Paper Airplanes (28 page)

“
Yeah, I think you should. You guys need to figure your shit out. He’s been brooding all week, and you’ve been in a bad mood. You’re like two wrongs making an even bigger wrong.”

“I know. I just need to talk to
him and figure out what I need to do. I want to fix this thing between us.”

“
Just kiss him and tell him you love him. It’s what he wants. I have no idea why he backed off after Fourth of July, but there’s no way he’s not into you. He’s been watching you all week when you weren’t looking. He doesn’t look at anyone else that way.”

I thought about how he’d been watching me earlier in the day. But then he’d been a jerk. I honestly wasn’t sure what to think. I hoped Marley was right.

“Either way, good luck. I’ll see you soon,” she said as she hugged me.

Then she walked toward
where Scott was parked. I watched her until she closed the door and they backed out of the space. Soon they were flying out of the parking lot, and I was left all alone.

So I climbed into my car and drove home, debating whether or not to call Jared or aim for the element of surprise by showing up at his
house. I figured surprise was best since he’d have a harder time telling me he didn’t want to talk if I was standing on his doorstep.

I
was glad to see his truck in the driveway, so I walked around back to the pool house where he lived. I’d only been inside once, but it was a cute and cozy house with one bedroom, a living room and a kitchen. I saw a light on from outside, so I knocked on the door. A few seconds later, Jared opened the door, surprise registering on his face when he saw me standing there.

“Cassie?
”

All animosity from earlier was gone as he stared at me in confusion.

I smiled. “Hey.”

God, I was so nervous. My heart was
practically pounding out of my chest. I told myself that it was just Jared, but seeing him standing there, his dark hair tousled in that sexy way he always wore it, his blue eyes on me, his frame filling the doorway, only made my stomach churn even more.

“
What are you doing here?” he asked, folding his arms across his chest. He was so guarded, and I hated that.

“We need to talk,” I said firmly, hoping my voice didn’t sound as shaky as it felt.

“Yeah, I know,” he said resolutely. He hesitated for a second, but then he stepped back. “Do you want to come in?”

“Please,” I said, as I stepped across the threshold, trying to stop myself from telling him I loved him and pulling him into my arms. I needed to play this just right and make sure that
he wasn’t going to get scared and push me away again.

I walked past
him into the living room where I noticed he was watching a rerun of
The Big Bang Theory.
The television was muted, so I couldn’t hear it, and I saw his laptop sitting open on the coffee table.

“Were you writing?” I asked, feeling him behind me even though he hadn’t said a word
since I’d come inside.

“
Yeah, I was. I’m working on a new book.”

I turned and smiled.
I couldn’t help it. “That’s so cool. I just finished your first one this morning. You’ll have to let me know when this one’s done so I can read it.”

He couldn’t mask the surprise in his eyes when I said that since I hadn’t even told him I was reading his book. In truth it had taken me a while, and maybe I’d been embarrassed that he’d think I was a slow reader, or maybe it was just because I wanted to tell him how amazing it had been
after I was completely done with it. But I’d loved it, especially the love story that had transpired between the two main characters. I’d never realized Jared had a romantic side until I read those parts of the book. They’d thrown me for a loop.

“Did you like it?” he asked softly.
The look on his face made me think he might be about to break out in hives.

“Before you fre
ak out, I thought it was great,” I told him, trying to sound as genuine as possible so he’d believe me. “You’re really talented.”

“Thank you,” he said softly, a
light blush coloring his cheeks. I loved that he got embarrassed so easily even though I knew he hated it.

“So w
hat’s the new book about?”

His expression darkened all of a sudden.
“It’s a love triangle between a werewolf, a human girl and a jock,” he said flatly.

“Sounds good. I can’t wait to read it,” I told him,
trying to keep things light. I wasn’t sure why things had suddenly shifted between us.

“Yeah, I’m sure you can relate,” he muttered, and I gave him a confused look. He didn’t say anything else for a few seconds, but then he changed the subject on me. “
I thought you were going to a party tonight.”

“I was. I mean, I am, I guess, but I wanted to come here first.”

“Well, don’t let me keep you,” he said, his demeanor back to how it had been over the past week. He was sullen and guarded once more. I had no idea what I’d done.

“
What’s your deal?” I spat out, a solid mix of confused and just downright pissed.

His face had shifted into a
placid expression that gave little to nothing away, but I could see the turmoil in his eyes. Had I not known him so well, I would have overlooked it, but that wasn’t the case. Having spent almost every day with him for six weeks, I felt like I knew him better than myself sometimes. He usually kept his emotions safe-guarded, his poker face intact, but he couldn’t do that with me anymore.

He sighed and ran his hand back through his hair. “
Nothing,” he said, but I didn’t believe him.

“Then why
have you been pushing me away all week? Why are you pushing me away now?”

“Because I need
ed space,” he said, and I didn’t buy it. There was more to it than that.

“Why?”

Jared didn’t say anything. He just looked away and shook his head.

“Jared, I don’t know what to think anymore,” I pleaded with him. “
You tell me you like me, that you want the same things as me, but then you keep pushing me away. I don’t know what I did.”

I felt my shoulders slump, the exhaustion I’d felt from agonizing over this for two weeks closing in
on me.

He sighed.
“Cassie, I just think we need some distance,” he said, his gaze shifting back to mine. “I don’t want you to make a decision for the wrong reasons. I don’t want to be the guy you choose because right now you think I’m who you need.”

What the hell?

“What are you talking about?” I asked, feeling like he’d punched me in the gut all of a sudden. “If you remember, I’m the one who hit on you two weeks ago when we were swimming, and I’m the one who kissed
you
on the Fourth of July. And you pushed me away! What would make you think I’d want to be with you for the wrong reasons?”

“
I just do, okay? Call it a six sense.”

What the hell was going on?
I could see in his eyes that he was fighting how he felt. Why was he fighting it? It was what we both wanted. It didn’t make any sense. Why was he trying to push me away?

“Bullshit. You don’t have a six sense, and even if you did, it sucks.”

I watched the corner of his mouth twitch as if he was trying not to laugh, but then he ran his hand through his hair in frustration.

“Cassie, I don’t know what to think anymore
, okay? You’ve been different since Marley got here, and I don’t know who the real you is. You went from being cool and laid back to, well, basically the girl I remember you being in high school. And I hated that girl. Just seeing you flirting with those asshole jocks last weekend, it made me think that no matter how much I like you, we’ll never work in the long run, and I’d rather get out now before I get hurt. I already dated one girl who broke my heart. I don’t want to do it again.”

And suddenly everything made sense.
It was exactly what Brooke had said was bothering him, and I seriously wanted to smack him.

“
So let me get this straight, you think that just because you saw me having fun and smiling with people I used to be friends with that I’m going to break your heart? That doesn’t even make any sense, Jared.”

“Cassie, I know what happened
to you was incredibly traumatic. Trust me, I lived it, and something like that will make you rethink your priorities, but you don’t just do a one-eighty. Girls like you don’t date guys like me. It just doesn’t happen. They date guys like Kyle or Andre.”

I threw my hands up in the air. I was so frustrated with him.
“Are you kidding me right now? I
am
a different person. You’ve spent half a summer with me. You know me! Why in the hell would you think I’d want to date Kyle or Andre after I’ve been throwing myself at you for weeks? I was just flirting with them! It was completely harmless! It meant nothing! Jared, I
kissed
you last week.
I
kissed
you.
And I kissed you, because I wanted to, because I like you – so much. You’re the only guy I want, and that’s not going to change. I’d rather kiss my shoe that kiss Kyle or Andre – now or in the future. Hell, I tried to shove Andre’s head in a toilet!”

That made Jared stop short. “You did what?”

I threw my hands up. “I was trying to get back at him for doing it to you and Scott in high school. I was so pissed when you told me that, so I cornered him in the bathroom at the party last weekend and tried to shove his head in a toilet.”

I saw a tiny smirk curl the edges of Jared’s mouth. “You did?” he asked, the amusement in his voice obvious.

“Yes, I did, but it didn’t work, so I just slapped him instead.”

Jared’s eyebrows
shot up. “You slapped him?”

“Yes, because he told me it was funny to shove
your head in a toilet after Brock peed in it, and I wasn’t okay with that.”

“It wasn’t
my
head,” he said quickly. “It was Scott’s.”

“Same difference!” I said, throwing my hands up again. “I don’t care who they did it to,
it was wrong!”

“
I can’t believe you did that,” he said, the mental image I was sure he was seeing in his head making his eyes light up even though he was doing his best to keep his expression passive.

“Yeah, well, I did it for you – for the
guy who’s been keeping me up at night because I can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to be in his arms, to kiss him, to do everything with him!”

“
Seriously?”

Jesus, apparently I had to spell it out
for him.

“
Yes! Jared, I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the day we met. You are so beautiful, inside and out. You’re everything to me in case you haven’t realized it. I never knew I could fall for someone so incredible, but then I met you. I honestly don’t think you have a clue about the way I see you. You’re such an amazing person, but you’re so scared all the time. You’re so afraid to live the life you want, so you look for these reasons to keep it from happening. Stop being afraid! Stop being scared of hurting everyone by doing something you want. Be selfish for once! And goddammit, just admit that you like me, because you know you do!”

I was out of breath
again from practically screaming at him.

His eyes flashed as he looked at me. “
I am afraid! I’m always afraid!” he screamed at me. “Don’t you get that?! I’ve been hurt by a lot of people in my life who haven’t given a shit about me – my parents fucking left! The first girl I ever dated cheated on me like I was nothing to her! And on top of it all, I live in fear that I could get randomly gunned down at any point in the day, because it happened once before! I’m always afraid, Cassie, and for just a little while, with you, I wasn’t. I was happy and excited about what my life could be like with you in it, because you seemed like you understood what I was going through. You got me, and no one has
ever
understood me before. I’ve always been an outsider, and I’m okay with that, but with you, I felt like maybe I wasn’t so alone for the first time in my whole goddamned life! And then last week it felt like I’d lost you, and I was so fucking pissed.”

“
You never lost me, Jared. It was all in your head. There hasn’t been a day this summer that I haven’t wanted to be with you. At first I held back because I felt guilty about liking you, but it got to a point where I couldn’t do that anymore. It hurt worse to not be with you. I know why you pulled away when I kissed you. I get that you didn’t want to hurt Scott, but everything after that was in your head. All you had to do was tell me how you felt, and I would have been right there telling you I felt the same way. And you’re not alone! I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere,” I insisted, stepping closer to him.

Pain twisted his face. “For
now, but what happens at the end of the summer when you go back to school? That’ll be it for us. You’ll get your life back, and I’ll be left here feeling empty all over again.”