On the Many Deaths of Amanda Palmer (24 page)

  Was this man the author himself or did he work for another? (If working for another then more credence can be given to the multiple young men theory as the false moustaches could merely be a ruse to make us assume that it was all the same man).

  What could be the possible motive behind going to that much trouble to influence the choices of example texts in a small book about fan literature for a dead popstar?

  What could be the possible motive behind going to that much trouble to influence the choices of example texts in a small book about

  What could be the possible motive behind going to that much trouble to influence the choices of example texts in a small

A few weeks after that meeting the BPD ICU had their first major break. They had been tracking a blog site user known to have put up a version of
Text Number Nine
through a series of bogus email addresses and server relays and had finally traced the source to recent activity from an IP address at an internet cafe in El Cerrito, across the bay from San Francisco. A Digital Technology virtual stake-out was put in place and within three days was duly rewarded when the computer in booth number three logged into one of a number of associated web accounts. The local police department was immediately notified and a team of detectives were mobilised to intercept the suspect. It had clearly been assumed that once logged into his account the suspect would spend a considerable amount of time online as the officers didn't arrive for a further fifty minutes by which time the suspect had already fled. Bob Parkes, manager of the internet cafe stated in an interview with an APT researcher:

. . . The young man suddenly appeared startled by something he had seen onscreen, frantically pressed at a few keys, then grabbed his coat and skedaddled. He was in such a hurry he left a memory card in the card reader, and when his wallet fell from his coat pocket he didn't even turn back to get it . . . [The wallet contained] around eighty bucks, an antique photograph and a library card in the name of Tobias James . . . About ten minutes later the cops arrived . . .

The library card turned out to be for membership of a small local library in Colindale, North-West London, England; it is currently unknown whether Tobias James is a real or assumed name. The photograph was recently taken by a novelty photographic studio in SoHo, New York, that specialises in the recreation of Victorian style photo-portraits, complete with digital fading and stains. It was later confirmed by all who are known to have met him, that the image in the photograph was indeed that of the man who had manipulated his way into editorial control of the first edition of this book, albeit without his characteristic false moustache. Most compelling of all was the memory card, which contained a remarkable one-hundred-and-ninety-seven
palmeresques
, many incomplete, some fragmentary, and amongst them, all ten texts chosen for the first edition. In every case where the text was found to have been already uploaded to the internet the creation date on the memory card pre-dated the earliest known posting, making it almost certain that these were original works by a single author. However, this new evidence must have provided the BPD with new leads as shortly after the failed apprehension of Mr James all charges against the APT were dropped, and as a result, the APT Legal Department was no longer in a position to apply for copies of any new evidence that may be used against them. Hence we have no further knowledge of the ongoing police investigation into either Tobias James, or the death of Amanda Palmer. What we can be sure of is that the man who we have come to know as Tobias James did indeed, beyond any reasonable doubt, write all of the texts selected for this volume, and, for reasons unknown, went to very great effort to ensure editorial control over their selection. Any involvement he may have had in the death of Miss Palmer remains a police matter, and though we at the APT have our suspicions, they are best, at present, kept to ourselves.

However, we are not alone in any suspicion we may have of the man known as Tobias James: in a recent edition of
Rue-Morgue Magazine
readers voted James number four in their top ten suspects for involvement in the killing of Miss Palmer. Although
we at the APT would be the first to acknowledge that a popularity contest is rarely the best forum for judging character this does at least demonstrate that his great literary fraud has somewhat caught the public imagination, and, as they say, “not necessarily in a good way”.

APPENDIX III

Regrettably this appendix must be all too brief and none too biographical, as little, if anything beyond the evidence already mentioned, is actually known about Mr. James. However, by applying a detective's eye to that which we do have, a certain amount can be deduced.

Firstly, then, the hearsay evidence - from statements made by the various editors he encountered we know:

  He is in his early-to-mid twenties, well educated, softly spoken with a slight Alabama accent and the occasional hint of English affectation. He is clearly very capable of keeping up an intelligent conversation on a wide variety of subjects, from Science and the Arts to pop culture and politics, always generously topped off with a compelling and occasionally frustrating sprinkling of trivia.

  He spoke at length to a number of editors about his travels around Europe, particular time spent in England, Norway and Albania, and was apparently very convincing in this, suggesting that such a trip may well have been taken.

  He was very careful not to answer any questions about
(or make any reference to) his family, and was, by all accounts, a master of the subtle subject change.

  He often made the claim that he was a poet, albeit as yet unpublished.