Paper Airplanes (29 page)

“Why are you so sure that I’m going to leave?” I insisted.

I had a feeling I’d been subconsciously thinking it for a while, but I knew in that moment that if I was with Jared, I wasn’t going to go back to school. And maybe that was a cop out. Maybe it was an excuse not to go back because I was scared, but either way, I knew that if I was with him, I wouldn’t want to leave.

“Because why would you stay?” he responded, sounding defeated.

I stepped closer to him, my face inches from his. “Because I have a reason to stay,” I said firmly. “I’d stay for you, because just the thought of being three hours away from you makes me feel like I’m going to suffocate. This week has sucked, because you shut me out. All I’ve wanted was to get closer, and you’re the one who kept pushing me away.”

My voice had gotten progressively softer as my rant had continued
and I closed the distance between us, inching closer to him, craving the feel of his body against mine. It had been far too long. I tentatively slid my arms around his waist, and he didn’t stop me. He looked down at me as I looked back up at him, my eyes pleading for him to believe me.

“Don’t push me away again,” I said softly. “Please, Jared.”

He closed his eyes and then opened them again, his arms sliding around me, pulling me against him where I could inhale his familiar scent. “I’ve always loved how you say my name, ever since the first time you said it when I thought I hated you. Cassie, I want you. I’ve wanted you since the day we met. Trust me, but there were so many things telling me to stay back and don’t cross that line with you. And seeing you flirting with those assholes last weekend, it was like a wake-up call.”

“
Jared, it didn’t mean anything. Trust me,” I insisted, because I needed him to believe me. “You are the only guy I’ve been able to think about for weeks. I just want to be with you, and I know you want it too.”

God, I felt so desperate, like we were holding on by a thread and it was going to snap at any second. Jared looked so torn as he searched my eyes for the truth. It killed me to see him that way.

“I don’t want to lose you,” he said softly. “If we do this – and God do I want to do this with you – I don’t want to get hurt.”

I looked into his beautiful blue eyes that were filled with an equal mix of sadness and desperation. “Jared, I would never hurt you. You are one of the most special people in my life. I need you to know that.”

With my arms around his waist, I pulled him tighter against me. I wanted so badly to just make his pain go away. He’d been hurt by so many people in his life, and I was determined to never let him get hurt again. He was so scared. I wanted him to see that people like me and Scott and Austin and the rest of the Larsons cared about him. I wanted him to know that I wasn’t ever going to leave him. I wasn’t going to hurt him. But I felt like I needed to prove it to him.

“Y
ou said you felt guilty for liking me at the beginning of the summer,” he said then. “Was it because of your ex-boyfriend?”

At the mention of Will, I reached up and fingered the charm around my neck.
It was almost an involuntary reaction.

“He gave that to you, didn’t he?” Jared
deduced, his hand reaching up to close around mine.

I nodded. “He did. He gave it to me the night we got together. It was a sort of Christmas present because we we
re going to be separated for three weeks.”

“What is it?”

“It’s a paper airplane,” I said, seeing the irony for the first time.

From the way Jared’s body stiffened,
I knew he could see it too. He released the grip he had on my hand.

I bit my lip. “It’s supposed to be symbolic of being separated from someone you care about. That’s why he gave it to me. But the thing is, when I think of paper airplanes now, I always think of you.
I think about the jokes you write on them in class and how you make me laugh so Mr. Graves gives me the evil eye. I think about how you’ve slipped them into my backpack or left them on the counter by the drink machine at the restaurant with little notes that make me smile. I’ve saved all of them.”

“You have?”

I nodded as I released the hold I had on the charm and slid my arm back around Jared’s waist. “I have a shoebox at home stuffed with them.”

“How long were you with him?” Jared asked
, changing the subject back to Will. I knew he still had questions he needed answered.

“Not long. Five weeks in total. We were friends for a long time. He had a serious girlfriend, but she broke up with him a month before we got together. In truth, I was probably his rebound girl.
He was going to graduate in August, and I doubted we would have made it past this summer. But I never got to find out.”

Was it wrong that I was glad I never got to find out? Not that I wanted Will to be dead. No, I wanted him to be very much alive, but if I were to compare the guy I thought I loved with the guy in my arms, there was no comparison. Jared won out any way I looked at it.

“Did you love him?” Jared asked.

“
No,” I said quickly, definitively. “I thought I did. For a long time, I mistook my feelings for love, and I think I did love him, but I wasn’t
in
love with him. We were friends for so long, and I cared about him so much, but we weren’t together long enough to fall in love with each other. I’ve never been in love before.”

“Me neither,” Jared said softly. “But I think, if were being honest, I could fall in love with you.”

I looked up at him, and the expression on his face told me he almost regretted saying those words to me. I didn’t want him to regret that. They were the most beautiful words I’d ever heard.

“Well, i
f we’re being honest, I think I might already be in love with you,” I told him, and I felt his whole body go slack.

“Seriously?”
he asked, the look of hope in his eyes making my heart break.

“Yes,” I said definitively, so I was sure he heard me. “
I have no other way to describe my feelings for you that complete and total all-consuming love.”

His
forehead dropped against mine in relief. “Okay, well, then if we’re being honest, I already love you, Cassie. I don’t really think it’s possible for me to fall any harder.”

He was so close I could feel his warm breath on my cheek as he whispered the sweetest words I’d ever heard.
The look on his face told me he’d meant every word, so I tilted my head up and kissed him, my heart beating so fast with the knowledge that he loved me, and I loved him. I wasn’t sure I could have packaged a more perfect moment had I’d tried – even if we took the long way getting there.

Jared
kissed me back, the emotion he felt melting between us in the most perfect kiss I’d ever had as our lips moved in time with each other and our bodies locked together. I never knew a kiss could be that all-consuming, that powerful. I’d kissed tons of guys in my life, but nothing compared to what it felt like to really kiss Jared and have him kiss me back for the first time. It was nothing short of incredible. I never wanted to stop kissing him.

“
Stay with me,” he said, the words whispered against my lips, melded into our kiss.

Something about what he said sounded familiar, like I’d heard it before in a different lifetime, but I couldn’t place when or where. I pushed it out of my mind, not wanting to think about anything but what Jared was asking me.
I didn’t know if he was asking for me to just stay the night or stay with him forever. I didn’t think it mattered. I would do both in a heartbeat. I slid my hands from around his waist and reached up to cup his face, pulling back from the kiss.

“
I’m not going anywhere,” I told him honestly.

He smiled a small smile as his mind wrapped around my words. Then he lowered
his head again. His lips met mine, soft but determined as his arms tightened around me, pulling me against him. His tongue parted my lips, seeking entry, making me melt into him once more. I wrapped my arms around his neck and threaded my fingers through his hair, loving the feel of his lips and how they made me feel like I was sinking into him, body and soul.

When he pulled back he looked at me. “Will you think I’m a complete dork if I said wow?”

I laughed. “Not if I say it first,” I said, pulling him back down to kiss him again. I could easily do it for the rest of my life.

He walked me b
ackward until my legs hit the side of the couch. I tumbled back and pulled him with me, so he settled on top of me, his weight comforting and safe as it pinned my body beneath his. I hadn’t felt something that right in so long, but engulfed in Jared’s warmth, I felt like I was finally home.

We kissed for too long to count as
we lay on the couch, entwined in each other, kissing until our lips were sore. It had been too many months since I’d done that, since I’d felt so content to be with another person, to enjoy the moment and not think about anything else but how good Jared tasted and how wonderful it felt to be wrapped up in his arms.

In
his tiny house, away from everything real and scary and unpredictable, we were able to shut out the world and just be together. It was almost too perfect, the feel of my hands running through his soft hair, the sensations he was eliciting deep within me, and the burning desire to take things further but the contentedness to know that what we were doing was intimate in its own right. There was no need to rush. It was okay for once to just be happy for the simple things in life – things like falling in love for the first time, because I knew with Jared I’d never loved anyone more than I loved him in that moment.

* * *

We finally moved into Jared’s bedroom, and I tucked into his arms, our legs entwined, our bodies connected at every possible point. I watched him as he placed soft kisses on my bare shoulders and my neck while his arm wrapped protectively around my waist, pulling me ever closer.

“I’m
so glad you came to see me tonight,” he said as his lips landed on the side of my neck.

I smiled
, inhaling his clean, familiar scent. “I’m just glad you finally came to your senses,” I teased him, and he squeezed me tighter.

“You’re persistent. That’s for sure
, but I needed that. I needed to know this was for real.”

“It is,” I assured him.

“Good.”

I
looked up and kissed him, taking a few minutes to just relish in the fact that I could.

“I just know how much
life can change in an instant,” I said when I pulled back and looked into his bright blue eyes. “I don’t want to miss out on the good stuff.”

“Like me?”
he said, looking at me adorably.

I
smiled and kissed him again. “You’re the best stuff,” I told him. “And I meant what I said. I’m not going to hurt you. I promise.”

“I hope not,
” he whispered, and I knew it would take time for him to believe it. He’d been through a lot and didn’t trust people readily. I just had to make him see he could trust me.

He rolled onto his back, pulling me to him, so I was resting my head on his chest, my arm draped over his stomach.

He kissed my forehead and whispered, “I love you,” with his lips against my skin.

“I love you t
oo,” I whispered back to him, “more than anything.”

I pressed a kiss to his
neck and tucked my head back so I could feel his heart beating against my cheek.

I listened to the sounds of him breathing in and out, his chest rising and falling. Soon his breaths became shallower, and when I looked up, his eyes were closed.
I watched the peaceful expression on his beautiful face for as long as I could before I too was sucked under.

When I woke up the next morning, I was still tucked in his arms, and I realized I’d slept better than I had in months.

I lay next to him, perfectly content to just feel his warmth against my back. Behind me Jared stirred and tightened his arms around me, his leg hooking over mine. I smiled, completely at ease in that moment. Then as quietly as I could, because I was feeling self-conscious about waking up next to him for the first time, I slipped out of bed to head into the bathroom.

When I did, Jared grabbed my pillow and hugged it to him. I stifled a giggle. He was so darn cute in the mor
ning. And dammit if I wasn’t enjoying just watching him. It was the first morning, of what I’d hoped would be many, where I’d wake up next to him, and I wasn’t sure what was more satisfying – watching his beautiful, peaceful face as he slept or being in his arms. I decided I could watch him sleep all day, but feeling his hard body pressed against mine won out any day, so I hurried into the bathroom, swished some mouthwash around in my mouth and returned to him as quickly as I could.

I snuggled back in next to him
, and even in sleep his arms wrapped around me instinctively and pulled my back flush against his chest, almost protectively. I sighed contentedly and closed my eyes. Jared stirred behind me a few seconds later, and then I felt his lips press against the back of my neck.