Authors: Nancy Adams
Chapter Ten
Tina said nothing, her mouth only falling open. She raced through excuses. She could make a comment about the time, but as giddy as she had been in his presence, she knew he wouldn’t buy anything but the truth. Her brow furrowed.
How did he find me?
“I didn’t follow you or anything,” he said, tone changing quickly. “After 45 minutes passed I assumed you weren’t going to come back so I figured I’d get something cold and sweet and go home,” he tilted his head as he looked at her.
“But while I was waiting for my order to be made, I looked out here and saw you sitting down. I thought for sure if you stood me up it’d be for something good. You’re not even doing anything though,” he hesitated. “Are you waiting for someone?”
Tina shook her head, looking down. She only offered him a shrug. When she met Brett’s eyes, her heart dropped. “It’s complicated,” she said meekly.
Relaxing into the back of his chair, Brett picked up his cup, lifting the straw to his lips. He sipped slowly, licking his lips afterwards.
“Try me.” He sat the cup down, and then crossed his arms, face becoming motionless.
Tina felt her stomach tightening. She didn’t feel giddy anymore, just shame. Swallowing back her pride, she let her eyes drop from his. With another weak shrug, she looked away and said, “I’m married.” She couldn’t bring herself to see his reaction, feeling a flood of heat to her body and grief to her soul.
How pathetic I must seem.
In the silence that followed her confession, she waited, body tense. Brett didn’t move though. After a while, she took a deep breath and straightened herself. She turned to him then, meeting his dark eyes with difficulty. She expected to see disappointment, or disgust, instead, she saw nothing.
Once their eyes met, Brett moved, lifting up his frappe. He sipped at it, glancing away only briefly.
Did he hear me?
“I said I’m—”
“I heard you,” he cut in quickly, setting down his plastic cup. He paused, breathing deeply as he looked at her. She watched as his eyes moved from her face to her chest. She followed his gaze until she realized he was looking at her hands. Instinctively, she touched where her rings used to be, just days earlier. She looked his face, meeting his eyes again. “Why did you come Sunday?”
Tina took a deep breath, starting to relax. He wasn’t angry. “I didn’t think I’d actually talk to you then.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
His bold frankness really unsettled her. “You’re right. I guess that doesn’t answer your question.”
Brett motioned for her to answer him. “Well, go on. Why did you come Sunday?”
Tina felt her face flushing with heat. “I wanted to see you. But you knew that, didn’t you?” She challenged him, but he was unfazed.
“It’s nice to hear you say it out loud.” Brett held her eyes with his. He wasn’t joking anymore. He leaned on the table with his elbows. “So what’s complicated? I’m mean, obviously you’re unhappy.”
Tina nodded, then shrugged, looking away. “Marriage isn’t like having a boyfriend.”
“I know.”
His certainty brought her eyes back to his. He lifted up his left hand to her, wiggling his fingers. There was no ring. “I was married once. Six years ago.” He lowered his hand, crossing his arms over the table.
Tina felt the heat beneath her skin starting to subside. She expected judgment from him, but there was none. “Well, to answer your question,” she looked at Brett, smiling slightly, “I guess the complications are me.”
“Tell me more.”
Chapter Eleven
Tina entered her house with a smile on her face. She felt her body swelling with pride throughout the rest of the evening with Brett. She had never been able to be so open and honest with anyone about her feelings before.
Beth was a great friend, but she didn’t always feel like her honesty concerning her marriage was very welcome. Beth was a free spirit, and never understood deep commitment, let alone marriage.
After Beth’s confession to her in the car, she understood it was because she was simply tired of seeing her friend so down all the time. She didn’t believe that a relationship or marriage had to be so difficult. In her mind, if things weren’t working out, then there was nothing worth fixing. She never understood her friend’s commitment to a relationship where her husband had clearly checked out.
With Brett, it was completely different. If he felt like she were an idiot for staying with him for so long, he never mentioned it. They spoke for three hours, up until the coffee shop closed at nine and long after the sun had finally retired beneath the flat horizon.
She learned a lot about Brett then. About his last marriage to a woman who demanded access and control to every aspect of his life, or he was accused of cheating. It was only after he discovered her affair of two years that he immediately abandoned hopes of restoring the relationship and filed for a divorce.
The entire experience had jaded him. He had been heavily committed, dealing with her anger and verbal abuse because he believed it was something they could eventually work through. She had caused him great pain, much like the silent, emotional abuse from John. He was never around, and even when he was, what he offered was hardly encouragement.
She wasn’t sure where they stood. All they did was talk, but it was the best talk she had had in a very long time. In her kitchen, she stood at the island, leaning on it with both her hands. They had even made plans for lunch later in the week.
“What are you so happy about?”
Tina snapped out her thoughts, searching for the direction of the voice. The main lights in the house were off, with only floor lights and a living room table lamp on. It was from the couch that Tina could see the outline of John’s body stretched out on the soft fabric.
He sat up then, pausing to yawn. When he stood, he stretched tall. Tina could make out more of his thin body, different from the attractive bulk of Brett’s muscular build. John scratched his head lazily, making his way into the kitchen.
“You’ve been going out a lot,” he said, pausing at the kitchen island. He squinted at her through the darkness.
Avoiding his eyes, Tina shrugged, setting her hand bag down on the marbled surface. “Got tired of waiting around here.” She walked to the sink and turned the water on. Letting the cold liquid wash over her hands, she felt the corners of her mouth twitch up to a smile. She used to sit in silence waiting for John. Now she didn’t even care, and it felt wonderful.
“You’re here though. Didn’t expect that, or I at least thought you’d be in bed already,” she added soap to her hands. They didn’t need to be cleaned, but it kept her busy and gave her an excuse to not have to look at him.
“Yeah, well,” he sighed. “Got into a fight with Mark at Greg’s so,” John coughed. “I decided to come home early.”
Tina nodded with fake curiosity. “That’s too bad.” Turning off the water, she began to head towards her purse, then stopped. Her eyes had adjusted more to the dim lighting and she could clearly see John now. He looked terrible, clothes and hair disheveled and bags beneath his eyes. “You look like a mess,” she said with disgust.
John looked down at himself with a disinterested glance. He faced her and shrugged, hands stretched out at his sides. “I’m miserable.”
Tina ran her eyes over him, then shook her head. She turned from him then, choosing to ignore his last remark. She didn’t care how he felt. At that moment, all she could think about was Brett. His smile, and his smooth voice. She thought about the tenderness in his voice as he talked about his previous marriage.
She had never known a man to be capable of sharing emotions and feelings like he had. John was always more of a closed person. She had to dig to draw something out, and even then, it never seemed to be worth what she eventually got.
She had even tried waiting for him to open up to her. That’s what caused this last phase in their marriage. He withdrew and she let him go, waiting for him to come back. Except he never did. Did he even know how many nights she spent crying to herself about how lonely she felt?
In their bedroom, Tina began to undress herself. She unbuttoned her blouse, and paused, catching her reflection in the mirror. Her skin seemed to glow, radiating with warmth. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so satisfied, so complete—and all from a simple conversation.
A full blown smiled cracked her face then. She was such a little school girl at heart, and now totally smitten with the most attractive man she’d been bold enough to acknowledge since getting married. Somewhere she thought she should feel shame for the way she felt now, but if she were being honest, she didn’t feel any guilt or shame anymore. Just joy. Inexplicable joy that she wanted to feel again and again.
She wanted to continue talking with Brett. She would have walked around that track ten times with him that night if it meant she never had to leave his side. She was aware of how creepy and stalker-ish that might seem. So when the café closed, she suggested they meet for lunch soon to finish their conversation.
It was Brett who wouldn’t let them leave without making definite plans. His instance only added to her happiness. They even exchanged numbers! She didn’t even have to worry about playing the game of who would text first because he sent her a goodnight text after walking her to her car.
No games. No fuss. Just honesty. And she liked that. She liked it a lot.
Chapter Twelve
“Hold it like this,” Brett instructed her. It was Sunday in the late evening. They sat atop a picnic table underneath a gazebo, the connected benches acting as footstools. They were in the downtown public park, surrounded by a field of green grass sheltering bold daisies and other wild flowers.
Tina laughed nervously as she handled his large guitar. Over the past hour he played soft chords as background music as they talked and chatted away about nothing in particular. They had grown close over the last month, meeting often during the day and sparingly at night.
Tina found herself getting home later and later during the work week and often times staying away from home all day on Saturday and Sunday. She saw less and less of John and preferred it that way.
When she was with Brett, she was alive. They laughed, giggled, and talked. Ate ice cream, watched movies—they were regular old friends, something she couldn’t have said of John in a long time.
“Okay,” Tina laughed, wrapping her right arm around the guitar’s rounded bottom, “I hold it here and then change chords up here.” She was talking more to herself. “Teach me a chord,” she demanded.
Brett sat behind her, moving in close as he obliged her order. She felt his breath on her right side as he leaned towards her to check her fingers on the neck. He took hold of her fingers, positioning them on the steel strings.
“This is E minor,” he said in a hushed voice.
Tina breathed deeply. They had touched sparingly over the course of the past month, being careful to remain respectful of boundaries and borders. She had thought several times about how far she was willing to go as a married woman. Every time that the thought came to her, however, her mind went blank.
The heat on her neck from his mouth caused her heart to race. She glanced towards him, catching his eyes. Smiling, she turned her attention to her fingers pressing down the chord. “This hurts,” she whimpered. He laughed then, moving towards her.
Placing a hand over her left hand, he playfully strummed over her fingers, running his fingers over her knuckles and lacing them with her hand. “Strum with me,” his voice was low.
He continued to strum over her fingers, occasionally letting his fingers lock with Tina’s. Giddy smiles were slowly replaced with seriousness. He showed her another chord, positioning himself behind her so that she essentially sat just in front of his lap. With one leg resting on the bench seat, and the other folder onto the table, she was able to relax and lean back into his chest.
Soon, she forgot about the chords, letting him move and mold her fingers, strumming over her hands. He stopped occasionally to hold her. Her breathing had deepened, heart throbbing within her chest. She was breathless.
Her mind raced with thoughts. She had never felt such a connection with another man before. Is this what she lacked in her own marriage? Is this why she was so unhappy with John?
She couldn’t get past the blankness of the future. Did they even have a future together? Could they?
Tina turned to Brett suddenly, freezing as she came face to face with him. He had been so close to her that his eyes were mere inches away. His lips, barely a breath from her own.
Her eyes ran over his face. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she said, swallowing back dry lumps hardening in her throat.
Brett smiled. “Yes, you do.”
“Sometimes,” Tina continued. “Sometimes I don’t know and—”
“Ssshhh,” Brett whispered, silencing her. His eyes swept over her face. With his right hand, he stroked the side of her face, pushing back a tuff of her hair over her shoulders. “We can go as slow as you want. I don’t mind.”
Tina smiled, finding her breath returning to her. Her heart seemed to beat in her throat. Brett stroked her face again, eyes sweeping over her face. They landed on her lips, but he didn’t lean towards her. Instead, with his right hand, he reached for the neck of his guitar, twisting it out of Tina’s loose grip.
Laying the guitar next to him on the table top, he turned his focus to Tina. He closed the distance between her back and his chest, wrapping his arms around Tina’s frame. His hands slid over her arms, squeezing and holding her close. Relaxing into his back, she allowed him to envelope her, breathing out as he kissed her temple.
His lips were soft and warm. He kissed her temple a second time, then her cheek. Tina held on to his arms tightly, unsure of what she might do if she were to turn around and face him again. Instead, she stared out into the open park.
She thought of John then, surprising herself. At the same time, she heard a long buzzing come from inside her purse, along with a short electronic whistle. She sighed. It was probably John with a text.
With his cheek resting against her, Brett continued stroked Tina’s arms. “Is that your husband?” He asked nonchalantly.
Tina cringed at John’s label, but nodded. “Funny how life works,” she said with a chuckle. “I told you though, he’s been trying to talk to me more.”
“About what?”
Tina shrugged, closing her eyes as she let herself fall into Brett’s chest. She nuzzled back into him, smiling as she heard him breathe in the scent of her hair. “I’m not sure, I don’t really listen.” She shrugged her shoulders lazily. “I used to wait for him for hours. He’d come home, say two things to me, take a shower and go to sleep.”
Opening her eyes, Tina idly scanned the emptying park. “I’m pretty sure he’s getting suspicious though,” she continued, “He’s always trying to figure out where I’ve been or when I’m going to be coming home.”
Brett squeezed her arms, running the palms of his hands from the top of her shoulders down to her wrists. He nipped at her ear.
“About a week ago he mentioned therapy or something.”
Pulling away from her ear, Brett spoke softly. “Marriage counseling?”
Tina shrugged. “No, he said therapy. He told me he was miserable and isn’t happy, but he wanted to look into therapy.”
“Hmmm,” Brett let his chin rest on Tina’s shoulder. His cheek was pressed against hers. “Do you still have feelings for him?”
Tina laughed. “No,” she shook her head, thinking of John then. “Absolutely not,” she laughed again, ending in a gentle sigh. “Does that make me a bad wife?”
Brett laughed with her then, hands moving across her skin. They settled into a silence. Tina closed her eyes, tuning out everything but his touch. It was like fire. After a while, she grew rigid, then turned and faced him again.
Their eyes connected in the low light of the early evening. The sun had already set and the street lights had come on, even the fluorescent lights beneath the gazebo. Tina didn’t wait to let her thoughts catch up. She closed her eyes, feeling Brett’s lips against hers a blink later.
She found herself instantly out of breath, tasting him within seconds. He held her face in his hands, seeming to restrain himself as he worked his mouth over hers. She didn’t know how long they sustained that first kiss, stroking each other’s head and breathing in the breath of the other.
When Brett pulled back, she heard nothing but the sound of her heart pulsing in her ears. He trailed light kisses on her cheek and neck, her temple and forehead. When he stopped, Tina heard his breath rattling on the edge of his lips.
“We might need to go soon,” he whispered, voice mostly stuck in his throat. She nodded weakly in agreement. “When can I see you again?” His voice had returned, but barely.
“Maybe Monday evening. I’ve got a doctor’s appointment during lunch tomorrow.”
“That’s good. That’s for the dizzy spells, right?”
Tina nodded. “And other things, the headaches and abdominal pain. My friend Beth keeps swearing up and down it’s just stress.” With a nod, Tina sat up, pulling away from Brett slightly. “She thinks it’d all go away once I serve John with the divorce.”
“She’s probably right,” Brett said softly.
Tina didn’t acknowledge his comment. Instead, she stood and stretched, faking a yawn. “Goodness, I’m tired,” she turned to Brett, giving a flirtatious smile. “Walk me to my car?”
“Always.”