this one hose…damned thing split wide open.”

“Huh. Let’s replace ‘em all just to be safe…why don’t you run over to the auto parts shop and get what you need and when you get back, I’ll be changed and ready to get messy with you,” he said and tossed me the keys to his Nova.

Damn it. You know, when I agreed to take part in Jillian’s little crusade to cheer her dad up it never even occurred to me that it would make me feel like shit in the process.

Double-edged sword my horny, pissed off, lying, insurrectionist ass…

I think I’m turning into a fuckin’ chick here… ~ Jeff

I’ll be so damned happy when this cheer crap is over with. Maybe then Katy and I can finally spend some time alone in the house before our parents get home. I swear to God, why don’t they just hand Camie her pom poms and be done with it? The chick is a natural and I really don’t get how anyone is even gonna be left to tryout against her by the end of the week. Shit, the other day she was even helping a couple of her opponents with the moves and words they kept fucking up on.

I walked into the gym impatiently and looked around to see if they were done for the day yet. I was tapping my foot like your grandma would do if she caught you running through her spotless kitchen with muddy shoes when Katy and Camie came skipping up all tra-la-la like.

“
Finally
, can we get the fuck outta here and go home now?” I asked Katy.

She kind of shot me a look like she was telling me to be nice, but then Camie said something that
really
fuckin’ grated and I had to stomp on my temper when Katy’s look went to one of apology.

“Oh I know, I’m starving…I can’t wait for dinner! Kate said we could stop at the store to pick up some bacon for the burgers…”

I tried, but I think I pretty much fuckin’ failed to hide my glare of irritation. I gave Katy a look of my own that told her she better have had a fuckin’ really good reason to invite someone to dinner tonight without checking with me first. It’s not that I mind cooking for other people or even something other than what I’d planned on, but fuck! I mean who
wouldn’t
choose lobster and candlelight over hamburgers with the fuckin’ TV on? We even talked about it last night as a family and that’s why my dad and Valerie made their own dinner plans for tonight. It was like a gift or something. I can get over the food thing, but Katy and I have just had so much goin’ on the last few months and I miss spending time with
just
her!

“Babe, I’m
sorry
…I just didn’t know what else to do!” Katy whispered to me as Camie walked over to where her stuff was and started packing up.

“Why did
you
have to do
anything
?” I whispered back in annoyance. Yeah, I know, I’m starting to sound like a chick who’s on the rag. I think that conversation with Jillian got to me a little…

“Because when Camie texted Tristan to tell him she was gonna be coming home, she almost started bawling because he sent her one back that said he was gonna be there for a couple more hours at least while he and her dad fix some leak on his car. She doesn’t wanna go home while he’s still there, you know? Melissa left early and I—well, I just feel
so
bad for her… Babe, she’s still so torn up about everything with him and her mom and having her come over for dinner was the only thing I could think of that might make her smile. And it was all me, I swear…she even protested because she doesn’t wanna intrude, but I told her she was being ridiculous. Was I wrong to tell her that?” Katy explained and with one look into her exquisite green eyes I was done.

“No, you weren’t wrong…you’re being an amazing friend and showing the world why I’m the luckiest guy alive. Don’t let me forget to pick up some mushrooms and Swiss cheese for the burgers when we get the bacon, though, okay?”

“You’re absolutely the best, you know that, right?”

“It only counts if
you
know it.”

Yeah, I’m a fuckin’ prince alright…

Guys don’t stop for directions, but, maybe we should ~ Tristan

Camie’s dad and I had just finished up replacing all the radiator clamps and hoses on my car and we were in the process of cleaning the mess we’d made in the garage when I recognized Pearl Jam’s “Just Breathe” starting to play on the radio. As casually as I could, I walked over and turned the volume down. It was for both of our benefits. I’m hard pressed to not bawl like a fuckin’ baby as it is when I hear that song, which I interpret as being about a man who’s questioning the meaning of life while staring at death in regard to someone whom he loves beyond measure. There’s a haunting message of universal hope that we’ll see our loved ones again on the other side, and it communicates to me the idea that life should be lived to the fullest and makes a claim that even with all the pain that’s out there that our lives are better lived if they’re shared. But, standing here with a man who’s daughter I’ve hurt and love more than I can stand, a man who’s facing the very real possibility of forever losing his partner in life…his soul mate…his
wife
for Christ’s sake, well…you get my fucking point here I’m sure. I didn’t really wanna cap off a perfectly enjoyable evening where we’d successfully gotten most of our knuckles bloody and then washed the scrapes and tears in our skin with motor oil and antifreeze with the two of us having ourselves what I’m sure would be a very manly heart-to-heart crying session, you know what I mean?

The thing is…I wasn’t casual
enough
.

I turned around and just barely caught his small grin as he shifted his eyes from me to the rag and tool he had in his hands. Then as he cleaned the nutdriver, he cleared his throat and said, “Ya ever wonder why we do it? Put so much of our time and energy into our ride? The engine upkeep, the daily maintenance, waxin’ and puttin’ a nice set of wheels on…we get all cut up and go through hell in the process and what for? Is it just so we look good and can fly through the traffic without feelin’ all the bumps in the road?

“Ya know, Boy, lately, I’ve been thinkin’ a lot about it drivin’ to and from work everyday and it seems like no matter what we do, we just won’t ever have that perfect ride. Somethin’s always needin’ to be fixed, paint chips and peels with age, we get flats ‘cause the streets are filled with potholes and nails, not to mention that they’re littered with other people’s trash…but ya know somethin’, I don’t think any or
all
of that would ever convince me to give it up. There’s just nothin’ quite like cruisin’ along at sunset with the windows rolled down on a beautiful Sunday.

“And I’ll tell ya somethin’ else, I’ve got a lotta miles under my belt and in my experience, the drive’s even better when you got a good girl sittin’ next to you. Now, I made my choice when I saw this pretty little gal on the side of the road one day when I was about your age, and I wouldn’t make a u-turn even knowin’ what’s around the bend. You just gotta decide for yourself if you’d rather go it alone for a while or if it’s worth it for you to pull over and ask if she’d like to go for a nice long ride.”

“What if it’s not that easy? What if the brakes are faulty or she says she wants to walk?”

“Well, there’s always that chance, and most girls need you to ask ‘em more than once, and I think you’ll find that a girl who climbs in easy like that is usually only interested in your car’s paint job or maybe just a joy ride from time to time. But, the girl who tries to say she’d rather walk all that way…well, that’s the kinda girl you might wanna consider makin’ the effort of pullin’ the emergency brake for and turnin’ the car off so you can get out and hold the door open for her, and if she’s already got some blisters on her feet, you also might wanna think about takin’ her hand and helpin’ her get in.

“Now, she might get out again down the road a ways, which is okay too ‘cause not everyone is meant to take the same road trip, but when the right girl comes along, well, she’s the one you’ll find you can take turns drivin’ the whole way with.” I was simply nodding my understanding of what he was telling me, but I had to cover my mouth and cough in order to hide my laughter when Jillian came out with my girls and their suitcase and her dad quietly wrapped up the whole pep talk with, “And then there are the ones who feel like they just have to be behind the wheel all the time ‘cause they think they know where you’re goin’ better than you do.”

I honestly don’t know where I’m going or if Camie and I should carpool, but I have to say it, in Jillian’s case; she probably does know better and has already plotted out a course on the roadmap.

Stripping for the gilded warrior ~ Pete

With Jillian, I’ve found it’s better to just meet what’s coming head-on rather than trying to take evasive action. She’s appreciative of someone who’ll just march right up to her on the battlefield instead of cowering behind the lines, and she admires those who have the guts to strip themselves naked of armor when they do it even more so. If you do that, if you lay yourself bare for her, there’s a pretty good chance she’ll behave like the noblest of warriors and grant you pardon. If she doesn’t, well, that’s when you pray that she’ll just put you out of your misery quickly and painlessly.

I opened my eyes and turned my head slightly to look at the door when I heard it being unlocked. When she came in and saw me lying on her bed instead of my own, with my ankles crossed and my hands behind my head, patiently waiting to receive my punishment in person, I saw her lips quirk once quickly and knew I was in the clear.

“So, now that that’s out of the way, I’m gonna let you in on a secret,” she said and locked up her room all tight again. “I made a verbal blunder when I was talking to Tristan today.”

I made sure I kept any and all trace of self-righteous smugness from my expression and just removed one hand from behind my head so that I could extend my arm out in invitation for her to come be close to me.