Paper Airplanes (42 page)

“Are you sure?” I asked, forcing the words out.

Diana nodded. “Yes,” she said firmly. “Not that we won’t miss you two like crazy, but this is a great opportunity. It’s done. You’re going. And tomorrow you and I will drive into the city and look at apartments. I’ll have our realtor meet us there.”

She said it so definitively that I wasn’t sure arguing would even work.
And what they were offering was exactly what I needed – just a little help with the rent and bills each month. I could work to pay for the rest of our expenses.

“Thank you,” I said gratefully. “I know
the thirty thousand dollars will be more than enough to get us on our feet. And I’m going to get a job as soon as we get settled.”

Chris shook his head. “We’re not touching that thirty thousand, Jared. That’s yours. We’re paying for this outright.”

My shoulders sunk. “Chris, no. You can’t do that.”

He crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s done.
Don’t argue. Instead, why don’t you pull back your deferment from Northwestern and enroll full-time. You can use the money in your account to pay for everything so you don’t have to work.”

My eyebrows rose. “You know about that?”

“We do,” Chris said passively. “Scott mentioned it to us a few months ago. He said you applied to a couple of places but you weren’t going to attend. We thought it was a mistake, but we also know how stubborn you are and that you wouldn’t even consider leaving here until Austin graduated high school, so we didn’t say anything. Now you don’t have any excuses not to go. You can live in Chicago and easily commute to Northwestern.”

“I don’t know,” I said, the idea of what he was suggesting swimming around in my head.

When I’d been applying to schools in the fall on a whim, Northwestern had been on the list. They’d even offered me a partial academic scholarship, but I couldn’t swing the commute, so I deferred, just like I had at Illinois. I’d also done the same thing at Wisconsin and Michigan. I truthfully had my pick of schools, but I never thought I’d be able to go so soon.

“Jared, you don’t have a choice,” Diana said then, smiling at me like a proud parent.
“You’re going.”

It was then that I realized I’d seen that look before, so many times, I’d just never known what it meant. My own parents had never looked at me like that, never indicated they were proud of me. And seeing that look on her face, I finally understood. I wasn’t just Scott’s best friend
who they’d taken in when he had nowhere else to go. They were being serious when they said they thought of Austin and me as their family, and I felt exactly the same way toward them. They
were
my family.

And they’d pretty much just backed me into a corner, but in that corner was Northwestern, a school I would kill to go to. I had no more arguments left.

“Thank you,” I said, because it was all I could do.

I was so grateful to them in
that moment – for everything. I stood from the table and went over to hug Diana, doing everything I could not to get emotional, but it wasn’t easy. She and Chris hugged me and told me how proud of me they were. They told me they loved me. Then they’d told me to get on the phone with Northwestern and get enrolled. I’d gone out to the pool house and called, and just like that I was a student. I still had to choose my classes, but it was done. I was going. But I still had to tell Cassie.

It had been
a few days since I’d gone to Chicago with Diana. We’d met with her realtor who’d shown us condos and townhouses that I just knew were way above a price range I was comfortable with, but every time I tried to ask what the rent was, Diana shushed me and told me it didn’t matter. She was paying, so I wasn’t allowed to ask.

What I didn’t realize was that we weren’t looking at rentals. Diana and Chris had no intentions of renting a place for us. No, they bought a freaking
three bedroom condo for us a few blocks from View Crest, close enough for Austin to walk, and close enough for me to get to the ‘L’, so I could get to campus in Evanston if I didn’t feel like driving. When I asked about the third bedroom, Diana had said it was for when Scott visited, since she knew he wouldn’t be able to stay away. And I was secretly glad she’d thought of that. He’d been my best friend for most of my life, and this would be the first time we’d be living in different cities. I also knew that if he got into SAIC in the spring, he’d need a place to live, so it was probably a strategic move on her part.

B
efore I knew what was happening, the condo was purchased, and we had a move-in date that was three weeks away. It would give us just enough time to get settled before Austin and I had to start school. And Cassie didn’t know.

As I’d walked over to her house that day, I told myself it was the day I’d tell her. I’d promise her we’d make it work, tell her I loved her and make sure she knew that this didn’t mean the end of us. We’d do long distance, and we’d be fine.

“Are you guys moving in together for real?” Scott asked, shouting at us from the pool.

“Sto
p listening to our conversation, Scott,” I chastised him.

“
You guys are like ten feet from us, and you’re not whispering. I can’t help it if I have good hearing. If you guys are going to live together, that’s cool. I just wasn’t aware Cass was moving to Chicago. Were you?” he asked Marley.

Oh shit.
I felt the color complete drain from my face as he said that.

“No!” Marley
said, sounding horrified. “What the hell, Cassie?!”

Cassie looked over at the two of them like they were nuts. “Why would I move to Chicago? What are you two talking about?”

My heart was pounding in my chest as I willed Scott to keep his damn mouth shut. I wanted to tell her, and I wanted to do it in my own way.

But before I could stop him, he blurted out,
“Jared’s moving in three weeks. I just assumed when you said you were living with him, that you were going too. Am I wrong?”

Oh shit.
Oh shit. Oh shit.

Cassie’s eyes were on me in a flash, glaring and confused and a little hurt, so much that it squeezed my heart. I
was going to kill Scott later.

“What is he talking about?” she asked quietly
, her voice shaking just enough to let me know how she felt about the prospect of me leaving.

“Um, so I need to tell you something,” I mumbled, but I’d said
it so low that she couldn’t hear me, so she just looked at me in confusion.

“What?” she asked, getting pissed.

“Cass, are you going to Northwestern too?” Scott asked then, and I turned on him.

“Shut up, Scott! Jesus, can you see that the more you say the more p
issed at me Cassie gets? What’s wrong with you?”

I
was so pissed at him I was seeing spots in front of my eyes as I yelled at him.

“Don’t yell at him,” Marley scoffed at me, coming t
o Scott’s defense. “It’s not his fault you lied to your girlfriend.”

Fuck.
I was going to kill Scott, and then Marley would be next.

“You lied to me?” Cassie asked quietl
y, her voice sounding detached.

I could see th
e empty, hurt look in her eyes, so I reached for her hand, but she wouldn’t let me take it.

“Baby, let me explain,” I pleaded, and her face morphed back into a glare.
That had apparently been the wrong thing to say.

“Chicago? Northwestern? Are you kidding me?” she asked, her voice like ice.

“Austin – the school – Diana and Chris.” I shook my head, my explanation coming out in fragments of what I wanted to say.

Cassie narrowed her eyes at me. “Let me see if I understand this.
Austin got a scholarship, you found a way to pay for his housing, which means you’re moving to Chicago, and you already have a place to live apparently, and you’re going to fucking Northwestern?!”

My sho
ulders slumped even further as she yelled at me, her voice rising higher with each punctuated word.

Cassie raised an eyebrow at me
when I didn’t answer. “Did I leave anything out?”

“It wasn’t like that,” I tried to tell her, but she just crossed her arms in front of her chest, a glare on her face, her mouth twisted into a sneer.

“Were you even going to tell me?” she asked, and it was then that the steely demeanor she’d been trying to maintain slipped from her face as it crumbled.

She got up from her chair and stormed past me, her fingers swiping under her eyes as she did. My first instinct was to go after her, but Marley, who was already out of the pool and wrapping a towel around herself, stopped me.

“I’ve got this,” she said coldly, her glare practically piercing me.

“No,” I told her, knowing I was the only one who could fix what I’d done. I
just should have told Cassie.

“
You’ve done enough,” Marley said before she stalked into the house.

I sighed and glared at Scott. “Why? What have I ever done to you?” I asked him feeling defeated.

He looked up at me from where he stood in four feet of water. “What just happened?” he asked, the look on his face one of complete confusion.

He had no idea what he’d done wrong, and in truth, it was all my fault anyway. He could have kept his mouth shut, but I also should have manned up and told Cassie everything from the start. I’d been too damned scared of hurting her that I’d held back. Now I’d hurt her ten times worse since she hadn’t found out my news from me.

“What just happened is that I majorly fucked up,” I told him.

“Why didn’t you tell
Cassie about Chicago?” he asked, not ever imaging the option to open his mouth and not tell the complete truth. He didn’t understand that sometimes the truth hurt.

But then again, I was the guy who’d omitted the truth, and now my girlfriend was pissed at me. I was probably fucked, so maybe next time I might consider telling the truth. It might not be such a bad idea.

But I knew what would have happened if I had told the truth. Cassie would have wanted to go with me. I knew she would have. And I would have been powerless to stop her. In truth, I hadn’t told her my plans, because I didn’t want her to give up everything for me. I wasn’t worth it, and I knew it. She couldn’t give up college just to follow me. But then again, what I really wanted, more than anything was for her to come with me.

She’d made two comments about us living together in the past few days
, and each time she did, she’d made my whole world light up with that prospect. I wanted that. Why was I trying to stop her from giving me exactly what I wanted? Because I felt like I should. I felt like I’d be an asshole for making her give up her life for me. But why would she be giving up her life? She could still have a great life, with me. We could have a life together. Why hadn’t I thought of that earlier? Why was I trying so damned hard to make us both miserable? I wanted her next to me, living with me, sharing my life.

That
was what I really wanted.

And f
uck it, I was going to get it.

I marched into the house and right up the stairs to Cassie’s room.
I met Marley outside the door, right as she was about to open it.

“Don’t,” I cautioned her.

She spun and faced me, the glare fixed on her face.

“Marley, please,” I said, just wishing she’d stop interfering. This was
my
relationship, not hers.

On the other side
of the door I could hear Cassie sobbing, her voice soaked with pain, and it broke my damn heart. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her. I swear it was. I was just trying to – shit, I don’t know what I was trying to do, but it was honorable. I was trying to do the right thing, but dammit if for the first time in my life I didn’t want to do what was right. I wanted to do what was selfish.

“And just what the hell are you going to say?” Marley demanded.

“That I love her, and I want her in my life, with me, forever,” I said, because it was the truth.

Marley just looked at me with a stunned expression on her face, obviously not having expected to hear those words come out of my mouth, but I wasn’t playing around. I was serious.

“Really?” she asked.

“Yes, and if you let me have this moment
to actually tell Cassie that, I’ll even give you my goddamn pool house. You and Scott can consider it a love nest for all I care. All I need is Cassie.”

I heard the desperation in my voice as I said that, but it was completely genuine.
I
needed
her, and I knew she needed me.

Marley nodded. “Okay. Fine, but you’d better not screw up again. Don’t lie. It’s a shitty thing to do.”

I nodded miserably, knowing she was right. But at least she stepped aside and headed down the stairs, leaving me alone with my girl whose heart I’d stomped on. I had no choice but to make things right.

I tried the door, but it was locked, so I knocked on it tentatively.