Their wedding was elegant and exquisitely quaint in Jay’s parents’ sprawling backyard. Since Zakia had a child, she didn’t want to have too many bells and whistles. Eboni and Raquie stood up for Zakia, and Eboni gave Eli the eye during the ceremony. Jay’s brother was the best man, and Zach escorted Raquie. Rahlo gave his daughter away. At the reception, each Exec took Jay to the side and gave him a personalized speech about how special Zakia was and how special they expected him to treat her.
Z
akia and Zeke moved into Jay’s bigger, nicer house out in the suburbs. They decided to keep Zakia’s house as investment property. They agreed to also maintain his house as investment property after they finished building their dream home the following year. Within their first few years of marriage, the value of their portfolio increased significantly. Their life together was off to a great start.
After their new home was built, Zakia decided to start entertaining coworkers. She was lining up perfectly with corporate America, following the rules, playing the games, and winning. She hosted the office Christmas party two years in a row. She had the favor of her bosses, and she had earned it.
When Zakia became pregnant, the computer technicians from her job came in and set up an office in her home so that she wouldn’t miss a beat during maternity leave. She was very productive at home up until she went into labor.
Zakia gave birth to a second son. He was beautiful and fit perfectly into her ideal world. He was called JJ for Jay Jr. Zeke adored his little brother, and Jay had never been more proud.
“How did you get another boy? You know Essence was supposed to be a boy,” Eboni said one day.
“Girl, I’m lining up, living right. Things work out when you live right and just let it come to you. Your man needs a revelation on that.”
“He’s too comfortable, girl. Every time I leave him, he just waits, knowing I’m going to come back.”
“Then don’t go back until he marries you.”
“I try, but you know I love that man. Okay, I’m going to hold out the next time.”
“I hear ya.”
“But I’m really happy for you,” Eboni said, hugging her friend.
“I know you are, girl. Thanks!”
Two months after JJ’s birth, Zakia returned to her office downtown with far less zeal than when she had left. She kept the office set up at home for the days she didn’t want to deal with the traffic. Her bosses agreed with the arrangement, since she was just as productive at home as she was in the office. The setup worked very well, but with each passing year, Zakia lost a little more enthusiasm for her work.
Jay was becoming a very skilled investor. He decided to break out of his safe real estate and mutual fund mode to really take some risks. He had a good feeling about a small software company whose financials looked great and whose earning potential looked even greater. He decided to take a chance and invest substantially in the company’s stock, and it turned out to be a smart move. The company took off, and Jay saw his investment triple. He was already confident, but being married to Zakia for the last five years had given him an assurance that he had never known. Eventually, Jay had the boys’ college tuition to any school in the country safely invested until it was needed.
As the years passed and they grew and acquired and conquered, a funny feeling started to grow inside of Zakia. Her excitement about life was decreasing the more her family increased. She decided to take inventory of her life. She had it all and then some. She had beautiful, healthy children; a wonderful, loving husband with whom she was always in sync; a great job; financial stability; loving, supportive family and friends; her mother’s approval; and excellent health—yet she was missing something. She had no idea why, but there was a void in her that none of what she had—and she had everything materially—even began to fill.
Zakia was too much of a doer to just let the feeling get the best of her, so she began to investigate and try different things to fill the void. She tried working out, and even though she was starting to look and feel better physically, the void was still there. She traveled to new places alone and with her family. She talked her husband into renting a Winnebago, and they drove across the country and back. The boys had a blast, and so did Jay. Zakia had fun; however, the void persisted. They cruised as a couple to the Caribbean, and Zakia went to Europe alone to shop. Still, the cavity remained.
While flipping through magazines, Zakia got the notion that a newly decorated home would help to fill her emptiness. She hired an interior designer, and they spent months redecorating the entire house. She gave much of her old furniture away. She gave a party for her family and friends once the house was ready, but afterward she was still missing something.
Zakia volunteered at the homeless shelter. She read books. Nothing helped. The family went to church, and everything was the same old, same old. She had been going to Fig Tree Baptist Church with Jay since they had gotten married because his father was a deacon there. The church was more than a hundred years old, and the service format hadn’t changed in all that time.
Not even church did anything to lift the cloud hovering over Zakia. Ironically, the emptiness was beginning to weigh her down. The more she acquired, the heavier she felt. She didn’t know what it was, nor could she shake the feeling.
Jay was into his work and investments, but Zakia knew he noticed his wife becoming distant. She wanted sex less and less, and Jay often asked if she was sick. While watching TV in bed one night, he reached for her and she turned away.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
“I don’t know.”
“How do you feel?”
“Fine.”
“When was your last physical?”
“Less than a year ago. Clean bill of health.”
“I’m worried about you.”
“I’ll be fine. I just want to go to sleep right now.”
Jay wasn’t one to press, and having no idea what was wrong or what to do about it, he continued to focus on his work and his investments. Life was wonderful for Jay. If he kept doing what he was doing, being a supportive husband, an involved father, and providing a stable life for his family, he believed things would get back on track for his wife and everything would be fine.
O
ne cold and rainy Saturday afternoon, Zakia was in the mall wandering in and out of stores, buying things she didn’t need. Shopping no longer had the thrill or satisfaction it once held for her. She decided to have everything delivered, and when she was finished, she just sat in the mall people-watching. Thoughts about her life and what she had accomplished filled her mind. Everything had worked out according to plan. With wit, wisdom, hard work, determination, and commitment, she had overcome the obstacles of life. Feelings of accomplishment evaded her, however, as depression tried desperately to grab her.
As she sat and thought, her stomach growled. The big, hot, soft pretzels were her favorite. She bought one and returned to her seat on the bench preparing her pretzel with cheese and mustard. A woman came and sat down beside her. She was an older woman with gray hair and brown eyes, dressed in what could have been five layers of ragged, frayed clothing, closely resembling a bag lady.
Bag ladies didn’t usually frequent malls
, Zakia thought. Besides, this woman’s shopping bags were new, and the woman looked clean and smelled fresh. Zakia spoke to her, suddenly feeling awkward about eating in front of her.
“Good afternoon, ma’am. May I buy you a pretzel?” Zakia asked.
The woman had been looking at Zakia prepare her pretzel. “No thank you, sweetie. You know Jesus loves you,” the woman told her.
Zakia bit her pretzel, smiled at the woman, and nodded as she chewed.
“No, I mean He really loves you, and He has all the answers you need,” the woman said as she handed Zakia a tract. “You’ve been searching for something, haven’t you?”
Zakia stopped smiling but kept listening. She took the tract, still chewing, not talking, looked straight into the woman’s warm eyes, and silently nodded.
“God wanted me to let you know that He has what you are looking for.”
Zakia was entranced.
“Would you like to have your void filled, sweetheart?”
She nodded more vigorously.
“Come to my church tomorrow, and God will meet you there with exactly what you’ve been searching for. The address is on the tract. Do you think you can make it?”
Zakia couldn’t stop nodding, still speechless.
“I’ll be looking for you,” the old woman said as she got up and walked away.
Zakia watched in silence as she left. When she disappeared into a store, Zakia turned her attention to the tract. She read every word about how Jesus died for her. She already knew about some of what she read, but now it was taking on a new significance. She felt better but was unsure about things. She wanted more.
Now that Zakia’s initial shock over the exchange had passed, she wanted to talk to the lady. She roamed the mall looking for her, but the old woman was nowhere to be found. Zakia left the mall and on her way home decided to see if she could find the church whose address was on the tract.
What she found was a beautiful, large, dome-shaped building that reminded her of a performing arts center. She was really curious about what was inside. She saw lights on through the glass door and decided to check it out. The door was locked. She walked around to the side of the building and tried another door. It was open. She entered the lobby. There was no one to be seen. She spotted another set of doors that led deeper inside the building. She opened one and peeked into the most gorgeous modern-day sanctuary she had ever seen. It looked to seat about fifteen hundred people. Instead of pews, there were comfortable-looking individual chairs arranged in auditorium fashion. The pale green abstract pattern on the chairs matched the cloth-paneled walls, which blended with the carpet, creating a warm and inviting ambience.
In the middle of the sanctuary sat a huge platform that held expensive-looking camera equipment. It was dark, but the glow from the security lights and exit signs provided enough light that Zakia was able to see. She was moved by the sleeping room and had a strong desire to see it awake. Yes, she would definitely be back the next day. As she left the sanctuary and entered the hallway, people were coming toward her.
“May I help you, sister?” a forty-something gentleman in a sweat suit asked, smiling.
Zakia was nervous, not knowing if she was trespassing.
“No. I was trying to find the church. A lady gave me this tract and invited me to come tomorrow, and I just stopped by to see if this was the right place,” she explained, holding up the tract.
“You are in the right place. Please do come back tomorrow for our praise and worship service and then be blessed by the Word of God.”
“Thank you, I will.”
“Have a good evening, sister,” the nice gentleman said. Then turning to another brother, he said, “Lock up, John. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Zakia left with a feeling of excitement and anticipation. Looking at the tract for service times, she decided to go alone to the eight o’clock service to check things out. That way she could be home in time to go to Fig Tree Baptist Church with her family at eleven o’clock. Jay would understand.
“How are all of my handsome men?” she asked, kissing each one of them.
They just silently looked at her.
“Honey, I met this lady in the mall, and she invited me to her church. I rode by there, and it looked interesting. They have two services, so I decided to check out their early one while you get the boys ready. I’ll make sure I’m back in time for Fig Tree Baptist,” she explained as she got a slice of pizza.
“Oh, a new church now. Okay, Z. Hopefully, one day soon, you’ll find what you’re looking for,” Jay said.
“Thanks for your patience,” she said, kissing him on the cheek, sparking something they had both missed. Her new excitement gave her new energy and new appeal. “I’ll be upstairs.”
Jay hurried the boys to finish their pizza and clean up.
Zakia was greeted at Faith in the Word Christian Center with a smile and a warm hug. The music was different, inspirational, uplifting even. She loved good music. It soothed her, especially when she was a part of it. She had a decent background voice and had sung alto in the Fig Tree Baptist gospel choir. She never wanted to sing solo, but the backbiting the soloists did to get parts was ridiculous. The competition was fierce, and the dramatics of some of the choir members all but led to fistfights. She was losing her desire and love for the music, so she got out. Yet the music was her saving grace, since not much else went on that was truly inspiring at church, so she opted to just enjoy listening to the music on Sundays. She did miss being a part of the choir, though.
Zakia chose a seat in the middle of the sanctuary. The atmosphere was charged with something that was causing her dull, achy void to feel like it was dissipating. The choir sounded like angels singing. They even looked like angels. The music soothed her empty soul. Less organ and more harp produced more worship and less show than she was used to. Then the Word came forth. The pastor was young, in his thirties, and of average build. Instead of a robe, he wore a very sharp, conservative, dark-vested tailored suit. Pastor Patterson talked about how God reached down and pulled him back from the verge of a nervous breakdown. He talked about being a drug addict and an alcoholic, yet when he made Jesus the Lord of his life, he lost all desire to indulge. Zakia thought it was utterly amazing for a person, especially a pastor, to tell all his business like that. She knew alcoholics and drug addicts who served on the usher board, in the choir, and on the trustee board at Fig Tree Baptist who thought it was acceptable to drink and smoke Monday through Friday and especially on Saturday as long as they made it to their post on Sunday. Listening to Pastor Patterson, she began to understand that it was that kind of hypocrisy that was causing her emptiness.
She sat there with her eyes wide and heart, ears, and mouth open as he went from scripture to scripture proving by the Word of God every point he made. She had been given a Bible when she arrived, but had trouble keeping up because she didn’t know where many of the scriptures were located. A lady sitting next to her noticed her frustration and whispered to her.