Saving Amy (24 page)

“He’s been in bed all day… migraine. I know he’s been thinking of you all though.” I felt obliged to lie – to comfort her. I wasn’t nearly brave enough to admit that he was too busy dealing with his fucked-up girlfriend and her accompanying baggage.

“Oh no. Hope he feels better soon. Maybe you could ask him to call me in the morning?”

“Sure I will. Take care, Bethany.”

“Sure. Bye, Amy.”

After hanging up a fire fuelled by guilt raged blue and furious in my stomach. He shouldn’t have been alone just now.
I
shouldn’t have been alone just now. I needed him. I could only pray that he still needed me too.

**********

“Everything okay, ma’am?” the elevator attendant pried when he saw I’d been crying.

“Fine. Thank you,” I responded as politely as I could manage.

The shutters pinged and slid themselves open not a moment too soon. I scurried out and hurriedly tiptoed towards our suite. As I reached into my purse for the key-card I heard the faint rumblings of Richard’s voice. Who was he talking to? Bethany perhaps?

I eased the door open slowly, not wanting to disturb him. His voice seemed to be coming from the direction of the stairs so I followed the delicious sound up the spiral staircase and towards the bedroom where I hovered for a moment outside the doorway.

“Don’t start that again… Because it’s all my fault… No… How can you say that? It is… I should’ve let her explain…”

He was discussing
me!
Who with?
Not his family,
please.

“Because I called you for help, not another damn lecture. I should’ve known you’d be like this… I know that… You think so? I’m sorry, I know you’re only looking out for me, Joanna.”

No freakin’ way.
How could he? A rush of weakness surged through my every muscle and I stumbled, knocking into a crystal vase behind me.

“Amy, thank Christ!” He sounded relieved to see me.
Phew.
“I have to go,” he told the receiver, hanging up immediately.

“Why did you call
her?
You know how she feels about me.” Rising swiftly from the bed, Richard walked tentatively across the eggshells towards me. He reached out and this time I was the one doing the pushing. I felt utterly crestfallen…
Angry.

Why her?
My subconscious was screaming in my ears, deafening me,
telling
me to run again. I fought the urge with every bone in my body. I couldn’t run again. I
wouldn’t.
I needed to face this. I needed to grow the hell up.

“I know how you feel about one another but she’s my friend. She might go about it the wrong way sometimes but deep down she only wants what’s best for me.”

How are you so blinded by the scheming bitch?
How I kept that thought from exploding like vomit out of my mouth I’d never know.

“But that’s to be without
me
isn’t it?” He rubbed at his forearm. He was going to buff away the hairs at that rate. “ISN’T IT?” I bawled when I got no response.

“Forget about Joanna. She doesn’t matter just now.”

She shouldn’t matter
ever.

“You came back. That must mean something?” he said, his voice guarded, his eyes pained and sorrowful.

“Where else could I go?” I answered snappishly. I refused my eyes contact with his, knowing the sight of his beautiful, unsettled face would melt away my frustration when I wanted so badly to be angry with him.

“Amy, please. I’m so sorry I didn’t let you explain. It’s no excuse, but… I’ve been preoccupied today. My head is still all over the place.” He must have meant Kate. “I
do
trust you. You have to believe me. My mind was elsewhere when I found the gear and I flipped. You
have
to forgive me, Amy. I love you.”

He reached out to me again and I made the mistake of looking him in the eyes. Damn. The sight of him turned my insides to mush and I fell straight into his open arms.

“Oh,
Richard
…” I sobbed hysterically into his shirt and he lovingly shushed me like a baby, holding me close and stroking my hair. “I promise you I’d forgot it was in there. I haven’t touched the damn stuff since I landed myself in the hospital. I don’t need it. I don’t
want
it. I could never risk losing you.”

“I know. I know and I’m sorry. Like I said, I’ve had a lot of shit going on today. You’re the last person I should’ve taken it out on.”

“You mean Kate?”

“How did you-
”

“Bethany called. She was worried about you. I said you had a migraine.”

“Fuck,” he breathed, dropping his head. “How could I forget to call home? I’ve been so wrapped up in myself today. Too busy being a selfish dick to take care of the people who mean the most to me.”

“Yep,” I agreed and hoped he could hear the playfulness in my voice. He didn’t seem to hear me at all.

“Before… you cowered from me. I would
never
hurt you, baby. I’m nothing like your father. Please tell me you know that.” His face crumpled like he was in physical pain. I shrugged, unsure. I loved him so much. I trusted him so much. But for a fleeting moment… I
was
afraid of him.

“I’ve never seen you so mad before. My dad is the only experience of anger I have to go off I guess.” His brow furrowed, forcing his emerald eyes half closed. “And… you called me Amelia.” Sighing deeply, regretfully, he cupped my cheeks with his tender hands and lowered his face to my level.

“Amy, I will never,
ever
hurt you. I promise you, baby. You’re safe with me.
Always.
I love you. I love you so fucking much and I’m so, so sorry.” He pulled me close, inhaling me. I smiled weakly. I had no choice but to believe him.

“I’m sorry I ran from you.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. You’re only just learning to trust and I let you down. It won’t happen again, I swear it.”

Richard edged me over to the bed, sat down and then gently pulled me with him. I rolled onto my side and curled myself up into the foetal position - then from behind he moulded himself around me. I was safe again, wrapped inside his protective, loving arms. Hitching backwards a little, closer to him, so that there wasn’t an inch of our bodies that weren’t touching, I drifted into a deep,
fully-clothed
, dreamless sleep.

**********

I flopped back into the familiar soft leather of Richard’s couch. It was good to be home. I smiled inwardly as I realised this was the first time I’d allowed myself to think of this apartment as
home.
After carrying our suitcases to the bedroom Richard joined me and handed me my bag. I only stared at the way his tight-fitting white t-shirt hugged his glorious muscles a
little
longer than necessary before taking it from him. The first thing I did was
remove
my cell and switch it back on after the flight, prompting Richard to do the same.

The air was soon flooded with a melody of beeps and pings and I found myself gaping at Mr Popular. I was snapped back into the real world soon after by the call of my own cell and its single, lonely beep.

Julie: What the hell is all this money for? I’m so mad at u! Missing u already x

She got the
three-hundred
dollars I posted through then. I could see why she thought it was extravagant but she needed it – I didn’t… simple. Besides, Richard wouldn’t miss it. I surprised myself with my flippancy about that, deciding it was probably because the money wasn’t for me.

Me: A thanku will suffice ;-)
Miss u more.
Had the BEST time.
And thanku – for everything.
Love u J xxx

After swiping my screen locked my eyes wandered back to their favourite place – the vision of perfection standing in front of me. He was rubbing his forearm…

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry, baby I’ve been called into work. I shouldn’t be long.” My heart sank and my lips involuntarily puckered into a pout in full-on childish tantrum style. We’d literally
just
got back. I didn’t want him to leave already. “I love you.”

He bent to my seated level, kissed my forehead and left without waiting for my response. Slumping back into the leather I petulantly kicked my shoes off into the middle of the room, knowing the untidiness would agitate Richard. I didn’t even plan on picking them back up again.
Grow up,
my subconscious hissed, but I wasn’t in the mood to listen to the irritating voice so I told it out loud to fuck the hell off.

Soon enough I was bored and irritable. I’d flicked through a bazillion TV channels, attempted to read one of the fifty million books in Richard’s study, picked away at some heavily buttered toast and taken a bath. Nothing seemed capable of puncturing the iron balloon of cantankerousness I was trapped inside so I took myself off to bed and hoped to sleep it off.

Not before tidying my shoes away first though…

The mattress sinking beside me stirred my weary mind.

“What time is it?” I mumbled through a yawn.

“Just gone midnight. Go back to sleep,” Richard whispered before kissing my hair and settling in next to me. For a brief moment I thought I smelt alcohol on his breath but I was too tired to entertain the idea and fell straight back to sleep.

After rubbing the sticky sleep from my eyes I glanced at the clock. It was 6:30 AM and Richard was missing from the bed already. Grudgingly, I heaved myself out of bed, threw on Richard’s black towelling gown and set off to find him. He was loitering in the kitchen, picking out packets of coffee beans.

“Morning, beautiful,” he greeted with a crooked smile when he spotted me.

“It’s so early. What are you doing up?”

“Couldn’t sleep. Still on Florida time I guess.” He winked at me, making my insides quiver.
How does he do that to me?
“Coffee?”

“Please,” I croaked out, stifling a yawn. “I had a wonderful time. Well apart from, well… you know. Anyway, thank you,” I stuttered like an idiot. Richard shook his head at the memory.

“Good. That was my intention.” He flashed me the most captivating smile, set two mugs on the glossy white
island which
I was now sitting at and filled them with caramel coffee from the percolator. “And I’m glad you confided in Julie. Maybe it’ll help you realise that you are loved no matter what – because I know damn well you don’t believe me when I tell you. Plus, it’s good to have that extra support. Sometimes I worry that I’m just not enough. You
need
that extra safe place… someone you can go to if I’m not here.”

I told Richard all about what happened the night I tripped during the flight home.

“Why? You planning on going somewhere?” I asked ominously.

“No, baby. I’m not going anywhere,” he assured softly, walking over to me and tucking my loose hair behind both of my ears. “But I can’t be with you twenty-four-seven. Besides, sometimes you might just need someone else – someone not too close.”

“What like if you decide to go all raging caveman on my ass again?” I teased… but Richard couldn’t find the humour.

“Don’t, Amy. I can’t stop thinking about how I treated you. I’m still new at this. I’m not used to putting other people first. But by Christ I want to. You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted to come first in my life. And you
do
Amy – in everything I do. You didn’t deserve that reaction from me. Florida had been…
intense
for me. I’ve never spoken to anyone about Kate before, not my mom, or Joanna… and it sparked all these feelings inside of me that I’d tried so desperately to bury for so long. Then with the anniversary… The guilt – sometimes it feels like a giant fucking boulder strapped to my chest. It crushes me and I can’t breathe. I needed to lash out at something… and you were just…
there.
I’m sorry.”

Richard looked down to his bare feet. I pulled his hand away from his forearm and brought it up to my cheek.

“I want to make a deal,” I said firmly. Richard looked at me warily, his eyebrow diving off his face. “I’ll start believing I’m worth saving, if
you
start believing you weren’t responsible for Kate.” His Adam’s apple bobbed slowly as he swallowed.

“That’s one hell of a deal,” he said, his voice lacking any trace of confidence.

“An achievable one though, don’t you think?” Cupping his face in my hands I continued, “You keep saying how much you love me, how much I mean to you… Do you really mean what you say?”

“Of course I do!” he snapped, looking altogether startled. “What kind of question is that?”

“Well then, if that’s true I think I owe it to you to start believing it – believing in
me.”
He nodded in complete agreement, his eyes oozing a ‘finally’ look. “Well
I
love
you.
I believe in
you.
I trust
you.
Don’t you think I deserve for you to start believing that too? To start believing that you are a
good
man… and that
you
are important too?”

Yeah, that one shut him up for a while.

“So you want to save me?” he asked with a mischievous grin.

“We can save each other,” I replied, deadly seriousness dripping from my voice.

“I love you, Amy,” he whispered into my mouth before teasing entry past my lips with his tongue. “Let me show you how much.” Then he threw me over his shoulder like a bag of rubble, making me squeal, and carried me to the bedroom, where he showed me in every position imaginable, just how much he loved me.