Authors: Joyce Wright
On the seventh day when Walker returned from the field his mood seemed to suddenly change. He was more irritated and seemed to hold some sort of contempt for me that I didn’t understand. I had decided the best course of action was to remain quiet and give him space but by the time we laid down to go to sleep I was no longer able to remain silent.
“Is everything okay?” I asked looking over at him as he sat up in bed.
“No, Dahlia.” He deadpanned.
I turned my head and studied his face, waiting for him to continue.
“This isn’t going to work out with us. It was a mistake. I’ll take you to town tomorrow and will pay for your return trip to New York.”
His voice held so little emotion which threw me off because what he said created an endless amount of emotion inside of me. I blinked quickly trying to ward off the tears that threatened to fall from my face. Why? I wanted to ask so badly. I had tried so hard to show Walker that I would be a good wife to him, and what would happen to my mother and my sisters now that I had failed to do the one thing that would help them? The small amount of money that I would earn from becoming a mail order bride was suddenly out of reach and I couldn’t begin to imagine facing my family after this failure.
Walker turned on his side and his breaths grew slow and steady. He went right to sleep without a second thought or an ounce of regret.
I laid there for a brief period in time trying to figure out what to do or where things went wrong. Regardless of where things went wrong I was not about to put my tail between my legs and return home. If Walker Lowe didn’t want me that was his loss, I would find my own way.
Walker awoke before the dawn of the sun each day but I wasn’t about to face him. Once his slow breathing eventually turned to snores I packed my few meager things and I left. The walk to town would take several hours but I hoped he wouldn’t attempt to find me. Maybe it was more wishful thinking on my part that he would even consider trying to find me.
My dress which was already worn at the seam drug across the dirt and puddles of the road. Once I had walked about 20 minutes it occurred to me that my pride really may have gotten the best of me. I had relatively no money, certainly not enough for the train back to New York, but the more I walked the more determined I was in my decision to not return home. I couldn’t begin to face my family who I knew were counting on me. Aside from laying down with a man for money, which I refused to do, there wasn’t much for a woman to do for money. The town lay off a bit in the horizon as the rain began to fall in big Texas sized drops, and with the rain came my tears. I allowed a glance back towards the ranch only a few times but never when I looked was there any indication that Walker was coming after me. The tears that fell from my face, as much as I hated to admit it, were less about pride and more about Walker. Our time together had been brief but I had really believed that we were growing fond of each other. I didn’t understand his decision and was sad that I was so easily disposable to him.
One last glance over my shoulder revealed that someone was in fact coming my way. For a moment I held my breath as I walked forward, thinking that maybe Walker had realized he had made a mistake. That hope quickly died as I realized the carriage heading my way was driven by a man of about 45 or 50 years old.
“Need some help, ma’am?” The older man asked me.
I stopped walking and looked from him to the town.
“Are you heading to town?” I asked looking up at him where he was seated in the carriage.
“I am, here hop in.” He said while standing and extending his hand to me so I could step on the carriage and take the seat next to him.
“Franklin Carlisle at your service. I’m the doctor here in town.”
“I’m Dahlia Lamb, a pleasure to make your acquaintance.”
“Oh, Dahlia!” He said, his voice laced with recognition. “You and Walker, right?”
I turned my head from our contact trying to figure out what exactly to say to that. My inability to come up with a good response resulted in me shaking my head no, the regret no doubt showing on my face.
“Are you heading back to New York?”
I paused for a moment at the amount of knowledge he obviously already had when it comes to me. As if knowing my thoughts he responded, “Sorry, small town.”
“I was a little worried if Walker wasn’t rushing himself a bit too much, with it not being long since Victoria’s death.”
“Victoria?” I questioned.
“Well yes…” He paused.
“He didn’t tell you about Victoria?” The disbelief showing on his face.
I shook my head hoping he would continue.
“Well, Victoria was his wife, she died about 6 months ago. She was giving birth to their first but the baby was just too early and there were complications. He lost both Victoria and the baby.
My face dropped. I had no idea Walker had been through anything like that.
“Come to think of it, you and her look a whole lot alike. You two could be sisters.”
My mind immediately turned to the moment when I stepped off the train and the look he gave me which I took as disappointment. Could it have been more than that? Did he turn me away because I looked like his deceased wife?
“Well I tell you what. I could use some help in my practice and being a widower myself, I could take you in and care for you. Being a woman without means in this part will land you in a great deal of trouble rather quickly. You think it over.” He said as he patted me on my knee.
The weeks that followed were not without tribulation. The good doctor was well respected within the town and he was quick to shower me with gifts and new dresses. He was also a bit quick to paint himself as my savior and had commented to some about taking me in after Walker had turned me away. What he was saying was not altogether untrue. He had taken me in after I was left without means but I couldn’t really blame Walker for his decision. I couldn’t begin to understand what he had gone through but I did not understand why he wouldn’t have mentioned it to me.
I also missed a certain connection I felt towards Walker, one that I didn’t appear to have with Franklin. I knew that marrying him was what was best for my family, and he certainly provided a level of security I knew I needed. When he would touch me though, I felt more of a sickening feeling instead of one of lust. There was nothing really based on that feeling though. He was a good man who had helped me and taken me in when I had nowhere else to go. But his advances were unwanted, especially since we were not set to marry for another few weeks.
I walked the streets of the city picking up items for the week. It was when I stopped in the bakery that I ran into Shirley Peters, who the town proclaimed to be loose at the lips. She was a large woman of both mouth and stature and you could see the mischief in her eyes when she started to speak.
“Well Dahlia! I don’t believe I’ve made your acquaintance.” She beamed while holding out her hand as if I was supposed to kiss it.
“I’m Shirley Peters, the Sheriff’s wife.” She said while shifting her load of packages.
“Pleasure to meet you, ma’am.”
“Now whatever did happen between you and Walker?” Her face showing insincere sympathy.
I heard the woman across the bakery scoff as if picking up on that same insincerity, while Shirley just rolled her eyes obviously having not missed that response.
“I knew that man was no good. Any man that will bring a woman all the way from New York just to throw her into the streets… My poor dear. Thank goodness for the good doctor, taking in someone like you after such a to-do.”
My eyes no doubt giving away my shock at her words I managed to say nothing. If there is one thing I have learned is that being on the wrong side of the law is never a good decision. Even if it was the Sheriff’s mouthy wife it would most likely serve me better to keep my words from the air.
“Alright Shirley, one pound cake.” The baker said interrupting our conversation.
“Well then I guess I should be getting along.” She said while accepting her package from the baker.
“I’m sure we shall meet again.” She said with her fake condescending smile.
I continued to scan the items from behind the case when the woman from the back of the store made her way to me.
“Don’t you listen to her. Everyone knows that woman puts her mouth to more use than half the town combined. And I don’t just mean with pound cake!”
I laughed at her words and introduced myself.
“Dahlia Lamb.” I smiled.
“Margaret Long, but please, call me Maggie.” She said while returning my smile.
“You may not care to hear this, but I know Walker and he is a fine man. Losing your wife and child will turn the best of men cold. I thought maybe having a wife and a new start would do him some good, but I’ll admit I was a bit surprised to see the resemblance the two of you share… or shared.” She shook her head correcting herself.
“He never told me he lost his wife, I only heard of it from the doctor.” I explained
“Oh my, that won’t work at all. What is it with men?” She asked, bringing the smile back to my face.
“Well if you ask me, which of course you didn’t, I think he just needed a little more time to figure himself out. The two of you would have made a fine couple. And to think, all those kind things he was saying about you since having you on the ranch.”
Maggie was the type of woman I could spend a lot of time talking to. She was honest, funny and didn’t seem like the type of woman to take much of the false pleasantries from the mouths of women like the sheriff's wife. But to say that her words did not affect me would have been a lie. I had thought that my mind had wandered when I felt a connection between myself and Walker. I had wanted to ask Maggie what she had meant when she said he was speaking of me, but what good would that have done me? Walker was only a small chapter of my life that had already been closed.
That night I prepared dinner for Dr. Carlisle and cleaned up around the house. I had hoped he would make good on his offer to allow me to help out with the patients he sees but he quickly had changed his tone letting me know I was only needed at home and not at his practice. Cooking for Dr. Carlisle has been not without tribulation and I am finding myself trying harder and harder for some sign of approval from him.
“Was everything to your liking?” I asked as I cleared the dishes from the table.
“Not bad.” He said rubbing his now enlarged stomach.
When I returned to the table to finish clearing the dishes he grabbed onto my arm stopping me from my task.
“You know, Dahlia, you really are a pretty little thing.” He said as his fingers traced up my arm and then stopped on my waist. Easily overpowering me he spread his legs in his seated position to allow my body to slide plush against his.
I wanted so badly to not feel the way I felt in that moment. I wanted to feel the butterflies I felt when I was with Walker and our skin accidently touched. I wanted to feel want or lust, or anything, anything other than the fear that presently coursed through my veins. It was not a fear of being harmed, but a fear of knowing that this is what my life would feel like for the rest of my days.
I tried again to pull away from Dr. Carlisle as his hand started to roam up my waist and to my bust.
“Now Doctor, we aren’t married yet!” I said in a teasing manner but prayed he would take the hint and back off.
He dropped his hands suddenly.
“You know what, girl? You’re lucky I took you in. I see why the rancher sent you away.”
I stood there shocked at his words. It scared me a bit how quickly his tone and mannerisms could change. Before I could react to his words he stood from the table and retired to bed.
I awoke the next morning conflicted. I had come to Texas to help my family with the only sort of monetary help I was able to provide. I entered into my situation knowing that it would not be easy and it was foolish to believe that I would find a forever type of happy for myself when I entered into a mail-order marriage. I was in fact lucky that the doctor took me in after the rancher sent me away and I had better make sure I keep the doctor happy so I don’t end up on the next train back to New York. Sure, I was settling for a little less in my life than I wanted but I was willing to make that sacrifice for my family. With my new sense about me I put together a lunch for the good doctor and would be taking it to his practice in hopes that he had forgiven my block of his advances last night. I dressed in one of my new dresses he had purchased for me and happily made my way through the streets of our fine city. The sun shone brightly and the heat immediately made me think of Walker working on his ranch. Immediately I shook my head as if to physically block those thoughts from my mind.
Turning the corner towards Dr. Carlisle’s office I wasn’t paying enough attention and ran smack dab into the chest of a passerby.
“I’m so sorry!” I said, immediately crouching to pick up the lunch I was carrying for Dr. Carlisle that now littered the road.
“Dahlia please, it was certainly my fault.”
I knew his voice before our eyes met, it was Walker. He crouched next to me and helped me pick up the items from the ground and somehow I wanted to stay in that moment; afraid to face him and the words that would come from my mouth.
We stood in a brief awkward silence and so many words passed through my mind I couldn’t determine what the right ones were to say.
“I’m sorry, there’s so much I need to say.” He started.
His face looked full of regret and I knew if continued I would be lost in him. If he said he had made a mistake and wanted me back I would be crushed; there was no turning back from this decision. If he said that he was sorry but had made the right decision, I would still be crushed just for different reasons. I made the decision quite quickly that not knowing what he would say next was the best decision.
“I made a m…”
“It all worked out for the best regardless.” I interrupted while giving him the fakest of smiles.
His face fell immediately upon my words and part of me, a very big part, wanted to take them back.
“I’m glad you have found your way, Dahlia Lamb. Truly I am.” With that he tipped his hat and went on his way.
In that moment my mouth went dry, all the moisture in my body finding their way to my eyes as I blinked away the tears I wanted so badly to let fall. I had not prepared myself for seeing him again and while I knew it would be hard I didn’t expect to feel such an overwhelming sense of loss. I blinked away the tears and took a moment to collect myself before I continued to walk the short distance to Dr. Carlisle’s office.