Authors: Joyce Wright
The rocking of the train car disturbed me, awakening me out of my semiconscious sleep. Over the past few weeks I haven’t had much sleep to speak of. I wish I could say it was the excitement that kept me from my sleep, but honestly it had much more to do with anxiety than anything else. Leaving my family; my mother and two sisters, had never seemed like an option to me. By doing what I was doing I would better be able to take care of them. In leaving them behind and marrying a man I’ve never met, my family would get the money they desperately needed to survive.
The train continued its rhythmic rocking as I scrubbed my hands across my face, resigned to the fact that I would have to do without sleep for a while longer since my mind refused to give me any peace.
I closed my eyes and tried to imagine this ranch that was soon to be my home. There had been little correspondence between myself and my soon-to-be-husband, Walker Lowe. I knew only that he was a rancher who had newly settled in the flat plains of Texas. He had relatively no family to speak of and desperately wanted the company of a woman. In my heart of hearts I hoped that while my methods might not have been the most orthodox, he would come to be a man I could love, and who would love me in return.
My nerves getting the best of me I rung my hands together followed by desperately trying to get the wrinkles out of my best dress by smoothing my hands across the worn fabric. The train was pulling to a stop in Austin, Texas and my new life was waiting for me at the station.
Immediately I wished that I had stopped in the bathroom car and allowed myself some time to splash water on my face and look a bit more presentable. My dress had at one time been beautiful in both fabric and design but had started to show its age and wear. The fear inside of me was starting to become overwhelming as the train came to a stop and it was time for me to move from my seat.
I gathered my meager things and headed towards the exit of the car silently praying that I had made the right decision.
The Texas heat and blinding sun hit me immediately as I made my way down the few steps of the car and I was momentarily blinded by the brightness of the sky. I squinted my eyes and used my hand to shield the light as I scanned the area for Walker Lowe, who had informed me in one of his short letters that he would be wearing a black hat and black pants with suspenders. My eyes stopped when I found a man meeting that description but part of me hoped it was not him, because as his eyes found mine the look of disappointment was unmistakable. My breath caught in my throat as I made my way to him.
“Mr. Walker Lowe, I presume?” I asked while giving him a small curtsy.
“Miss Dahlia Lamb.” He said while removing his hat and pulling it to his chest. Walker had to be at least six feet tall as he towered over my five foot three, curvy frame. His skin was the color of the clay dirt that covered the ground we walked upon and his face showed some of the damage created by the sun. If I had to guess I would say he was in his thirties which suited me fine despite the fact that I was just eighteen.
“Well I guess we should get going. More work to be done than not.” He added, quickly grabbing my things from my hands and walking towards his horse at a pace much quicker than I was used to.
I held my tongue as he tied my belongings to his horse and mounted before holding his hand out for me to join him. I’d assumed he would be picking me up by carriage but wanted so desperately to come off as if I could handle any situation I was put in. The next phase of our journey was spent in silence as I tried to find the right words to say. Each minute that passed in silence only added to my fears before finally I was holding back the tears. Finally we arrived at our home which from what I could tell was a vast open space of land void of any other ranches within miles.
The dust kicked up from Walker’s feet as he dismounted the horse and reached his hand up to mine to help me down.
I turned in a slow circle taking in the land that was now my home and was overwhelmed with the flatness of it.
“It’s amazing.” I said, holding my hand to my forehead to shield my eyes once again from the bright sun.
“You can see clear to Canada.” The amazement showing easily in my voice.
Without a word Walker made his way to the tin roof one room house that was soon to be my home. I stood for only a moment longer taking in the view before following him inside.
He busied himself about the cabin as I stood, simply unsure what I should do. My head dropped a bit with disappointment when without a word he walked out of the house towards the acres of cattle kept behind a handmade fence that had no doubt taken him several months to build. I took a deep breath and decided that this was a good opportunity to show him what a good wife I will make for him. I busied myself with cleaning and preparing dinner for him. Pea soup and cornbread, since that is about all that was possible with the ingredients he had on hand.
The soup had been done and the sun long since had gone down by the time Walker returned to the cabin. Of course in my mind I had an idea how everything would play out and this was certainly not what I had hoped for. In my mind I couldn’t turn off the look on his face when he first saw me. That look of disappointment was a stab to my heart but I had decided to move past it. Just because I may not have been what he had expected doesn’t mean he won’t come around.
Walker entered the cabin, his body wet from just having washed up in the basin out front.
“Are you hungry?” I asked, my eyes hopeful.
He looked at me with interest, “Actually, yes.”
And I couldn’t help but feel a little elated at my small victory.
“Have a seat and I will dish you up.” I motioned to the table.
As if he was fighting some internal battle he hesitated before sitting at the long wooden dining table. I poured a bowl of the pea soup with two slices of the cornbread, thankful that I had not escaped kitchen duty back at home and knew my way around a kitchen.
Pouring a bowl for myself I took the seat across from him and started to sip the green pea soup off of my spoon.
“Thank you for taking me into your home.” I said, not taking my eyes off of my soup.
While we had sent a few letters back and forth he never asked and I never told him my reasons for entering into such a relationship. The words, while needed to be said, were difficult to come from my lips.
“I can’t imagine what would bring a lady like you to these parts.” He said in between bites.
“I’ve always wanted to see Texas.” That was my response, not at all what I wanted or needed to say.
“Well it’s been a long day and it starts again in just a few hours. Better get some shut eye.” He said while standing from the table.
He walked over to the bed we were supposed to share and a level of panic hit me. While our situation was far from typical I was still not comfortable with the idea of sharing a bed with a man before we were wed. My thoughts were distracted when he started undressing in front of me. Granted he wasn’t looking at me, and it wasn’t as if there was another room he could go in to change, but it was the first time a man undressed in front of me. I tried to hide my eyes that wanted so desperately to watch him as he first pulled his boots off, then his shirt. His skin was a golden tan from endless time in the sun and every inch of his body was covered in the muscles from all the years of hard work. He dropped his suspenders from his shoulders and pulled the worn and dirty white shirt over his head. I looked away as he pulled his pants from his legs revealing his white long johns. I know my face was reddened with embarrassment but I tried to act as if everything was normal. I tried to steady my nerves and shaking hands as I undid the buttons of my dress and corset, stepped out of its hem revealing my long white undergarment. I tried to keep my eyes from Walker but as I looked at him as I could feel the heat of his stare on my skin. Upon meeting my eyes he quickly looked away and I kept my eyes averted as I made the way to the bed, laid down next to him and pulled the covers to my chin.
I know I didn’t sleep more than an hour before I saw the sun beginning to rise in the east. During the night I had plenty of time to think, and I was ready to face the day with a renewed sense of hope. Before Walker was even awake I had prepared our breakfast and was ready to get started with some tasks around the ranch. I was relieved at the small smile Walker gave me when he woke up to breakfast on the table. Walker was a man of few words so a smile would do for now. Once breakfast was eaten he headed out to mend a fence and without his prompting I went to the barn and began milking cows and collected eggs from the few chickens he kept. I worked at the fastest pace possible so I could bring lunch out to him in the field as he worked. Carrying a piece of the fresh peach pie I had just prepared along with a small meal of cold meats, I made my way through the fields to where he was mending the fence. A bead of sweat ran down the side of my temple as the afternoon heat spanned across the flat planes of the ranch. Walker was up ahead in the distance obviously still working on the fence as I tried to straighten my hair and wipe the sweat from my brow in an attempt to make myself look more presentable. I couldn’t help but stare a bit at him as his body flexed with each movement. In my mind I had expected him to be older in age so was pleasantly surprised to see he was only a few years older than myself. He stood and pulled a handkerchief from his back pocket wiping the sweat from his face. Relief was once again a palpable emotion for me when he looked my way and smiled as I was bringing him his lunch. Not watching where I was walking as I should have been, my foot got stuck in a newly dug post hole, causing me to fall and drop Walker’s lunch and peach pie into the dirt.
“I’m so sorry!” I said, even before attempting to get back up on my feet.
Walker rushed over to me and dropped to his knees taking my face in his hands.
“Are you okay?” He asked while frantically looking me up and down.
I was so surprised at his compassion that I failed to answer him right away which only increased his concern for my well-being. I closed my eyes briefly as he held my face, not realizing how starved I was for attention or some form of acceptance from him. I looked into his eyes and basked briefly in that moment.
“I should have told you to watch your footing, I’m expanding the fence line in the east field.” He explained.
“No, I am the one who should be sorry, I’m afraid I’ve ruined your lunch. There’s more pie in the house, I can go prepare you more food and bring it out to you right away.” I rushed while attempting to get back on my feet.
“That is not necessary. Let me help you.” He said while he stood and offered his hand to me.
I attempted to get back on my feet but despite my will to appear uninjured the pain in my foot would not allow any sort of pressure. Walker was immediately keen to my situation and before I could protest he picked me up off of my feet and carried me from the field.
“You really don’t have to carry me all this way!” I protested but secretly was blissfully enjoying the moment despite the pain radiating through my foot and ankle.
“Don’t be silly, you’ve obviously injured your foot and shouldn’t be putting pressure on it.”
He carried me the long distance back to the house without even becoming breathless. Unlike my sisters who also had a petite frame, I have been on the curvier side my entire life. The idea of being carried by a man never crossed my mind and I couldn’t help but feel somewhat self conscious, an emotion that was beginning to become a little too familiar.
When we made it inside the house he sat me down on the bed I had made earlier in the day.
“Let me take a look.” He said as he began to undo the laces of my boots.
It amazed me that a man who just yesterday seem so disinterested in me could hold so much compassion for me today. Delicately touching the skin of my now bare foot he examined my injury.
“Your foot will be fine, from the looks of it you most likely twisted your ankle. You should try to stay off of it for the rest of the day.” His tone was firm and I didn’t question him.
He stood from the bed and walked to the kitchen, the scent of the stew cooking no doubt leading him that direction.
He pulled the lid from the stew and inhaled the scent. Noticing the eggs on the table he commented,
“I see you found the chicken coop.”
“I did. I hope you don’t mind. I also milked the cows, I’ve never done that before but it wasn’t too difficult.” I said, hoping he wasn’t bothered by my desire to help him.
He turned and looked at me, the shock on his face concerning me for a moment. It had never occurred to me that he might prefer a wife who didn’t take such an active role in the responsibilities of the ranch. I had wanted so much for him to find me to be a good and acceptable wife that I never even thought to ask.
He sat next to me on the bed and was silent for a moment as if trying to find the right words. He didn’t speak, only pat me on the leg and got up leaving the house.
Over the next few days things remained about the same. I awoke before him to prepare breakfast and while he worked in the fields I tended to the garden or other such chores until bringing him his lunch out in the field. Thankfully my foot had healed relatively quickly and I was much more careful of my footing. In such a short time I had already begun to have feelings for Walker and appreciated his strong, yet silent nature. He may not be able or willing to say all of the things on his mind but I could see the appreciation in his face when we ate dinner, or I brought his lunch out to him in the field. When he thought I couldn’t see him I would catch him looking at me, when I was changing into my bed clothes or just completing various tasks or cleaning. It didn’t take long for me to feel as if this arrangement would not only be beneficial to my family, but it was also looking to be a good fit for both myself and Walker.
Keeping myself busy had served several purposes. Leaving my family behind had been difficult and during the night when everything was quiet, tears would inevitably find their way to my eyes if I allowed myself to think of them for too long. Being busy had kept my mind and my hands from being too idle.